Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/17/2013

One of these guys had a catheter in his dick for 3+ years!

One of these guys had a catheter in his dick for 3+ years!

Thursday, star date: 1.17.2013 Would you want a man’s ass hanging on a wall in your home, if so, what would you do with it? Come on, you know what you’d do with it, don’t ya. You little dirty birdy. Tully is tired of his @possiblytully twitter name and is looking for something new. Before we could really get some suggestions going, a guest walked into the studio. Enter, Johnny Knoxville and him giving Ellis some praise and talking about he and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie The Last Stand. He also spoke of some past issues with fucking (people other than his wife) and the therapy he believes helps him with his issues. Knoxville also revealed that he didn’t really start jacking off until he was about 19 years-old, he tried at the ripe age of 14, but then dropped out for about 5 years. He wasn’t on very long, but was a good guest nonetheless. According to a doctor at Harvard University, us humans are infested with tiny versions of this spawn from hell.

It's fucking oozing ranch!

It’s fucking oozing ranch!

In little bitch news, some little 4 year-old girl had a mouth full of metal teeth for awhile like Jaws, the James Bond villain. Apparently she went in for a few cavities and came out a goddamned thug with major street cred, however, she didn’t want them shits so now she’s got her grill all fixed up like normal. In Australia news, this dude went to Subway and posted a picture of his 11 (not 12) inch sandwich, spurring others to measure their sandwiches, low-and-behold, nobody got a real fucking footlong from Subway. Speaking of sandwiches, some tranny named Eva Lin (?) that was in the studio had another tranny’s fist and arm in her ass, up to the elbow! Holy meatball sub, Batman! Next, it was time for a game called “Dick Chicken”, but first – we needed music for it. So the guys set forth making some nice tunes (containing no lame licks) to put everyone in the mood – or at least put Rawdog in the mood to be caught jerking off by his gay roommate. Basically, here’s how the game goes, the tranny pulls out her dick and starts to walk towards a blindfolded contestant. The contestant has to guess when to say “stop” before the tranny dick hits them in the face. Who lost? Rawdog, of course. And for losing, he got to put on lipstick and kiss Cumtard’s ass – like a lot.

This is how I like to picture you truck drivers listening to the show.

This is how I like to picture you truck drivers listening to the show.

Hollywood news time, Justin Bieber got another new tattoo, it’s Roman numerals for 1975 – for the year his mom was born. Skrillex had a birthday, with cake & candles & his hair on fire. Kourtney Kardashian said she’s super excited for her sister Kim to use her tits to feed both of their children. Britney Spears might be headlining in Vegas as hotel chains are in bidding wars to get her act at their shithole. Charlie Sheen is going to be a grandfather, from his 28 year-old daughter he had with some chick back in his high school days. Jason Statham might be ending his relationship with some stupid hot bitch, apparently he’s been partying it up and she’s mad at him for it. Michael Lohan said his daughter, Lindsay, is not a hooker – which is probably true, I’m sure she just fucks a lot. Jodie Foster made a speech at some awards ceremony and pretty much confirmed that she is indeed a lesbian, was anyone really surprised? Anyway, gay and straight people both found a way to have a problem with what she said and/or didn’t say. It’s kinda like your mom, nobody is ever satisfied with her, she’s just a cum receptacle. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/29/2012

Whatever life hands you, take it like a bitch.

Welcome friends, this is Monday’s re-cap and it’s going to feel so good once it slides it way into you, right to the top. Ellis spent the morning crying his eyes out after waking up super early in the morning and watching some sad-ass tear jerker of a movie called Evening. Hey, Dingo was on the show today, he’s horrible at guessing movies, thinks Helen Hunt is Meryl Streep, and they play retarded cows. Tully served Julia Roberts a coffee sometime in 1997, and no riots broke out – so that proves that Rawdog’s James Franco sighting at the movies doesn’t mean jack shit.  Did you guys hear about the rain that is falling and the wind that is blowing in the American north east? People are shitting their pants, I assume because they’ve never been near a tornado that appears out of no where and wipes the fucking earth bare. At least with hurricanes, you get tons of warning and time. If they tell you to evacuate, do that shit. Otherwise, you bust a deal, you face the wheel.

Thy hurled and blacked outeth.

Sounds like Bubba The Cum Sponge’s ex-wife might be the one who released the tape of her and Hulk Hogan slapping skins, or whatever. But I don’t give a shit and suggest that you should not give a shit either. Somebody got zapped by a guard at the Castle of Tom Cruiseland, and still, I do not give a shit. Some chick that Rawdog knows got mistaken for Zooey Deschanel looking to buy a house in Burbank – which according to Rawdog is pure completely not true. And you know what my thoughts are on that? Don’t care and neither should you. Rawdog (dressed as a ninja) went to a Halloween party with a blacked out Cumtard (dressed as a pirate) this weekend. Before that though, they stopped at Rawdog’s place so he could chat it up with his gay roommates hot friend, who happens to be a girl. The real story here is that Rawdog fell asleep at the party (what an animal), wakes up and finds Cumtard drunk as fuck playing tracks on YouTube and dancing with 2 other dudes. The rest of the story was that Rawdog and Cumtard go home, they stop at Rawdog’s so Cumtard can use the bathroom. The big bomb dropped in this story? Cumtard left the door open. What. The. Fuck. And that was shitty story time with Rawdog and Cumtard.

Wuurt, Wuurt, in de Buurt! Time for the Reverse Awards!

2012 Reverse Awards were announced today, with over two thousand responses tabulated, here are your winners!
Smallest Butthole award goes to: Joanna Angel
Best Podcast award goes to: Mad Scientist Party Hour
Smartest Virgin award goes to: Rawdog
Least Punchable Face award goes to: Rihanna
Most Alive Celebrity award goes to: Will Ferrell
Smartest On-Air Comment award goes to: Gabi Richmond
Person With The Least Heads award goes to: Rihanna
Least Rapey Celebrity Father award goes to: Michael Lohan
She’s Still Got It award goes to: Courtney Love
Band Of The Year award goes to: Neutral Milk Hotel
Athlete Of The Year award goes to: Travis Pastrana’s agent
Least Smelly Box award goes to: Linda Hogan
Most Human Looking award goes to: Shaun White
Best Reality Show award goes to: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Best Actor award goes to: Adam Sandler
Woman Of The Year award goes to: Nick Cannon
Man Of The Year award goes to: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Now to final calls, mostly about stripper poles. One big dude that called in, he’s large and he spins around on his stripper pole without it falling down – the one thing I really took for this particular call was that he’s the only one who ever uses it. The only one who ever uses it. Let that sink in. Big dude. Only one who ever uses it. That’s sad. There were more calls about what Ellis should get into next, as a physical hobby. We heard all sorts of suggestions, and pretty much all of them were shot down in a blaze of glory by Ellis. Oh, also, we came up with a great Halloween costume idea, but we’re having a hard time finding just the right amount of cottage cheese to wear in our thighs, ass, and arms to really look (pound for pound) like your mother. OH!