Show Recap for Thursday 5/8/2014

Holy Crap!! I just worked some magic and got my laptop to mostly work!!!! Woo Hoo! Go me! I’m Awesome!!!! I mean, it was really slow magic because it took like an hour, but slow magic is still magic and I’m able to type normally in the little text input box and everything, so, I’m feeling pretty darn good. Boom. You know what else is feeling pretty darn good? The thighs that I call thunder. They are sore as fuck from working out and every time I crouched down today they were yelling at me, but in that sweet way that tells me that my thighs will always be thunder but they will be solid muscle thunder. Boom. Thundahhhhhhhh….

Now on to The Jason Ellis Show hosted by sexual degenerate Jason Ellis, who can hear better today, but kind of feels like he’s going blind. Bummer. Ellis is blaming it on the show and being forced to look at writing all the day long, or, you know, all the four hours long, instead of looking at things that he’s meant to look at like his toes or the grass. And when I say grass in my head, I say it with the soft a like he says it, instead of the skanky hard a that I would normally say and it makes me smile a bit because my thoughts sound more sophisticated and all I’m doing is thinking about grahhhhhss. Tully brings up that eyes were really only designed to last for about 40 years before they turned to shit because that’s how long that people used to be alive because that’s how long that we needed to grow old enough to reproduce and then keep our offspring from dying. Tully also has been noticing a deterioration of his eyesight and has been wearing glasses at night while he’s watching his basketball (because I guess that it’s still basketball season) and he’s had those glasses for two years but hasn’t been wearing them because when he puts them on he looks like he’s 47 and it’s like looking into the scary scary not too distant for Ellis future. It’s kind of weird both to Tully and Ellis that Tully doesn’t look good in his glasses because Tully really seems like a glasses wearing kind of guy, like Bono, but it’s prolly just the frames. I mean, Bono has been wearing his tinted peeper aids for decades and he’s got his frame game on lock. Ellis is doing good on his glasses game as well, probably because he has signature sunglasses and Electric Visual will take the frames and put Ellis’ prescription into them. Must be nice to be on top, Ellis, must be nice. But…he might not actually be on the tippity top since they say that it’s too expensive to put tinted lenses in on a one off pair for Ellis so….whatever. Ellis mentions that people who hate on guys who wear sunglasses or tinted lenses all of the time are lame and just jealous that they aren’t comfortable enough to wear sunglasses whenever they want to. Ellis says he’ll wear his sunnies in the studio sometimes just because he feels like it and it makes him feel more comfortable, and that made me feel a lot less weird for all of the times I walked around inside of buildings with my 5 dollar street pair planted firmly on my face. Boom. Beeteedubs, Jetta is wearing his glasses today and he looks good in them and maybe he should wear them everyday so that he could look sweet.

There was some talk about fake boobies in here somewhere and it had something to do with sunglasses, but I didn’t take good enough notes to know why sunglasses and fake tits relate to one another. Hmmmm…I can’t even think of a joke that would make them relate to one another. Whatever. It had something to do with skinny chicks with big tits and how once upon a time one of Katie’s friends in Portland used to tell people that Katie’s boobies were fake because she’s a skinny girl with a nice rack (and a nice ass, as if you didn’t already know) and it wasn’t as common a thing back in the day for tinier chicks to have big tits. Nowadays everyone is used to seeing skinny chicks with awesome tata’s so it’s not as big of a thing to go around saying, “Well, they must be fake.” And yeah, bitches do things like that, and I think it’s because mad bitches be all kinds of jealous because they don’t know what a pain in the ass having a sweet pair of knockers is. My bff is 4’11, about 100 pounds, and about 30 or those pounds is in her tits and when she worked for a news site here in New York and had to cover classy events, snobby bitches used to constantly do the fake girl whisper (read: they talk low, but still loud enough for you to hear, while looking at you but not making eye contact) and say she had fake knockers. I’ve known this bitch since the fifth grade…they’re real. Bitches be hatin’. Anyway…what was I saying? Katie has a nice rack, bitches be jealous, fake boobs…oh, right, fake boobs are much more commonplace nowadays and no longer qualify as ho’ status and are much more housewife status, so now the smack gets talked about bitches with butt implants. Yeah. Butt implants are a thing, but they haven’t evolved to the point where Ellis is unable to tell fake booties from the real deal.

Speaking of gonads, Ellis had to bro-down with Tiggie about foreskin again recently, and I’m not really sure why because I’m not a guy and I don’t have foreskin or know anyone with one, but it seems like it has something to do with rolling back foreskin and letting the top out to breathe, and cleaning, and….if you don’t do it the doctor is gonna cut off the foreskin and Tiggie may be five but he’s man enough to know that losing a bit of his genitalia doesn’t sound like that much fun. But it’s cool, cause Big Daddy J talked it out with him and got it all resolved. Tully hasn’t had to have the ‘Let it out or you die’ talk with Little Dude yet because Little Dude is still in diapers and Tully doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to encourage LD to stick his hand into his pampers, because he’s in the poop stage and LD would not be sticking his hand down the front of the diaper. Yup, that’s right, Little Dude is in the oh so wonderful stage where he wants to look at his own feces. Awesome. On to other kid-related things, Daddy Ellis got checked for taking his kids to the beach instead of taking them to school because too much of that slippery slope school ditching with Daddy could cause Devin to fall behind in her school work and no one wants that- although Ellis didn’t seem over concerned that Devin was missing out on making balloon planet solar systems. I don’t see why he should be all that concerned, I mean, I’ve kind of hated models of the solar system since they decided to make Pluto not-a-planet anymore. Fuck those guys, Pluto, you’ll always be a planet to me. School sucks. You know how much it sucks? It sucks so much that even Little Dude knows that it sucks, and he just turned 2. Tully talked about how he’s a man about it and doesn’t pitch a fit over going anymore, but he does give some lip and has to suck in the huffs that want to escape because he thinks that Daddy T is going to drop him off at sucky school and then go do awesome things all day. And that’s funny, cause it’s true. Ellis then talked about how he couldn’t pick his kids up from school until 6 last night because Obama was in town and the roads were all shut down and by the time he parked and got out of his car, he got checked by the cops when he went to walk up to the school. It was extra annoying because some homeless guy was singing 60s songs at the top of his lungs right in Ellis’ ear. But, Ellis did get some cool video for the Official Jason Ellis website, as well as for his IG, of Obama’s motorcade driving by and all’s well that ends well.

Except…well, except that people popped off on Instagram regarding Ellis posting his video of the motorcade and people need to calm the fuck down. Tully brings up that it truly is a good rule to follow to never talk about politics or religion in mixed company because it’s a slippery slope and so many people are crazy passionate about it, and so many other people get entirely too angry about it. And the people who get crazy angry about it aren’t crazy angry about whatever they’re talking about, they’re just angry people, and you are not gonna win a political argument with an angry person before they kill you for arguing with them. It’s not worth it. Just know, that if you get too ridiculous on Ellis’ instagram or twitter and start getting all racist, he’s going to report your ass until you get kicked off, because there’s no need for that you ignorant bastards. This snowballs into Wilson coming in to talk about the Freedom of Information Act and that everyone from the show should file the paperwork to request their files because it would be interesting and possibly funny to see who, if anyone, has one. Tully is pretty sure that he has one because he prank called the White House when he was a teenager. Cumtard thinks that there’s one about him because of what he googles and how it involves teenager problems and preteens…and I feel creepy just typing that here. I know I’m on a watch list somewhere. Why? Because I’m paranoid and of course they are watching me. Tully noticed that Cumtard rated his mood as ‘Shitty’ on the crank-o-meter and Cumtard says that it’s just because he woke up feeling shitty and couldn’t get high and read comics before work to get himself out of the funk and he’s been trying to psych himself out of it. Tully also notices that Ellis’ mood isn’t on the crank-o-meter and asks Ellis how he’s doing today, to which Ellis responded, “I was doing pretty sweet until I realized that no one cared’ and that made me laugh a lot. Clever fuck. Ellis tells Kevin that maybe he should knock up the pornstar that he’s banging because he and Tully are happy dudes and they have kids are are way happier with kids than without them. Tully reigns in that incredibly bad advice however, by telling Ellis that kids bring him joy which has staying power, but it’s not a good idea to have kids to make yourself happy, because having kids is fucking stressful.

Back from the first break Tully and Ellis are talking about Firenadoes, which you can, hopefully, infer, is what happens when you mix together fire and a tornado. Ellis wants to make a controlled Firenado and of course, there’s a caller who can help with that, and that may in fact be coming to an Ellismania 10 near you!!! You’re hired, guy. This turned in to talking about what Ellis should get tattooed on his dick, because of course he should have a Firenado dick, but really, it’s time for World’s Greatest Thursday!!! Because there wasn’t any time to do World’s Greatest Wednesday, it is going to be done today and the topic? Why, What is the profession that Hulk Hogan can get into so that he can be rich again? Of course. The Hulk Hogan problem was brought up last week, how Hulk is awesome but Hulkomania is so over and has been so over for a long time, and Hulk is hurting for dough because his wife divorced him, took all of his money, and got married to like a 17 year old or something. And that fucking sucks. So, Hulk Hogan needs a new job!!! Between taking calls, checking out twitter, and talking amongst themselves, they come up with the following options:

Ice Cream Truck Fleet
Hogan’s Heroes
Hogan’s Churros
Create a Hulk Hogan Mega Church
Direct Traffic in a small town/become a tourist attraction
Open An Adoption Center
Professional Beard for Lesbians
Bulk-O-Mania (bulk products shopping center)
Suburban Commando
Porn Star
Golf Announcer
New To Catch A Predator Host
Give Directions to Gun Shows
Phone Sex Operator
Become A Hair Club For Men-type Spokesperson

All super great and wonderfully funny ideas, and I have never called a phone sex line, but I would if Hulk Hogan were on it, because there is no one who could say no to that! Hubbs agreed with that sentiment and I think that’s where our votes were cast. What’s it going to be? I don’t know! We’ll find out later!!!

Back from the second break Christian is in the studio to do some New Music Thursday action where he is recapping 15 of the 238 newly released albums from the month of April (aka last month). They talk for a bit about how making music isn’t the most lucrative career that’s out there anymore and that even people that are making it big aren’t making it all that big unless you reach that super mega star status, and at that point you’re probably making less money on your music than you are on endorsements and whatever shit-clothing line you put out, whatever cologne/perfume you put out, etc. But, it’s also way easier for the everyman to put an album together, thanks to technology, so if music is really the thing in life that you have a hard on for, you can still go out and get a real job and have fun doing music in your spare time. Most notably, the best music that Christian played were anniversary editions of things that came out between 20 and 30 years ago, like Nas, the BeeGees, and Cindi Lauper (whom Hardcore had never heard of before and I think that is some straight up Hardcore bullshit, because I’m not that much older than him). They talk a bit about Nirvana and how depending on your generation, Nirvana means different things to you, such as: if you are Ellis/Christian Aged Nirvana is like meh, whatever, didn’t change my life, if your Tully Aged you think Nirvana is fucking epic, man, and if you’e Hardcore’s age you think that the best thing to come from Nirvana is Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters and you are part of the Tard Generation.

Rounding out the end of the show Tully tries to bring it back around to World’s Greatest Thursday, but they then get talking about the blurb for The Jason Ellis Show that is on It is not a good blurb. Ellis, Tully, Wilson, and Christian talk about the blurb, changing the blurb, and why it has to say more than just “The Future of Radio” but Ellis doesn’t want it to say anything other than that because any time they try and describe the show it comes off ridiculously cheesy and he hates that cheesy shit. Also, the picture has to go because it’s the picture from the first book and he hates that picture, has always hated that picture, and apparently hates the person who took that picture. Some callers offer some horrible and not so horrible but still bad suggestion, Ellis declared that Hulk Hogan should look into staring a Mega Church of Hulk Hogan to get rich again, and the show ended kind of abruptly.

Things we learned on the show today:

Bono and Johnny Depp run the same tinted glasses game

There’s SWAT level guys in the president’s motorcade and they are bloodthirsty and ready to murder you

Ellis wants James Hedfield to DM him on Twitter

Hedfield does not have a Twitter account

If Ellis were president he would have his personal chef make him the best grilled cheeses of all time

Cumtard is wearing the same cologne, Molecule, as TyPo

Free Range Chickens are chill as fuck

Monster Energy is never going to sponsor Ellis, but they sponsor Dingo, so that’s cool

Tully would rather be a free range chicken than a free range zebra

Pauly D is more famous at the Hard Rock in Vegas than Ellis is

Christian recommends checking out the new albums from Manchester Orchestra, Pop, and Cindi Lauper

The Pixies invented modern music, basically

Being a Radio DJ is not a good occupation for someone who really loves music

Who wouldn’t shop at Bulk-o-Mania?

Females would hate the nickname ‘Tommy Two Ton’ go figure

The Jason Ellis show- everything from Self-help to farts



Show Re-Cap for Monday 2/24/2014


The pee-pee fairy is real!

So there I was… listening intently to my favorite show when suddenly it dawned on me. “Hey! It’s Monday and I’m supposed to be writing a re-cap!” Cool story, huh? Yeah. Well don’t worry. I’m here! So first things first, the show is from that place where a lot of bimbos are kept, lots tan people (aka Mexicans) are running around, and everyone wears goofy sunglasses that way too large for their heads. Ellis is doing his best to fight the pee-pee fairy, you know – it lives in your underwear and steals the last drop of piss from your wiener. Tully just lives in denial to the pee-pee fairy because he wears really dark underwear, therefore never seeing the tell-tail signs of the pee-pee fairy or his skidmarks. Ellis saw his ex-wife cry in front of Katie. Tiger was getting weirded out about this half black, half white kid chasing him at Sky Zone or whatever trampoline world place they were at to celebrate his birthday. Ellis was busy blowing up balloons and making “blow me” jokes when he saw Devin, mommy, & grandma b-line it to the bathroom. Turns out there was some weird family issue with the aunt and it got pretty uncomfortable and a little tense. Ahhh, family. We’ve all got one. Well most of us do, unless your family is dead or didn’t want you as a child and left you by a trash can at a Walmart. What? Did I say something wrong? Break time!


Ready for training?

And we’re back! Joey Diaz is in studio and we’re talking about the smartest kid ever, who sold Girl Scout cookies outside of a weed dispensary. Joey thinks Ellis looks like the ultimate road warrior, this lead to Joey telling the story of how he knew the key grip or something from the Mad Max movies, which led into Dances With Wolves and failing eye sight as you age. What? You can’t see the connection? Joey recently quit smoking weed, now he just vaporizes it. A lot of it. If you’re familiar with him, you know he’s been a heavy weed smoker for a long time. No, I mean a heavy into weed. Like he out baked Doug Benson heavy. This is him trying to bring his lungs back into shape so he can really start seeing the benefits of jiu-jitsu. We got to hear about how CoCo used to carry around a machine gun and acquired a trunk load of cocaine and how he went to prison. Again, if you’re familiar with Diaz, he’s got more stories than Stephen King and almost all of them are pretty crazy. He kidnapped a dude in 1988, bumped into the dude again in ’94 and tried to apologize but as one might expect, it was accepted. He tried to friend the guy on Facebook, the guy wouldn’t accept his friend request and then a quarter of a century later, the guy calls up Joey on his podcast and finally accepted his apology. See? He’s got some pretty gnarly stories. He talked about the recently deceased Harold Ramis and how he got to have a short part in one of his movies and picked his comedy brain for a couple days. Basically, I could write on for days and days about all the entertaining stories and life this guy has lived, but I just don’t have that kind of time. Fuck, I think the Internet might even run out of 1’s and 0’s if I typed all that shit. So if you want more Joey, catch him on his podcast, catch him on The Joe Rogan Experience, catch him in movies, catch him on Twitter, Facebook, you can catch this guy in a lot of place – just Google him. Break time!


When shit gets outta hand, Bourne-Tard is ready to keep people in line.

And we’re back! Aussie News time with the suicidal reproduction of mouse like marsupials who fuck themselves to death. Time to start paying the price for the bets that were made on the UFC fights this past weekend. To revisit, Tully bet if Rousey lost, he’d drink his own pee, if McMann lost, Cumtard would have to drink his own pee. Rousey won – even though people think the fight was stopped too soon – so that’s sippin’ on some pizzurp time for Kevikins. Cumtard also lost his bet with Ellis since Cummins lost, so now Cumtard will eat normal shit for 45 minutes and then eat a vomit inducing onion. In other MMA News, Cyborg really wants to take out Rousey but feels like Rousey and Dana White are doing all they can to avoid that fight, which isn’t surprising to hear come from Cyborg. A lot of people would like to see that fight happen, but the odds are probably pretty slim that it ever will. Let’s face it, Cyborg isn’t the most well liked fighter, lots of claims of her roid use, she doesn’t want to fight at the champion’s weight, and many people think she’s never fought anyone as good as Rousey. In who gives a shit news, Hulk Hogan is coming back to the WWE, brother. Moto News with Mike Alessie’s incident with Broc Tickle, where Alessie straight up took out Tickle. That bullshit earned him a fine of $4,000 from the AMA and a bunch of hate from fans, riders, and pretty much everyone except his daddy. Break time!


Remember how much Jason Bourne couldn’t handle even smelling onions?

And we’re back! This time with Cowfucker News. Old, inside show joke? Nope. There actually was news about a cow fucking duo busted by a farmer. Now, piss drinking time – allegedly. And there we go. Ok, that was a bit anti-climatic, right? Well it should come as no surprise that this isn’t the first time Tard-Tard has been sippin’ on some pizzurp. So, the only way to remedy this is to put the shock collar on him and make him start eating the onion. Houston, we have vomit. Before he could even get a mouthful in, he started gagging and spitting. The best way I can describe the sound of what happened during the bit is to have you imagine a mentally challenged person fucking the tracheotomy hole of another person, in an insane asylum, while two Japanese chicks barf into bowls who then trade bowls, and begin to consume each other’s vomit, causing them to vomit the other person’s vomit back up, but they vomit the vomit into the tracheotomy hole while the mentally challenged person continue to fuck it. Did you cum yet? Wilson’s super happy about all this because he’s in the middle of trying to hire a new employee while all this is going on, which you just know makes the person looking for a job there, super excited about their potential future career there. And now I just have one final story for you before putting a ribbon on this bitch and calling it my gift to you.


Anyone? Yes? No? Just me?

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.” The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. “What happened!?” they cried. The husband said, “I’m not sure – I think maybe she choked.” Get it? Because he put his dick in her mouth. Instead of giving her oral sex. Get it? OH! (pee on you)

Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/16/2013


Frank’s dream is to re-make Miley’s Wrecking Ball video.

It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Time to wipe the shit off your lower lip and act like an adult in front your peers. It’s also time to pretend all those things you did on the weekend never actually happened. Wilson is still traveling that stinky shithole we all couldn’t wait to leave, going to Pink Floyd concerts, and getting terrible haircuts. Dingo is here though, he also left a stinky shithole, but he has lovely locks. Frank DeCaro came on the show right from the start, he has no hair, and I don’t think he has any plans to leave his husband’s stinky shithole. HEYOH! Frank has lost a child. In weight, not an actual child. He also went to Alaska and walked and stuff because he’s feeling more energized after dropping 30 pounds of homogenized fat. Ellis told Frank he’d send a boner picture to him if he lost another 30 pounds, Frank upped the bet by saying 40 pounds if there’s a tiny dribble of pre-cum on tip. I felt dirty and used just typing that. Dingo’s footsie coach in school said if you laid back and couldn’t see your pubes, you were overweight. This led the guys to think Dingo’s coach should likely be in jail, but he’s not. He’s still out there talking about pubes to young boys and his scientific method of measuring if you’re overweight or not. Speaking of pubes, Frank asked if Ellis had grown back his red pubes yet, Dingo quickly answered for Ellis – so what today must have been spa day for the two.


Rawdog at space camp.

Ellis is not a whale, but if he was a whale, he’d appreciate it if you didn’t steal his children from him. He also talked to Slash this morning and might have convinced him to come on the show again. Rawdog went to another hockey game with his girlfriend and they left about halfway through to meet up with his dad who was there covering the Emmy’s or some shit. Dingo made it sound like he was there watching them fuck in the crowd, but no. It was nothing like that. Everyone except Dingo thought the Mayweather vs Alvaraz fight sucked and El Diablo Blanco lost that fight, so who cares about the fight or what celebrities attended it. There was a shitload of talk about Justin Bieber because he was at the fight, but I completely blanked, I’m Bieber’d out. People died today after at least 1 gunman shot 11 other people at the Washington Navy Yard. There could be another gunman at large, deets are sketch, yo. So yeah, that sucks. Crazy shithouse people and their crazy asshole ways make for a crazy fuckhole of a world for the rest of us. Dingo has the Swiss Franc symbol tattooed on his arm for no apparent good reason other than his friend did it. Tully’s wife it totally dude friendly, they spent the weekend watching The Expendables 2, watching the Mayweather fight, and watching the Packer’s game – all of which was her idea. Apparently there’s a news story going around about Donald Schultz being charged with allegedly & illegally selling lizards.


Too much Bieber gives me a headache.

A little bit of dream talk. Dingo has dreamed a lot about having his teeth fall out and apparently that’s a pretty common dream, along with punching or running in slow motion in your dreams. Rawdog has dreamed a lot about falling and he wakes up just before he hits, like most children have dreamed. Tully recently dreamed about Justin Bieber and how they were old friends and they just wanted to get away from the crowds and go get a drink together, which should tell you something about Tully and scare the fuck out of you. And Ellis recently dreamed about his dad’s pale, dead body being wrapped in a sheet and in bed next to him. This lead into another fucking round of Justin Bieber talk. What. The. Fuck. I zoned out again because fuck that kid for being the topic of discussion not only once, but twice in an hour and half on the show I love. Thankfully the show went into break and stopped the Bieber shit.


A PSA should you have a need to collect your $1 million you won from a dice game.

We came from break with Hollywood news and I shit you not. And if I hear anything about Bieber, I’m going to make you all pay by scraping the recap and talking only about the potential presence of ancient aliens and Stonehenge. Some dude at a Beyoncé show pulled her off stage and into the crowd, she didn’t even give a rats ass. Ellis thinks Beyoncé is the greatest performer alive, Rawdog thinks Kanye is, and Dingo flipped the fuck out over the Beyoncé stance as he thinks Lady Gaga is the best, and Tully had to preemptively hush Dingo after he tried to hush him. So who is the greatest entertainer? I don’t fuckin’ know man, what the hell kind of loaded question is that? Carlos Santana crashed into a parked car in Las Vegas and he wasn’t even drunk, so it must have been a black magic woman. Hulk Hogan was in an accident, on a boat, and he had a boo-boo with some blood. Jaden Smith went on an anti-education tirade on Twitter, and clearly his 15-year-old ass smarter than everyone else’s so Stephen Hawking can suck it, man. P Diddy lost 1 million green backs to Rick Ross in a game of dice and he don’t give a shit about it, so suck his dick, bitch. Some chick born in America and is of Indian descent (dot, not feather) chick won the Miss America title and people are getting their white people underwear in a knot about it because they’re racist as fuck. Also, don’t read anything into that “dot, not feather” thing above, that was meant as a joke – you honky-ass cracker. HEYOH!


Kids? Sure! Love ’em! Taste great & less filling!

Rawdog is starting to make some changes to get in shape for his fight with Nick Swardson. What has he been doing to train? Lifting kettle bells again, cutting out a nugget or two from his diet, and forcing a green drink down every so often. Ellis has been provoking both Nick and Rawdog, so now Nick is looking to have Rampage or David Spade corner for him at EllisMania 9. This brought us to only second break in three hours because there’s too much show! This also brought me to mere minutes away from my gloriously shitty drive home in traffic, look at me go! No where. Insanely slow. Coming back, we had some clown news. First up, there are photos of a dude in Northampton freaking out people with his creepy clown behavior and nobody knows what the fuck is up his clown antics. Next up, you can hire a creepy clown to stalk and terrorize your children by sending them threatening texts and shit, what could possibly go wrong? And lastly, apparently the classic clown was a parody of the stereotypical Irish immigrants with big red noses and shitty clothes. Take that, ya drunken lushes! Only 3 breaks were taken today, showing that there sometimes truly is too much show and also showing how good the guys are. That’s a lot of radio without a break and isn’t easy to do. So shout out to the fellas for being sick cunts! I tried to call in as Jesus, stoked because he was the 47th caller. It turned out like shit, my phone kept cutting out, people couldn’t hear me and I couldn’t hear them. So sorry about that! But as The Lord, I’ma let you in on a little secret… How do I know the apostles were Mexican? There were twelve and they all traveled around in one accord. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/29/2012

Whatever life hands you, take it like a bitch.

Welcome friends, this is Monday’s re-cap and it’s going to feel so good once it slides it way into you, right to the top. Ellis spent the morning crying his eyes out after waking up super early in the morning and watching some sad-ass tear jerker of a movie called Evening. Hey, Dingo was on the show today, he’s horrible at guessing movies, thinks Helen Hunt is Meryl Streep, and they play retarded cows. Tully served Julia Roberts a coffee sometime in 1997, and no riots broke out – so that proves that Rawdog’s James Franco sighting at the movies doesn’t mean jack shit.  Did you guys hear about the rain that is falling and the wind that is blowing in the American north east? People are shitting their pants, I assume because they’ve never been near a tornado that appears out of no where and wipes the fucking earth bare. At least with hurricanes, you get tons of warning and time. If they tell you to evacuate, do that shit. Otherwise, you bust a deal, you face the wheel.

Thy hurled and blacked outeth.

Sounds like Bubba The Cum Sponge’s ex-wife might be the one who released the tape of her and Hulk Hogan slapping skins, or whatever. But I don’t give a shit and suggest that you should not give a shit either. Somebody got zapped by a guard at the Castle of Tom Cruiseland, and still, I do not give a shit. Some chick that Rawdog knows got mistaken for Zooey Deschanel looking to buy a house in Burbank – which according to Rawdog is pure completely not true. And you know what my thoughts are on that? Don’t care and neither should you. Rawdog (dressed as a ninja) went to a Halloween party with a blacked out Cumtard (dressed as a pirate) this weekend. Before that though, they stopped at Rawdog’s place so he could chat it up with his gay roommates hot friend, who happens to be a girl. The real story here is that Rawdog fell asleep at the party (what an animal), wakes up and finds Cumtard drunk as fuck playing tracks on YouTube and dancing with 2 other dudes. The rest of the story was that Rawdog and Cumtard go home, they stop at Rawdog’s so Cumtard can use the bathroom. The big bomb dropped in this story? Cumtard left the door open. What. The. Fuck. And that was shitty story time with Rawdog and Cumtard.

Wuurt, Wuurt, in de Buurt! Time for the Reverse Awards!

2012 Reverse Awards were announced today, with over two thousand responses tabulated, here are your winners!
Smallest Butthole award goes to: Joanna Angel
Best Podcast award goes to: Mad Scientist Party Hour
Smartest Virgin award goes to: Rawdog
Least Punchable Face award goes to: Rihanna
Most Alive Celebrity award goes to: Will Ferrell
Smartest On-Air Comment award goes to: Gabi Richmond
Person With The Least Heads award goes to: Rihanna
Least Rapey Celebrity Father award goes to: Michael Lohan
She’s Still Got It award goes to: Courtney Love
Band Of The Year award goes to: Neutral Milk Hotel
Athlete Of The Year award goes to: Travis Pastrana’s agent
Least Smelly Box award goes to: Linda Hogan
Most Human Looking award goes to: Shaun White
Best Reality Show award goes to: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Best Actor award goes to: Adam Sandler
Woman Of The Year award goes to: Nick Cannon
Man Of The Year award goes to: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Now to final calls, mostly about stripper poles. One big dude that called in, he’s large and he spins around on his stripper pole without it falling down – the one thing I really took for this particular call was that he’s the only one who ever uses it. The only one who ever uses it. Let that sink in. Big dude. Only one who ever uses it. That’s sad. There were more calls about what Ellis should get into next, as a physical hobby. We heard all sorts of suggestions, and pretty much all of them were shot down in a blaze of glory by Ellis. Oh, also, we came up with a great Halloween costume idea, but we’re having a hard time finding just the right amount of cottage cheese to wear in our thighs, ass, and arms to really look (pound for pound) like your mother. OH!

Hulk Hogan sex tape (History)

If you have been paying attention to gossip news lately, you’ve probably seen that the Hulk Hogan sex tape is becoming a major news item. The guys briefly discussed the sex tapes, Hulk Hogan, and Bubba a couple times before they left for vacation. Who’s lying? Is Hulk the victim he says he is?

Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/10/12

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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/11/12

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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/12/12

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In fact the guys talked about the rumor of a Hulk Hogan sex tape over 6 months earlier!

Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 3/7/12

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The sex tape is really all just superficial bullshit. What interests me is the people behind it. Namely Bubba and Heather. They have actually effected The Jason Ellis Show more than you might realize….

How so? Let’s recall the history between BTLS and Ellis:

Let’s set the stage. Back in 2005 Spike TV began to help promote the UFC. It was part of their strategy to provide a channel with programming for guys. In 2006 one of their new tv shows to begin taping was a program called “Wild World of Spike” starring Ellis and muay thai fighter Kit Cope. In addition, the UFC often promoted their events by inviting popular radio programs to broadcast from Las Vegas the day before a major fight. One of the radio shows chosen early on was The BTLS Show. Add up all those elements and you get: The BTLS Show, Ellis, Heather, Kit Cope, and Matt Hughes all in Vegas, live on satellite radio, on 8/26/2006 for UFC 62.

The BTLS Show, live in Las Vegas – 8/26/2006

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Ellis calls in to promote ‘Wild World of Spike’ – 1/5/2007

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So UFC fighter Matt Hughes choked out Jason, so what? Well that moment could be considered a (or the?) major catalyst that started Ellis’s interest in MMA and boxing. Soon after, Kit Cope began helping Jason get started in the gym. His boxing training lead to Ellismanias. Ellismanias lead to Fuel TV shows, a book deal, a bigger contract, etc. Besides Tony Hawk asking Ellis to join him on Demolition Radio, it may be one of the biggest turning points in Jason’s career.

Early fans of The Jason Ellis Show also may know that a ‘beef’ later developed between Jason and Bubba. That ‘radio battle’ carried on till Bubba eventually left satellite radio around December 2010. Ellis took that as a win and a big ego boost. He gained a lot of Bubba’s old fans and it, again, helped him gain that bigger contract. Shoebox began the trouble (anyone remember the name “Debbie Hernandez”?) but it was our good pal Gabe Rudiger that really got things stirred up.

BTLS flips out over Ellis – 6/11/10

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The Gabe Ruediger incident – 8/27/10

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Ellis/Andrea and Bubba/Heather divorced almost simultaneously in the fall/winter 2011. If you recall, soon after the two marriages dissolved Heather began following and tweeting to @ellismate. The tweets, and especially the fans that got involved by tweeting @Andreamate, caused serious issues. It got so intense that Ellis smashed the Macbook Dingo gave him as a birthday present and Jason almost quit twitter (Andrea wisely did).

Bubba divorce mention 10/10/11

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Heather Clem tweets Ellis – 12/5/11

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Fans cause drama between Andrea & Heather Clem – 12/13/11

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Ellis finally loses his temper, plans to close his twitter account and smashes his Macbook – 12/20/11

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Following those outbursts, The Jason Ellis Show has changed quite a bit. Although I suppose it’s up for debate, I would argue that after those events Ellis became more guarded talking about his personal life and has become noticeably less friendly with the fans/callers.