Show Re-Cap for Monday 8/12/2013


And that’s how the war started.

PFFSSHHHHH. It’s Monday, who cares. Ellis says it ain’t easy being cute if you don’t have fur, and skin is gross. World War Z has somehow become the highest grossing movie of Brad Pitt’s career and that leaves everyone confused because how the fuck is that possible? There’s so few quality movies being made in Hollywood that young and upcoming actors and writers are all like, “Big whoop, wanna fight about it?” I missed about 20 minutes and came back to baby Wolf Wipes, manly wipes for your manly ass. This spawned some conversation about other possible Wolf products, such as Wolf Moisturizer. 2 Chainz is gonna go broke because he’s not a savvy money saver. Remember that fish that thrives in Peru and loves to eat testicles? Now the fuckers are in a like in Illinois and a lake in Denmark. These motherfuckers have passports and travel, people! Watch your balls! After watching The Last Stand, Tully thinks Arnold Schwarzenegger has grown to be a better actor, but doesn’t get how he drove like 1,300 miles without ever stopping for a tank of gas. Ellis sold his jet ski, it’s going to a better home because Ellis has been neglecting it and it’s starting to show signs of depression and rebellion.


It takes time, but one by one, all your children’s accomplishments with be destroyed.

Ellis went hard in the kiddie pool over the weekend and he his now known as the fart monster. This is because he went to sit down in the water, had a pocket of air trapped in his shorts and bubbles came out. That’s when his ruthless children teased and tormented him as the fart monster. Tully’s kid had himself a little play date with his little screaming friend and he had to supervise all that shit. What’s the common thread between the two stories here? White people and how much they suck. Do families still go on vacation together and everyone wears matching shit like the Griswold’s? Yup. They sure do! Ellis caught some dad checking Katie out at the water park while his kid was drowning and Ellis had to tell the guy, “hey, you’re kid is drowning, dude” causing the guy to go back into dad mode for a minute. Hope he has good spank bank memory, too bad it’ll be forever stored right next to the image of his kid almost drowning. Lil Miss Ellis sent in a few Instagrams of him singing to Death! Death! Die! and a Michael Tully song for his chance to win an opportunity to sing with the band at EllisMania 9. Here’s him doing Awesome World, Load, and Will A Blank (from Retrofit). WolfknifeScottStapp sent in his video as well. So did DustyGrant57, singing U Can Go Fuck Urself. I think there was another one or two but I can’t find them.


Nicklebean is Googled far less than Nickleback

A couple in Tennessee are the latest in stupid parents that shouldn’t be parents. They couldn’t decide on a last name for their newborn son “Messiah”, and asked a judge, who told them to pick a different first name. This brought up all the other stupid names parents have tried naming their children, and there is no shortage of horrible names, you hear me Nicholas? According Tully, there was a time where he wouldn’t answer to anything but “Little Lenny” and then of course there’s Josh who wouldn’t answer to anything but the sound of coins being dropped in his piggy bank. HEYOH! (haha love ya buddy) Elon Musk, the guy behind Tesla Motors has unveiled his designs for the Hyperloop, a superfast transport system based on pressure tubes and levitating cars. Next up was a game to find out which search terms return more Google results. There were a few surprises, but for the most part the results were mostly what you’d expect. And in the 800 pound, crazy monkey in the room news, Uncle Mayhem has been arrested again for domestic violence.


Mayhem, please get off the drugs. You don’t want any of that shit.

Antonio Banderas and Mel Gibson have been confirmed in the line-up for The Expendables 3, joining Ronda Rousey, Harrison Ford, and a shitload more. There’s a new residential skyscraper in Spain that’s supposed to symbolize the economic turn-around in Spain or some shit like that, but the architects forgot to put elevators in it and have since resigned. Mexicans, am I right? HEYOH!  (haha Love ya Spaniards and Mexicans) And now, kiddies, it’s story time! One time, my best friend caught me jacking off while sniffing his sister’s panties. Funny thing is she was still wearing them. Needless to say, it made her funeral very awkward. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/10/2012

I wrote for Love Connection, so neener, neener, neener!

Happy get your fuck on day, everybody! Mel Gibson might be a bit misunderstood, if not abusive, but he makes pretty great movies – such as “What Men Tell Women They Better Fucking Do, Or Else” – love that movie. Hey, it’s Ellis’ Australian birthday today, he’s 41. Did you wish him a happy birthday or even send him a nude photo of your boobs or moobs? Chicks look awkward when playing sports or guitars, it’s just a fact of the world. Tully and Will found some more old CDs of the show from 2007 or so, they listened to some of it after yesterday’s show and it sounds like Tully will go through and pick out some things he thinks Ellis and everyone else may enjoy listening to. Maybe this will be part of the “Best Of” we’ll be hearing next week while the show is on vacation?

And then Sam Ruben left the show.

KTLA’s Hollywood gossip dude, Sam Ruben, came on the show today saying he exchanged emails with Tully. Turns out it wasn’t Tully at all, it was Pendarvis that he emailed back and forth with, he was trying to get Ellis on his show after several people canceled on him. Sam seems like he totally does not respect anyone on the show except Ellis, he certainly was coming off as an elitist of sorts – at least that’s how I took it. Okay, Sam finally fucking left, which left oxygen for the rest of the guys to breathe and have a moment to say something. Man, that dude can talk, right?

Batman approves.

And then we get New Music Wednesday. Talk about a dick punch. Lightening Train got his shot to make an intro button to the segment, it was pretty terrible but hey, they can’t all be winners. All we can hope for now is that The Jingleberries tear him a new asshole when they make fun of his grunt pump noises. Are you an aspiring comedian? Want to be crucified some constructive criticism? Send in a clip of stand-up routine to for a shot at getting your shit played on the show. Remember that story Rawdog started last week, where he was talking about walking around NYC after the show? He made butt sects with some dude that night, at his sister’s bar. Okay, that’s not true at all, the real story is that two people recognized him and said “hi.” Cool story, bro. Another cool story is how I tricked your mom into showing me her tits. I asked her if she knew what kind of bees give milk. Boobees. OH!

Will Buttons (Button) – 9/10/12


Download (link to MP3)

“You should just fucking smile and blow me!”

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“Well, puke on my dick!”

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“Hard pussy on your ass” (Robot)

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“Shut that cunt’s mouth before I go fuck-start her head!”

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“I hate myself”

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“Delicious cum on the ground aagghhh!” (Version 1)

Download (link to MP3)

“Delicious cum on the ground aagghhh!” (Version 2)

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Bonus: Where did the “Delicious cum on the ground” quote come from? Listen back.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/5/2012

Y’all wanna see a dead body?

It’s taco Tuesday, titty Tuesday, twink Tuesday, whatever Tuesday. Fuckin’ pick one and enjoy that shit. Ellis saw a dead guy on the beach this morning, sounds like he was floating in the water all bloated and looking like an octopus and shit. Tully will be guest hosting on Hair Nation tonight and for the rest of this week, I’m anxious to see if he starts coming on the show in leopard print spandex pants and sporting bandanas tied around his wrists and microphone. Ellis went to a sensory deprivation tank yesterday for two hours, in accordance with his agreement with Rawdog that he would try it. Sounds like Jude might be going to Ellismania 8, that’s pretty fuckin’ awesome-sauce, right?

Come on ride the train hey ride it woo woo

Sounds like Rawdog banged a chick at the last Ellismania, to be more precise, he had 2 different chicks semi-fighting over him. I honestly don’t remember him ever bringing this up on the radio, but I do remember seeing a picture of him kissing on a chick at an after party at a bar. Big surprise here, a lot of religious people are really fucked up in the head and a lot of them hate homosexuals because Jeebus told them to or some dumb shit. That discussion went on for awhile, but nothing was really said that hasn’t already been said for centuries, basically it was just train wreck of fire and brimstone bullshit. A German chick was listening while on and I assume was lying when she said she does not do anal and is not into scat play. What German isn’t into sex involving fecal matter? That’s right, NONE! If you’re a short and fat girl, that’s a real bummer, if you’re short and not fat, you’re probably pretty fucking cute. If you’re tall and beautiful, you’re probably a model, otherwise odds are you’re a fucking Amazon, deformed, hideous oddity. Maybe you have gigantism and / or a mustache, I don’t know – nobody really knows, it’s not an exact science you fuckwit.

Swedish, German, does it really matter?

Some guy in Sweden masturbates so loudly he’s annoying the neighbors and the cops are just like “you guys deal with it, we’re not getting any Swiss cum on our shit”. According to one neighbor, he moans louder than an animal and it affects her state of mind. Of course it affects your state of mind, you’re probably super moist, ya Swede. Some dude claimed to be married to a chick with an identical twin sister, and unbeknownst to him, the twin came over and they got busy with sexy times but he didn’t realize it was the twin sister. I call straight up bullshit on this fucking story, it sounds like a rejected Penthouse letter. Some fucker from Missouri called in with a shit call, a message to you sir, me and @oxycottonjohn rule down here, so don’t go fuckin’ around and making us look bad, you shitdick.

Forever A Stallone

At 93 years of age, Mel Gibson’s father is getting divorced over alligations of elderly abuse. Way to catch that shit in time man, you’re on deaths doorstep and you want a divorce now? Shit must be fucking balls to the wall crazy up in Mel Gibson Senior’s Senior Center. There was some crime / murder / death / kill / funeral talk, (did you just catch that “Demolition Man” reference?) it was kind of a downer at times – especially for Ellis when it reminded him of his brother Stevie, but life isn’t always weed and titties and all types of ill shit. Next big call was some dude called in about his daughter getting molested / raped at knife point and wasn’t sure if he was going to give more information to the police or if he would take matters into his own hands. Since he called into the show to discuss it, that pretty much cements the decision, just give the information to the police because now you’re implicated. Hopefully prison justice prevails here because child molesters in prison don’t last long amongst general prisoners. There’s really nothing else to be said here, it’s sickening. No new music Tuesday today because Rawdog’s computer that he loves so much is a big piece of shit and wouldn’t burn a cd, so you can thank Steve Jobs for making fanboy toys, that eventually saved you from new music Tuesday – even though it has gotten better since Rawdog has stopped focusing solely on sad bastard, pumpernickle bread, bullshit. And as always, I have more information I feel I can tell you about your mother. You know how your mom says anal sex is like your first car? You don’t really want it, but your dad gives it to you anyways. So in case you don’t get it, your grandpa fucked your mother right in her asshole. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 5/14/2012

So, sounds like I wasn’t the only one who had bad dreams last night. Ellis dreamed about the shit he did to his ex-wife, but she was doing it to him. And I dreamed about this weird lady that had melted flesh, wore a weird flesh mask, was part alien, peeled off a piece of her flesh mask and it bounced off the wall and floor into my mouth and was choking me to death. Fuckin weird, right? Speaking of fuckin weird, Sam Rubin (@samontv) from KTLA was on the show today. As you may or may not know, Ellis was on the morning KTLA and Reelz Hollywood Uncensored shows several weeks ago, and this time around they talked about Kelly LeBrock – the hot chick from the movie Weird Science. Yes, that one, from the mid 1980’s, and yes, she’s like 52 now. Just sayin’. She actually called into the fucking show while he was on air, so that seems pretty promising, I’d love to hear her interviewed by Ellis. Sam sure had a shitload to say, we’re talking 2 hours worth, he talks quick, had stories about Stern, Mel Gibson, and all kinds of entertainment industry gossip shit that I just couldn’t give two shits about – but if you’re into that stuff, it was probably a really good interview. He seemed like an alright guy and like he really enjoys and knows a lot about what he does.

Dingo was going to be on the show today, but he got some teeth removed at the dentists today so he was sore and didn’t think he’d be any good today – understandable. Some dude almost hit the Church of Haden’s Porsche, and by “hit” it seems it was more like “plow”, which I’m sure freaked Ellis out being that he’s borrowing THC’s ride. Funny enough, THC was listening to the show today and heard all the stories about his car almost getting crushed. He also commented about Sam’s interview and how candid and non-bullshit he is when interviewing actors & actresses for movies that are trash. Rawdog has a learning disability that he’s conveniently forgotten about, a non-verbal learning disorder, like reverse dyslexia. He read off a list of shit that it affects, and pretty much everything he listed applies to him. On a related note, doctors also found a new type of super virus that seems to be quickly spreading and so far there is no cure. It’s known as Y-MIG, or Your Mommy’s Infected Gash, and sure enough – you got it. OH!