Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

What’s love got to do, got to do with it?  With that, welcome to another Thursday edition of Thunder Dome with your host Tina Turner a.k.a Ellis.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, too deep for me.  Speaking of too deep, Tully apparently got a little too deep this morning while digging in his ass, just after taking a nice shit mind you, and on his finger was some liquidy substance.  Unfortunately it wasn’t shit like we all had hoped, but blood is pretty fucking Red Dragons I’d say and that’s what was on Tully’s finger when he pulled back.  After a thorough review, he determined the blood was in fact not from his deuce in the commode, but rather from his ass cheek.  And thus begins today’s show, what is bleeding on Tully’s ass, call 855-355-4741 now and give us your thoughts.  But please spare me the immediate need to rush to the hospital as it is both necessary and obvi!  Let’s just focus on the potential para-rectal cyst lying deep in his ass tissue.  Did you know this same scenario happened to Rawdog recently, but turned out he just ate some Doritos, DING!  Thankfully Rude Jude stopped by to help us get off Tully’s ass, and focus on the real matter at hand….washing your hands.  As Jude puts it, wash your hands so you don’t pass second hand dick – Good shit Jude!  Jude taught us all about black hair care and what a weave cap is.  He also said Lord Sears is working hard on staying awake, making it most of the show yesterday which also included Adam Carolla.  “A Tree doesn’t get mad if you call it a bush.  It knows its a tree!” – Rude Jude.   Not sure how to transition from that to chics leaving snail trails and being proud of it, but it happens and I’m sure it somewhere on Vine.  Of course, thats not to be confused with your Happy Trail, or Treasure Trail, or finally Hairway to Heaven!

 

Not sure I like where this is going....

Not sure I like where this is going….

 

Remember yesterday’s World’s Greatest Wednesday, well today’s just as good to finish it up.  It was to find out who or what is, the World’s Greatest Way to humiliate a snail down in Flo-Rida.  Yeah so we just went through all the nominees:

Rawdog betray the snails for a bagel and crucify them

Make snails have gay sex and make fun of them

Cook snails in beer and feed them to other snails

Make them listen to Accidental Racist (Don’t click it)

Beat the snails with Ellis’s PETA award

Put Offspring and Jeff Hardy stickers on their shells

Send them into space on balloons with Death!Death!Die! stickers for promotional purposes

Cum on a snail

Make them drunk driving monster trucks

Use a potato gun to shoot snails at other snails

Have Rawdog posterize dunk on a snail

Make the snails preform parkour

Make the snails preform the Mega Ramp

Surround them with a ring of salt, and a ring of beer outside of that

Spray them with Axe body spray, when their about the get laid, set them on fire

Drag them behind trucks

Dress them as the Statue of Liberty and make them spin signs on the street corner

Give the snails all white boy cornrows

(And some late additions to yesterday’s list, which by the way has a few removed that Ellis ditched prior to voting)…….

Put snails on Jiffy Pop and put them in the microwave

Tie Snails to both ends of a battery and make them touch to get zapped

Pull the snail’s dick out and pour salt on it, the “Salt Peter”

So that’s the list, can’t really do shit about it now but so you knew who or what was even available.  Oh, and Rawdog only smoked like 3 or 4 times in college.

 

Rawdog's new night spot coming soon!

Rawdog’s new night spot coming soon!

 

Hollywood News bitches, and what other bitch but Kim Kardashian to start us off with her divorce of Kris Humphries and how it may be finally happening.  Remember the dude Finch from American Pie, the one that banged Stifler’s mom, yeah well some one night stand didn’t want to leave last night, and well check this shit out!  Serena Williams was strutting that ass in Miami and DAMN!   Adele turned down a million bucks cause she still got more life to live, for real for real.  Did you know Jennifer Aniston has been cupping, or better yet do you even know what the fuck that means?  If oyu answered No, fuck yeah homie!  Well Gwyneth Paltrow used to do it, and Tully hates that bitch, so you should too – remember that’s fuck Gwyneth Paltrow kids!  Jaden Smith says that Obama told him Aliens were true.  And thus concludes today’s Hollywood News, so now just back to how German dudes thought black dudes coudln’t beat them in sports until Jessie Owens and Joe Lewis kinda fucked all that up for them.  From there it was Jackie Robinson and white dudes figured out that when the monies on the line, always listen to Wesley Snipes.  Did you know that Michael Jackson stole the moonwalk from some dude who was a Solid Gold Dancer?  Did you give a shit that Fergie is trying to vogue or some shit?  No you didn’t, but I bet you do give a shit about this two on two MMA fighting over in Russia!  Dom, fuck my bad, Lil’ Bane was out and about the streets of Hollywood yesterday allegedly saying Justin Bieber had been killed by Nazi’s for his Anne Frank comments the other day.  Since Lil’ Bane produces The Jason Ellis Show, he had a tape record on him, and we all got to listen to people’s reactions.  People such as some old lady who swallowed the microphone and some dude who already knew about it before Lil’ Bane told him.  Batman actually spoke and gave his regards to Beiber’s mom.  Finally some Australian dude was propsitioned mon, “Fuck the Cunt, I shoulda killed him”.  He’s getting better folks, hell of a job Dom!

 

JustinBieber1-RIP-1364789695

….Mon!

 

News from a Dolphin, my favorite shit might I add, about some lady who cut off her husband’s dick cause he was fucking an old girlfriend or some shit.  But enough of that, lets get down to some real business.  All show Ellis n Tully sprinkled in some shots at Rawdog about basketball and getting a game together.  Well it will be sometime tomorrow morning, with Rawdog trying to make 3 out of 10 layups, and also a two on two game between Ellis N Tully verse Will and Dom.  Unfortunately tickets aren’t for sale, but how fucking sweet would it be to see this.  Just make sure to listen tomorrow for what happens.  Kinda like yesterday, when you had to tune in tomorrow which is today, to find out who or what is the World’s Greatest way to humiliate a snail.  Well folks, here’s your top ten:

10 – Put Offspring and Ed Hardy stickers on the snail’s shells

9  – Beat snails with Ellis’s PETA award

8  – Send snails into space with balloons to promote Death! Death! Die!

7  – Make snail parkour videos

6  – Dress the snails as The Statue Of Liberty and make them spin signs on a street corner

5  – Pull the snail’s dick out and our salt on it

4  – Put them inside a circle of salt, surrounded by a circle of beer

3  – Spray them with Axe body spray, and as they’re about the get fucked, set them on fire

2  – Have Rawdog betray the snail’s for some bagels, and crucify them

1  – Have Rawdog posterize them

Hey don’t look at me, you fuckers voted on this shit.  Seems pretty accurate to me though, cause having The Illusionist dunk over you and see it on your bedroom wall is some fucked up shit.  But no where as fucked up as the last episode of Suck My Dick with Will and Lil’ Bane, where Thunderballs and I took turns cupping your grandma’s ass while we moon walked all over her pussay, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013

postcard

Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

swag

Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.

katy_perry

Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!