Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/4/2012

Well? Who did you think shows up at swinger parties?

It’s Tuesday, it’s Cullen’s birthday, and I’m still reeling from that kick ass interview with The Jingleberries, so nothing can put me in a bad mood today – NOTHING! Big Daddy Jayce Cakes went to a swinger party in Palm Beach or some shit, I’m just wondering if he happened to see Rawdog’s mysterious girlfriend there. He did see an Aussie couple there, they were older and from Melbourne, hence they were off-limits and in the “no boning” queue in Ellis’ brain. Which begged the question, what if he saw an EllisFam member there? The consensus was that it would be super fuckin’ weird, gross, and a boner killer. He banged some chicks he didn’t know and Katie banged some dudes she didn’t know, apparently people were quite interested in Katie at this swinger party. Surprise, surprise, Rude Jude also went to a swinger party over the weekend as well, but not the same one – he also fucked his first white girl, who happened to be German, in 2 and half years.

My milkshake would’ve brought all the boys to the yard, but I drank it.

Tully has made the decision that he will never take hallucinogens again for the rest of his life, he’s worried he’s going to get a mental image of something and it will stick with him for the rest of his life. He did however take some Vicodin this weekend and really enjoyed it, so he stands by his decision to get into pills. Tully also went out on a date this weekend, with his wife and not his girlfriend, they went out to dinner and movie and guess who he’s looking at while at the Japanese restaurant – yup, Glenn Danzig. Rawdog feels like he’s gained some sexual prowess recently, specifically when to go fast, slow, and in or out! Every. Fucking. Day. Champ. He went to a Dodger’s game over the weekend, boned his girl three times, and now she’s getting some flowers today. Some super secret girlfriend of Tom Cruise supposedly got in twouble with Tommy and The Church of Scientology by proxy, and was then forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush. Something or another about Marlene Dietrich. Whatever, don’t give a shit, let’s move on.

You’re gonna have to click for biggie size!

The guys played a game today with the Shake Weight® – winner gets a pass and the losers having to vigorously use the Shake Weight while staring at each other, first one to blink, loses and gets their balls hooked up to and pulled with the R/C car. First question: Who is the richest drummer? Survey says, in order of richest to not as rich: Ringo Starr, Phil Collins, Dave Grohl, Don Henley, and Lars Ulrich. Rawdog got the free pass, pitting Tully against Ellis – in the end, Ellis blinked first and so got his nuts tugged. Today was NMT, I think it started as 90’s themed because there were some really shit bands at first, and then it seemed like the 90’s portion was over and it was more current shit bands. To be fair, it did get a little better, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Rawdog feel good about NMT.

Rawdog has dwarf-gigantism. That’s not medically accurate and is total hearsay, but it sounds pretty good because he’s sensitive about his height. A couple of people called in to sing the Marlins song and to say they hate their jobs, but the world kept on a turning, and they kept hating their jobs. No silver lining there, folks. Just pure hell, 5 days a week. It could always be worse though, could you imagine having to do bukkake gang bangs 7 days a week like you mom? OH!

UPDATE: It’s not Cullen’s birthday. Ellis fuckin’ punked me. I swear I heard him say it at the start of one the song breaks. Cullen’s birthday is 9/11. That’s right, the war on terror and Cullen are synonymous.

Show Re-cap For Monday 8/27/2012

Well let’s food it up!

Okay, it’s Monday, and the bus just pulled up to take us all to Awesome World. I know after this weekend some of you have issues with buses now, but I assure you, this bus ride is much safer – and way less sexy. So hop your Puritan ass aboard and let’s get this mutha rolling, shall we? So today starts the breakfast of champions challenge that originally started out as a bet between Ellis and Rawdog, but has grown to now include Tully – who is upping the game by eating a portion of what both Ellis and Rawdog are eating. Just in case all of this is news to you, let’s review. Ellis made a menu of 3 meals for Rawdog to eat, Rawdog made a menu of 3 meals for Ellis to eat, and Tully will be eating his choice from both menus. Breakfast today started with Ellis having a McGriddle, Rawdog having oatmeal with dried berries, and Tully had a sausage, egg, & cheese McMuffin and oatmeal. For lunch, Rawdog had a green drink and an acai bowl, Ellis had a Baconator® (yea I put the registered mark there – problem?), fries, and a drink from Wendy’s, and Tully had a chicken sandwich combo meal from Burger King. Dinner for Ellis will be KFC’s chunky chicken pot pie combo that comes with mashed potatoes & gravy, a biscuit, and a drink, dinner for Rawdog will be fish & a kale salad, and I think Tully is having a burger for dinner.

What? Did you think they ate souls?

Trampolines turn kids into crack addicted cats on catnip, or something very similar to that anyway. Rawdog and his girlfriend went to the crumping district in San Diego and stayed at one of her friends’ place. At nighty-night time, they started making out and doing some hand puppetry on each other – and then abruptly stopped just before Rawdog was able to release the Kraken. Ellis ran into some celebrity over the weekend, but Tully’s story takes honors when he ran into Glenn Danzig shopping at the same Japanese grocery store he was at. He tried to be sly about the whole ordeal so as not to be “that guy”, after awhile of following, the hunter became the hunted as roles reversed and Danzig started following Tully. Like a true champ, he stood his ground and eventually got a picture of Danzig and his girlfriend stocking up on wassabi or some shit. It’s gotta be weird running into Danzig as you and he are both out running normal, everyday errands.

The originator of the “No you are” defense?

Lucky girls @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 were guests on the show today and Shantanee made the courageous choice to tell us she likes Fiver Finger Death Punch. As bad as that may sound to some of you, just remember that Rawdog likes Reverse Milk Magnet – therefore one could pretty much like anything and be in the clear. It sounds like there’s going to be a “round 2” fight between the girls at the next Ellismania, this time it may be the “Humongous Drunk Bitch Fight” as it was revealed today that Shantanee and her corner man were both drunk during the fight – now that’s a party! Vince Neil went some place and then got mad at some body and he yelled and stuff. Pee Wee Herman is 60 today, which is crazy when I think about him jerking off and using his signature voice to dirty talk. Some “band” (read: Tia, Jay, Mike, & Tom) did a cover of Death! Death! Die! – Put Your Balls On It, @CobraTits tweeted the link but I accidentally got credit for the tweet by mistake. Now that the record is straight on that, I had to set the record straight on one more thing… When your mom came to me and asked me to call a repairman because the dishwasher was broken, I told her I didn’t need to call anyone and I abruptly punched her in de face. Dishwasher has worked ever since. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/7/2012

Why do all fat women wear purple? That was the question that started today’s show. I think this is a question that may just plague at least 1/3 of the world’s population, NASA doesn’t even know. As with any Rude Judesday, he came on the show and apparently while Ellis was on vacation, Jude enjoyed getting a bunch of new listeners to his show – so shout out to his Caucasian ass. China could potentially invade the US because the majority of their population are males, and like parties that are sausage fests, a fight always breaks out. That’s why I recommend you all watch Red Dawn as much as possible, that way you know how we’re going to win and drive those reds back to their homeland. WOLVERINES! Sounds like a porn site wants to send TJES some swag, so be on the lookout for a possible Rawdog Fleshlight product line sometime in the future.

We got to hear some audio from Ellis’ interviews with some of the stars from The Expendables 2. The first interview was with Dolph Lundgren where Ellis says he found him to be one of the funniest in the movie, said he looks better than Clint Eastwood, and asks if he thinks his punches and kicks are better than Randy Couture’s. There were more questions but fuck that shit, I ain’t writing this shit down word for word. Next was his interview with Terry Crews and Randy Couture, which started out with Ellis saying Terry is a massive dude and Randy could beat up everyone in The Expendables 2, we didn’t get to hear him ask Terry if he has a massive penis though. We had to wait to hear the KTLA edited version of the interview, which turned out pretty good actually. However, we did get to hear a message on Ellis’ phone from Uncle Mayhem singing a song about how he loves Ellis and such.

The guys played some Olympics history trivia today, with all answers being either true or false. For instance, ancient Olympiads were required to be nude in their competitions – because you know, oiled up men wrestling is totally no homo. If you believe Rawdog’s trivia questions, ancient competitors would chew on animal testicles before competition, as an early form of steroids, which let’s be honest – sounds fucking hardcore. Tug of war was once an Olympic sport, which is totally acceptable considering badminton is currently a sport, and I think we all can agree that tug of war should come back. In the end, Jason ended up being the winner in today’s Olympic history trivia – which is pretty fucking amazing in itself, but there ya go. His prize? He get’s to give Shit Taco another new name, who shall now be known as Tuberculosis. Tuberculosis also claims to be a comedian, so he got a chance to tell a joke (it sucked) and plug an upcoming show he’ll be a part of.

Today was NMT, 3 weeks worth of it as a matter of fact. Turns out, it wasn’t as horrible as most, but still – I’m not writing much about it. I will say this though, there was talk of Syndrome of a Down and Downzig being something worth checking into. A caller had a real problem with that particular topic and called out the guys, especially Tully. Once the guys explained everything, the caller calmed down and saw that it’s not meant to be malicious and things moved forward. Considering many of the callers to the show, it was super surprising to hear him be intelligent about it – so shout out to that dude – good call. New segment today, “You’re dead to me”, where people that suck get put on notice, which I think for now is only Josh Koscheck. I imagine in just a few short days, there’s another person that will be on that list. Not just because they suck, but because you can’t be a mega-whore for your entire life without some kind of consequences – so make sure you say goodbye to your mother because soon, she’ll be dead to you as well. OH! (shit, that was dark)

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/27/2012

Silence of the RawdogIt’s fucking Monday and holy shit, everyone sure loves watching and talking about the god damned Oscars. Well fuck that shit, not here. Not in this dojo, motherfucker! More importantly, Rawdog lost his bet with Ellis and so now he must Silence of the Lambs himself (tuck wiener and balls in his ass) while holding an umbrella. Low-and-behold, Rumble McTumble did not disappoint, here is Ellis’ angle and here is Dingo’s shot. What a fucking legend that dude is.

There was some talk about grass today. No, not marijuana – but actual grass, like the kind that make lawns and golf courses. Specifically, is Kentucky bluegrass really blue or have a blue tinge to it? Survey says, who gives a rats ass. There was a speed dating contest today where Dan, Cumtard, and Rawdog have to pretend to be on a speed date with Ellis’ girlfriend (@UnderwearWolf). I’m just gonna come right out and say it, Dan didn’t seem to do too well, or at least not as good as one might think he would do. Next up was Cumtard, Katie seemed to slice and dice him up immediately, she was not into him in the least, asking if he lacked confidence and he sure as shit is. And lastly was Rawdog, he clearly did the best and he pretty much verbally banged her and then dumped her.

More new dates for EllisMania 8 have been proposed, June 2nd, June 16th, or June 23rd depending on which is better and it sounds like it might be June 23rd, unless of course that changes. Plus it’s Danzig’s birthday so that’s pretty gangster.

So there you have it, that’s all for today’s show. Next up, the show your mother performs in, “Fuck My Face In The Rest Area Bathroom” and a Q and A on how she manages to swallow so many loads. OH!

(Update 2/28/2012): I’m not sure how I forgot to use this chance to post this, but I did. Anyway, you should check out the video below, it’s from Greens Keepers and was inspired by The Silence of the Lambs.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/31/2012

Today was a great show! It’s Rawdog’s (@RadioTFB) birthday today, he turned 26 – 13 in the pants. It’s also Rude Judesday, so he stopped by and got introduced to the Eskibro (What is the Eskibro?), via Rawdog. His maid also accidentally threw away some of his ketamine. Rude Jude’s (@rude_jude) female persona, Stephanie, loves sucking cocks after listening to Dave Mathews. She also has 3 different babies with 4 different men. So she fits right in with Rachel and Sarah. Sarah doesn’t have any babies, she has an open tab at the abortion clinic, which is totally fucking gangster.

There’s a new phone number to the show: 855-ELLIS-41 (855-355-4741)

Jude noticed Ellis was more stabbed up than usual, and Ellis apparently went to town last night. He says he was listening to Danzig and cutting himself up. Ellis also says his 10-some dream is back alive now. Jude and Ellis both think Minnie Driver is hot, however, she fucked Criss Angel – plus she’s English – so by law, she has a big head and annoying accent.

Jager BeardRawdog got some awesome birthday presents: (I think this is the complete list?)

  • A pimp cup filled with Jager
  • A bag of McDonald’s Nuggets with all their different sauces
  • A birthday cake
  • Sparky (@Sparky_Fett) showed up! She brought some of her own presents:
  • A Burning Angel magazine with very revealing shots of herself
  • Lube
  • 24 condoms
  • A pimp coat & hat

I have a feeling Rawdog might be getting laid tonight, possibly even anal since they did some good old fashion missionary last time. Sparky certainly talked a lot about anal while she was on the show today, as well as about double penetration, milk enemas, etc.

Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) also stopped by! He did some chocolate cake bumps with Sparky. Everlast (@OGEverlast) called in and said he was on the way with a bottle of whiskey and a Doobie Brothers album for Rawdog (listen to Rawdog and Everlast doing Long Train Running), but he had to take his mom’s dog to the hospital. At any rate, he called in to wish Rawdog a happy birthday and he might take him for a ride in his whip sometime.

There was talk about the recent Christina Aguilera photos where it looks like she might have menstrual blood coming down her leg. Google it if you want, I’m not linking to that damnation. This brought out a bunch of bleeder chicks talking about their periods. It would seem some of these girls bleed profusely at times – think like a Quentin Tarantino film. Anyways, that’s enough about bloody axe gashes.

Your MomAnd I leave you with that, just like I left your mom, with spunk in her hair and begging for more. OH!