Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/4/2013

Peetard's on the top!

Peetard’s on the top!

Well how the hell are ya on this fine Thursday?  If you’re jacked up on coffee, well has Ellis got some news for you.  He’s thinking about opening up his own coffee shop, well since he makes his own coffee at home and its fucking delicious!  I’d brew a fresh cup’o’Ellis every morning, I mean fuck Folgers right!  Oh and fuck the dentist too, especially if your anything like Tully, who doesn’t even considering setting an appointment with his dentist until at least 3 attempts to call Tully and set one up.  If you’re anything like Ellis, then you love the dentist…..cause its pretty sweet to get nitrous and gold teeth – pretty fucking sweet!  Breaking News:  Tiger is riding moto now.  Not only that, but he is so stoked on it and takes it so seriously, he actually is listening to Papa Ellis when he shouts instructions.  On another note, Rawdog has just about giving up on the bike race with Tiger at this point, as if we didn’t already know.  I do know that we don’t know some dude Ty that Tully knows, ya know, but that dude did tell Tully that the experiences he share with his child are really just like living a 2nd childhood.  Such a fucking cool concept – Im personally owning this one too.  Ellis agrees and directly linked it to Nuclear Cowboys and taking Tiggy to see it – and how awesome it will be for Tiger, and for Ellis to see Tiger’s reactions and such.  Of course this doesn’t mean Tiger or Linsanity has to re-live their fathers respective childhoods – which is really good for Tiger especially since Ellis reminded us how hard he grew up back down under.  Stories of just being out with his dad’s friends, and how hard those mutha fuckers really were, just doing shit like destroying their own cars when they got shit faced drunk, and just dealing with it the next day – man the fuck up and get over it ya cunt!   Shit like that just rubbed off on Ellis, even one time when he crashed his bike in the woods when the handle grip came off in mid air.  Ellismate just got up, started up his bike and rode it on home – Whereas kids now a days would just fall down n cry and freak out and have no clue as to how to handle such a situation.  Such a hard ass!  Not to be confused with a Tard Ass or “Peetard” which apparently is Burger Ellis’s new name.  Did you know animals love Rawdog?  Did you know Rawdog could give a shit about animals, yeah I thought you did.  Its not like he hates them or anything, just not his pick of the week if you know what I mean.  Nothing like Tully though, who admitted if he was to ever move away, he would come back to his old hood to visit that stray cat he takes care of and bonds with.  I mean he ain’t taking the little fucker with him to the new house, but he will stop by and say hi – super dad I tell ya!  In other meaningless news – Cumtard has kidney stones and just got out of the hospital – North Korea ain’t fucking around they say – Bidding ends tomorrow on Honus Wagner’s famous baseball card if you give a shit!

 

 

Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter....or this joke, OH!

Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter….or this joke, OH!

Check this shit out some video Katie sent to Ellismate the fellas watched on the show for a good minute – sounded hilarious.  Apparently the chic who sings it has allegedly been flagged by Interpol for some seriously sketchy shit – heres more info on that.   Some other shit too I kinda missed detail on, but remember when Ellis saved that dude from getting raped near The Abbey?  Well turns out some chic is suing them for similar reason, check it out.  Hollywood News time bitches – and starts of on a somber note as Roger Ebert has kicked the bucket, sorry dude!  Chris Bosh got got for about 300K in jewelry cause he’s a fucking moron, sorry dude!  Heidi Klum is a fucking bad ass, so says this article on her saving some fuckers from downing, your welcome!  Tom Cruise maybe does believe in aliens, maybe sorta kinda not really.  Jeremy Irons is a fucking moron dude, just listen to this dude talk about gay marriage and incest, but not separately!  And finally, but most importantly, Justin Beiber drew a picture today, of a mouse!  And thats Hollywood News ma’fuckers!  News on The Jason Ellis Show you may have missed – Rawdog is the bellboy of TJES, except he doesn’t bring your bags, just “Brings The Stupid”!  Let’s test that theory, and play a little Ellis JeParty with your host Will JizzCult Pendarvis III.  Today’s categories were ‘Rich & Famous’, ‘Around The World’, ‘Long O Make It Go Oooo”, and ‘Fictional Characters’.  Yeah, I ain’t going question for question with ya, but instead I’ll leave you with some catch phrases and key words from today’s game:  Poooooop – JewMoon (a.k.a. Jewpiter) – Who Beat The Jews? – Who Rapes Kids? – Boo Berries (The Super Food) – Super Man – Is Billy Crystal A Jew? and many many more!!!   But, uncle Ghostload won’t ever lie to ya kids, this was one of the lamest Ellis JeParties to date, and to top it all off fucking Anal Gay Lewis ended up winning, so you know I ain’t lying!  Still better than 99.99% off shit out there even on Rawdog’s worst day!

 

Just One?

Just One?

“Balls Cant’ Fight Vagnias” so says Jason Ellis.  Yeah they got to talking about Fallon Fox, the transgender female fighter who used to be a dude, and whoops up on women in MMA but claims being a dude back in the day has nothing to do with it.  Joe Rogan disagrees, and here’s the video to prove it!  Ellis said a tranny said its mellow, but then some doctor dude called in and verified that the male body is structurally different than the female body, including thickness of the skull, which we all know is extremely helpful when fighting MMA or doing heel grabs on your fresh blades!  Somehow the same doctor dude also broke down that males have started to under developed their bodies and over developed their brains, in which Tully figured out that aliens are really just humans from the future, hmmm maybe!  Steroids are ok to use also, we figured that out as well.  they’re especially ok to use if your wife makes more money than you do, which is how it is in over half the households in the US says Tully and some article I didn’t bother to look up.  Makes sense to Ellis, he knows a pretty semi famous dude who’s in that exact situation (It’s Psycho Mike in case you were wondering), and at first it was a bit weird, but in the end its all good!  Ellis could see himself being cool with Katie being the breadwinner, and him staying home and cleaning and shit.  Tully on the other hand isn’t so sure, well if he was trying to do something and it wasn’t working out, then had to hear to success of this significant other, yeah that could fucking suck I guess.  You know who doesn’t fucking suck I guess, Bert McCracken, yeah he gets more awesomer each time to get he’s on the show.  Since his last visit, Ellis went to go see Bert and The Used play, and they were’nt that shitty at all.  Bert was pretty fucking sweet, and the other dudes in the band didn’t suck, so thats good!    However, turns out on of those other dudes, who plays bass, used to date Katie back in the day, to which Bert gave a huge compliment saying she’s the only girlfriend dude had that wasn’t a bitch at all.  That’s not why Bert’s here though, nah, he’s here to talk about how he could drink a half gallon of vodka right now, and that meth fucking sucks dude, I mean its cool at first, but the next 20 days awake really fucking blows.  Bert also went to prison one time, not jail, prison!  He described it like this, “You go to jail and you cry, you go to prison and your scared to cry”, oh and he weighed about 80 lbs. when he went in, from meth of course.  Bert ain’t joking either, as today he sparked the idea of Ellis or Tully doing shrooms on air, well ok not sparked but reiterated cause he’s mentioned this before.  Today he really tried to sell it, and thought Ellis and Tully both weren’t about it at all, Rawdog may be down.  Josh’s only concern is being on the air and doing something stupid for us all to hear, to which Tully promised he wouldn’t let him do that, but to which Ellis said he’d just grab the fucking camera and thank Rawdog later – I vote option B!  Speaking of shrooms, if you ever meet Bert, ask to see his driver’s license picture…..taking while on a quarter of shrooms allegedly!

 

 

Which one's Ellis and which one's Rawdog?

Which one’s Ellis and which one’s Rawdog?

Jamey Jasta is the lead singer of Hatebreed in case you haven’t listened to the show in the last 6 months, and Bert says dude is fucking sweet.  That makes it official, Ellis is a dick, especially when Bert said if you like “Brunches at strip clubs” then you’ll like Jamey Jasta, man I fucking like this dude now too.  Maybe we will hear the front man from Hatebreed someday soon and wouldn’t that be the Perfect Day.  Hey, what would the perfect day be for Ellis?  Bacon, Pool Orgy, Smoothies, Burgers, More Bacon, Weed, More Orgies…..basically and orgy with some bud and room service.  Scientists on the other hand seem to have a different take on things.  I know what isn’t a perfect day for The Wing, the day Devin asked for heelys which was just the other day.  Well, Ellismate had to lay down the law with Snook, telling her there are two things in life that are ‘No Way’, heelys and of course rollerblading.  Imaging a young Tiger catching air on his fresh blades and hearing “Nice heel grab Tiger” – fucking oath that’ll be the day.  But then again, never thought I’d hear the day Ellis complimented HerpesStrokeFace, saying today since Dom has joined the show its been nothing but games and guests, fuck yeah Dom!  Well, then why don’t we play a game with our guest Bert McFuckingCracken that goes a little something like this.  Tully, Tully, Tully, Ellis no wait that was Tully.  Yeah, Tully pretty much owned this game, which was to identify the song being covered by a different band and a different genre (Just look up Richard Cheese and you’ll get the idea).  So not going to get into the game which was pretty fucking cool, just give you the gems you may have missed.  Bert went to jail once for Scott Russo.  Ellis hung out with Scott Russo once and woke up with a dick drawn on his head. Bert hates ACDC -and folks, I ain’t ever heard radio silence like this- but he was just joking so he survived this round, but barley.  Bert’s done blow with Shai LaBeouf and Bumblebee allegedly!  Dom’s gonna get some fresh shades from Electric Visual.  Bert’s going to read Ellis’s book.  Bert really really wants TJES to do some shrooms on the air, I mean really wants them too!  Ellis did rollerblade one time while on acid.  Bert put on a diaper and shit himself one time, also on acid.  Dom got the shit beat out of him live on air, well off air in the green room but we all heard it.  Your mom got the shit beat out of her live on freecams.com, but you had to give her 1,000 credits to be able to see me smack it with a tennis racket, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 12/19/2012

No Shit!

                   No Shit!

Welcome to Wednesday, a normal day like any other.  The studio has been fucked up yet again, and life is meaningless so put that in your pipe and smoke it.  On a lighter note, precum is cool.  I mean its the fucking place to be.  Our life goal should be to live in a state of precum.  As Tully broke it down to us, we hold back on the final stage of cuming, so we can enjoy the bit before that…..the precum stage.  Makes as much sense as Ellis wanting to be a little girl, not a woman but a little girl.  Not a teenage girl either, with all that fucked up acne n all fat n shit.  High school’s a bitch for a bitch, and apparently for Australians too as its just really training for jail.  Ellis used to get called a skaghead back in school, which is a term for a heroin addict who’s homeless, not too far off.  In Rawdogs jew school, the popular kids were still nerds and they had no good sports teams.  Oh and Tully knew a dude in high school that got an offer to play soccer for a women’s college team, pink dragons to you my friend.    Wanna see an Eagle snatch up a baby?  And that video there is why we should ban automatic weapons and shit.  Per Ellis, lets just keep it to rifles and handguns.  Per Tully, keep ’em filled with blanks if you keep ’em in the house.  I ain’t touching the whole gun issue, so instead here’s a story of a 60 car pile up on the 5.

 

Blah Blah Blah? Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Ramona Bruland is some cunt your gonna start seeing more of…..if you watch the X games.  Seems Sal Masekela’s out and ESPN got this chic to replace him.  We don’t know much about her, but she was a snowboarder “briefly”, appeared on Bold and the Beautiful a few times, and did some plumtv shit.  Maybe Dingo knows her?  Anyways, this is a bad move per Ellismate, since she’s not “one of us”.  She really isn’t, is anyone being interviewed by her going to have a clue who she is, or give a fuck what she has to say.  After all, would you rather watch her trying to relate to a back flip, or maybe Dingo TJ Lavin or even Todd Richards.  Truth is it don’t matter what we folks want, its what the corporate suits want, control.  And this broad seems to be the definition of puppet.  That’s a reason why Ellis left EPSN, not wanting to wear their X games shit over his sponsors gear, despite them trying to demand that shit.  Echolalia is some shit Rawdog has.  Echolalia is some shit Rawdog has.  Well, he did have it as a kid, and Ellis noticed him doing the same shit today.  He was doing some kind of mumbling after he spoke, which later turned out to be him repeating what he just said, or so Tully and Ellis think.  Will said that Cumtard said that the fake Avril chic said she noticed it before too, so it must be true.  So why was Josh raised as a girl?  And is he a hypochondriac schizophrenic with alzheimer’s on the verge of a stroke?  Gotta tune in and find out bro.

 

So what do you boys think of these?  Not too shabby “Blair”, those are very intercourseable.  Well, you fuckers have complained too long, heres your wish if you’ve been missing the classic segment, “Dude, Am I A Slut?”  Here we go; Josie is 20, with 34DD tits, and was pissed some dude pulled out and came on her back….Not a slut Josie, just a bitch.  Erica has been dating a dude for 4 years, engaged for 2, and they haven’t had sex yet with “Turd McStiffenson” being all Catholic and shit….not a slut, in fact what the fuck did you call for?  Tonya, 27 years ancient, found out her ex cheated on her so went and fucked all his boys and his female cousin too….not a slut, yup thats the verdict!  Lisa is 36 and her man is hung like horse, and she chows beav, and had sex at the pool with some chic in public….not a slut. Thats 0 for 4 if your scoring at home, of course not with any of these bitches…so how about Jackie, she and her girl friends took turns fucking some random dudes at different places throughout a roughly 5 hour window…..DING!  Not only do we have our first slut, but that bitch is invited to the prize chamber at The Wing’s house, ‘cept he hung up on her slutty ass.  In the search for Jackie to call back, we played ‘Are you a lady, rapist or sex offender’ which I’m sure is hear to stay.  All in all it is what it is, nah mean!

 

Ever hear the expression “ain’t got a pot to piss in”, well these mother fuckers here done bought the pot to piss and shit in, to go with the really cheap apartment that didn’t come with such amenities.   They sir are morons, ok that segue failed, but Jizz Cult didn’t with his crazy wacky game ‘You Sir Are A Moron’.  If you don’t know how to play, that kind makes it better really.  Some of the topics were 100 Rawdogs verses one Jason Ellis (Not the Lycan sized Ellis, but the real life version), when do you tell a chic you have an STD, which is never by the way.  The most amount of money ok to gamble away at Vegas, yeah Will set this game up.  Most valuable thing to steal from work – Tattoo of Hello Kitty on your head or a tat of Hitler on your ass.  One million bucks in exchange for your penis being 50% size, what the fuck kinda games are these Jizz Cult?  Drink a gallon of pee or eat small nugget sized turd?  Watch your parents fuck or jerk it for your grandma?  Thats it I’m fucking out of here.

 

This+is+why+I+hate+old+people.+Just+remember+she+ll_180ab2_3960045

             What if Grandma likes it, and goes for it, then what?

 

Hollywood news time ladies and douche knuckles, and Sam Donaldson got a DUI in Delaware.  Who the fuck is Sam Donaldson?  Ke$ha’s new smash hit single ‘Die Young‘ has been pulled from radio station play due to its suggestive and inappropriate title.  Like Too Short said, “It was all good just a week ago”.  Tom Cruise talks about being a big pussy to Jimmy Fallon.  Sounds like Bieber got him some new snatch to get over the Smellena Gomez bitch.   Lindsay Lohan says she didn’t take a massive shit to clog up those toilets as she was accused of.  Psycho Mike is not only banging Landon Donovan’s ex, but he married her.  Obama is Time’s Man of the Year, again.  Cullen a.k.a The Backbone is Faction, SiriusXM and just life in general’s Man Of The Year for playing the greatest ‘Dude Am I A Slut’ of all time after the show ended if you wanna check it out OnDemand or some shit.  Oh and Sal Masekela texted Ellis back saying thanks for calling him and fag and all, mad respect.  As if Canada hasn’t had enough, we find out that Lacrosse is the national sport.  However bad they are, they can’t be as bad as this douche bag radio dude just ripping of The Jason Ellis Show.  I’m not even going to dignify you with a name, just he’s from the San Antonio market, has bits like “Your a slut if…” and shock collars and all that shit, plus some repeating guests as Ellis too.  This seems so obvious that even Tully and Will call bullshit on this dude.  Also, this sparked the age old question of what Ellis has stolen from other shows over the years.  Maybe he stole part of Bubba’s shock collar bits, or Howard’s voice machine idea.  Nah mate, you are!  Truth is, Ellis never stole shit from anybody, and as Tully reminds us, just about everything gets recycled over at some point as theres only so many things you can do over years of radio.    Its kinda like the other night, I did this move where I jumped off the edge of the bed, dick first into your mom’s gaping twat, while doing a 360 and grabbing my balls, only to hear her tell me @AZ_RedDragon and @bitpimps took turns doing that on her last week, OH!

Psycho Mike & Dr. Drew (History)

Psycho Mike and Dr. Drew finally made it in studio yesterday. I have that interview, but first let’s listen back to the history of Loveline, Celebrity Rehab, Dr. Drew, and Psycho Mike on The J.Ellis Show.


Slash was on Loveline, J.Ellis learns who Psycho Mike is. – 8/24/10

Download (link to MP3)


Rawdog and Will reveal their dislike for Dr. Drew, Psycho Mike calls the show. – 1/11/11

Download (link to MP3)


Ellis’s first appearance on Loveline – 2/1/11

Download (link to MP3)


Psycho Mike in studio with special guest Dr. Drew Pinsky. – 3/19/12

Download (link to MP3)


Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/20/2012

The show started out talking about how surprising Dr. Drew and Psycho Mike were, as in they were good guests and didn’t come off as dicks at all. Ellis also talked about how much he cares about the fans and he sometimes stresses out over helping and entertaining the fans. It’s nice to hear that he doesn’t forget about the fans, no matter how jilted of a lover you may be. Rawdog is officially deaf, he can’t hear his father’s Tweety Bird speech and now he can’t hear the word “cunt” when Mel Gibson was berating his chick. Rawdog is still kind of bummed out, he’s on Ellis’ payroll, but he still needs a roommate as his rent is $1600 per month. Jude recommended he get a part-time job like he had to do when he was on Jenny Jones and was a bathroom attendant at gay bar. That’s hustlin’ right there. The idea of Death! Death! Die! being Rawdog’s roommate was put forth and that immediately terrified Rawdog (probably for good reason) because he’ll come up to a lube room and Mötley Crüe playing on the stereo.

There was more talk about the movie “Big Fucking Mega-Boat” and ideas on the conflict between Ellis’ character and the boat itself. Sounds like Ellis may play a lifeguard and be afraid of rabbits, tentacles, and some other stuff I don’t remember. And the Big Fucking Mega-Boat itself will shoot smaller boats and whatever else it wants, pending on the fears it senses a person may have. And of course there will be jet ski stunts and shit, which I’m hoping look very similar in quality to the animated picture on the above right. It also sounds like Alison Eastwood is going to ask her dad, Clint Eastwood, if he would read a “It’s halftime America, for big fucking mega-boat” line for the movie as well.

And I think that pretty much covers it, and your mom, like when she’s in a bukkake scene. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/19/2012

So here we are, together, listening to the show. The first hour of the show, was just that, the first hour of the show. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing of importance to talk about for the first hour of the show, topics jumped all over the place but nothing going in depth. It was good and entertaining, but just jabber really. All I could really tell you is: Ellis feels great, ate a burger, Teggy has a massive head, and Dingo is there today.

Hour two, the first 20 minutes or so Dominick Cruz (@TheDomin8r) called into the show and talked a bit about TUF and Urijah Faber (@UrijahFaber) and how he feels the two of them have completely different mind-sets. He believes and has said Urijah is a salesman for himself and commented about how during the time they were picking their team members for the show, Urijah was commenting on peoples’ tattoos rather than paying attention and critiquing the subjects in an effort to improve the skill level of the subjects. And then there was a break and some pussy. Talk turned to the whackiest blowjob scenarios so when Ellis gets rich, he make a whacky blowjob video and sell it.

Hour three and four, Psycho Mike from Loveline was on. I stopped listening to Loveline during it’s second or third year and I have no fucking clue who this dude is. Dr. Drew came in as well for about 10 minutes or so and I’m only slightly more impressed, at least I know who he is. The cool part here is that when Dr. Drew first came in, things were crowded and somehow an energy drink got spilled on Rawdog’s laptop. If you remember, Rawdog was slamming on Dr. Drew, claiming he’s basically more into his own celebrity status, rather than he is in helping people. Dr. Drew also heard Rawdog’s dad’s speech impediment and called him Tweety Bird, which Rawdog still adamantly denies exists. Both actually turned out to be pretty good guests, and both of whom have allegedly helped curb your mother’s addiction to gaping but increase her addiction to cum. OH!