Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013


Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.


Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.


Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!

The Big Fucking History of “Big Fucking Mega Boat” – Part 1 (History)

For a movie that is only a reported 22min long and has been billed by J.Ellis as one of the worst things he’s ever seen, it has taken a long, long road to being made. Part 1 of the History of BFMB starts at the initial idea, the plans with Donald Schultz, developing the script , all the way up to just before they started filming.

He-man leads to 80’s toys, leads to the “Battleship” movie,  and then the 1st spark of “BFMB” – 2/1/12 – 8min

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Allison Eastwood will be the director for BFMB? – 2/3/12 – 2min

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Malin Akerman in studio and Grant’s “Kawaski” tattoo leads to the mention of Sgt. Kawaski and BFMB – 2/9/12 – 4min

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David Faustino gets pitched BFMB – 2/14/12 – 1min

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Shoebox gets pitched BFMB – 2/15/12 – 2min

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Donald Schultz in studio to discuss sets and script ideas for BFMB – 2/21/12 – 50min

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Donald Schultz returns, claims he has a submarine for the movie? Lots more movie ideas- 3/8/12 – 43min

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Rawdog will be the MGM Lion – 3/14/12 – 3min

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The idea of go karts at K1 Speed is announced and the characters/actors are set – 4/4/12 – 72min

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Show Re-cap For Friday 8/31/2012

Did I won?

It’s Friday, and I can put it in your motherfuckin’ mouth, I mean if you like. Okay, just let me know I guess. Sharks don’t ever enjoy anything, they don’t like the taste of fish, people, or probably even weed – they’re just terrifying. Ellis went to go surfing today, there were no waves, and then there were waves, and then there was a hot Asian chick on a long board. Get all that? Good! Rawdog is the guy who doesn’t like liking things, which includes pretty much everything except nuggets, hot pockets, ice tea, and weed. Hey, if you say “bathing suit” or “swim suit” – you’re “out of the loop” cuz that shit’s gonna change, it needs to change, it’s time for a new name – and less quote usage from me. I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who woke up this morning thinking about how in the blue fuck you could honestly masturbate with shit. That’s just fucked up no matter how you slice lather it, you’re looked at in the same light as a murderer.

Doors, how do they work?

Exciting news, a fucking tornado was spotted in my area on radar and by a trained spotter, my phone’s banging out alerts and the local sirens are going off. I’m sitting here tweeting and taking notes on the fuckin’ re-cap – for you – for YOU! The DogFather (who is now selling fortune cookies) and some dude named Matt (who is a Navy Cytologist) came on the show today. There were more speech impediments fwying awound than in that “special” cwass you were in at gwade school. In “Women, Am I Right” news, 50 people wasted half the fucking day looking for a missing woman, whom was also part of the fucking search party. What a twat. There was certainly no shortage of articles for this segment today, but I’m not re-typing all that shit. Just go to CNN or something, I’m sure half that site is filled with dumb bitches making amazing news stories.

I’m not gonna lie…

There were several dudes that called in today to say that they can’t finish while fucking their really super hot wives, they take the Rawdog method and finish later by themselves. You, sirs, are suspects. Some Canadians stole a shitload of maple syrup from the strategic maple syrup reserves, threatening to disrupt the global market on maple fucking syrup. USA? Oil reserves. Canada? Maple syrup reserves. And IBM presents, you make the call. Mia Isabella, a transvestite porn star who Ellis and Rawdog say is hot as fuck, stopped by the show today. At the age of 4 she told her parents she was a girl, got her tits done at age 18, she’s from America but of French, Puerto Rican, & Jamaican decent, and has a full line of transvestite sex toys. The guys played a speed dating game with her, and I can honestly say I never want to hear Ellis whisper hitting on a chick, ever again. Rawdog’s technique sounded exactly like a radio interview – go figure, Tully’s sounded like what you’d think, and Charles the intern sounded like an overly confident, unattractive, fat guy with herpes.

You cannot vote for this… thing.

Clint Eastwood spoke at the RNC last night, looking and sounding old, and making an utter fool of himself as he miserably tried to poke fun at Obama and make jokes. I think the best thing he said was how conservatives don’t go out “hot doggin’ it”, I laughed like a little school girl at that because to me, hot doggin’ means to stick your dick between a girls two ass cheeks and start pumpin’. The guys watched one of the videos I sent of this chick flipping out on a New York City subway train, and then they went to town watching about 4 others that Rawdog found after watching the first one. Most of them have made their rounds on the Internet, but they’re still kinda fun to watch. If I find the time and motivation, maybe I’ll hunt down the links for you – but don’t hold your breath. Unless you want to, just don’t blame me if you get a headache or die or something like that.

Is this racist?

And here we go again, I just got home and more tornado alerts and sirens. Do you see? See how much I love you guys? I heard one of the best callers in awhile on the show, he said Canadian’s should have their babies in the mud – and he might be on to something there. But then, the dumbest caller of the called on to say everyone else was dumb, so naturally, he got motherfuckin shot in the dome, split his wig, sprayed noodles, blasted, etc. Lesson’s from today’s show are? Well, there’s a lot, some were touched on in this re-cap, some from yesterday’s re-cap, and the rest? You’re just gonna have to hope you don’t do them. One extra lesson I can share with you though is, do not – under any circumstances, eat anything your mother cooks for you, she snowball’s into everything she cooks. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/7/2012

Why do all fat women wear purple? That was the question that started today’s show. I think this is a question that may just plague at least 1/3 of the world’s population, NASA doesn’t even know. As with any Rude Judesday, he came on the show and apparently while Ellis was on vacation, Jude enjoyed getting a bunch of new listeners to his show – so shout out to his Caucasian ass. China could potentially invade the US because the majority of their population are males, and like parties that are sausage fests, a fight always breaks out. That’s why I recommend you all watch Red Dawn as much as possible, that way you know how we’re going to win and drive those reds back to their homeland. WOLVERINES! Sounds like a porn site wants to send TJES some swag, so be on the lookout for a possible Rawdog Fleshlight product line sometime in the future.

We got to hear some audio from Ellis’ interviews with some of the stars from The Expendables 2. The first interview was with Dolph Lundgren where Ellis says he found him to be one of the funniest in the movie, said he looks better than Clint Eastwood, and asks if he thinks his punches and kicks are better than Randy Couture’s. There were more questions but fuck that shit, I ain’t writing this shit down word for word. Next was his interview with Terry Crews and Randy Couture, which started out with Ellis saying Terry is a massive dude and Randy could beat up everyone in The Expendables 2, we didn’t get to hear him ask Terry if he has a massive penis though. We had to wait to hear the KTLA edited version of the interview, which turned out pretty good actually. However, we did get to hear a message on Ellis’ phone from Uncle Mayhem singing a song about how he loves Ellis and such.

The guys played some Olympics history trivia today, with all answers being either true or false. For instance, ancient Olympiads were required to be nude in their competitions – because you know, oiled up men wrestling is totally no homo. If you believe Rawdog’s trivia questions, ancient competitors would chew on animal testicles before competition, as an early form of steroids, which let’s be honest – sounds fucking hardcore. Tug of war was once an Olympic sport, which is totally acceptable considering badminton is currently a sport, and I think we all can agree that tug of war should come back. In the end, Jason ended up being the winner in today’s Olympic history trivia – which is pretty fucking amazing in itself, but there ya go. His prize? He get’s to give Shit Taco another new name, who shall now be known as Tuberculosis. Tuberculosis also claims to be a comedian, so he got a chance to tell a joke (it sucked) and plug an upcoming show he’ll be a part of.

Today was NMT, 3 weeks worth of it as a matter of fact. Turns out, it wasn’t as horrible as most, but still – I’m not writing much about it. I will say this though, there was talk of Syndrome of a Down and Downzig being something worth checking into. A caller had a real problem with that particular topic and called out the guys, especially Tully. Once the guys explained everything, the caller calmed down and saw that it’s not meant to be malicious and things moved forward. Considering many of the callers to the show, it was super surprising to hear him be intelligent about it – so shout out to that dude – good call. New segment today, “You’re dead to me”, where people that suck get put on notice, which I think for now is only Josh Koscheck. I imagine in just a few short days, there’s another person that will be on that list. Not just because they suck, but because you can’t be a mega-whore for your entire life without some kind of consequences – so make sure you say goodbye to your mother because soon, she’ll be dead to you as well. OH! (shit, that was dark)

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/31/2012

Weclome to the Dog Center Re-Cap, and now its over. Back to the Jason Ellis Show re-cap. This re-cap is dedicated to the Ellis Show that was dedicated to Clint “Toughest Mother Fucker Alive” Eastwood who turned 82 today, happy birthday you bad ass mother fucker. Ellis let Devin play hookey for half a day to go to the beach and had an awesome time. Makes you remember that days like that stick with a kid forever, thats the first lesson. The second lesson is that pearls make oysters and are the strongest man who is scared, or somethin like that. Blame Tully. West Coast Customs hasn’t called Jason back yet and hes a little nervous but between you and me, I have a little insite on the A6K!

In the news, a woman caused a 30 minute traffic backup when she got out of her car and started vigerously masturbating. I can’t think of a better reason to be late for work. The Biggest Bitch Fight came back today, and after almost an hour of calls, the fight is set. Unfortunatly the names of both contestants were’nt mentioned, but I’m sure it will be a thunderous bout. Will brought in an old segment where Josh is warning about the dangers of robotic sex. It wasn’t bad, it was actually a little hard to tell then from now. But more inportantly, Josh had a second date, AND HE MADE OUT WITH HER! But theyr’e propbably broken up now. The general thought is that MC Bugaboo doesn’t know how to kiss, so Ellis is going to have a contest with Penthouse girls to see who is really better at making out. Secretly though, they just want to make out with hot chicks, don’t tell Penthouse.

There was more Canibal news, yum, and there’s going to be a jet ski party at whichever lake that Big Fucking Mega Boat will be filmed at. Final calls were rather good today, a gal called in saying that Ellis is an inspiration to her due to her horrific childhood and that she is greatful for making her laugh. But on the other end of the spectrum, Traniville Lector called in and was quite bland, slow, and rather disturbing which is a great way to end the show, and this re-cap. But it was nice of yor hairy bushed, flat chested, vagina slurping mom to call in, OH!