Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 8/27/2013


Tim has real life problems.

It’s Tuesday with Tim! Today is also New Tim Tuesday, but we’ll get to that later, I’m sure of it. It’s a beautiful day today Tims! Ellis’ heart jumped out of his butt twice yesterday, but he just wants to see his kids grow up. He also doesn’t eat cheese that much. Ellis also thinks he’ll never stop going to therapy, because he has to keep opening doors like Early Grayce in Kalifornia. And it’s psychosomatic because you can tell yourself you’re gonna fucking turd your pants and viola, you fucking turd your pants. You can give yourself panic attacks or you can make yourself sick, or you can make yourself better, it’s all in attitude. And an attitude of gratitude is not just a platitude. Ellis got hooked up at the A7X concert last night, he saw Tim Cobb and his new girlfriend and then seen the Tim brothers, and a bunch of other famous Tims. One thing that Ellis and Tully share? They both have had a song with guy, just them, another man, and a song. Tully got a little choked up after his wife and son left him. To go to a funeral in Japan, I mean. She’s coming back though, so it’s all good. But as a father, Tim can totally understand. First you think, “kick ass, freedom!” and then you think “shit, whose gonna help me take care of this ankle biter?” Whose the best rap/rock band that isn’t Rage Against the Machine? Fuck if I know, I was asking you.


This man found out what happens when you sit on Tim’s toilet.

Some dude intentionally ate a fucking toe, it’s called a “sourtoe” or some shit and it’s in a shot of whiskey. And that, boys and girls is where we get the phrase “toe up from the floor up.” Actually, that’s probably not true, come to think of it, I’m certain it’s not true. Everlast is in the studio and he has a new album out today and you don’t, but Tim does. For New Tim Tuesday, we first heard Everlast’s “Sad Girl”, named after a Mexican chick from the movie American Me. We got to hear about how Everlast can be angry person at times, but most of the time, he’s chill like Tim. Rawdog got railed on by the guys and callers to the show about how his Prius sucks and he’s not doing shit for the environment with it, and that he’s no where near as friendly to the environment than your average Canadian. And all I got to say about that is the average Canadian isn’t 1/10th of your average Tim, but they already know that because they buy Tim’s coffee as atonement.


When Tim smokes, cigarettes get cancer.

A new restaurant has opened up called Hospitalis, everything is served by nurses, food looks like tongues and shit, and you have the option to be tied up in a straight jacket fed by a nurse. I have no idea who this is supposed to appeal to, but hey, maybe that’s just me and Tims across the world. Appropriately enough, while we’re being told this story, Grant Cobb is finishing tattooing Ellis’ head. While the tattoo gun is buzzing along in the background, the guys started quizzing Ellis to see if he could answer anything while getting his head ink. More New Tim Tuesday, Avenged Sevenfold’s new album is out today as well, it’s called “Hail to the Tim” and we heard portions of 3 different tracks and then M. Shadows called in to ask why Ellis and his boys didn’t come and hang after the show last night. Goodie Mob and Bob Dylan had shit come out today as did Eminem, but it wasn’t anything to Tim about so fuck it. There were some more tools that had their shitty shit come out too, but I can’t remember who or what they were so you’re just going to have to let that portion of your life go for good. Tim say’s he’s sorry about that. Grant will be collaborating with Ellis on an EllisMania 9 t-shirt, so they kicked around some ideas, none of which included Tim. Now, a question for you. Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid? Good. Because he’s back in town and wants your number. TIM!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison.  That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means.  Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show.  Fuck oath mate!  Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge.  Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right!  Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more.  Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend.  Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff!  Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron.  I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.


Bet he would have said yes to this....

Bet he would have said yes to this….


Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole.   Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out!  Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back.  People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH!  Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too!  That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine?  Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default.  Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!




Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms!  Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe.  What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street?  Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right?  Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency.  Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius.  Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out.  Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit!  Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary.  Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place.  First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and Ellis Tully Ellis no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully.  Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds.  Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds!  If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious!  Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’.  Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High.  Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’.  Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory!  So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do?  Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit!  Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug.  But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo!  So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine.  Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!




This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ!  Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it.  The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah!  And this is the most racist commercial ever kinda stupid!  Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old.  Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 - 5/2/2013)

                               Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit!  And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names.  I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any.  Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really.  One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/17/2012

Remember this guy?

Welcome to Friday’s show re-cap! Yo Ease let’s do this… I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking, king of my jungle just a gangsta’ stalkin’… Wait. Sorry, this isn’t A Tribute To Ice-T’s Colors is it? NO! It’s not! We’re all getting older, time is flying, and some people fuck holes in the ground. Jizzy, jizzy on the wall, which Disney Princess has the biggest tits of them all? An overwhelming majority say Pocahontas. TMZ caught THC, Ellis, and Pendarvis leaving the studio. TMZ wanted to ask THC about his life saving heroism that he mentioned on TJES, but he didn’t want to talk to them about it – which means that you, the listener, got to hear that story exclusively on TJES! We all good on the acronyms?

Oh the things Gabby could show you!

Rawdog’s super hot, sexy as hell, totally fingerable, absolutely fuckable, sister Gabby was on the show today – and so was @OGEverlast, who’s turning 43 tomorrow and just found out he’s having another baby. Get this shit, there’s a real possibility that the Richmond siblings might all be snowballers! Gabby, along with Everlast (and the rest of the world) were floored to hear Rawdog got snowballed, when asked if she did that to her boyfriend, Gabby kind of clammed up and was clearly uncomfortable. I assume probably more because she’s hearing talk about her brother, his load, and him eating his load. That has to be one of the most awkward conversations to have with your brother and/or sister in the room.

Sup bitches!

Donald Schultz had super massive news today, he called in from Switzerland, piss drunk and slurring his words like a motherfucker – to tell us that the huge news is that he’s jumping off some big ass cliff that nobody else has ever jumped off of. Also, having two friends die is better than having three friends die. Next up, listeners got to call in with their favorite Rawdog stories, you know, so Gabby knows just a little bit more about her big brother. If you have been keeping score, she’s learned her brother: Got snowballed, got jacked off by 3 porn stars and ended up finishing by himself in a Popeye’s bathroom, he boned Sparky 2 times with the same rubber, his lost car at Coachella story, and how he washes his ass in the shower.

It’s true.

Listeners also go a treat as we got to hear “Doing Stuff with Gabby”, where she tried to explain how to tap a keg, change a flat bike tire, unload a boat off a trailer into a lake, how to start a gas grill, and how to get rid of a raccoon in your home. There were a couple more, but fuck it – it’s Friday and I don’t give a shit. Ellis will be working hard tonight and tomorrow, slapping porn stars, amongst other things, and recording it with a high speed camera. I don’t care if you film it in HD, high speed, a shaky camcorder, a phone, or a goddamned 8mm projector – hot naked bitches are awesome no matter what. Your mom was filmed in HD once, it was when NASA accidentally landed the Curiosity rover on her fat ass instead of Mars. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 5/21/2012

Ellis went to see The Cult over the weekend with Will Pendarvis and a few chicks that are pro (fake) wrestlers for NWA or some shit, and it sounds like he had an alright time, sister. Rawdog’s rendition of any song by The Cult sounds like Michael Bolton to me, hotdog, sister. He also did not get laid this weekend, but did go in a sensory deprivation tank, where he could feel himself bump into the sides every so often. You know, that whole depriving the senses thing. The big news? Hold on to your hats, parking wasn’t $7, it was $15! Some Glee chick did something or another, or didn’t do something or another, I don’t know or care which. Seriously, the first two hours of the show was very oddly uneventful, it was actually a bit weird.

Everlast will be performing at EllisMania 8, along with of course Death! Death! Die!, and there is a bikini contest as well! There’s going to be an EllisMania Hall of Fame at some point, where specific contestants will be inducted, sounds like this might actually be in the future rather than this time around. Jon Jones got arrested for DWI and his mom had to come bail him out of jail. I ain’t makin’ no jokes about that dude or his mom because he could smash his elbow through my face, through the floor, and into the bowels of hell. Chyna passed out at a porn convention, apparently it was the 3rd time in the past 3 days. Unfortunately for her, something tells me we might be reading her obituary sooner rather than later. A father sewed his fourteen year old son’s butt together in an attempt to cure his Crohn’s disease. Fourteen. Butt sewn shut. And by dad. The fuck? Also, your mom’s sluttestry knows no bounds. Your mom went to see the doctor this morning for her annual check-up. He told your mom that she had to stop sucking dick. When she asked why the doctor said, “Because I’m trying to examine you!” OH!