Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/16/2013

35w1xqSo Cullen put together another nice Best of, but that was yesterday.  Today is live bitches!!!   Yeah so Ellismate’s been sick the past couple of days, he just didn’t want to get Tully and Rawdog sick, I mean fuck Will right?  On top of being sick, the Wing also dropped his new iPhone 5 in the pool, Tiggy’s sick too and saying ‘Hell Yeah’, and that of course means the ex ain’t to happy either.  But all us fans is happy we got us a live show today, and that we got to hear DavidLeeRothtallica today, stemming from this vocal only track of ol’ Diamond Dave doing Running With The Devil.  Ok I was kidding, who gives a fuck about him, back to the show.  Tully says Linsanity is officially smarter than a dog while Rawdog has still been going to the gym and says his pecks feel firm, wanna touch?  Burger Ellis has been pissing everywhere and eating carpet, yup!  And your boy Young Wing not only had a credit card cancelled for some bullshit reason, but he also had to hear some moronic callers swearing you can put a cut onion in a room with you, and it will suck up the aids and gay in the air.  Grandma also says you can cut up potatoes and put them in a sock, rock your little potato necklace, and get mad bitches but no herpes.  This same tactic is often used by Kayne West, who was caught on tape being a douche bag while Samuel Jackson and Spike Lee were being bigger douche bags, its about 30 seconds in.  Oh, and Jay-Z hugged Tully this one time, thats about it.



Why You Don't Beat It On XMas Day!

Why You Don’t Beat It On XMas Day!

So what will Rawdog buy Tully and Ellis with his Trust Fund, which is due at age 35?  Nothing, he’s Jewish, OH!  Just kidding, but seriously the Jingleberries are some bitches (That we love and respect!) for retracting on Rawdog’s shitty beard as man-boy-ly as it may be. is full of bitches, doing some really cool shit too, and they say these are the 11 days of the year that we ain’t jerking it…using a computer!  So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it wasn’t Stupid Tits who was back on the show to preform his infamous impressions.  If you’ve never heard of Stupid Tits, he’s a former intern who’s metal as fuck, and if you’ve never heard him do an impression, well you must go back and check this out.  Spot on Mitt Romney, Jackie Chan, Jenny Lopez ass and all, James Bond and not the shitty David Craig one either!  This dude sent chills down our spines with the likes of Hulk Hogan, Batman while chowing Catwoman’s carnival, Dracula chowing whoevers beave, and of course Rawdog who is the king of eating pussy as we all know.  Some hilarious shit here to hear, and a Stupid Tits side note, he’s no longer in All Gods Kill but instead front man for Lazarus Casket, check him out!




Metal As Fuck

Metal As Fuck

So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it was former Metallica bassist, and current shredding ledge, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Jason Newsted.  Honest opinion folks, fucking bad ass interview here and worth every minute of your time.  Ellis and Newsted just flipped it back and forth…12 years tomorrow when Newsted left Metallica….Newsted’s proud of Ellis for that shark heart eating incident….no shooting elk at Newsted’s place…Newsted eats left overs….yeah don’t let that last one throw ya, good radio here.  Oh, and of course, Unsigned Bands!  But this wasn’t any ordinary Unsigned Bands, no this time we had actual advice and help and shit, it was weird!  Just a few that we heard from, ‘Teleport’ with that micro penis dude from Vermont, ‘The Wad’ from Puerto Rico or there abouts, ‘Young General’ who’s lawyer sent in the tape, ‘Rusty Hook‘ who’s not that bad, and legends in the unsigned bands game ‘Cuddle Crew‘.  Jason Newsted really gave some legitimate advice to these fuckers, and one last band of note, Death!Death!Die!.  Yeah Tully slipped in “Pain of Time”, and Jason Newsted gave it honest review, and yes Shoebox the vocals are too low!  He did justify why it was low, had to be for the guitar or some nerdy shit good reason.  He also said the singer was pretty good, and the dude on keyboards fucking killed it.  Be sure to check out the “Metal” EP and





Obama said fuck you to Star Wars!  Donald Schultz says fuck you to the blicks, but thats in a best of somewhere.  Today was live, and so were the animals Schultz brought in for Ellis ‘Snake Box’ he’s been envisioning.  Schultz and his boy Mark, from The Reptile Outlet who came in to help, say a big snake isn’t ideal for this box as they’re too hard to care for.  Nah Mate, how about this “friendly spider”?  Its a huge tarantula, with 1/2″ fangs which suck out the insides of beetles like slurpee’s.  Well picture that in a tank, hanging from the ceiling, with webs inside of skulls and shit, just starring at you with those straws for teeth, and tell me its friendly. Seriously though this thing doesn’t bite humans, just insects and male spiders, fucks them up bad like!  No name for our furry friend yet, but its sounds like she will be a huge part of the show to come.  I do however have a name for our furry friend who also is huge, and can suck the cum out of anyone with her straw like fangs, its Your Mom, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/15/2012

Texting and driving, it can be dangerous, so remember, wait until you get to a stop light, but your beer in the cup holder and then text. That way you can do it safely. Word on the street is that Thomas Haden Church is back in town and he reclaimed his car. And in case you haven’t heard it’s not just any car, its a Porsche Supra Extra Turbo with built in jet packs and rocket launcher. Okay maybe not, but it is pretty fucking awesome. Josh’s load sharing girlfriend has yet again stepped up her game, now she wants to take Josh to a Goth Bar. But that’s not the really great part, she want’s him to wear assless chaps there. He made a joke of it and kinda said no, but she texted him again today (probably while driving) about it. I have a feeling that in the near future we will start seeing a more clumsy Josh, falling down stairs, hitting door knobs, you know, girl shit. Hell, even a gay Canadian bull riding cowboy wouldn’t wear assles chaps, and that’s straight from the horses mouth!

Are you a Porn Star? Do you know a Porn Star? Do you have rug burns on your dick because all you do is “get to know” Porn Stars? Well good news for you and your beaten meat, the Ellis Show is trying to get more porn stars on. Are you done groaning yet? I just hope that these will be entertaining and not just the usual ditsy girls that have a protein count that’s usually reserved for body builders. Speaking of Porn Stars, did you know that David “I ruined VanHalen” Lee Roth has a daughter in porn? Of course you didn’t, who pays attention to their names anyhow.

She’s got her fathers eyes.

Big Gay Baby is still married to Big Ass Kardashian, I think that he is throwing a fit over the prenup or some shit, I could care less, that douche canoe got more money for those two days than most people make in a few years. Will “was that lightning or just my shins in the sun” Pendarvis brought in a new game, Pop Culture Pop Quiz. Rawdog won, which means that Rawdog lost, anybody that knows that much about kid shows and doesn’t have kids shouldn’t be allowed near schools or parks. It would seem that there is a RedBull Conspiracy going on in the swinghouse. Someone put full cans of Redbull outside the fridge while putting the empty box in the fridge. Simple case of mistake, maybe someone got a little distracted? Fuck no! Teberculosis Bitch Navarro claims that he did what Pendo told him to and Pendavich says nay. Maybe we will never know, it will always be a mystery, that and those fucking magnets.

Dave Mustane is entertaining thousands of Asians with his political theory’s, which is a much better idea than doing it with his music. Some nasty skank girl got a tattoo on her butthole (yes I giggled when I typed butthole, try it). If you want, you can watch it, and if I know you, you do. In an effort to not wake up with a bondage mask on, Ellis had Josh try his pimp and on the part time call screeners  Erika Ashley (@Erika_Ash) and Jolene (@JoleneParties), and he proved that even for a little dude whose only 5’2″ (Ok, he’s more like 5’6-1/2″) that he knows how to treat a bitch when she steps out of line, even though we all know Erika could drop him with one swing. Tomorrow shall be quite interesting. Our favorite stylish sluts, Rachel and Sarah, did some final calls and we learned that Sarah is bleeding like a stuck pig and thats cool with her, more lube for the lovin. The rest of the final calls were average, like usual. That’s all for tonight folks, sorry but my best endings are in your moms ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/17/2012

Hey, hey, Tony Hawk here. Not really, it’s just me. I almost had ya didn’t I? No? Okay, well then let’s just move right into it shall we? No? AHH! You fucker, you got me! Good times, good times.

Live Friday morning show today! I assume it was because there was no live show yesterday. No real word on why there was no show yesterday, although during the call from Ken Block today, Ken asked Ellis when he plans on retiring from radio. Ellis said something to the effect of “I almost did yesterday” (paraphrasing there), so I guess maybe he was having a bad day. To answer Ken’s question about retirement, he also added maybe in like 4 to 5 years. Who knows if that is set in stone or not. Since he planned on taking Friday’s off until after his now canceled fight and the time slot change, maybe he just took off Thursday instead of Friday.

There was a lot of Chris Brown talk, a whole lot, like for an hour or so. He’s an uninteresting cocksucker so I’m not talking about him. Hey, here’s a David Lee Roth soundboard to play with though! As previously mentioned, Ken Block called in. They talked about Instagram, some other stuff, and then they watched a video of Ken Block spoofing himself with Nick Swardson as Ken Block, which is pretty funny. Godwar made an appearance today to lead unsuspecting winners to the prize chamber of doom. Turns out it was pretty difficult Godwar contest today, most people that called in couldn’t guess the answers. Matter of fact it got so bad it was just dead silent with the only sound being the fuzzy crackles of a bad phone connection.

ogreKyle Turley called into the show, he’s an ex-NFL player. Apparently he listens to the show, but called in to talk about how some dude got fired (technically “he left his position”) from a terrestrial radio show because he called some huge woman a Sasquatch or something along those lines. He wanted Ellis to talk about it to help get some publicity for the dude in hopes it could help turn around the current situation. Apparently the show is quite popular and a lot of people want the show back. The overall gist of the story is that terrestrial radio is what it is and has always been. It’s watered down, tamed, and very non-offensive. It’s meant to please everyone, which ironically ends up pleasing very few because it’s not “real talk”.

That’s pretty much exactly what happened on today’s show, minus the parts I didn’t talk about or totally embellished on. You do realize I do the same when I’m talking about your mother, right? Sometimes I leave things out and other times I totally leave them in – that’s how you were born. I left it in. OH!

Your Mom's Dildo