Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/13/2012


H.R. MacGyver with a pencil n paper

Fucking A for Thursday – Ellis n the crew must have ate some happy food, maybe a happy meal?  You see, the food you eat helps depict your attitude in life.  My happy food must be “pussay” allaahaahalla, but who didn’t know that.  Did you know that “Daddy likes orange bikes”!  Its true, Tiggy says Ellismate is a huge fan of KTM.  And everyone is a huge fan of saving starving kids, such as the fine people bidding on a day with Ellis on that hungerthon thing, and with only 26 minutes to go were at about $10,500.  How would you like to see the new spin off, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, with Ellismate of course?  20 minutes to go, and still about 2 grand short of Howard Stern’s current bid, and world domination!  Tully says Toddlers & Tiaras is fucking hilarious.  Oh shit, we got a new bid of about $11,500 from “Van Hamersly” (Spelling?) with only about 13 minutes left, shits going down!  So Travis Barker was all like super dad n shit at the park with his kids, even though Snookie said Travis looks ‘sketchy’.  Also, Rapunzel is smoking fucking hot.  Only 8 minutes to go and you can cut the tension with a wolfknife.  Ellis would smoke Obama in moto, but he’s not sure how a game of hoops would go.  5 minutes.  Ellis hates everyone from Paul Blart Mall Cop.  2minutes.  Shout out to Papa Fifty.  30 seconds. #fucktully CLOSED!  Fuck, didn’t beat out Howard Stern, but got fucking close and fed a lot of starving kids so Red Dragons.  Will Pendarvis III called the show, not to comment on Cumtards sad state of depression and drinking alone, but rather to tell Ellis he bought him a chair, and just over 11 grand ain’t too shabby.  I’m sure Will didn’t pick him up a microphone from H. R. Giger, though that dude’s artwork is fucking twisted, gnarly and all that good shit.



No More  Toto-Frodo’s-Scroto?

Gather round kids, its Hollywood News times.  Lindsay Lohan could be more fucked than she already is, facing almost a year in jail.  Lindsay Lohan could be less fucked than that last story, if her storage unit is auctioned off with all her dildos n shit.  Sean Penn don’t give a fuck about any bitch, including his two ex wives.  Angelina Jolie cares too fucking much, and will be retiring as soon as her 78 kids reach their teenage years.  Gandalf will take a break from fucking hobbits, as the poor bastard has taint cancer.  Jennifer Lopez and Al Roker ain’t fucking, but are fucked.  And finally, a special NoYouAre shout out to Patriot Guard Riders for their support to military families, and for sticking it too those God Hates Fags pieces of shit.  Now if only we can get Charlie Sheen to head the Gods Hates Gods Hates Fags, then we’d could fight more crime, and eat less chic’fil’a.


Can't pull off a Dirty Waffle, check out The Jason Ellis Show!

Having trouble maneuvering the Dirty Waffle?


In Florida, this mother fucker here was driving around with road sign sticking out his head.  Anyways, lets get to the first of our guests, Breesa.  The lovely official brewer of the illegal, yet potent, Wolfknives beer.  18% alcohol by content, so it can fuck you up like a Wolfknife could, and since it can’t be taxed n shit yet, its not for sale, but hopefully one day soon.  Breesa also brought some other shit, like some pot beer for Rawdog of course, and some champagne beer as well, corked and all.  Foxxy also joined the show for this debut of sorts.  Bring in Cumtard, and we have ourselves a little game don’t we.  But instead of the normal blindfolded taste test shit you’d hear on other podcasts, The Jason Ellis Show is of a much higher caliber.  No No, not up to the par of Butt Chugging the beer that put all other Canadian beers to shame, but rather – ‘Butt Shot O’Clock’ mofo’s!  Time for Cumtard to take shots of the different beers off Foxxy’s ass, luge style, and guess which is the Wolfknife beer or the other pussy shit.  Despite Cumtard being bitchingly scared of Foxxy’s ass and taint region, and chaotic yelling from Ellis and Tully to just harden the fuck up, and the first shot going down Foxxy’s ass into Cumtards eyes, we did get some good action out of this.  Cumtards nose did go in Foxxy’s ass for the record, and he did guess the champagne beer correctly.  However, Cumtard didn’t correctly guess the Wolfknife beer, though when he did, he admitted it left a nice “asster taste”, zing!


Your mom loves it

           Your mom loves it


In Aussie News, apple maps is fucking killing people and leaving them in the bush to die.  This reminded Ellis that kangaroos only punch you for fun. Its when they pop back on their tail, n use their feet to gut ya, that shows they’re really pissed.  It also reminded Ellis he owns land out in the bush mate, and he one time shot the face off a 7 foot Goanna, and the fucking thing jumped at him when he tried to pick up the body.  That reminded Tully, what would you do if you saw a lizard with a gun?  Can your toilet flush 20 golf balls, or 2 lbs. of kitty litter, or who gives a shit?  I bet you Ellis wishes he had that toilet back in Australia, ya know when he used to get beat for shitting his pants, and would try to flush the evidence.  Tully thinks it may have been Encopresis, but I think it just fucked up…..that Instagram removed @tullywood‘s sweet pic of monkey balls.  Oh, and be sure to start following Ellismate’s new Instagram, @wolfmate, thats @wolfmate, one more time, @wolfmate.  Anyways, Rawdog had some picture of a ghost that was real, but I couldn’t find that shit.  Tully did find some repressed memories of a ghost slamming the door to his newly built bedroom at his parents place.  Foxxy said she could smell a ghost, but it was just Papa Fifty cutting loose.  We did get to hear from the “Van Hamersly” lady, who called in about her hefty donation, and her plans for the Wing when she meets him.  Sounds a lot like my plans later on tonight, which involve anal fisting, 3 bottles of lube, two road signs, a case of Wolfknife beer and of course yer mum!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/8/2012

Somebody’s gotta do it

OK people, we only have to give a fuck for a few more hours so lets roll!  If Ellismate had 75 dicks do you think his arms would get tired from the excessive jerking requirements?  Its a damn legitimate question, and so is Rawdog asking if he’d even have enough load to support them all  droppin’ loads.  Speaking of loads, Ellismate was listen to Kevin and The Bean this morning, and man those dudes fucking suck. There not really the same thing as The Jason Ellis Show, kinda like the difference between vert and street skating.  Ellismate compared the shit they spew to what he had to do while working on Octane, such as telling you how amazing Finger Finger Death Punch is.  “BLAHT”!  Haha, thats the drop of rawdog gagging yesterday while practicing for his big day.  Tully’s working on the details, but no date has been set yet to see Josh blow that dead horse cock.  Hopefully Rawdog updates his hairstyle before the big day to look his best.  Tully and Ellis threw around some possible looks like herpes infected David Beckham or maybe honest Abe Lincoln.  Tully has afro like hair, which gets all padded down from his scotch taped head phones, which piss on Rawdogs one ear only headphones, fucking swinghouse.  Turns out Will has more headphones, and the new Jason Ellis cum rags.  Right about then Cumtard walked in, and the kids going to be a huge star.  Check him out soon on doing shit like putting hot sauce on his taint to see if he gets a boner to the obvious butt chugging video.  Ellis also mentioned making the Rawdog spinning by his ankles vid too, and this may be a new Thursday routine for the site so fuck yeah!



That ain’t a sword he’s holding

In Hollywood News, its fucking cold and rainy, wah!  Also Jermaine Jacksun is changing his name and thats not a typo.  Some hot crazy Ukrainian bitch said the ‘Call Me Maybe’ song is a fucking rip off of her smash hit ‘Hunky Santa’.  Molly Cyrus is getting married at 19 and good luck with that.  Lindsay Lohan is a dumb cunt and she may be getting her own ‘Lindsay Lohan News’ segment on the show.  Speaking of dumb cunts maybe getting new shows, Kate Gosselin and Kendra Wilkinson swapped kids for a week trying to keep their reality lives going.  In other Hollywood news, some lady from Kenya had twins and gave them shitty names, and this baby got pregnant in Saudi Arabia.  Apparently all of the shit above was fucking hilarious to Jizz Cult who about stopped the show pissing himself laughing, so be sure to check out @Deadletters on Instagram!  Also be sure to check out Rob Corddry’s new movie Warm Bodies, and Johnny Knoxville and Arnold’s new movie The Last Stand.  Speaking of Arnold, is that dude not the baddest mutherfucker of all time?  Tully pointed out to Ellis that this warlord has been the strongest man in the world, banged a Kennedy and became governor, banged every other woman that walked the earth, and can’t speak a lick of english.  Red Dragons to you sir!


Watch your pussy around this guy

In Aussie news, reporter Michael ‘Sick Cunt’ Tully read a list of Australian inventions that may blow your fucking mind!  From disposable syringes to vaginal cameras these kangaroo fuckers really hooked us up with some cool shit.  Big shits rule, just saying!  So we may be getting another new segment like once a month, ‘Period News’, not to be confused with ‘Women, am i right’.  And then girl on girl star Ryan Keely walked into the studio and she’s fucking smoking hot.  She talked about the new law that passed in LA county and how it was total bullshit.  That the use of condoms with such huge cocks and repetitive banging actually makes the woman more likely to catch a disease since her membranes are so destroyed.  Its all just to stick it to the industry rather to really help anyone in the end. Turns out she is retiring from the game anyways, and just in time as Ellismate is thinking of making his debut with his porn character The Cape-ist, aka The Pussy Burglar.  So what is Ryan going to do with herself besides shuffle her cookie ten times a day?  How about a career in radio.  She’s already got a podcast going and some sick drops on the Ellis show.  If so, she needs to tell her stories about her ex boyfriends.  This one dude used to wake her up by dropping his load on her feet while she was asleep, and he took it up the ass.  This other ex of hers used to line up a friend of his to show up at dinner, and try to convince her into a DP with the two fellas, he took it up the ass too!  I’m seeing a trend with the type of guys she dates, and if you were wondering, she’s fucked 4 dudes in the ass in her lifetime.  Rawdog, I mean Sarah joined the show to have a ‘Sexy Off’ with Ryan Keely which was kinda cool.  Ryan also took the time to offer her advice to Rawdog for his upcoming event.  Suggestions like relaxing his jaw and using his hands to work the shaft should be very helpful when sucking that dead horse cock.  She did fear that the dick may be too big for Josh’s mouth,  but that hopefully shouldn’t be an issue.  Ryan’s also an expert on butt chugging, and gave Cumtard a few pointers to help him, like using a room tempature beer and for it to be flat to avoid the fizz.  She also suggested getting a higher quality beer since it is going up his ass.  She then gave Rawdog a zerbert and made the little Bush Babies day, awww!


I never knew thats what it meant!

In ‘Cock News’, Chad Kroeger is a total dick but also kinda funny too for betting a roadie to put his dick in a fan.  Shoebox rolled into the studio to shoot the shit about Cumtard’s butt chugging plans.  They tried some more to figure out the best beer to put up Kevin’s ass, but maybe its not beer they should be using, maybe Zima?  Shoebox taught us what a ‘chilly willy’ is.  Its when you take a shot of vodka, followed by a bump of vodka up the nose, but don’t try that at home.  From there it was all about Rawdog and this massive horse dick he’s gotta blow.  They tried to figure out how much of the steak Rawdog took on yesterday’s show and Tully placed it somewhere between 2 to 3 inches.  Well, if it don’t fit in his mouth, Joanna Angel will just have to to preform dick tricks on him for a minute and 45 seconds.  Ellis then tried to figure out the best way to display this act.  Should the Dog be on his knees with his arms held back, or maybe tied up like a magicians assitant?  He could have wings and bra and come out as a victoria secrets model.  Maybe a jockey outfit is appropriate for Rawdog, but only if Joanna gets a horse tail butt plug too!  What about the background music for this?  Slinging Cream or Neutral Milk Hotel or how about some video messages from his family for moral support through such tough times.  Whatever happens, one caller was right when he suggested they get the dick stuffed for the walls of the Faction studios.  Sounds like something your mom would ask for, a taxidermied stuffed version of mine and all of EllisFam’s cocks for her walls…..her pussy walls, OH!