Show Re-cap For Monday 10/29/2012

Whatever life hands you, take it like a bitch.

Welcome friends, this is Monday’s re-cap and it’s going to feel so good once it slides it way into you, right to the top. Ellis spent the morning crying his eyes out after waking up super early in the morning and watching some sad-ass tear jerker of a movie called Evening. Hey, Dingo was on the show today, he’s horrible at guessing movies, thinks Helen Hunt is Meryl Streep, and they play retarded cows. Tully served Julia Roberts a coffee sometime in 1997, and no riots broke out – so that proves that Rawdog’s James Franco sighting at the movies doesn’t mean jack shit.  Did you guys hear about the rain that is falling and the wind that is blowing in the American north east? People are shitting their pants, I assume because they’ve never been near a tornado that appears out of no where and wipes the fucking earth bare. At least with hurricanes, you get tons of warning and time. If they tell you to evacuate, do that shit. Otherwise, you bust a deal, you face the wheel.

Thy hurled and blacked outeth.

Sounds like Bubba The Cum Sponge’s ex-wife might be the one who released the tape of her and Hulk Hogan slapping skins, or whatever. But I don’t give a shit and suggest that you should not give a shit either. Somebody got zapped by a guard at the Castle of Tom Cruiseland, and still, I do not give a shit. Some chick that Rawdog knows got mistaken for Zooey Deschanel looking to buy a house in Burbank – which according to Rawdog is pure completely not true. And you know what my thoughts are on that? Don’t care and neither should you. Rawdog (dressed as a ninja) went to a Halloween party with a blacked out Cumtard (dressed as a pirate) this weekend. Before that though, they stopped at Rawdog’s place so he could chat it up with his gay roommates hot friend, who happens to be a girl. The real story here is that Rawdog fell asleep at the party (what an animal), wakes up and finds Cumtard drunk as fuck playing tracks on YouTube and dancing with 2 other dudes. The rest of the story was that Rawdog and Cumtard go home, they stop at Rawdog’s so Cumtard can use the bathroom. The big bomb dropped in this story? Cumtard left the door open. What. The. Fuck. And that was shitty story time with Rawdog and Cumtard.

Wuurt, Wuurt, in de Buurt! Time for the Reverse Awards!

2012 Reverse Awards were announced today, with over two thousand responses tabulated, here are your winners!
Smallest Butthole award goes to: Joanna Angel
Best Podcast award goes to: Mad Scientist Party Hour
Smartest Virgin award goes to: Rawdog
Least Punchable Face award goes to: Rihanna
Most Alive Celebrity award goes to: Will Ferrell
Smartest On-Air Comment award goes to: Gabi Richmond
Person With The Least Heads award goes to: Rihanna
Least Rapey Celebrity Father award goes to: Michael Lohan
She’s Still Got It award goes to: Courtney Love
Band Of The Year award goes to: Neutral Milk Hotel
Athlete Of The Year award goes to: Travis Pastrana’s agent
Least Smelly Box award goes to: Linda Hogan
Most Human Looking award goes to: Shaun White
Best Reality Show award goes to: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Best Actor award goes to: Adam Sandler
Woman Of The Year award goes to: Nick Cannon
Man Of The Year award goes to: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Now to final calls, mostly about stripper poles. One big dude that called in, he’s large and he spins around on his stripper pole without it falling down – the one thing I really took for this particular call was that he’s the only one who ever uses it. The only one who ever uses it. Let that sink in. Big dude. Only one who ever uses it. That’s sad. There were more calls about what Ellis should get into next, as a physical hobby. We heard all sorts of suggestions, and pretty much all of them were shot down in a blaze of glory by Ellis. Oh, also, we came up with a great Halloween costume idea, but we’re having a hard time finding just the right amount of cottage cheese to wear in our thighs, ass, and arms to really look (pound for pound) like your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 7/3/2012

HHEEEYYYYYYYY MOTHER FUCKERS! I’m back, and here to tell you about this little show on the satellite radio called the Jason Mother Fuckin Ellis Show. To start off Jason is in this love triangle where some chick hit on him at Ellis Mania 7 and since then she has kept contact with him sending him seductive pictures and texts. Well after a delightful evening eating sushi, the fish not the pussy, he then later saw her again at the gym. With her boyfriend, the dude that Jason trains with. This is quite the situation as you might think. So Jason is worried that he might lose a friend over this crazy bitch and he is also worried that this crazy bitch might do crazy bitch things, which is what crazy bitches do.

Adam Sandler made some great movies and a lot of shitty movies. I like the “boobs on the head” one. If you got that reference then we are friends for life. The Bag Balm arrived so Jason is now fucking a can of dick healing goodness until his thunder stick is back in proper condition. Oh and don’t forget to wash the teets first. The EllisMania Bikini Contest sounds like it is going to be the event of the year. Fist is the Q&A, then the dunking contest, then the “Dude am I a Slut” live. Yer mum should enter, she is a sure winner for the Dude am I a Slut. She already won the Dude am I a Bush Pig contest. Wait, that’s not the end, I just couldn’t resist.

There’s more zombie news, does anyone give a shit anymore? I’m ready for the Mummy news, haven’t heard that one yet. New Music Tuesday was today, coincidentally. Kiss has a new song. Thought they died, Maybe not. Also heard from Tim McGraw. To be honest as a country bumpkin, I cried a little when I heard this steaming pile of manure. What the fuck ever happened to Don’t Take The Girl, Indian Outlaw, or Down on the Farm? This pop infused pile of shit made me cry for everyone that wears boots and has ever kicked a little shit. The death metal that was played featuring Tim Allen was pretty fucking awesome. There’s a new Death!Death!Die! song, and it’s free! Get it here! It’s awesome. OK, here is the correct link. Did you fall for it again? HAHAHA, okay of reals now,

It turns out that cats carry the parasite that make women crazy, I just thought they were born with it. Skin was in the studio today talking about hand jobs, lesbians, strap-ons, live porn shoots, and pizza. Apparently she and some Brazilian chick with “ass for days” did a Cum Challenge on and I missed it because I was at work and jacking off on the job site is frowned upon. Then there was final calls. They weren’t bad, could have been worse, like the time yer mum ate Mexican food for a week and then kept shitting so much that the donkey wouldn’t even fuck her, OH!

Yo quiero tu madre?