Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/4/2013

Peetard's on the top!

Peetard’s on the top!

Well how the hell are ya on this fine Thursday?  If you’re jacked up on coffee, well has Ellis got some news for you.  He’s thinking about opening up his own coffee shop, well since he makes his own coffee at home and its fucking delicious!  I’d brew a fresh cup’o’Ellis every morning, I mean fuck Folgers right!  Oh and fuck the dentist too, especially if your anything like Tully, who doesn’t even considering setting an appointment with his dentist until at least 3 attempts to call Tully and set one up.  If you’re anything like Ellis, then you love the dentist…..cause its pretty sweet to get nitrous and gold teeth – pretty fucking sweet!  Breaking News:  Tiger is riding moto now.  Not only that, but he is so stoked on it and takes it so seriously, he actually is listening to Papa Ellis when he shouts instructions.  On another note, Rawdog has just about giving up on the bike race with Tiger at this point, as if we didn’t already know.  I do know that we don’t know some dude Ty that Tully knows, ya know, but that dude did tell Tully that the experiences he share with his child are really just like living a 2nd childhood.  Such a fucking cool concept – Im personally owning this one too.  Ellis agrees and directly linked it to Nuclear Cowboys and taking Tiggy to see it – and how awesome it will be for Tiger, and for Ellis to see Tiger’s reactions and such.  Of course this doesn’t mean Tiger or Linsanity has to re-live their fathers respective childhoods – which is really good for Tiger especially since Ellis reminded us how hard he grew up back down under.  Stories of just being out with his dad’s friends, and how hard those mutha fuckers really were, just doing shit like destroying their own cars when they got shit faced drunk, and just dealing with it the next day – man the fuck up and get over it ya cunt!   Shit like that just rubbed off on Ellis, even one time when he crashed his bike in the woods when the handle grip came off in mid air.  Ellismate just got up, started up his bike and rode it on home – Whereas kids now a days would just fall down n cry and freak out and have no clue as to how to handle such a situation.  Such a hard ass!  Not to be confused with a Tard Ass or “Peetard” which apparently is Burger Ellis’s new name.  Did you know animals love Rawdog?  Did you know Rawdog could give a shit about animals, yeah I thought you did.  Its not like he hates them or anything, just not his pick of the week if you know what I mean.  Nothing like Tully though, who admitted if he was to ever move away, he would come back to his old hood to visit that stray cat he takes care of and bonds with.  I mean he ain’t taking the little fucker with him to the new house, but he will stop by and say hi – super dad I tell ya!  In other meaningless news – Cumtard has kidney stones and just got out of the hospital – North Korea ain’t fucking around they say – Bidding ends tomorrow on Honus Wagner’s famous baseball card if you give a shit!

 

 

Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter....or this joke, OH!

Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter….or this joke, OH!

Check this shit out some video Katie sent to Ellismate the fellas watched on the show for a good minute – sounded hilarious.  Apparently the chic who sings it has allegedly been flagged by Interpol for some seriously sketchy shit – heres more info on that.   Some other shit too I kinda missed detail on, but remember when Ellis saved that dude from getting raped near The Abbey?  Well turns out some chic is suing them for similar reason, check it out.  Hollywood News time bitches – and starts of on a somber note as Roger Ebert has kicked the bucket, sorry dude!  Chris Bosh got got for about 300K in jewelry cause he’s a fucking moron, sorry dude!  Heidi Klum is a fucking bad ass, so says this article on her saving some fuckers from downing, your welcome!  Tom Cruise maybe does believe in aliens, maybe sorta kinda not really.  Jeremy Irons is a fucking moron dude, just listen to this dude talk about gay marriage and incest, but not separately!  And finally, but most importantly, Justin Beiber drew a picture today, of a mouse!  And thats Hollywood News ma’fuckers!  News on The Jason Ellis Show you may have missed – Rawdog is the bellboy of TJES, except he doesn’t bring your bags, just “Brings The Stupid”!  Let’s test that theory, and play a little Ellis JeParty with your host Will JizzCult Pendarvis III.  Today’s categories were ‘Rich & Famous’, ‘Around The World’, ‘Long O Make It Go Oooo”, and ‘Fictional Characters’.  Yeah, I ain’t going question for question with ya, but instead I’ll leave you with some catch phrases and key words from today’s game:  Poooooop – JewMoon (a.k.a. Jewpiter) – Who Beat The Jews? – Who Rapes Kids? – Boo Berries (The Super Food) – Super Man – Is Billy Crystal A Jew? and many many more!!!   But, uncle Ghostload won’t ever lie to ya kids, this was one of the lamest Ellis JeParties to date, and to top it all off fucking Anal Gay Lewis ended up winning, so you know I ain’t lying!  Still better than 99.99% off shit out there even on Rawdog’s worst day!

 

Just One?

Just One?

“Balls Cant’ Fight Vagnias” so says Jason Ellis.  Yeah they got to talking about Fallon Fox, the transgender female fighter who used to be a dude, and whoops up on women in MMA but claims being a dude back in the day has nothing to do with it.  Joe Rogan disagrees, and here’s the video to prove it!  Ellis said a tranny said its mellow, but then some doctor dude called in and verified that the male body is structurally different than the female body, including thickness of the skull, which we all know is extremely helpful when fighting MMA or doing heel grabs on your fresh blades!  Somehow the same doctor dude also broke down that males have started to under developed their bodies and over developed their brains, in which Tully figured out that aliens are really just humans from the future, hmmm maybe!  Steroids are ok to use also, we figured that out as well.  they’re especially ok to use if your wife makes more money than you do, which is how it is in over half the households in the US says Tully and some article I didn’t bother to look up.  Makes sense to Ellis, he knows a pretty semi famous dude who’s in that exact situation (It’s Psycho Mike in case you were wondering), and at first it was a bit weird, but in the end its all good!  Ellis could see himself being cool with Katie being the breadwinner, and him staying home and cleaning and shit.  Tully on the other hand isn’t so sure, well if he was trying to do something and it wasn’t working out, then had to hear to success of this significant other, yeah that could fucking suck I guess.  You know who doesn’t fucking suck I guess, Bert McCracken, yeah he gets more awesomer each time to get he’s on the show.  Since his last visit, Ellis went to go see Bert and The Used play, and they were’nt that shitty at all.  Bert was pretty fucking sweet, and the other dudes in the band didn’t suck, so thats good!    However, turns out on of those other dudes, who plays bass, used to date Katie back in the day, to which Bert gave a huge compliment saying she’s the only girlfriend dude had that wasn’t a bitch at all.  That’s not why Bert’s here though, nah, he’s here to talk about how he could drink a half gallon of vodka right now, and that meth fucking sucks dude, I mean its cool at first, but the next 20 days awake really fucking blows.  Bert also went to prison one time, not jail, prison!  He described it like this, “You go to jail and you cry, you go to prison and your scared to cry”, oh and he weighed about 80 lbs. when he went in, from meth of course.  Bert ain’t joking either, as today he sparked the idea of Ellis or Tully doing shrooms on air, well ok not sparked but reiterated cause he’s mentioned this before.  Today he really tried to sell it, and thought Ellis and Tully both weren’t about it at all, Rawdog may be down.  Josh’s only concern is being on the air and doing something stupid for us all to hear, to which Tully promised he wouldn’t let him do that, but to which Ellis said he’d just grab the fucking camera and thank Rawdog later – I vote option B!  Speaking of shrooms, if you ever meet Bert, ask to see his driver’s license picture…..taking while on a quarter of shrooms allegedly!

 

 

Which one's Ellis and which one's Rawdog?

Which one’s Ellis and which one’s Rawdog?

Jamey Jasta is the lead singer of Hatebreed in case you haven’t listened to the show in the last 6 months, and Bert says dude is fucking sweet.  That makes it official, Ellis is a dick, especially when Bert said if you like “Brunches at strip clubs” then you’ll like Jamey Jasta, man I fucking like this dude now too.  Maybe we will hear the front man from Hatebreed someday soon and wouldn’t that be the Perfect Day.  Hey, what would the perfect day be for Ellis?  Bacon, Pool Orgy, Smoothies, Burgers, More Bacon, Weed, More Orgies…..basically and orgy with some bud and room service.  Scientists on the other hand seem to have a different take on things.  I know what isn’t a perfect day for The Wing, the day Devin asked for heelys which was just the other day.  Well, Ellismate had to lay down the law with Snook, telling her there are two things in life that are ‘No Way’, heelys and of course rollerblading.  Imaging a young Tiger catching air on his fresh blades and hearing “Nice heel grab Tiger” – fucking oath that’ll be the day.  But then again, never thought I’d hear the day Ellis complimented HerpesStrokeFace, saying today since Dom has joined the show its been nothing but games and guests, fuck yeah Dom!  Well, then why don’t we play a game with our guest Bert McFuckingCracken that goes a little something like this.  Tully, Tully, Tully, Ellis no wait that was Tully.  Yeah, Tully pretty much owned this game, which was to identify the song being covered by a different band and a different genre (Just look up Richard Cheese and you’ll get the idea).  So not going to get into the game which was pretty fucking cool, just give you the gems you may have missed.  Bert went to jail once for Scott Russo.  Ellis hung out with Scott Russo once and woke up with a dick drawn on his head. Bert hates ACDC -and folks, I ain’t ever heard radio silence like this- but he was just joking so he survived this round, but barley.  Bert’s done blow with Shai LaBeouf and Bumblebee allegedly!  Dom’s gonna get some fresh shades from Electric Visual.  Bert’s going to read Ellis’s book.  Bert really really wants TJES to do some shrooms on the air, I mean really wants them too!  Ellis did rollerblade one time while on acid.  Bert put on a diaper and shit himself one time, also on acid.  Dom got the shit beat out of him live on air, well off air in the green room but we all heard it.  Your mom got the shit beat out of her live on freecams.com, but you had to give her 1,000 credits to be able to see me smack it with a tennis racket, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/16/2013

35w1xqSo Cullen put together another nice Best of, but that was yesterday.  Today is live bitches!!!   Yeah so Ellismate’s been sick the past couple of days, he just didn’t want to get Tully and Rawdog sick, I mean fuck Will right?  On top of being sick, the Wing also dropped his new iPhone 5 in the pool, Tiggy’s sick too and saying ‘Hell Yeah’, and that of course means the ex ain’t to happy either.  But all us fans is happy we got us a live show today, and that we got to hear DavidLeeRothtallica today, stemming from this vocal only track of ol’ Diamond Dave doing Running With The Devil.  Ok I was kidding, who gives a fuck about him, back to the show.  Tully says Linsanity is officially smarter than a dog while Rawdog has still been going to the gym and says his pecks feel firm, wanna touch?  Burger Ellis has been pissing everywhere and eating carpet, yup!  And your boy Young Wing not only had a credit card cancelled for some bullshit reason, but he also had to hear some moronic callers swearing you can put a cut onion in a room with you, and it will suck up the aids and gay in the air.  Grandma also says you can cut up potatoes and put them in a sock, rock your little potato necklace, and get mad bitches but no herpes.  This same tactic is often used by Kayne West, who was caught on tape being a douche bag while Samuel Jackson and Spike Lee were being bigger douche bags, its about 30 seconds in.  Oh, and Jay-Z hugged Tully this one time, thats about it.

 

 

Why You Don't Beat It On XMas Day!

Why You Don’t Beat It On XMas Day!

So what will Rawdog buy Tully and Ellis with his Trust Fund, which is due at age 35?  Nothing, he’s Jewish, OH!  Just kidding, but seriously the Jingleberries are some bitches (That we love and respect!) for retracting on Rawdog’s shitty beard as man-boy-ly as it may be.  Pornhub.com is full of bitches, doing some really cool shit too, and they say these are the 11 days of the year that we ain’t jerking it…using a computer!  So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it wasn’t Stupid Tits who was back on the show to preform his infamous impressions.  If you’ve never heard of Stupid Tits, he’s a former intern who’s metal as fuck, and if you’ve never heard him do an impression, well you must go back and check this out.  Spot on Mitt Romney, Jackie Chan, Jenny Lopez ass and all, James Bond and not the shitty David Craig one either!  This dude sent chills down our spines with the likes of Hulk Hogan, Batman while chowing Catwoman’s carnival, Dracula chowing whoevers beave, and of course Rawdog who is the king of eating pussy as we all know.  Some hilarious shit here to hear, and a Stupid Tits side note, he’s no longer in All Gods Kill but instead front man for Lazarus Casket, check him out!

 

 

 

Metal As Fuck

Metal As Fuck

So remember that special guest Ellis was referring to last week?  Yeah well it was former Metallica bassist, and current shredding ledge, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Jason Newsted.  Honest opinion folks, fucking bad ass interview here and worth every minute of your time.  Ellis and Newsted just flipped it back and forth…12 years tomorrow when Newsted left Metallica….Newsted’s proud of Ellis for that shark heart eating incident….no shooting elk at Newsted’s place…Newsted eats left overs….yeah don’t let that last one throw ya, good radio here.  Oh, and of course, Unsigned Bands!  But this wasn’t any ordinary Unsigned Bands, no this time we had actual advice and help and shit, it was weird!  Just a few that we heard from, ‘Teleport’ with that micro penis dude from Vermont, ‘The Wad’ from Puerto Rico or there abouts, ‘Young General’ who’s lawyer sent in the tape, ‘Rusty Hook‘ who’s not that bad, and legends in the unsigned bands game ‘Cuddle Crew‘.  Jason Newsted really gave some legitimate advice to these fuckers, and one last band of note, Death!Death!Die!.  Yeah Tully slipped in “Pain of Time”, and Jason Newsted gave it honest review, and yes Shoebox the vocals are too low!  He did justify why it was low, had to be for the guitar or some nerdy shit good reason.  He also said the singer was pretty good, and the dude on keyboards fucking killed it.  Be sure to check out the “Metal” EP and NewstedHeavyMetal.com.

 

 

#FuckTullyHellYeah

#FuckTullyHellYeah

Obama said fuck you to Star Wars!  Donald Schultz says fuck you to the blicks, but thats in a best of somewhere.  Today was live, and so were the animals Schultz brought in for Ellis ‘Snake Box’ he’s been envisioning.  Schultz and his boy Mark, from The Reptile Outlet who came in to help, say a big snake isn’t ideal for this box as they’re too hard to care for.  Nah Mate, how about this “friendly spider”?  Its a huge tarantula, with 1/2″ fangs which suck out the insides of beetles like slurpee’s.  Well picture that in a tank, hanging from the ceiling, with webs inside of skulls and shit, just starring at you with those straws for teeth, and tell me its friendly. Seriously though this thing doesn’t bite humans, just insects and male spiders, fucks them up bad like!  No name for our furry friend yet, but its sounds like she will be a huge part of the show to come.  I do however have a name for our furry friend who also is huge, and can suck the cum out of anyone with her straw like fangs, its Your Mom, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/6/2012

Oy Mate, It’s me Jason Ellis! I shit in your mom’s fishtank, Red Dragons ya cunt.

A set of double D tits is better to have for a year than a set of dog’s balls on your face, fact!  Oh, and its Thursday, also fact!  From here on out its total bullshit, so lets get to it.  Ellismate is still doing his home jail house workout, but is stuck in between ripped and Rawdog.  Meanwhile, at the Ellis estates, #burgerellis got his first x-ray today, Red Dragons to you my puppy friend.  Hey, if your ever in Vegas at Drais Afterhours, be sure to look for Jason Ellis, catching VIP treatment and taking photos n shit.  Turns out Kit Cope has a friend who was in Vegas this weekend, and saw Ellis there, high on ecstasy with some Asian chic.  Only Ellis wasn’t in Vegas, so what the fuck – We have an imposture!  Of course Ellis hit Kit up on the air to try and get to the bottom of it, and Kit quoted a line from the fake Ellis “I am Jason Ellis and I make lots of money talking on the radio”.  Cumtard tried to get in touch with Drais, but everyone’s still sleeping so it remains a mystery.  Dogs are dumb, babies are dumber, and baby dogs are dumberer than all.  Not this dog yo, he be riding it til the wheels fall off.  So naturally that video led to Tully, drunk off his ass of course, verse a dog in a race to the death.  Sounds cool, but not sure about the legality’s of that.  If we were in Thailand though, game fucking on! Sounds like Ellis wants to take the show there for a few weeks, and maybe get a group salad tossing with Josh to bond as brothers.  Tully did point out the 3-7 AM time frame, but again, game fucking on!  Its not likely to happen though, as they can’t even get out to Ellis, Kansas let alone friggin Thailand.  One Day!

 

Rawdog just misses his McGriddles…

Mike Dolce joined the show to talk diet and health n shit, and if you listen to the show for health and to get good advice about it, you want to go back and check this out.  Mike’s a trainer for a shit ton of UFC fighters like Vitor Belfort, Johnny Hendricks, Quinton Rampage Jackson and many others.  He helps them cut weight, but not by starvation, rather a good diet and discipline, fucking sucks I know.  Dude knows his shit, which is as basic as eating earth grown stuff every 2 to 4 hours while awake, and til your satisfied not full.  Sure you gotta change up your lifestyle, but you don’t have to be nuts about it.  Mike on the other hand carries a book bag with a day of food and supplies n shit, such as almond butter, oat bran, and hemp hearts (What the fuck is a hemp heart?).  He’s written a few books on it, which Ellis and Rawdog each plan to try out.  For Josh, he will be checking out Living Lean, while Ellis is more of a 3 Weeks to Shredded guy.  Of course Rawdog is the Darth Vader of nutrition so we shall see how he does.  Other cool shit we learned, just cause its 100% natural don’t mean shit, bleach can be 100% natural and ain’t good for you.  Alcohol is a poison anyway you slice it, but weed is mellow as long as ingested not inhaled, since its better than any prescription drug you can get.  Also you need 9 hours of sleep a night, and avoid Crossfit all together as its gayer than you are my homo friend.

 

                 Oh yeah, DING!

 

Dana White, the man the myth the legend, called the show to shoot some UFC breeze with the wing.   I wonder if Dana owns a $450 Starbuck’s metal card?  Not sure, but I can guarantee you he own’s quite a few assistants, all of which are hotter than Ellis’s new assistant Ryan.  Ryan’s a happy dude who loves the Dead Kennedy’s and is from Vancouver.  Back to Dana White, so he’s “friggin’ awesome” and he loves Ellis, thinks the wing is the coolest.  So anyways, which fight is Ellis most pumped to see asked Dana, how about the Cain Velasquez/Junior dos Santos fight which ain’t even this weekend.  FUCK, stupid brain say dumb things go DUH!  Rawdog fed him a few of the fights on this weekends free UFC on FOX5, and Ellis is siked to see both the Benson Henderson/Nate Diaz and the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald fights, calling Benson Henderson a ‘freak horse human’ so check it out.  Ellis also was a bit pissed at the final on this season’s Ultimate Fighter, but its Team Carwin no matter what happened for him.  Ellis added he was going to go check the videos from the weigh-ins, which Dana reminded him haven’t even happened yet.  Moral of the story kids, if you like to hear Dana White, go back and check this out as you may never hear him again on TJES after today!  In other meaningless news, Snakes on a Plane ain’t just a shitty movie anymore.  This other dude blamed a cat for the murder of a lawyer.  Last but not least, Rory MacDonald dresses like a French Canadian fag, and Tully’s wife is madly in love with Manny Pacquiao.

 

Well no fucking wonder….

Not much today in the way of Hollywood News, just the grammy’s.  Rawdog played a bunch of gay award-winning gay music to show Ellis what was hot this past year.  Maybe Death! Death! Die! can be in next year’s Grammy nominations, I mean shoebox knows a guy.  Just record a clean version of Big Funky Mega Boat and its on like Donkey Kong.  If I may be serious for a second, #fucktully for reminding us about Ghost Dad, i mean really dude.  But not for beating Linsanity with pillows and thundersticks, thats just fucking cool and necessary. Cats kill babies, its all true, and all over the internet.  They literally will “take the breath” of your infant, so watch out.  Stars too will literally take the Ellis show, and just fuck it up to beyond recognition, or so thinks Ellis. He’s fucking done with those assholes, they don’t care and can’t get it right.  His original intention for even being on that shit station was to fucking put it to Covino n Rich.  But those dudes turned out to be cool and care about radio n shit, and with all the fuck ups over the years, its just time to move on.  Will kill joyed any Faction replay ideas since too many people like punk and need a channel for it.  Whatever happens, we will always have our little noon to four on the west coast to look forward too, and Sirius on demand if we miss it, except in Canada I hear.  And your mom always has her Skechers and Crossfit training to look forward too as well, oh and like 13lbs. of shit and load we’ve been saving up for her, OH!