Who loves ya? That’s right, I do! Who puts the lotion in the basket? That’s right, you do! So if you were listening to Faction previous to the show, you might have caught a quick replay of the show, specifically the “Horse Force” bit. Why did they play that just before the show? Because it’s going to be a topic on today’s live show. Everyone still with me? Great. Let’s begin. Why does the voice of the listener on the phone sound so dumb? Because dumb people have free time to push buttons on their phone, so they get through to the show. The couch Grant Cobb made is full of bad spirits, it’s causing havoc on the show. Ellis wanted to watch the hockey game on Sunday, but by the time he did, it was over. Ellis is now like Eminem in 8 Mile, where he flips off the Free World crew and says “Fuck the Free World” – only with Ellis is doing that with Game of Thrones because the last episode killed off some dude he likes. Dingo knows Miami will be winning the NBA championship this year, and if anyone knows, it’s Dingo. So we all know how much Ellis has been trying to get Devin into moto and she just wasn’t having it. He pulled the old switch-a-roo and took her bike to go trade it in on a 4 wheeler for her, which she seems to be loving. BOOM! Moto family achievement unlocked. Not to be outdone, Tully’s wife went to Target and bought some flip flops. BOOM! Flip flop achievement unlocked. Quick Moto News, Villopoto is not racing and could be saving himself to make a run at being the GOAT so he can finally work on getting drunk and fat. Dingo got to see a private screening of 22 Jump Street, he said it was great. He also saw A Million Ways to Die in the West, he said it was good but he walked out. He also said he walked out on 21 Jump Street when he saw it in the theater. So what have we learned from all this? Dingo walks out on at least 2/3rd’s of the movies he goes to see. Tully and his wife once sat right next to Seth MacFarlane while he was out on a date. He said the chick seemed like a gold digging bitch without the package to back her up, she wasn’t that good looking and seemed really annoying. So what have we learned from that? Seth doesn’t appear to be plowing hot Hollywood poon and nobody knows why not.
So what was up with the Horse Force replay before the show today? Because Ellis wants a t-shirt designed for it, and if the show gets really, really big – he thinks they should make a cartoon of it. They talked about who would be what kind of horse, each horses special gift, and any weaponry they might use. This went on for a good hour, kicking around all kinds of ideas for Horse Force. I’ll be a god damned monkey’s uncle if Bob McKenzie didn’t call into the show today. You may remember him tweeting Ellis during Friday’s show, saying he was listening in his tunnel up in Canadaland. Who the fuck is this Bob fellow, you ask? He’s a longtime Canadian hockey commentator. It’s pretty funny to think that he listens to the show and even funnier to think about him becoming a Wolfknives member. Wilson punched Ellis in the face today! Not like just decked him at work or anything, he went to the gym with Ellis to start getting ready for EMX. He wore shorts and took his shoes off and everything. A woman in Virginia was arrested for running an illegal strip club out of her house. Police found out when someone called the police to complain about the price of drinks, a whole $2 each. Tim Kennedy stopped into the studio, he’s a professional MMA fighter and special forces operator. He had two fights against Mayhem Miller, winning one and losing one, he called the fights fun and it sounds like he wouldn’t be against another one for final supremacy. He participated in halftime push ups, he called out Tully for doing halfies, and then he did 1 extra because he can. According to Tim, Bisping has an English midget in his entourage who was constantly trash talking him. He was an entertaining guest and clearly still has his wits about him. He also mentions Chael Sonnen has great hair, with Kenny Florian coming in second, and he is not turned on in the least by female fighters.
Hey. Some lady had her baby on the train of her wedding dress. I’m not sure how that’s news, but if you’re inclined to do so, you can find the story on the lines. Ellis says if he ever gets married again, he wants it to be on a pirate ship with just his wedding party. He wants to stand up & steer and drink and talk and stuff. Am I the only one who feels like Ellis has been bringing up marriage a lot more since his heart stuff? Anyway, the show has two new interns now, Trevor and Nate. Both are 21 I believe, both are virgins, and one of them has a beard – I’m not sure which one, I think it might be Nate. Also, one of them (Trevor) kind of sounds a lot like the previous intern, Hardcore. One of them, I assume the one that sounds like Hardcore, isn’t that big of a fan of the show, or so it seems. Trevor doesn’t say much and answered every question with one word answers, it was weird. Nate wants to be a radio host, but only if he’s good at it and people like him. Neither one of them are into dating, Nate likes his free time and not having to be answering to no bitch. Nate has also gotten high before, he likes bowling, eating, and plans on getting high again in the future. Trevor likes to go off-roading, in his Jeep Cherokee. He really seems untrustworthy, like the kind of intern that’d poison your coffee. He hangs out by himself and plays Splinter Cell. Their first test to see who is the better intern, Ellis sent them off to get syringes. First one back was Nate, Trevor was just not as resourceful and chose to follow Nate, ensuring his loss. And there you have it, Monday’s recap all gift wrapped, with ribbons and a bow, because gosh darn it, you deserve it. Now go enjoy your evening of food, masturbation, and eating the food you’ve fucked. Baby, you’s nasty.