Peetard’s on the top!
Well how the hell are ya on this fine Thursday? If you’re jacked up on coffee, well has Ellis got some news for you. He’s thinking about opening up his own coffee shop, well since he makes his own coffee at home and its fucking delicious! I’d brew a fresh cup’o’Ellis every morning, I mean fuck Folgers right! Oh and fuck the dentist too, especially if your anything like Tully, who doesn’t even considering setting an appointment with his dentist until at least 3 attempts to call Tully and set one up. If you’re anything like Ellis, then you love the dentist…..cause its pretty sweet to get nitrous and gold teeth – pretty fucking sweet! Breaking News: Tiger is riding moto now. Not only that, but he is so stoked on it and takes it so seriously, he actually is listening to Papa Ellis when he shouts instructions. On another note, Rawdog has just about giving up on the bike race with Tiger at this point, as if we didn’t already know. I do know that we don’t know some dude Ty that Tully knows, ya know, but that dude did tell Tully that the experiences he share with his child are really just like living a 2nd childhood. Such a fucking cool concept – Im personally owning this one too. Ellis agrees and directly linked it to Nuclear Cowboys and taking Tiggy to see it – and how awesome it will be for Tiger, and for Ellis to see Tiger’s reactions and such. Of course this doesn’t mean Tiger or Linsanity has to re-live their fathers respective childhoods – which is really good for Tiger especially since Ellis reminded us how hard he grew up back down under. Stories of just being out with his dad’s friends, and how hard those mutha fuckers really were, just doing shit like destroying their own cars when they got shit faced drunk, and just dealing with it the next day – man the fuck up and get over it ya cunt! Shit like that just rubbed off on Ellis, even one time when he crashed his bike in the woods when the handle grip came off in mid air. Ellismate just got up, started up his bike and rode it on home – Whereas kids now a days would just fall down n cry and freak out and have no clue as to how to handle such a situation. Such a hard ass! Not to be confused with a Tard Ass or “Peetard” which apparently is Burger Ellis’s new name. Did you know animals love Rawdog? Did you know Rawdog could give a shit about animals, yeah I thought you did. Its not like he hates them or anything, just not his pick of the week if you know what I mean. Nothing like Tully though, who admitted if he was to ever move away, he would come back to his old hood to visit that stray cat he takes care of and bonds with. I mean he ain’t taking the little fucker with him to the new house, but he will stop by and say hi – super dad I tell ya! In other meaningless news – Cumtard has kidney stones and just got out of the hospital – North Korea ain’t fucking around they say – Bidding ends tomorrow on Honus Wagner’s famous baseball card if you give a shit!
Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter….or this joke, OH!
Check this shit out some video Katie sent to Ellismate the fellas watched on the show for a good minute – sounded hilarious. Apparently the chic who sings it has allegedly been flagged by Interpol for some seriously sketchy shit – heres more info on that. Some other shit too I kinda missed detail on, but remember when Ellis saved that dude from getting raped near The Abbey? Well turns out some chic is suing them for similar reason, check it out. Hollywood News time bitches – and starts of on a somber note as Roger Ebert has kicked the bucket, sorry dude! Chris Bosh got got for about 300K in jewelry cause he’s a fucking moron, sorry dude! Heidi Klum is a fucking bad ass, so says this article on her saving some fuckers from downing, your welcome! Tom Cruise maybe does believe in aliens, maybe sorta kinda not really. Jeremy Irons is a fucking moron dude, just listen to this dude talk about gay marriage and incest, but not separately! And finally, but most importantly, Justin Beiber drew a picture today, of a mouse! And thats Hollywood News ma’fuckers! News on The Jason Ellis Show you may have missed – Rawdog is the bellboy of TJES, except he doesn’t bring your bags, just “Brings The Stupid”! Let’s test that theory, and play a little Ellis JeParty with your host Will JizzCult Pendarvis III. Today’s categories were ‘Rich & Famous’, ‘Around The World’, ‘Long O Make It Go Oooo”, and ‘Fictional Characters’. Yeah, I ain’t going question for question with ya, but instead I’ll leave you with some catch phrases and key words from today’s game: Poooooop – JewMoon (a.k.a. Jewpiter) – Who Beat The Jews? – Who Rapes Kids? – Boo Berries (The Super Food) – Super Man – Is Billy Crystal A Jew? and many many more!!! But, uncle Ghostload won’t ever lie to ya kids, this was one of the lamest Ellis JeParties to date, and to top it all off fucking Anal Gay Lewis ended up winning, so you know I ain’t lying! Still better than 99.99% off shit out there even on Rawdog’s worst day!
Just One?
“Balls Cant’ Fight Vagnias” so says Jason Ellis. Yeah they got to talking about Fallon Fox, the transgender female fighter who used to be a dude, and whoops up on women in MMA but claims being a dude back in the day has nothing to do with it. Joe Rogan disagrees, and here’s the video to prove it! Ellis said a tranny said its mellow, but then some doctor dude called in and verified that the male body is structurally different than the female body, including thickness of the skull, which we all know is extremely helpful when fighting MMA or doing heel grabs on your fresh blades! Somehow the same doctor dude also broke down that males have started to under developed their bodies and over developed their brains, in which Tully figured out that aliens are really just humans from the future, hmmm maybe! Steroids are ok to use also, we figured that out as well. they’re especially ok to use if your wife makes more money than you do, which is how it is in over half the households in the US says Tully and some article I didn’t bother to look up. Makes sense to Ellis, he knows a pretty semi famous dude who’s in that exact situation (It’s Psycho Mike in case you were wondering), and at first it was a bit weird, but in the end its all good! Ellis could see himself being cool with Katie being the breadwinner, and him staying home and cleaning and shit. Tully on the other hand isn’t so sure, well if he was trying to do something and it wasn’t working out, then had to hear to success of this significant other, yeah that could fucking suck I guess. You know who doesn’t fucking suck I guess, Bert McCracken, yeah he gets more awesomer each time to get he’s on the show. Since his last visit, Ellis went to go see Bert and The Used play, and they were’nt that shitty at all. Bert was pretty fucking sweet, and the other dudes in the band didn’t suck, so thats good! However, turns out on of those other dudes, who plays bass, used to date Katie back in the day, to which Bert gave a huge compliment saying she’s the only girlfriend dude had that wasn’t a bitch at all. That’s not why Bert’s here though, nah, he’s here to talk about how he could drink a half gallon of vodka right now, and that meth fucking sucks dude, I mean its cool at first, but the next 20 days awake really fucking blows. Bert also went to prison one time, not jail, prison! He described it like this, “You go to jail and you cry, you go to prison and your scared to cry”, oh and he weighed about 80 lbs. when he went in, from meth of course. Bert ain’t joking either, as today he sparked the idea of Ellis or Tully doing shrooms on air, well ok not sparked but reiterated cause he’s mentioned this before. Today he really tried to sell it, and thought Ellis and Tully both weren’t about it at all, Rawdog may be down. Josh’s only concern is being on the air and doing something stupid for us all to hear, to which Tully promised he wouldn’t let him do that, but to which Ellis said he’d just grab the fucking camera and thank Rawdog later – I vote option B! Speaking of shrooms, if you ever meet Bert, ask to see his driver’s license picture…..taking while on a quarter of shrooms allegedly!
Which one’s Ellis and which one’s Rawdog?
Jamey Jasta is the lead singer of Hatebreed in case you haven’t listened to the show in the last 6 months, and Bert says dude is fucking sweet. That makes it official, Ellis is a dick, especially when Bert said if you like “Brunches at strip clubs” then you’ll like Jamey Jasta, man I fucking like this dude now too. Maybe we will hear the front man from Hatebreed someday soon and wouldn’t that be the Perfect Day. Hey, what would the perfect day be for Ellis? Bacon, Pool Orgy, Smoothies, Burgers, More Bacon, Weed, More Orgies…..basically and orgy with some bud and room service. Scientists on the other hand seem to have a different take on things. I know what isn’t a perfect day for The Wing, the day Devin asked for heelys which was just the other day. Well, Ellismate had to lay down the law with Snook, telling her there are two things in life that are ‘No Way’, heelys and of course rollerblading. Imaging a young Tiger catching air on his fresh blades and hearing “Nice heel grab Tiger” – fucking oath that’ll be the day. But then again, never thought I’d hear the day Ellis complimented HerpesStrokeFace, saying today since Dom has joined the show its been nothing but games and guests, fuck yeah Dom! Well, then why don’t we play a game with our guest Bert McFuckingCracken that goes a little something like this. Tully, Tully, Tully, Ellis no wait that was Tully. Yeah, Tully pretty much owned this game, which was to identify the song being covered by a different band and a different genre (Just look up Richard Cheese and you’ll get the idea). So not going to get into the game which was pretty fucking cool, just give you the gems you may have missed. Bert went to jail once for Scott Russo. Ellis hung out with Scott Russo once and woke up with a dick drawn on his head. Bert hates ACDC -and folks, I ain’t ever heard radio silence like this- but he was just joking so he survived this round, but barley. Bert’s done blow with Shai LaBeouf and Bumblebee allegedly! Dom’s gonna get some fresh shades from Electric Visual. Bert’s going to read Ellis’s book. Bert really really wants TJES to do some shrooms on the air, I mean really wants them too! Ellis did rollerblade one time while on acid. Bert put on a diaper and shit himself one time, also on acid. Dom got the shit beat out of him live on air, well off air in the green room but we all heard it. Your mom got the shit beat out of her live on freecams.com, but you had to give her 1,000 credits to be able to see me smack it with a tennis racket, OH!
So what do you boys think of these? Not too shabby “Blair”, those are very intercourseable. Well, you fuckers have complained too long, heres your wish if you’ve been missing the classic segment, “Dude, Am I A Slut?” Here we go; Josie is 20, with 34DD tits, and was pissed some dude pulled out and came on her back….Not a slut Josie, just a bitch. Erica has been dating a dude for 4 years, engaged for 2, and they haven’t had sex yet with “Turd McStiffenson” being all Catholic and shit….not a slut, in fact what the fuck did you call for? Tonya, 27 years ancient, found out her ex cheated on her so went and fucked all his boys and his female cousin too….not a slut, yup thats the verdict! Lisa is 36 and her man is hung like horse, and she chows beav, and had sex at the pool with some chic in public….not a slut. Thats 0 for 4 if your scoring at home, of course not with any of these bitches…so how about Jackie, she and her girl friends took turns fucking some random dudes at different places throughout a roughly 5 hour window…..DING! Not only do we have our first slut, but that bitch is invited to the prize chamber at The Wing’s house, ‘cept he hung up on her slutty ass. In the search for Jackie to call back, we played ‘Are you a lady, rapist or sex offender’ which I’m sure is hear to stay. All in all it is what it is, nah mean!
Ever hear the expression “ain’t got a pot to piss in”, well these mother fuckers here done 
