Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/7/2012

Why do all fat women wear purple? That was the question that started today’s show. I think this is a question that may just plague at least 1/3 of the world’s population, NASA doesn’t even know. As with any Rude Judesday, he came on the show and apparently while Ellis was on vacation, Jude enjoyed getting a bunch of new listeners to his show – so shout out to his Caucasian ass. China could potentially invade the US because the majority of their population are males, and like parties that are sausage fests, a fight always breaks out. That’s why I recommend you all watch Red Dawn as much as possible, that way you know how we’re going to win and drive those reds back to their homeland. WOLVERINES! Sounds like a porn site wants to send TJES some swag, so be on the lookout for a possible Rawdog Fleshlight product line sometime in the future.

We got to hear some audio from Ellis’ interviews with some of the stars from The Expendables 2. The first interview was with Dolph Lundgren where Ellis says he found him to be one of the funniest in the movie, said he looks better than Clint Eastwood, and asks if he thinks his punches and kicks are better than Randy Couture’s. There were more questions but fuck that shit, I ain’t writing this shit down word for word. Next was his interview with Terry Crews and Randy Couture, which started out with Ellis saying Terry is a massive dude and Randy could beat up everyone in The Expendables 2, we didn’t get to hear him ask Terry if he has a massive penis though. We had to wait to hear the KTLA edited version of the interview, which turned out pretty good actually. However, we did get to hear a message on Ellis’ phone from Uncle Mayhem singing a song about how he loves Ellis and such.

The guys played some Olympics history trivia today, with all answers being either true or false. For instance, ancient Olympiads were required to be nude in their competitions – because you know, oiled up men wrestling is totally no homo. If you believe Rawdog’s trivia questions, ancient competitors would chew on animal testicles before competition, as an early form of steroids, which let’s be honest – sounds fucking hardcore. Tug of war was once an Olympic sport, which is totally acceptable considering badminton is currently a sport, and I think we all can agree that tug of war should come back. In the end, Jason ended up being the winner in today’s Olympic history trivia – which is pretty fucking amazing in itself, but there ya go. His prize? He get’s to give Shit Taco another new name, who shall now be known as Tuberculosis. Tuberculosis also claims to be a comedian, so he got a chance to tell a joke (it sucked) and plug an upcoming show he’ll be a part of.

Today was NMT, 3 weeks worth of it as a matter of fact. Turns out, it wasn’t as horrible as most, but still – I’m not writing much about it. I will say this though, there was talk of Syndrome of a Down and Downzig being something worth checking into. A caller had a real problem with that particular topic and called out the guys, especially Tully. Once the guys explained everything, the caller calmed down and saw that it’s not meant to be malicious and things moved forward. Considering many of the callers to the show, it was super surprising to hear him be intelligent about it – so shout out to that dude – good call. New segment today, “You’re dead to me”, where people that suck get put on notice, which I think for now is only Josh Koscheck. I imagine in just a few short days, there’s another person that will be on that list. Not just because they suck, but because you can’t be a mega-whore for your entire life without some kind of consequences – so make sure you say goodbye to your mother because soon, she’ll be dead to you as well. OH! (shit, that was dark)

Show Re-cap For Monday 8/6/2012

Now that Ellis is back from vacation and show is once again live, so is this mu’fuggin’ re-cap, you thug-ass, gangster-ass, bitches. Let’s just get right into it and start this bitch off like Super Fly TNT. Well that was the plan, but as the show started off, Ellis asked why us moron’s listen to him because he stuck M&M’s in his dick, oh and we’re obsessed and psychotic! Kind of sounds like a downer, if you didn’t know the show of course. It wasn’t a downer to me though, because I’m pumped up that the show is back and I can bombard twitter with my bullshit. He brought Tully (who had brunch next to Jeff Goldblum) back a gift from the duty free shop, a bottle of Johnny Walker green label. Ellis got a gift from @nickyknac, it was a painting of Rawdog. And all I got was this lousy blog. Sounds like Ellis got bombarded by people in Cabo, wanting him to do all sorts of activities as well as to buy some cocaine. Turns out the activities were good and the cocaine was bad. Ellis was getting recognized while on vacation, not by the locals, but by other tourists – most of whom recognized him from his appearances on The Howard Stern show. See, now that shit he said at the start of the show makes more sense (and now we’ve come full circle).

Ellis got to do some shit for KTLA where he had a chance to screen the new Expendables 2 movie and meet a few of the actors, such as Jean-Claude Van Damme, who claimed there was talk about a match with Georges St. Pierre. Everyone done barfing from laughing so hard? What a goddamned joke! Just because your old-ass plays a tough guy in a movie, doesn’t mean you’re really ready for some fighting action. According to Ellis, Dolph Lundgren has a big fuggin’ dome, and looks like he’s kind of a badass because of a scar he has somewhere on his face – but his nose is straight so he can’t be too bad – that or he’s rich enough for plastic surgery. There was talk about the UFC fights, which I haven’t gotten to see yet so I barely paid attention during that part, sorry. Hey, according to researchers – if your pupils are dilated like you’re tripping balls – it’s because you’re a homosexual. It’s science!

Ellis was banging Katie (while wearing his knee brace) on an outside bed when he heard somebody coming into their room. He jumps off her, she goes to talk to the dude with the quesadillas and he ends up slipping on the marble floor, tweaked his Mayhem knee and started screaming. The quesadilla man probably didn’t even flinch being that I’m sure he’s walked in on numerous people boning in their hotel room – at least that’s what I gather from reading the Letters To Penthouse articles. In other Katie news, Ellis lost a bet with Katie about his book being in a library. Sure enough, it was there – so she peed on his head. Now that’s a fucking bet for some “salty” characters. [insert laugh track] Rawdog was at the beach with his girlfriend, they’re both reading, and suddenly Rawdog starts experiencing pain in his thumb – it was a bee sting! Amazing story of courage, hope, and manliness.

Dingo was on the show today, he went to his older brother’s wedding in Australia, turns out his brother’s wedding turned into a bit of an intervention. Gotta love the family drama coming out at the best/worst times it possibly can. As bad as it sounds, the consensus seems to be that it was a good time for it to come about – at least in the sooner rather than later sense. Rawdog watched Cumtard drink his friend’s puss. Yup, I know you’re not surprised in the least, and neither am I. Apparently his friend got a really bad sunburn, to the point where his puss sack was leaking and that’s when Cumtard came into the scene. Not to be out-done, callers into the show resumed with their typical quality. Nobody can make a complete sentence or gather their thoughts long enough to spit out more than 2 words on a bunch of “uhhhh” shit. One of more of them tried to say something about Chick=fil-A’s secret seasoning or some shit, another few tried to ask “what’s the big deal?” about all of the latest Chick-fil-A news, and then I went to take a shit so I’m sure I missed something. And that about does it for this re-cap, the only thing left to do is congratulate you on your mother’s appearance in the Olympics. It must have been a real honor to see her fat ass as the helicopter in the opening sequence. OH!