Show Re-cap For Monday 1/28/2013

Will Rawdog have a similar conversation one day in the future?

Will Rawdog have a similar conversation one day in the future?

Welcome, are you ready to fucking fuck? How about just find out what the fuck went on with the show today? Okay, cool. You think you’re tough? Like shark tough? Well wrap your gills around this shit, a killer whale will come up from under your shark ass without you knowing it and ram your shit, and you will explode! So you ain’t so tough. Remember that fucking shit, fuck. Rawdog’s wearing a shirt with a tiger on it today but says he’s a lion, even though when he goes home, he puts on his Burger King crown. Sounds like Ellis’ head tattoo guy isn’t calling him back, so the bear head, head tattoo might already be history. A drunk Dingo opened up to Cullen at the X-Games about that new announcer chick, Ramona Bruland. I don’t know exactly what was said, I’m not sure he knows either – but the gist was that he thinks X-Games fucked up by replacing Sal Masekela with that chick, and saying it makes everyone look bad. Josh Hansen called in, so naturally, talk instantly turned to moto and how he got ejected from Supercross and how they want him to pay a $4,000 fine for taking some dude out in a turn.

Mr. Easter Bunny likes that crack rock too!

Mr. Easter Bunny likes that crack rock too!

Exciting news for Rawdog, he will be going back out with that new chick he recently met online and jacked off to last week! He also signed up for some sketch comedy classes over the weekend and is still hitting the gym as well, so things are looking up for his Jewish ass! Go get ’em tiger lion! Dave Mirra called into the show all excited, Ellis had to hush him up real quick and told him not to talk about anything they’ve recently been texting each other about. Could this mean a possible Mirra presence at another upcoming EllisMania? If you’re on that crack, cocaine, or a crack cocaine cookie, you ain’t hiding that shit from nobody – no matter how good of a lie you think up. Have you been wondering how to make crack? Maybe you’re having guests over for a dinner party and are looking to impress them with your cooking skills? Well good news, you can listen to E-40 – The Recipe to find out how!

Why shouldn't get Rawdog get a tattoo that says "I love my sister"?

Why shouldn’t Rawdog get a tattoo that says “I love my sister”?

Rawdog lost his bet over the weekend concerning the UFC, now he has to get a tattoo while he and Grant Cobb are both wearing shock collars, or eat salad for an entire week. You know he’s not going to be eating just salads for an entire week, so time to start brainstorming tattoo ideas for Rawdog! It was at this point that I missed the next 45 minutes or so of the show and have no idea what went on. I came back in with Rawdog and Tully reading what I assume was Hollywood news and then they went to break with some Michael Jackson. Sweet news for you Soundgarden / Ellis fans, the new video for “By Crooked Steps” by Soundgarden, featuring Ellis & Katie, and directed by Dave Grohl, is out today. Even though Ellis didn’t get paid in money to appear in the video, apparently Dave had asked Ellis when he wanted him to go on the show! Brand new game today, “Win Kevin Kraft’s Money” which is odd because that dude has about as much money as that homeless guy that sleeps under the bridge. His whole $11 is on the line here, if you can guess the correct answers to the questions, you can really put Cumtard in the poor house. Perhaps not so surprisingly, the callers didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground so the guys had to resort to cheating to get people to win Cumtard’s money. Hopefully next week, we’ll have a “Win Will Pendarvis’s Money” game where the tables will be turned.

Overly attached listener's can be scary. Trust me, I am one.

Overly attached listener’s can be scary. Trust me, I am one.

There’s a website that Dingo frequents quite often, it shows registered molesters that are living in your area. It’s weird too, because those red dots just seem to keep following Dingo around, no matter where he moves. HA! (see what I’m insinuating there) There was a dirty cock sock smell in the studio that everyone but Rawdog could smell. That might lead you to believe it was Rawdog that was stanking, but remember this too – Dingo just left your little sister’s house and socks come in handy when you’re tying down the unwilling. OH SNAP! (Ooops I did it again) Some dude called in to get permission to name his bulldog after Tully. I didn’t even know that was something that needed to be asked? Some chick called in about indecent exposure and distributing drugs, but nobody really took her seriously because, well, she’s a woman. BA-ZING! And then a copper from Oklahoma called about humping on kids, said it was pretty cool (no he didn’t) and that people are given different levels. You start off as a novice and can work your way up to Phil Donahue status, which is considered the highest level of wizard. And with that, we end the re-cap with your dad, the ultimate kid toucher, the ding-a-ling put to his mouth and sing cowboy, Phil Donahue. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/4/2012

Well? Who did you think shows up at swinger parties?

It’s Tuesday, it’s Cullen’s birthday, and I’m still reeling from that kick ass interview with The Jingleberries, so nothing can put me in a bad mood today – NOTHING! Big Daddy Jayce Cakes went to a swinger party in Palm Beach or some shit, I’m just wondering if he happened to see Rawdog’s mysterious girlfriend there. He did see an Aussie couple there, they were older and from Melbourne, hence they were off-limits and in the “no boning” queue in Ellis’ brain. Which begged the question, what if he saw an EllisFam member there? The consensus was that it would be super fuckin’ weird, gross, and a boner killer. He banged some chicks he didn’t know and Katie banged some dudes she didn’t know, apparently people were quite interested in Katie at this swinger party. Surprise, surprise, Rude Jude also went to a swinger party over the weekend as well, but not the same one – he also fucked his first white girl, who happened to be German, in 2 and half years.

My milkshake would’ve brought all the boys to the yard, but I drank it.

Tully has made the decision that he will never take hallucinogens again for the rest of his life, he’s worried he’s going to get a mental image of something and it will stick with him for the rest of his life. He did however take some Vicodin this weekend and really enjoyed it, so he stands by his decision to get into pills. Tully also went out on a date this weekend, with his wife and not his girlfriend, they went out to dinner and movie and guess who he’s looking at while at the Japanese restaurant – yup, Glenn Danzig. Rawdog feels like he’s gained some sexual prowess recently, specifically when to go fast, slow, and in or out! Every. Fucking. Day. Champ. He went to a Dodger’s game over the weekend, boned his girl three times, and now she’s getting some flowers today. Some super secret girlfriend of Tom Cruise supposedly got in twouble with Tommy and The Church of Scientology by proxy, and was then forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush. Something or another about Marlene Dietrich. Whatever, don’t give a shit, let’s move on.

You’re gonna have to click for biggie size!

The guys played a game today with the Shake Weight® – winner gets a pass and the losers having to vigorously use the Shake Weight while staring at each other, first one to blink, loses and gets their balls hooked up to and pulled with the R/C car. First question: Who is the richest drummer? Survey says, in order of richest to not as rich: Ringo Starr, Phil Collins, Dave Grohl, Don Henley, and Lars Ulrich. Rawdog got the free pass, pitting Tully against Ellis – in the end, Ellis blinked first and so got his nuts tugged. Today was NMT, I think it started as 90’s themed because there were some really shit bands at first, and then it seemed like the 90’s portion was over and it was more current shit bands. To be fair, it did get a little better, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Rawdog feel good about NMT.

Rawdog has dwarf-gigantism. That’s not medically accurate and is total hearsay, but it sounds pretty good because he’s sensitive about his height. A couple of people called in to sing the Marlins song and to say they hate their jobs, but the world kept on a turning, and they kept hating their jobs. No silver lining there, folks. Just pure hell, 5 days a week. It could always be worse though, could you imagine having to do bukkake gang bangs 7 days a week like you mom? OH!

UPDATE: It’s not Cullen’s birthday. Ellis fuckin’ punked me. I swear I heard him say it at the start of one the song breaks. Cullen’s birthday is 9/11. That’s right, the war on terror and Cullen are synonymous.

Dave Grohl – 2/12, 7/12

Dave Grohl at the Grammys – 2/13/12

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More Dave Grohl at the Grammys – 2/17/12

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And then Jason starts hanging out with Dave Grohl…

Jason meets Dave Grohl – 7/20/12

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“Two face” Tully in full effect!

Show Re-cap For Friday 7/20/2012

It’s Friday mother bitches! Or bitches of mothers, maybe? Just bitches? I don’t know. I’ll trust you to get in the right line. Monetarily speaking, on an average, Canadians are richer than Americans. Here’s what you gotta remember though. The US has a population of about 314 million, while Canada has about 35 million. Ellis went to the Rainbow bar with Katie for some tanning contest or some shit like that, and ka-chow! Dave Grohl was there and Katie has known him for years, and he’s never fucked her. So he’s cool in Ellis’ book, he seems cool to me, so he’s cool in my book too, what about your book? Is he even in your book? Have you ever opened your book? You should. Start gently and slow, then work your way to a faster pace – just don’t tear your page or you’ll never get to completion. What the fuck am I even rambling about? God, me! You’re talking crazy talk. Get yourself together, come on. Okay, new paragraph, start fresh. You can do this. Please excuse my pep talk to myself.

Ellis got a raise and a new contract today, so he’s on for another 2 years. That’s good news, the bad news is that today is the last show for 2 weeks while he goes on a vacation to Cabo, word is he’s a massive fan of the Red Rocker. Rawdog will be staying in LA for his vacation and getting back on finishing the “Big Fucking Mega-Boat” movie. I don’t know what Tully is doing for his vacation, but he wears a fucking swimming cap while he swims laps at the YMCA. Let’s all point and laugh! I also do not know what Pendarvis will be doing for his vacation, but I have to assume that he’ll be writing depressing poetry and taking lonely photographs. Tom Cruise is so fucking creepy that while preparing for the movie American Psycho, Christian Bale used him as inspiration after seeing the lifeless, nut job eyes Tom was sporting.

John Salley (@thejohnsalley) came on the show today and started hocking some natural male enhancement supplement. By the way, he’s an ex-NBA champion, radio host, this, that, and probably something else as well. I don’t really know this dude at all or anything about him, and as the interview first started, I was very skeptical. Turns out, it was an interesting interview and he seems like a cool enough guy, he actually has shit to say. He did call Jason, “John Ellis” though, that was kinda funny. Hey, did you know it’s in the Death! Death! Die! rider that Tully gets a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black? That’s a rock star move right there! Some chick called in to the show to say that she had a dream about Jason the other night, she was going to leave her husband to be with Jason. Stalker alert!

Quite a few people called in telling Ellis to have a great time while on vacation, and others called in to warn him not to get caught in the crossfire of drug cartel wars. Some people think it’s nothing to worry about, and others say all of Mexico is a war zone. And that’s why whenever I travel, I like to pack automatic weapons. Sure, now days it prohibits me from traveling anywhere, but boy, if I did, and someone started warring with me, watch the fuck out! If you really want to find out the in’s and out’s of traveling, you should really ask your mom. She’s been all over the place, from the soup kitchen downtown to the run-down shit shack crack house, all the way over to the seedy motel that charges by the hour. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s because she’s a total whore who sells her festering pussy out to anyone with a spare cigarette. I’m just saying that she… just kidding. That’s exactly what I’m saying. OH!