Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/6/2013

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Best homeless titties in hobo land?

It’s Dingo Monday, but first, whose still shitting their pants after yesterday being Stinko de Mayo? And no, that pun has nothing to do with Hellmann’s mayonnaise, George Lopez, or the Titanic. Anyway, the most valuable thing that Ellis came away with this weekend is you’re only as good as the company you keep. The Ellis children reminded him to call his brother, Lethal Lee, who he hasn’t talked to in awhile. Apparently, the only thing Lee regrets is giving up his moto career after he had gotten hurt, he feels like he’s already peeked in his life and his brother hasn’t. But he goes to work and comes home to hang out with his children, making him a super dad. Ellis went to go riding moto on Sunday with Katie and the kids, found out that Katie’s bike had been left on, leaving the battery completely dead. Then he and Katie had a lover’s quarrel, got to the track and there’s an event going on, it’s packed as shit, and it costs $100 per person to get on the track. Tiger’s bike wouldn’t start, took it to the store and they couldn’t get it started either, and there’s how you kill about 4 hours of your day without even riding moto at all. Dingo’s Sunday was much better, drinking lots of beer and tequila and spraying champagne all over the place. i_like_what_i_seeRawdog had a date on Friday, they went to see 2001: A Space Odyssey, which got his panties dripping wet. No blow jobs, no fingering, no nothing. He thought the date went well, called her the next day to ask her out again, got her machine and never heard back. So he called that chick from Friday’s show to go out, she took him to a gay bar with dude’s in their underwear dancing in a conga line. And then he got a blowjob, came, titty fucked her and blew another load! Later in the show, during “DP talk”, she said she’d show Rawdog what DP was! Then today, bitch that never called him back, called to apologize for not calling back and to say that she had a great time & wants to go out again. Are we seeing a new Rawdog? Will it last? Time will tell. While on the topic on blowing loads and titty fucking, Rawdog’s Nana and Papa just recently celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary, so that’s pretty legit!

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Mr. Balls loves the children!

Hey kids, an antibiotic resistant strain of gonorrhea may be the new AIDs! Basically, you could go into septic shock and could kill you within days. It started in Japan (surprise) and has now spread to Hawaii, California, and Sweden, so be on the lookout for that coming to a whore near you soon! Brazil is fighting testicular cancer with a new mascot, his name is Mr. Balls! Speaking of balls, Dingo was trimming over the weekend and clipped his balls right on the zipper and it was dangling a little bit and he cut it off with a pair of scissors! This spawned a conversation about trimming versus going completely bald in the ball area, sounds like Dingo is still going bald while the majority of the world is trimming. This conversation then morphed into how gay-friendly and/or how gay each person on the show is, Dingo’s about 10%, Ellis is about 30%, and Tully might be reaching for the stars as he’s cried while talking about Morrissey to his wife. PETA is mad (what else is new?) that Governor Chris Christie squashed a spider in front of school kids. Which begs the question, how do you feel about zoos? Which begs another question, is it gay to have two dicks in one hole? Maybe, I mean, the balls are typically touching at some point. Here’s where we get another bombshell dropped on us, Rawdog says at some point, the two dudes’ butts are touching, proving that he knows that “DP” stands for “double penetration”, but doesn’t know that it means one in the pink, and one in the stink. To explain and show DP to Rawdog, Dom came into the studio to play the female, while Dingo was in his pussy and Rawdog was in his ass. So, let’s review, what did we learn? That Ellis has a DP buddy! Will we ever get to know his name? Has he been on the show? Maybe this will be something to be autographed in the upcoming book that someone can win? Once again, only time will tell.

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I recommend that you don’t. You could get in big trouble!

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Yea, she hasn’t done coke much. Naw, not much at all.

Could this Western Australian rugby player, Nick Cummins (aka  “The Walloby Winger” aka “The Honey Badger”) be the most Australian person ever? Survey says, YES! Ellis Jeopardy was up next and last time Rawdog won, let’s find out who brought their “A” game for today’s game. Turns out, I don’t know who won. What I do know is that Dingo’s cheese has slid off his cracker, I don’t even know where he pulls his responses from. He managed to get at least 1 question correct, which is typically a big deal for him. It was fantastic! Moto news, Ryan Villopoto won his shit this past weekend, Ryan Dungey came in 2nd for the weekend and 3rd overall, and Davi Millsaps came in 3rd for the weekend but I’m not sure of his overall standings. But you know who does know? The Internet, so go look that shit up if you really wanna know. Hollywood news, and once again, stupid people love to gossip about Lindsay Lohan. This time she says she’s only done cocaine less than a handful of times, which does not explain her looking worse than her mother or the fucking crypt keeper. Anyway, who cares, she’s a fucking has been and I don’t understand how anyone has any kind of interest in her. This led us into 45 minutes of NBA talk with Tully by himself! Ellis had to split to go pitch TV shows and Rawdog knows nothing of the NBA so he hit the bricks as well. While I’m not a huge NBA fan, it was great to hear none the less. If you’ve ever had a chance to catch Tully on Hair Nation, you’d know he definitely has the ability to do good radio by himself. The big difference this time? He gets to take calls from the fans to discuss topics such as: Is everyone watching the playoffs for no reason because the Heat will win? Even though everyone on the Bulls is getting a spinal tap, they could probably still beat the Heat, nobody is sure how to pronounce Tom Thibodeau – not even him – because he’s a mentally challenged person, Blake Griffin is kind of a piece of shit cry-baby whose only interested in getting his dunks on YouTube and Reggie Evans has his number, the Clippers are a big piece of shit and the Lakers will be too. And if you missed any of that, well tough shit – and you missed probably most of the smartest final callers (minus the tree hockey moron) you’ve ever heard at that hour. Also, I’m definitely not reviewing all that from the last 40-45 minutes of Tully’s NBA talk. There was so much information and minutia that I could fill an entire post just on those 40 some-odd minutes. But once again, Tully proves he can carry his own weight – even with no one in the studio with him, to fill a radio show. I hope this was just one of many times we get Tully hour and hopefully it helps to prove that an Ellis Channel could potentially work. And work well. You know who else works and works well? You sister. She learned it all from your mother and from what I know and have heard, she’s got them whore skills. Remember that time your sister had to take a shower with you and her butt accidentally hit your wiener and you two experimented with each other? Yea, that makes both of you fucking deranged sickos. OH!

The Jingleberries Will Make You Famous, Or Look Fucktarded (Part 4)

Remember when The Jingleberries put out a call for recordings? Well, we’re doing a 4th round that we can send off for The Jingleberries to work their magic on, while we sit back and hope it gets played on the air. Like these previous rejoins!

Allegedly Official Awesome Original Shawshank Redemption

Women of EllisFam Rejoin

There was another rejoin that made the cut, but we don’t have a recording of it. If you do, please send it to us!


Round 4

Fuck Your Face (by: emilyinSD)

Welcome Back (by: tank_yanker)

Get The Cock Off Your Chest, Motherfucker (by: tank_yanker)

Urinal Dream (by: AZ_RedDragon)

Testicles (by: serutti)

Get Out (by: sharkchucker)

Sarcastic Moment (by: sharkchucker)

Short Bus (by: sharkchucker)

A Book Story (by: sharkchucker)

Barrel of Monkeys (by: Scarlet_Kitty)

Special Feelings (by: Scarlet_Kitty)

Dirty Barry (by: bitPimps)

Smack Em Yack Em (by: bitPimps)


Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/22/2013

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Oh, gee! Look at the time, it’s time for “Doin’ butt stuff with Mr. & Ms. X”

Hey, it’s Earth Day today! Did you buy the Earth a cake and smash it into the fucking ground? Have you made-out with a tree today? Get some of the bark, baby! Ellis was recently in a cloud of doom, but not any longer, so he’s happy to be here – loud as shit and everything. Rawdog’s vagina ears were hurt, but Tully loves it loud (did you catch his Kiss reference?) and so does Dingo. Would you bang a chick with a vagina on her neck? Would you wear a condom? Dingo saw Swollen Members over the weekend and heard the Red Dragon song live. Ellis has a new friend, Mr. X. Not to be confused with Rawdog’s friend, Mr. X. No, no. This is a totally different Mr. X, and he’s not gay or anything, but he’s done some butt stuff lately. He has a high pressure hose thing, where he can give himself an enema in the shower. The first time Mr. X had tried giving himself an enema, Ms. X was there to help give pointers and a log shot out and hit the deck, causing Ms. X to start laughing. This time, Mr. X kept pushing all kinds of stuff out and was starting to get worried that he might be over-enema’ing (?) and jamming stuff down the shower drain with his foot when he noticed some things aren’t going down the drain. It was pineapple because Mr. X really enjoys pineapple. Ellis had the mermaid party over the weekend and it sounds like it went pretty well – Will’s older son got busted looking at Katie’s ass. Do you believe in life after death? Do you think you’d be happy in the afterlife? Would you need an energy drink? Who knows, what we do know is that while you’re in the life that you have, you gotta go hard in the paint and enjoy as much of it as you can. I guess Adam Carolla said awhile back that women aren’t that funny or as funny as men. That’s nothing new, people have been saying that for a long time so I’m not sure why this was a major point of discussion in the media.

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Whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.

reese_withoutherspoonA.J. Clemente. What? You haven’t heard of him? Maybe because his very first appearance on NBC North Dakota TV reading the news, he dropped a “gay fuckin’ shit” live on the air and got fired for it. He was actually trying to pronounce the name of the winner of the London Marathon, “Tsegaye Kebede.” Tully choked hard on the Steampipe Alley TV show when he was 9-years-old, once he saw his face on TV, he forgot how to spell “elected” and bombed out and didn’t get to win his Merlin or whatever kick-ass toy he wanted. Rawdog told the story of the first time he was on radio in college at 5 AM, reading old time radio shows like Flash Gordon, Batman, and Superman. A long time ago, they actually played some clips from that time on the show and holy shit was it hard to listen to, hence the 5 AM slot. In MMA news, Benson Henderson beat Gilbert Melendez, and then Melendez proposed to his girlfriend during a chorus of “boos” from the Melendez-friendly crowd. Daniel Cormier beat Frank Mir and Josh Thomson knocked out Nate Diaz. Moto news, Ryan Barbota (as Dom calls him) Justin Barcia (as the rest of the world calls him) won some shit and other people did not. And that’s all the exciting coverage we can handle, so let’s move on. Dom news, sounds like there were quite a few fans of the show that hate his talk into the cup Lil’ Bane voice. So he was ordered to call into the show via the VIP number instead to see if his voice is any less annoying, I’m guessing to the people who don’t like him, it wasn’t. At least until he called back in with his I’m Batman, drunk and on pills voice, which I don’t see how you couldn’t think it was fantastic. Will “vagina knees” Pendarvis is on crutches from his hard in the paint tactics during the crew’s Friday morning basketball game. Hollywood news time, Reese Witherspoon and her husband got arrested for DUI and she tried to play the celebrity card, it didn’t work. And not to be outdone, Tara Reid had a meltdown while shopping because she couldn’t get a discount. Snoop-Lion-Dogg’s 420 festival got shut down, not for weed smoking but for licensing or some shit. Star Magazine has a list of celebrities people hate, that’s neat (sarcasm). There was a bunch more Hollywood news but I don’t remember most of it, I was driving and watching a little fender bender in front of me. And that’s it for news today, who really wants a shitload of news on Monday anyway, right?

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Ok, I lied, it’s not going to be alright as long as this exists.

Some dude that fell off a ladder 9 years ago and was paralyzed from the chest down, discovered that he gets orgasmic feelings when he sucks his thumb. It’s generally assumed that he spends a lot of time sucking on that digit. Mitch Fatel came on the show today with his wife, apparently they’re almost swingers, but he doesn’t let her sleep with other dudes yet, but that might be over now that she’s seen Dingo’s luscious locks. Mitch and his wife seemed to take a real liking to Ellis and especially Katie so maybe there’s a hook-up there to be had. They sound just as adventurous for the most part, with the licking of stripper’s asses and such. Oh, and apparently they’re in the process of trying to do a show about all this and more for A&E, which seems odd because this certainly isn’t like Duck Dynasty or whatever. Here’s his “candy cane” joke about bloody vagina, and if you were listening to the show, he doesn’t really talk like David Blaine’s more effeminate brother. Greatest guitar riff time, weeding through the rest of the Sweet 16 to complete the list of Elite 8. And here they are:
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  • Guns N’ Roses
  • AC/DC
  • Led Zeppelin
  • Jimi Hendrix
  • Dire Straits
  • Queen
  • Slayer
  • Slayer

That’s no typo, sisters! Slayer has two different songs in the contest, showing just how badass they are. And there you have it, your Elite 8 for the Greatest Guitar Riff of All-Time. So goes another mega, cram packed too much show and a mega, cram packed too much re-cap. I know, you’re thinking, “what’s the deal with all the fucking images in today’s post?” My answer to that is, I don’t know man. I was just feeling it and decided to put them in. Besides, everyone loves good images. No? Well shit, sorry then. I guess too many images is a lot like being a pedo, it’s hard to fit in. HEYOH! Oh, come on. Now you’re gonna be upset about that joke? It’s not like someone said the brighter side of the marathon bombings is that the Paralympics just got a bunch more competition. Shit. Okay, sorry about that one. I’m just digging a bigger hole here. Well, let me just close it out proper, I just want to make you all laugh and enjoy reading all this. A new golf course opens in town. It’s rather shabby, and business starts off slow. The owner, taking matters into his own hands, builds three robots to help tidy the place up. For the next week, the place is impeccable; word spreads and people come from all over to try out the new course. Most customers love it, but there’s one complaint: the robots are too shiny, and they sometimes reflect sunlight into the golfers’ eyes when they’re trying to swing. To solve this problem, the owner paints the robots black, thinking it will be a quick and easy fix. The next day, two of the robots don’t show up to work and the third robs a convenience store. OH!

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What? This how we say “I love you” here at NYA.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013

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Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

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Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.

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Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!