it’s Cullen’s birthday, and I’m still reeling from that kick ass interview with The Jingleberries, so nothing can put me in a bad mood today – NOTHING! Big Daddy Jayce Cakes went to a swinger party in Palm Beach or some shit, I’m just wondering if he happened to see Rawdog’s mysterious girlfriend there. He did see an Aussie couple there, they were older and from Melbourne, hence they were off-limits and in the “no boning” queue in Ellis’ brain. Which begged the question, what if he saw an EllisFam member there? The consensus was that it would be super fuckin’ weird, gross, and a boner killer. He banged some chicks he didn’t know and Katie banged some dudes she didn’t know, apparently people were quite interested in Katie at this swinger party. Surprise, surprise, Rude Jude also went to a swinger party over the weekend as well, but not the same one – he also fucked his first white girl, who happened to be German, in 2 and half years.
Tully has made the decision that he will never take hallucinogens again for the rest of his life, he’s worried he’s going to get a mental image of something and it will stick with him for the rest of his life. He did however take some Vicodin this weekend and really enjoyed it, so he stands by his decision to get into pills. Tully also went out on a date this weekend, with his wife and not his girlfriend, they went out to dinner and movie and guess who he’s looking at while at the Japanese restaurant – yup, Glenn Danzig. Rawdog feels like he’s gained some sexual prowess recently, specifically when to go fast, slow, and in or out! Every. Fucking. Day. Champ. He went to a Dodger’s game over the weekend, boned his girl three times, and now she’s getting some flowers today. Some super secret girlfriend of Tom Cruise supposedly got in twouble with Tommy and The Church of Scientology by proxy, and was then forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush. Something or another about Marlene Dietrich. Whatever, don’t give a shit, let’s move on.
The guys played a game today with the Shake Weight® – winner gets a pass and the losers having to vigorously use the Shake Weight while staring at each other, first one to blink, loses and gets their balls hooked up to and pulled with the R/C car. First question: Who is the richest drummer? Survey says, in order of richest to not as rich: Ringo Starr, Phil Collins, Dave Grohl, Don Henley, and Lars Ulrich. Rawdog got the free pass, pitting Tully against Ellis – in the end, Ellis blinked first and so got his nuts tugged. Today was NMT, I think it started as 90’s themed because there were some really shit bands at first, and then it seemed like the 90’s portion was over and it was more current shit bands. To be fair, it did get a little better, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Rawdog feel good about NMT.
Rawdog has dwarf-gigantism. That’s not medically accurate and is total hearsay, but it sounds pretty good because he’s sensitive about his height. A couple of people called in to sing the Marlins song and to say they hate their jobs, but the world kept on a turning, and they kept hating their jobs. No silver lining there, folks. Just pure hell, 5 days a week. It could always be worse though, could you imagine having to do bukkake gang bangs 7 days a week like you mom? OH!
UPDATE: It’s not Cullen’s birthday. Ellis fuckin’ punked me. I swear I heard him say it at the start of one the song breaks. Cullen’s birthday is 9/11. That’s right, the war on terror and Cullen are synonymous.