Show Recap for Thursday 5/8/2014

Holy Crap!! I just worked some magic and got my laptop to mostly work!!!! Woo Hoo! Go me! I’m Awesome!!!! I mean, it was really slow magic because it took like an hour, but slow magic is still magic and I’m able to type normally in the little text input box and everything, so, I’m feeling pretty darn good. Boom. You know what else is feeling pretty darn good? The thighs that I call thunder. They are sore as fuck from working out and every time I crouched down today they were yelling at me, but in that sweet way that tells me that my thighs will always be thunder but they will be solid muscle thunder. Boom. Thundahhhhhhhh….

Now on to The Jason Ellis Show hosted by sexual degenerate Jason Ellis, who can hear better today, but kind of feels like he’s going blind. Bummer. Ellis is blaming it on the show and being forced to look at writing all the day long, or, you know, all the four hours long, instead of looking at things that he’s meant to look at like his toes or the grass. And when I say grass in my head, I say it with the soft a like he says it, instead of the skanky hard a that I would normally say and it makes me smile a bit because my thoughts sound more sophisticated and all I’m doing is thinking about grahhhhhss. Tully brings up that eyes were really only designed to last for about 40 years before they turned to shit because that’s how long that people used to be alive because that’s how long that we needed to grow old enough to reproduce and then keep our offspring from dying. Tully also has been noticing a deterioration of his eyesight and has been wearing glasses at night while he’s watching his basketball (because I guess that it’s still basketball season) and he’s had those glasses for two years but hasn’t been wearing them because when he puts them on he looks like he’s 47 and it’s like looking into the scary scary not too distant for Ellis future. It’s kind of weird both to Tully and Ellis that Tully doesn’t look good in his glasses because Tully really seems like a glasses wearing kind of guy, like Bono, but it’s prolly just the frames. I mean, Bono has been wearing his tinted peeper aids for decades and he’s got his frame game on lock. Ellis is doing good on his glasses game as well, probably because he has signature sunglasses and Electric Visual will take the frames and put Ellis’ prescription into them. Must be nice to be on top, Ellis, must be nice. But…he might not actually be on the tippity top since they say that it’s too expensive to put tinted lenses in on a one off pair for Ellis so….whatever. Ellis mentions that people who hate on guys who wear sunglasses or tinted lenses all of the time are lame and just jealous that they aren’t comfortable enough to wear sunglasses whenever they want to. Ellis says he’ll wear his sunnies in the studio sometimes just because he feels like it and it makes him feel more comfortable, and that made me feel a lot less weird for all of the times I walked around inside of buildings with my 5 dollar street pair planted firmly on my face. Boom. Beeteedubs, Jetta is wearing his glasses today and he looks good in them and maybe he should wear them everyday so that he could look sweet.

There was some talk about fake boobies in here somewhere and it had something to do with sunglasses, but I didn’t take good enough notes to know why sunglasses and fake tits relate to one another. Hmmmm…I can’t even think of a joke that would make them relate to one another. Whatever. It had something to do with skinny chicks with big tits and how once upon a time one of Katie’s friends in Portland used to tell people that Katie’s boobies were fake because she’s a skinny girl with a nice rack (and a nice ass, as if you didn’t already know) and it wasn’t as common a thing back in the day for tinier chicks to have big tits. Nowadays everyone is used to seeing skinny chicks with awesome tata’s so it’s not as big of a thing to go around saying, “Well, they must be fake.” And yeah, bitches do things like that, and I think it’s because mad bitches be all kinds of jealous because they don’t know what a pain in the ass having a sweet pair of knockers is. My bff is 4’11, about 100 pounds, and about 30 or those pounds is in her tits and when she worked for a news site here in New York and had to cover classy events, snobby bitches used to constantly do the fake girl whisper (read: they talk low, but still loud enough for you to hear, while looking at you but not making eye contact) and say she had fake knockers. I’ve known this bitch since the fifth grade…they’re real. Bitches be hatin’. Anyway…what was I saying? Katie has a nice rack, bitches be jealous, fake boobs…oh, right, fake boobs are much more commonplace nowadays and no longer qualify as ho’ status and are much more housewife status, so now the smack gets talked about bitches with butt implants. Yeah. Butt implants are a thing, but they haven’t evolved to the point where Ellis is unable to tell fake booties from the real deal.

Speaking of gonads, Ellis had to bro-down with Tiggie about foreskin again recently, and I’m not really sure why because I’m not a guy and I don’t have foreskin or know anyone with one, but it seems like it has something to do with rolling back foreskin and letting the top out to breathe, and cleaning, and….if you don’t do it the doctor is gonna cut off the foreskin and Tiggie may be five but he’s man enough to know that losing a bit of his genitalia doesn’t sound like that much fun. But it’s cool, cause Big Daddy J talked it out with him and got it all resolved. Tully hasn’t had to have the ‘Let it out or you die’ talk with Little Dude yet because Little Dude is still in diapers and Tully doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to encourage LD to stick his hand into his pampers, because he’s in the poop stage and LD would not be sticking his hand down the front of the diaper. Yup, that’s right, Little Dude is in the oh so wonderful stage where he wants to look at his own feces. Awesome. On to other kid-related things, Daddy Ellis got checked for taking his kids to the beach instead of taking them to school because too much of that slippery slope school ditching with Daddy could cause Devin to fall behind in her school work and no one wants that- although Ellis didn’t seem over concerned that Devin was missing out on making balloon planet solar systems. I don’t see why he should be all that concerned, I mean, I’ve kind of hated models of the solar system since they decided to make Pluto not-a-planet anymore. Fuck those guys, Pluto, you’ll always be a planet to me. School sucks. You know how much it sucks? It sucks so much that even Little Dude knows that it sucks, and he just turned 2. Tully talked about how he’s a man about it and doesn’t pitch a fit over going anymore, but he does give some lip and has to suck in the huffs that want to escape because he thinks that Daddy T is going to drop him off at sucky school and then go do awesome things all day. And that’s funny, cause it’s true. Ellis then talked about how he couldn’t pick his kids up from school until 6 last night because Obama was in town and the roads were all shut down and by the time he parked and got out of his car, he got checked by the cops when he went to walk up to the school. It was extra annoying because some homeless guy was singing 60s songs at the top of his lungs right in Ellis’ ear. But, Ellis did get some cool video for the Official Jason Ellis website, as well as for his IG, of Obama’s motorcade driving by and all’s well that ends well.

Except…well, except that people popped off on Instagram regarding Ellis posting his video of the motorcade and people need to calm the fuck down. Tully brings up that it truly is a good rule to follow to never talk about politics or religion in mixed company because it’s a slippery slope and so many people are crazy passionate about it, and so many other people get entirely too angry about it. And the people who get crazy angry about it aren’t crazy angry about whatever they’re talking about, they’re just angry people, and you are not gonna win a political argument with an angry person before they kill you for arguing with them. It’s not worth it. Just know, that if you get too ridiculous on Ellis’ instagram or twitter and start getting all racist, he’s going to report your ass until you get kicked off, because there’s no need for that you ignorant bastards. This snowballs into Wilson coming in to talk about the Freedom of Information Act and that everyone from the show should file the paperwork to request their files because it would be interesting and possibly funny to see who, if anyone, has one. Tully is pretty sure that he has one because he prank called the White House when he was a teenager. Cumtard thinks that there’s one about him because of what he googles and how it involves teenager problems and preteens…and I feel creepy just typing that here. I know I’m on a watch list somewhere. Why? Because I’m paranoid and of course they are watching me. Tully noticed that Cumtard rated his mood as ‘Shitty’ on the crank-o-meter and Cumtard says that it’s just because he woke up feeling shitty and couldn’t get high and read comics before work to get himself out of the funk and he’s been trying to psych himself out of it. Tully also notices that Ellis’ mood isn’t on the crank-o-meter and asks Ellis how he’s doing today, to which Ellis responded, “I was doing pretty sweet until I realized that no one cared’ and that made me laugh a lot. Clever fuck. Ellis tells Kevin that maybe he should knock up the pornstar that he’s banging because he and Tully are happy dudes and they have kids are are way happier with kids than without them. Tully reigns in that incredibly bad advice however, by telling Ellis that kids bring him joy which has staying power, but it’s not a good idea to have kids to make yourself happy, because having kids is fucking stressful.

Back from the first break Tully and Ellis are talking about Firenadoes, which you can, hopefully, infer, is what happens when you mix together fire and a tornado. Ellis wants to make a controlled Firenado and of course, there’s a caller who can help with that, and that may in fact be coming to an Ellismania 10 near you!!! You’re hired, guy. This turned in to talking about what Ellis should get tattooed on his dick, because of course he should have a Firenado dick, but really, it’s time for World’s Greatest Thursday!!! Because there wasn’t any time to do World’s Greatest Wednesday, it is going to be done today and the topic? Why, What is the profession that Hulk Hogan can get into so that he can be rich again? Of course. The Hulk Hogan problem was brought up last week, how Hulk is awesome but Hulkomania is so over and has been so over for a long time, and Hulk is hurting for dough because his wife divorced him, took all of his money, and got married to like a 17 year old or something. And that fucking sucks. So, Hulk Hogan needs a new job!!! Between taking calls, checking out twitter, and talking amongst themselves, they come up with the following options:

Ice Cream Truck Fleet
Hogan’s Heroes
Hogan’s Churros
Create a Hulk Hogan Mega Church
Direct Traffic in a small town/become a tourist attraction
Open An Adoption Center
Professional Beard for Lesbians
Bulk-O-Mania (bulk products shopping center)
Suburban Commando
Porn Star
Golf Announcer
New To Catch A Predator Host
Give Directions to Gun Shows
Phone Sex Operator
Become A Hair Club For Men-type Spokesperson

All super great and wonderfully funny ideas, and I have never called a phone sex line, but I would if Hulk Hogan were on it, because there is no one who could say no to that! Hubbs agreed with that sentiment and I think that’s where our votes were cast. What’s it going to be? I don’t know! We’ll find out later!!!

Back from the second break Christian is in the studio to do some New Music Thursday action where he is recapping 15 of the 238 newly released albums from the month of April (aka last month). They talk for a bit about how making music isn’t the most lucrative career that’s out there anymore and that even people that are making it big aren’t making it all that big unless you reach that super mega star status, and at that point you’re probably making less money on your music than you are on endorsements and whatever shit-clothing line you put out, whatever cologne/perfume you put out, etc. But, it’s also way easier for the everyman to put an album together, thanks to technology, so if music is really the thing in life that you have a hard on for, you can still go out and get a real job and have fun doing music in your spare time. Most notably, the best music that Christian played were anniversary editions of things that came out between 20 and 30 years ago, like Nas, the BeeGees, and Cindi Lauper (whom Hardcore had never heard of before and I think that is some straight up Hardcore bullshit, because I’m not that much older than him). They talk a bit about Nirvana and how depending on your generation, Nirvana means different things to you, such as: if you are Ellis/Christian Aged Nirvana is like meh, whatever, didn’t change my life, if your Tully Aged you think Nirvana is fucking epic, man, and if you’e Hardcore’s age you think that the best thing to come from Nirvana is Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters and you are part of the Tard Generation.

Rounding out the end of the show Tully tries to bring it back around to World’s Greatest Thursday, but they then get talking about the blurb for The Jason Ellis Show that is on It is not a good blurb. Ellis, Tully, Wilson, and Christian talk about the blurb, changing the blurb, and why it has to say more than just “The Future of Radio” but Ellis doesn’t want it to say anything other than that because any time they try and describe the show it comes off ridiculously cheesy and he hates that cheesy shit. Also, the picture has to go because it’s the picture from the first book and he hates that picture, has always hated that picture, and apparently hates the person who took that picture. Some callers offer some horrible and not so horrible but still bad suggestion, Ellis declared that Hulk Hogan should look into staring a Mega Church of Hulk Hogan to get rich again, and the show ended kind of abruptly.

Things we learned on the show today:

Bono and Johnny Depp run the same tinted glasses game

There’s SWAT level guys in the president’s motorcade and they are bloodthirsty and ready to murder you

Ellis wants James Hedfield to DM him on Twitter

Hedfield does not have a Twitter account

If Ellis were president he would have his personal chef make him the best grilled cheeses of all time

Cumtard is wearing the same cologne, Molecule, as TyPo

Free Range Chickens are chill as fuck

Monster Energy is never going to sponsor Ellis, but they sponsor Dingo, so that’s cool

Tully would rather be a free range chicken than a free range zebra

Pauly D is more famous at the Hard Rock in Vegas than Ellis is

Christian recommends checking out the new albums from Manchester Orchestra, Pop, and Cindi Lauper

The Pixies invented modern music, basically

Being a Radio DJ is not a good occupation for someone who really loves music

Who wouldn’t shop at Bulk-o-Mania?

Females would hate the nickname ‘Tommy Two Ton’ go figure

The Jason Ellis show- everything from Self-help to farts



Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

What’s love got to do, got to do with it?  With that, welcome to another Thursday edition of Thunder Dome with your host Tina Turner a.k.a Ellis.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, too deep for me.  Speaking of too deep, Tully apparently got a little too deep this morning while digging in his ass, just after taking a nice shit mind you, and on his finger was some liquidy substance.  Unfortunately it wasn’t shit like we all had hoped, but blood is pretty fucking Red Dragons I’d say and that’s what was on Tully’s finger when he pulled back.  After a thorough review, he determined the blood was in fact not from his deuce in the commode, but rather from his ass cheek.  And thus begins today’s show, what is bleeding on Tully’s ass, call 855-355-4741 now and give us your thoughts.  But please spare me the immediate need to rush to the hospital as it is both necessary and obvi!  Let’s just focus on the potential para-rectal cyst lying deep in his ass tissue.  Did you know this same scenario happened to Rawdog recently, but turned out he just ate some Doritos, DING!  Thankfully Rude Jude stopped by to help us get off Tully’s ass, and focus on the real matter at hand….washing your hands.  As Jude puts it, wash your hands so you don’t pass second hand dick – Good shit Jude!  Jude taught us all about black hair care and what a weave cap is.  He also said Lord Sears is working hard on staying awake, making it most of the show yesterday which also included Adam Carolla.  “A Tree doesn’t get mad if you call it a bush.  It knows its a tree!” – Rude Jude.   Not sure how to transition from that to chics leaving snail trails and being proud of it, but it happens and I’m sure it somewhere on Vine.  Of course, thats not to be confused with your Happy Trail, or Treasure Trail, or finally Hairway to Heaven!


Not sure I like where this is going....

Not sure I like where this is going….


Remember yesterday’s World’s Greatest Wednesday, well today’s just as good to finish it up.  It was to find out who or what is, the World’s Greatest Way to humiliate a snail down in Flo-Rida.  Yeah so we just went through all the nominees:

Rawdog betray the snails for a bagel and crucify them

Make snails have gay sex and make fun of them

Cook snails in beer and feed them to other snails

Make them listen to Accidental Racist (Don’t click it)

Beat the snails with Ellis’s PETA award

Put Offspring and Jeff Hardy stickers on their shells

Send them into space on balloons with Death!Death!Die! stickers for promotional purposes

Cum on a snail

Make them drunk driving monster trucks

Use a potato gun to shoot snails at other snails

Have Rawdog posterize dunk on a snail

Make the snails preform parkour

Make the snails preform the Mega Ramp

Surround them with a ring of salt, and a ring of beer outside of that

Spray them with Axe body spray, when their about the get laid, set them on fire

Drag them behind trucks

Dress them as the Statue of Liberty and make them spin signs on the street corner

Give the snails all white boy cornrows

(And some late additions to yesterday’s list, which by the way has a few removed that Ellis ditched prior to voting)…….

Put snails on Jiffy Pop and put them in the microwave

Tie Snails to both ends of a battery and make them touch to get zapped

Pull the snail’s dick out and pour salt on it, the “Salt Peter”

So that’s the list, can’t really do shit about it now but so you knew who or what was even available.  Oh, and Rawdog only smoked like 3 or 4 times in college.


Rawdog's new night spot coming soon!

Rawdog’s new night spot coming soon!


Hollywood News bitches, and what other bitch but Kim Kardashian to start us off with her divorce of Kris Humphries and how it may be finally happening.  Remember the dude Finch from American Pie, the one that banged Stifler’s mom, yeah well some one night stand didn’t want to leave last night, and well check this shit out!  Serena Williams was strutting that ass in Miami and DAMN!   Adele turned down a million bucks cause she still got more life to live, for real for real.  Did you know Jennifer Aniston has been cupping, or better yet do you even know what the fuck that means?  If oyu answered No, fuck yeah homie!  Well Gwyneth Paltrow used to do it, and Tully hates that bitch, so you should too – remember that’s fuck Gwyneth Paltrow kids!  Jaden Smith says that Obama told him Aliens were true.  And thus concludes today’s Hollywood News, so now just back to how German dudes thought black dudes coudln’t beat them in sports until Jessie Owens and Joe Lewis kinda fucked all that up for them.  From there it was Jackie Robinson and white dudes figured out that when the monies on the line, always listen to Wesley Snipes.  Did you know that Michael Jackson stole the moonwalk from some dude who was a Solid Gold Dancer?  Did you give a shit that Fergie is trying to vogue or some shit?  No you didn’t, but I bet you do give a shit about this two on two MMA fighting over in Russia!  Dom, fuck my bad, Lil’ Bane was out and about the streets of Hollywood yesterday allegedly saying Justin Bieber had been killed by Nazi’s for his Anne Frank comments the other day.  Since Lil’ Bane produces The Jason Ellis Show, he had a tape record on him, and we all got to listen to people’s reactions.  People such as some old lady who swallowed the microphone and some dude who already knew about it before Lil’ Bane told him.  Batman actually spoke and gave his regards to Beiber’s mom.  Finally some Australian dude was propsitioned mon, “Fuck the Cunt, I shoulda killed him”.  He’s getting better folks, hell of a job Dom!





News from a Dolphin, my favorite shit might I add, about some lady who cut off her husband’s dick cause he was fucking an old girlfriend or some shit.  But enough of that, lets get down to some real business.  All show Ellis n Tully sprinkled in some shots at Rawdog about basketball and getting a game together.  Well it will be sometime tomorrow morning, with Rawdog trying to make 3 out of 10 layups, and also a two on two game between Ellis N Tully verse Will and Dom.  Unfortunately tickets aren’t for sale, but how fucking sweet would it be to see this.  Just make sure to listen tomorrow for what happens.  Kinda like yesterday, when you had to tune in tomorrow which is today, to find out who or what is the World’s Greatest way to humiliate a snail.  Well folks, here’s your top ten:

10 – Put Offspring and Ed Hardy stickers on the snail’s shells

9  – Beat snails with Ellis’s PETA award

8  – Send snails into space with balloons to promote Death! Death! Die!

7  – Make snail parkour videos

6  – Dress the snails as The Statue Of Liberty and make them spin signs on a street corner

5  – Pull the snail’s dick out and our salt on it

4  – Put them inside a circle of salt, surrounded by a circle of beer

3  – Spray them with Axe body spray, and as they’re about the get fucked, set them on fire

2  – Have Rawdog betray the snail’s for some bagels, and crucify them

1  – Have Rawdog posterize them

Hey don’t look at me, you fuckers voted on this shit.  Seems pretty accurate to me though, cause having The Illusionist dunk over you and see it on your bedroom wall is some fucked up shit.  But no where as fucked up as the last episode of Suck My Dick with Will and Lil’ Bane, where Thunderballs and I took turns cupping your grandma’s ass while we moon walked all over her pussay, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/16/2013

35w1xqSo Cullen put together another nice Best of, but that was yesterday.  Today is live bitches!!!   Yeah so Ellismate’s been sick the past couple of days, he just didn’t want to get Tully and Rawdog sick, I mean fuck Will right?  On top of being sick, the Wing also dropped his new iPhone 5 in the pool, Tiggy’s sick too and saying ‘Hell Yeah’, and that of course means the ex ain’t to happy either.  But all us fans is happy we got us a live show today, and that we got to hear DavidLeeRothtallica today, stemming from this vocal only track of ol’ Diamond Dave doing Running With The Devil.  Ok I was kidding, who gives a fuck about him, back to the show.  Tully says Linsanity is officially smarter than a dog while Rawdog has still been going to the gym and says his pecks feel firm, wanna touch?  Burger Ellis has been pissing everywhere and eating carpet, yup!  And your boy Young Wing not only had a credit card cancelled for some bullshit reason, but he also had to hear some moronic callers swearing you can put a cut onion in a room with you, and it will suck up the aids and gay in the air.  Grandma also says you can cut up potatoes and put them in a sock, rock your little potato necklace, and get mad bitches but no herpes.  This same tactic is often used by Kayne West, who was caught on tape being a douche bag while Samuel Jackson and Spike Lee were being bigger douche bags, its about 30 seconds in.  Oh, and Jay-Z hugged Tully this one time, thats about it.



Why You Don't Beat It On XMas Day!

Why You Don’t Beat It On XMas Day!

So what will Rawdog buy Tully and Ellis with his Trust Fund, which is due at age 35?  Nothing, he’s Jewish, OH!  Just kidding, but seriously the Jingleberries are some bitches (That we love and respect!) for retracting on Rawdog’s shitty beard as man-boy-ly as it may be. is full of bitches, doing some really cool shit too, and they say these are the 11 days of the year that we ain’t jerking it…using a computer!  So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it wasn’t Stupid Tits who was back on the show to preform his infamous impressions.  If you’ve never heard of Stupid Tits, he’s a former intern who’s metal as fuck, and if you’ve never heard him do an impression, well you must go back and check this out.  Spot on Mitt Romney, Jackie Chan, Jenny Lopez ass and all, James Bond and not the shitty David Craig one either!  This dude sent chills down our spines with the likes of Hulk Hogan, Batman while chowing Catwoman’s carnival, Dracula chowing whoevers beave, and of course Rawdog who is the king of eating pussy as we all know.  Some hilarious shit here to hear, and a Stupid Tits side note, he’s no longer in All Gods Kill but instead front man for Lazarus Casket, check him out!




Metal As Fuck

Metal As Fuck

So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it was former Metallica bassist, and current shredding ledge, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Jason Newsted.  Honest opinion folks, fucking bad ass interview here and worth every minute of your time.  Ellis and Newsted just flipped it back and forth…12 years tomorrow when Newsted left Metallica….Newsted’s proud of Ellis for that shark heart eating incident….no shooting elk at Newsted’s place…Newsted eats left overs….yeah don’t let that last one throw ya, good radio here.  Oh, and of course, Unsigned Bands!  But this wasn’t any ordinary Unsigned Bands, no this time we had actual advice and help and shit, it was weird!  Just a few that we heard from, ‘Teleport’ with that micro penis dude from Vermont, ‘The Wad’ from Puerto Rico or there abouts, ‘Young General’ who’s lawyer sent in the tape, ‘Rusty Hook‘ who’s not that bad, and legends in the unsigned bands game ‘Cuddle Crew‘.  Jason Newsted really gave some legitimate advice to these fuckers, and one last band of note, Death!Death!Die!.  Yeah Tully slipped in “Pain of Time”, and Jason Newsted gave it honest review, and yes Shoebox the vocals are too low!  He did justify why it was low, had to be for the guitar or some nerdy shit good reason.  He also said the singer was pretty good, and the dude on keyboards fucking killed it.  Be sure to check out the “Metal” EP and





Obama said fuck you to Star Wars!  Donald Schultz says fuck you to the blicks, but thats in a best of somewhere.  Today was live, and so were the animals Schultz brought in for Ellis ‘Snake Box’ he’s been envisioning.  Schultz and his boy Mark, from The Reptile Outlet who came in to help, say a big snake isn’t ideal for this box as they’re too hard to care for.  Nah Mate, how about this “friendly spider”?  Its a huge tarantula, with 1/2″ fangs which suck out the insides of beetles like slurpee’s.  Well picture that in a tank, hanging from the ceiling, with webs inside of skulls and shit, just starring at you with those straws for teeth, and tell me its friendly. Seriously though this thing doesn’t bite humans, just insects and male spiders, fucks them up bad like!  No name for our furry friend yet, but its sounds like she will be a huge part of the show to come.  I do however have a name for our furry friend who also is huge, and can suck the cum out of anyone with her straw like fangs, its Your Mom, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 12/19/2012

No Shit!

                   No Shit!

Welcome to Wednesday, a normal day like any other.  The studio has been fucked up yet again, and life is meaningless so put that in your pipe and smoke it.  On a lighter note, precum is cool.  I mean its the fucking place to be.  Our life goal should be to live in a state of precum.  As Tully broke it down to us, we hold back on the final stage of cuming, so we can enjoy the bit before that…..the precum stage.  Makes as much sense as Ellis wanting to be a little girl, not a woman but a little girl.  Not a teenage girl either, with all that fucked up acne n all fat n shit.  High school’s a bitch for a bitch, and apparently for Australians too as its just really training for jail.  Ellis used to get called a skaghead back in school, which is a term for a heroin addict who’s homeless, not too far off.  In Rawdogs jew school, the popular kids were still nerds and they had no good sports teams.  Oh and Tully knew a dude in high school that got an offer to play soccer for a women’s college team, pink dragons to you my friend.    Wanna see an Eagle snatch up a baby?  And that video there is why we should ban automatic weapons and shit.  Per Ellis, lets just keep it to rifles and handguns.  Per Tully, keep ’em filled with blanks if you keep ’em in the house.  I ain’t touching the whole gun issue, so instead here’s a story of a 60 car pile up on the 5.


Blah Blah Blah? Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Ramona Bruland is some cunt your gonna start seeing more of…..if you watch the X games.  Seems Sal Masekela’s out and ESPN got this chic to replace him.  We don’t know much about her, but she was a snowboarder “briefly”, appeared on Bold and the Beautiful a few times, and did some plumtv shit.  Maybe Dingo knows her?  Anyways, this is a bad move per Ellismate, since she’s not “one of us”.  She really isn’t, is anyone being interviewed by her going to have a clue who she is, or give a fuck what she has to say.  After all, would you rather watch her trying to relate to a back flip, or maybe Dingo TJ Lavin or even Todd Richards.  Truth is it don’t matter what we folks want, its what the corporate suits want, control.  And this broad seems to be the definition of puppet.  That’s a reason why Ellis left EPSN, not wanting to wear their X games shit over his sponsors gear, despite them trying to demand that shit.  Echolalia is some shit Rawdog has.  Echolalia is some shit Rawdog has.  Well, he did have it as a kid, and Ellis noticed him doing the same shit today.  He was doing some kind of mumbling after he spoke, which later turned out to be him repeating what he just said, or so Tully and Ellis think.  Will said that Cumtard said that the fake Avril chic said she noticed it before too, so it must be true.  So why was Josh raised as a girl?  And is he a hypochondriac schizophrenic with alzheimer’s on the verge of a stroke?  Gotta tune in and find out bro.


So what do you boys think of these?  Not too shabby “Blair”, those are very intercourseable.  Well, you fuckers have complained too long, heres your wish if you’ve been missing the classic segment, “Dude, Am I A Slut?”  Here we go; Josie is 20, with 34DD tits, and was pissed some dude pulled out and came on her back….Not a slut Josie, just a bitch.  Erica has been dating a dude for 4 years, engaged for 2, and they haven’t had sex yet with “Turd McStiffenson” being all Catholic and shit….not a slut, in fact what the fuck did you call for?  Tonya, 27 years ancient, found out her ex cheated on her so went and fucked all his boys and his female cousin too….not a slut, yup thats the verdict!  Lisa is 36 and her man is hung like horse, and she chows beav, and had sex at the pool with some chic in public….not a slut. Thats 0 for 4 if your scoring at home, of course not with any of these bitches…so how about Jackie, she and her girl friends took turns fucking some random dudes at different places throughout a roughly 5 hour window…..DING!  Not only do we have our first slut, but that bitch is invited to the prize chamber at The Wing’s house, ‘cept he hung up on her slutty ass.  In the search for Jackie to call back, we played ‘Are you a lady, rapist or sex offender’ which I’m sure is hear to stay.  All in all it is what it is, nah mean!


Ever hear the expression “ain’t got a pot to piss in”, well these mother fuckers here done bought the pot to piss and shit in, to go with the really cheap apartment that didn’t come with such amenities.   They sir are morons, ok that segue failed, but Jizz Cult didn’t with his crazy wacky game ‘You Sir Are A Moron’.  If you don’t know how to play, that kind makes it better really.  Some of the topics were 100 Rawdogs verses one Jason Ellis (Not the Lycan sized Ellis, but the real life version), when do you tell a chic you have an STD, which is never by the way.  The most amount of money ok to gamble away at Vegas, yeah Will set this game up.  Most valuable thing to steal from work – Tattoo of Hello Kitty on your head or a tat of Hitler on your ass.  One million bucks in exchange for your penis being 50% size, what the fuck kinda games are these Jizz Cult?  Drink a gallon of pee or eat small nugget sized turd?  Watch your parents fuck or jerk it for your grandma?  Thats it I’m fucking out of here.



             What if Grandma likes it, and goes for it, then what?


Hollywood news time ladies and douche knuckles, and Sam Donaldson got a DUI in Delaware.  Who the fuck is Sam Donaldson?  Ke$ha’s new smash hit single ‘Die Young‘ has been pulled from radio station play due to its suggestive and inappropriate title.  Like Too Short said, “It was all good just a week ago”.  Tom Cruise talks about being a big pussy to Jimmy Fallon.  Sounds like Bieber got him some new snatch to get over the Smellena Gomez bitch.   Lindsay Lohan says she didn’t take a massive shit to clog up those toilets as she was accused of.  Psycho Mike is not only banging Landon Donovan’s ex, but he married her.  Obama is Time’s Man of the Year, again.  Cullen a.k.a The Backbone is Faction, SiriusXM and just life in general’s Man Of The Year for playing the greatest ‘Dude Am I A Slut’ of all time after the show ended if you wanna check it out OnDemand or some shit.  Oh and Sal Masekela texted Ellis back saying thanks for calling him and fag and all, mad respect.  As if Canada hasn’t had enough, we find out that Lacrosse is the national sport.  However bad they are, they can’t be as bad as this douche bag radio dude just ripping of The Jason Ellis Show.  I’m not even going to dignify you with a name, just he’s from the San Antonio market, has bits like “Your a slut if…” and shock collars and all that shit, plus some repeating guests as Ellis too.  This seems so obvious that even Tully and Will call bullshit on this dude.  Also, this sparked the age old question of what Ellis has stolen from other shows over the years.  Maybe he stole part of Bubba’s shock collar bits, or Howard’s voice machine idea.  Nah mate, you are!  Truth is, Ellis never stole shit from anybody, and as Tully reminds us, just about everything gets recycled over at some point as theres only so many things you can do over years of radio.    Its kinda like the other night, I did this move where I jumped off the edge of the bed, dick first into your mom’s gaping twat, while doing a 360 and grabbing my balls, only to hear her tell me @AZ_RedDragon and @bitpimps took turns doing that on her last week, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/13/2012


H.R. MacGyver with a pencil n paper

Fucking A for Thursday – Ellis n the crew must have ate some happy food, maybe a happy meal?  You see, the food you eat helps depict your attitude in life.  My happy food must be “pussay” allaahaahalla, but who didn’t know that.  Did you know that “Daddy likes orange bikes”!  Its true, Tiggy says Ellismate is a huge fan of KTM.  And everyone is a huge fan of saving starving kids, such as the fine people bidding on a day with Ellis on that hungerthon thing, and with only 26 minutes to go were at about $10,500.  How would you like to see the new spin off, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, with Ellismate of course?  20 minutes to go, and still about 2 grand short of Howard Stern’s current bid, and world domination!  Tully says Toddlers & Tiaras is fucking hilarious.  Oh shit, we got a new bid of about $11,500 from “Van Hamersly” (Spelling?) with only about 13 minutes left, shits going down!  So Travis Barker was all like super dad n shit at the park with his kids, even though Snookie said Travis looks ‘sketchy’.  Also, Rapunzel is smoking fucking hot.  Only 8 minutes to go and you can cut the tension with a wolfknife.  Ellis would smoke Obama in moto, but he’s not sure how a game of hoops would go.  5 minutes.  Ellis hates everyone from Paul Blart Mall Cop.  2minutes.  Shout out to Papa Fifty.  30 seconds. #fucktully CLOSED!  Fuck, didn’t beat out Howard Stern, but got fucking close and fed a lot of starving kids so Red Dragons.  Will Pendarvis III called the show, not to comment on Cumtards sad state of depression and drinking alone, but rather to tell Ellis he bought him a chair, and just over 11 grand ain’t too shabby.  I’m sure Will didn’t pick him up a microphone from H. R. Giger, though that dude’s artwork is fucking twisted, gnarly and all that good shit.



No More  Toto-Frodo’s-Scroto?

Gather round kids, its Hollywood News times.  Lindsay Lohan could be more fucked than she already is, facing almost a year in jail.  Lindsay Lohan could be less fucked than that last story, if her storage unit is auctioned off with all her dildos n shit.  Sean Penn don’t give a fuck about any bitch, including his two ex wives.  Angelina Jolie cares too fucking much, and will be retiring as soon as her 78 kids reach their teenage years.  Gandalf will take a break from fucking hobbits, as the poor bastard has taint cancer.  Jennifer Lopez and Al Roker ain’t fucking, but are fucked.  And finally, a special NoYouAre shout out to Patriot Guard Riders for their support to military families, and for sticking it too those God Hates Fags pieces of shit.  Now if only we can get Charlie Sheen to head the Gods Hates Gods Hates Fags, then we’d could fight more crime, and eat less chic’fil’a.


Can't pull off a Dirty Waffle, check out The Jason Ellis Show!

Having trouble maneuvering the Dirty Waffle?


In Florida, this mother fucker here was driving around with road sign sticking out his head.  Anyways, lets get to the first of our guests, Breesa.  The lovely official brewer of the illegal, yet potent, Wolfknives beer.  18% alcohol by content, so it can fuck you up like a Wolfknife could, and since it can’t be taxed n shit yet, its not for sale, but hopefully one day soon.  Breesa also brought some other shit, like some pot beer for Rawdog of course, and some champagne beer as well, corked and all.  Foxxy also joined the show for this debut of sorts.  Bring in Cumtard, and we have ourselves a little game don’t we.  But instead of the normal blindfolded taste test shit you’d hear on other podcasts, The Jason Ellis Show is of a much higher caliber.  No No, not up to the par of Butt Chugging the beer that put all other Canadian beers to shame, but rather – ‘Butt Shot O’Clock’ mofo’s!  Time for Cumtard to take shots of the different beers off Foxxy’s ass, luge style, and guess which is the Wolfknife beer or the other pussy shit.  Despite Cumtard being bitchingly scared of Foxxy’s ass and taint region, and chaotic yelling from Ellis and Tully to just harden the fuck up, and the first shot going down Foxxy’s ass into Cumtards eyes, we did get some good action out of this.  Cumtards nose did go in Foxxy’s ass for the record, and he did guess the champagne beer correctly.  However, Cumtard didn’t correctly guess the Wolfknife beer, though when he did, he admitted it left a nice “asster taste”, zing!


Your mom loves it

           Your mom loves it


In Aussie News, apple maps is fucking killing people and leaving them in the bush to die.  This reminded Ellis that kangaroos only punch you for fun. Its when they pop back on their tail, n use their feet to gut ya, that shows they’re really pissed.  It also reminded Ellis he owns land out in the bush mate, and he one time shot the face off a 7 foot Goanna, and the fucking thing jumped at him when he tried to pick up the body.  That reminded Tully, what would you do if you saw a lizard with a gun?  Can your toilet flush 20 golf balls, or 2 lbs. of kitty litter, or who gives a shit?  I bet you Ellis wishes he had that toilet back in Australia, ya know when he used to get beat for shitting his pants, and would try to flush the evidence.  Tully thinks it may have been Encopresis, but I think it just fucked up…..that Instagram removed @tullywood‘s sweet pic of monkey balls.  Oh, and be sure to start following Ellismate’s new Instagram, @wolfmate, thats @wolfmate, one more time, @wolfmate.  Anyways, Rawdog had some picture of a ghost that was real, but I couldn’t find that shit.  Tully did find some repressed memories of a ghost slamming the door to his newly built bedroom at his parents place.  Foxxy said she could smell a ghost, but it was just Papa Fifty cutting loose.  We did get to hear from the “Van Hamersly” lady, who called in about her hefty donation, and her plans for the Wing when she meets him.  Sounds a lot like my plans later on tonight, which involve anal fisting, 3 bottles of lube, two road signs, a case of Wolfknife beer and of course yer mum!