Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/31/2014


No dancing? Gotta cut Footloose!

Welcome to Monday’s recap, I’ll be your guide throughout today’s show. If you have questions, comments, or concerns, please just keep them to yourselves until the end of the recap – at which time you can shove them right up inside your mom’s gash. Ellis still doesn’t like the show intro, so he’s going to put on his Rachel voice and do it himself and show everyone how it’s done, but that’s later. Did you know Stevie Wonder grabbed onto both of Dingo’s forearms once? Pretty rad, right? Dingo also met another blind lady once, she swam in the ocean a lot and so now her friend ties a rope around her blind ass and takes her out to sea and starts with the “Marco, Polo” shit. What a mean bitch, right? Did you know Tully had cataracts as a child? His eyeballs were slowly turning to stone! Infinity pools, like magnets, nobody knows exactly how it works, where the fuck does the water go? When Ellis had a pool, he was in it all the time, having parties by himself with the birds, dogs, deer, and shit. Dingo couldn’t go to any pool parties there because his girlfriend at the time didn’t want him to even be around porn chicks. But Tully went to one of the pool parties, he totally hit it off with Sluggo and probably could’ve gotten some, but he exercised some self control and remained an honest, loving, faithful, husband. So remember how Ellis got his new bike, went to ride moto and his chain came loose & he hurt his ankle? He went to ride this weekend, some dude saw his fucked up chain & offered to tighten it for him. He goes to pick up the bike to put it on the rack so dude could tighten up his chain and bickity-bam! He pinched something in his back. Now he needs a backiotomy. Talk turned to a local park, where Dingo for some reason dropped the word “libary”, and Will has seen men in their “underoos” dancing on tables right out in the open and next to the kiddie park he likes to hang out in. I don’t know if someone should call someone or what, but that felt weird just to type. The thing to remember here? Don’t walk your kids past The Abbey unless you’re ready to have “that talk” with them. Talk continued from both sides about whether or not nearly naked people dancing in their underwear should be allowed to do that next to a park, and the other hot button topic – Grenade Gloves customer service. After an hour of this, we get our first break.


That first time as I child when you see an amputee.

Back from the break and Kelly Osbourne laughing about Ellis shaving his arms is still on Ellis’ mind. But fuck it, he’s gonna continue to shave. A man chopped off his own hand with a homemade guillotine and is threatening to amputate more body parts unless doctors amputate his arm as well. Wilson met a fan of the show who lost his hand due to combat injuries and he shook his left hand, but he’s not sure what’s the appropriate protocol was. Was he supposed to bump elbows, as suggested in the green room? Does he bend down and kiss the nub? Handshakes. How do they work? Tully knew a dude whose brother was the Boston Strangler, so to thwart that awkward moment when people would find out who his brother was, he’d just lead off with “Hi, my name is ‘Matt’ and my brother is the Boston strangler.” That’s one hell of a power move. Wilson thinks that’s the equivelent of meeting someone in the bar with, “Hi, my name is ‘Matt’ would you blow me?”  Clearly, Wilson is still thinking about the park across from The Abbey. A caller got a surprise when he went to shake hands with someone and next think he knew, he was shaking hands with a man sporting crab hands. Does Jetta like wheels? He must think they’re a little important because he claims they transport coal across the country. I’m calling bullshit on that. Also, Jetta will be spinning the wheel-of-doom soon, so that’s something to look forward to. In the meantime, it was time to name some new Wolfknives. I don’t normally mention any of the names because it’s too much to keep track of, but “Blow Gay Simpson” is a pretty fucking amazing name, given by Tully of course. We salute you Blow Gay Simpson!


Shitty moto news? Deal with it.

Moto News time and Supercross was in St. Louis this past weekend. James Stewart won for the third consecutive time. Points leader Villopoto came in second and Barcia came in third. Alessi got a shot in the hole and quickly slipped into his second hold with no Tickle time. Ellis is sticking with his prediction of an overall Villopoto win for the season and blah, blah, blah. Sorry, I’m not as good at Moto News as Dingo so I’m just going to stop. Oh. I forgot to mention that Danny Kass has asked a couple times if Death! Death! Die! would play at the Grenade Games, sounds like Ellis and Tully are all for it. Ellis wants him and Dingo do some sweet moto jumps with Dingo, over my sweet Tully, making for a sweet picture. No lame jumps and no lame licks. Time for a game, “Finish the phrase” and it’s about umm, finishing the phrase. Dingo did horrible and surprising, Ellis didn’t do so bad. Regardless, here are a few of the gems:

Dingo: Absinthe makes for a fun night out with your friends.
Ellis: Absence makes for a lonely vag.
Answer: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Dingo: Armed to the future!
Answer: Armed to the teeth.

Dingo: What kind of horse was it? I would normally say eyes. In it’s plastic wrapping?
Answer: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Dingo: Long in the nose. Wait, long in the face!
Answer: Long in the tooth.

Dingo: Your eyes are bigger than life.
Answer: Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.

Dingo: Hold your feet to the bone. Hold your feet to the sky.
Answer: Hold your feet to the fire.


Coming up next, TeenWorf.

Dingo: In the country of the blind, Stevie Wonder’s partying.
Ellis: In the country of the blind, everyone is Michael Jackson.
Answer In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Dingo: A flash in the dark is worth two in the bush.
Ellis: A flash in the hand is worth two in the bush
Answer: A flash in the pan.

Dingo: Cut the fat off.
Ellis: Cut the cloth off Jesus.
Answer: Cut the mustard.

We went to break and next thing we knew, Christian and TeenyWolfy Posey were in studio to help come up with a new Death! Death! Die! song for Posey to be a part of. Fans called in and tweeted some lyrics to try and help, which is always a fun time, and that closed out the show – which ran long, past where anything would be recorded – but that’s alright because the professionals took notes and can handle the rest. After all, they have #1’s on the charts, just like your mom has #1’s in her mouth to make ends meat. OH!



Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/18/2012

You gonna masturbate with that bleeding cock or what?

You gonna masturbate with that bleeding cock or what?

HOLY SHIT Y’ALL! WHO FARTED? Hahahahaaa! Man, I’m a killer. Anyways, let’s all just calm the fuck down for a second here and remember, it’s Tuesday, and we’ll never forget! At least until Friday, actually, maybe tomorrow, I promise. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Terrifying wasn’t it? Yea, you betchya. Ellis was in a Soundgarden video this morning, doing things and stuff. He also smashed his head and it left a mark. Turns out it was from a dildo – that’s right, a dildo related injury to the dome is how you know your life is headed in the right direction. Rawdog had a sex related injury once, his girlfriend got on top of him the wrong way and I assume he got that weird boner pop that don’t feel too good. Some MMA fighter broke his dick too, poor motherfucker had to get dick stitches too. Cumtard, the rolling rave machine, squeezed his dick so hard to stop himself from pissing that he pinched the tip of his off. Who scalps their own dick? Queue the callers, all with dick injury pecker wrecker stories, and if you’re a male listener, you spent the majority of the time cringing. Maybe today should be exploding dick awareness day? 12/18/2012 Never forget!

A wreath of Franklins...get it?

Speaking of celebrities… A wreath of Franklins…get it?

Instagram terms of service has changed and everyone is going ape shit. Basically, they can use your username and photos, sell that shit and give you no duckettes in return. This isn’t anything new among the larger social media websites, Facebook, Four Square, etc. all have terms of service that are very similar, your shit is not private, if you want full privacy, don’t upload content to social media websites. Or, you can just do whatever Pink decides you should do. Some dude that hacked Scarlett Johansson’s phone and leaked nude photos of her got 10 years in the clink. “Flocka Claus” is a thing on Twitter. Donald Trump won a $5 million dollar judgement against an ex-Miss USA contestant. Charlie Sheen donated like $75k to some girl with cancer, so Stevie Wonder donated $100k and then sang to her, just to fuck with Sheen. Tom Cruise has specified zones for his house staff, they can’t just go walking all willy nilly through his crib. They also had to pass a bunch of tests and shit, which isn’t crazy at all, nope, not at all. Lindsay Lohan has asked friends to start sending letters to a judge in an effort to make her look not so fucking stupid. Cameron Douglas, son of Michael Douglas, got his leg broke on a $100 bounty or some shit while serving time in the slammer for dealing meth and shit.

Last minute gift ideas for mom or Rawdog? We got you covered!

Last minute gift ideas for mom or Rawdog? We got you covered!

Moscow’s own super racist, anti-gay soccer fans want an all white, non-gay team to represent their community, and they also say they are not racist. New video today of Doing Stuff with Rawdog, where he tries to do an ollie on a skateboard, you can go see that tomfoolery on if you want. NMT year’s end round-up version today, being that this is the last Tuesday in this year of our Lord Wolfknives 2012. There’s also a new blog where Rawdog will be posting NMT playlists and writing other things for about a month or so before he gets bored with it and moves on to something else. To be honest, even though this was one of the shittiest years in music, it was also the best NMT we’ve heard in awhile. I think mainly because I’ve heard most of the songs on today’s list, or maybe it’s because we got to hear the guys’ and friends of the show favorite songs from 2012. Things got so exciting that Burger Ellis pissed on Big Daddy Jayce Cake’s jacket! Consider it payback for the broken leg. Fuck it, I’m done. Great news! Your mom won the “Classiest Lady In The Hood 2012” award when I overheard her say, “What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle with sand.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/17/2012

It’s mother scratchin’ Tuesday – TJES is still in New York, and Ellis was on Stern today (listen to it on CobraTits’ site). Towards the beginning, Robin questioned how “awesome” and genuine Ellis really is about believing he’s awesome, he seemed to get a bit defensive about it. It was a little awkward but the interview moved on. Again, the interview contained a lot of discussion on his ex-wife, rehab, being molested by his father, skating, the threesome he had yesterday, etc. Basically all things most fans of Ellis have heard before. The more interesting part was when Stern and Ellis started talking about skateboarders being on America’s Got Talent. They disagreed pretty heavily about what real skateboarding is and who real skateboarders are, compared to what you might see on America’s Got Talent. At the end of the discussion, Robin got another dig in about Ellis not thinking he’s “awesome”. She actually came off a little cunty, there’s definitely a weird chemistry between her and Ellis.

Another interesting piece they talked about was Katie (@UnderwearWolf), and how while they were banging, she stuck her fingers in her ass and started playing with Ellis’ dick – that’s some pretty gangster fuck maneuvers. There were other details, but none that were really as interesting as the “poke the pecker that is in my pussy via the fingers in my asshole” trick. As the interview moved on, Stern kind of acknowledged that he’s not going anywhere, he likes his job. Ellis thanked him for paving the way for that type of radio, Stern told Ellis he should thank Robin and Fred as well – this is when Ellis had his opportunity to get a dig back at Robin by saying he would thank Fred, he said nothing about Robin. As they talked about both Stern and Ellis going through therapy to help better themselves and their relationships, Robin got another dig in by saying something similar to “how can you change yourself when you’re already awesome?”, to which Ellis replied “I’m not going to tell a girl to fuck off.” That’s pretty fucking funny, I don’t think there’s a real issue between Robin and Ellis, but it does seem clear that they play the “bickering back and forth” roles pretty well. Well enough that deep down, one might think there could really be some true tension there. However, Ellis said that during one of the breaks, he walked up to Robin’s window and basically everything was cool and they both like each other. Insert interracial hug scene here.

Holy shit, we’re already balls deep in this post and all we’ve talked about so far is his interview on Howard Stern and Katie’s hole play! Ellis was also on Raw Dog Comedy today, but that thing is filled with commercials and breaks to comedy bits. Nothing really important or exciting happened during the interview so we’ll just talk like cops and say, “move along, nothing to see here.” Rawdog (the boy legend) made it to the show today, unscathed, unharmed, and unadulterated. His whole Coachella story went like this: On his way to Coachella, forgot his wrist band, went back to get it, came back to the show, scarfed down a pot brownie so he didn’t have to try and sneak it in, ran to see the last 10 minutes of one of the bands he wanted to see, went and got himself a snack of chicken fingers, watched more garbage bands that make garbage music, got sleepy, went to leave, couldn’t find his car, spent 3 hours looking for his car, he’s chilly and tired now, talked to staff hoping for suggestions on what to do, talked to a supervisor, supervisor says talk to the police, cop asks if he’s a moron and just lost his car or if they should fill out a report, he didn’t know, hung out for another hour waiting to fill out a report, he never fills out the report because he thought he would try to look again in the morning, cab shows up to take him to a hotel/motel, cabbie was all like “hey shitbird, all these places are gonna be full because of Coachella”, finds a shithole at 5am to stay at, gets back up a few hours later, drives through the lots on a golf cart looking for his car, can’t find his car and finally, officially reports his car stolen. And the props for Big Fucking Mega-Boat as well as The Woodsman were in the back seat of the car, so that shits long gone.

Fuckin’ hell man, I hope you’re taking a dump while reading this, or doing something where you’re comfortable, because this post is quickly becoming longer than Suge Knight’s wrap sheet. HEYOH! They played some of the music Rawdog was so into while at Coachella, and as expected it was like making love to yourself and swallowing the glitter load you shot. Rawdog shaved his boy beard yesterday, so now he looks younger than ever. Tully came out with another gem on the show today, “well punch my cock” which can be used in a myriad of situations really. I think that’s about it, the rest was general chit-chat and such, not to mention I’m just about worded out from doing this mega-fucking-slap-you-on-the-balloon-knot post. And finally, what’s wet, stinks, and is covered in piss? I mean besides Stevie Wonder’s bathroom floor. Your mom! OH!