It’s today again, you know the day, Monday. And you might think you know what’s coming, and there’s a good chance you’re right. But what if you’re wrong? Just what if? Huh? Well now is the time to test yourself, let’s see how right or wrong you were. One day Ellis had some heart fluttering shit going on, it was hard to breathe and he was freaking, but that day changed his life. Did you know that? Liar. Dingo’s in-studio today. Did you know that? Liar. A little bit of snot is no big deal, which is good, because Ellis still has a little bit of snot leftover from his mega-cold. Even though it’s embarrassing to admit, Ellis has been thinking about famous people lately, and he’s been getting caught up in it. Meanwhile, Tully has never stopped thinking about famous people. Jenna Jameson was going off on Twitter, posting a bunch of pictures of Tito’s roid fridge. I don’t know why I posted that. Do you? Liar. See, I’m starting to think you don’t EVEN know! Ellis & Dingo almost 2-door Porsche’d it right into a shit-green something or another, but they didn’t.
Ellis went to Nitro Circus over the weekend and got an email from Trip Taylor. Then he saw some PJ Clapp dude making jokes about “chuck it me dumpa” in the same email. Ellis didn’t know who this dude was so he responded back with, “Really?”, to which PJ Clapp responded with, “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to go to you” – which PJ Clapp most certainly did mean it to go to Ellis. Then Cumtard came in to remind Ellis of Johnny Knoxville’s real name… Philip John Clapp (aka PJ Clapp) WHOOPSY! Ellis finally got the joke and now he feels like an asshole. Good times, good times. Anyway, did you know Nitro Circus has rollerbladers in their show? Oh, you did? That figures. OH! Well they also have bathtubs. Pretty much anything they can think of to jump off a ramp, they’ve probably got it. Ellis started reading a bit from his new book and he cringed a bit at what he was reading. He’s brutally honest in this book as he always is, but he feels like he’s changed so much since a year ago when Tully started writing this new book. He felt like he sounded a bit pathetic, like he was dying for people to pay attention to him and accept him, and his priorities have changed since then. It’s no longer about just as much money and having sex with as many women as possible. He’s more concerned about what he does and says and how it affects his kids, himself, and the people around him. Ellis noticed how different he feels lately while he was at Dingo’s birthday party, full of quasi famous people who are materialistic, insecure, and busy blowing smoke up each others asses to help make themselves feel like their more famous and important than they really are. Since he started to act like that at one, point he now see’s how unhappy some of the people are because they spend their time worrying so much about shit that should take a back seat to more important things in life that help make a truly happy life. God damn, we got a little deep there, right?
Hey, did you know you can get your copy of Awesome Guide To Life signed by Ellis by going to awesomeguidetolife.com? Okay, I believe you. Next up, we have the world’s hottest MMA correspondent, Kenda Perez and her super hot dog Dexter, with MMA News so everyone button up you pants – that includes you too Dingo. Tully didn’t get to catch all of it, but from what he gathers, he didn’t miss much. Ooooohhhh! BURN! Turns out Benson Henderson beat Josh Thomson, Thomson said he broke his hand during the fight, we all heard it. The post fight, Benson threw up the Diamond Cutter sign and looked like a doof because that sign has nothing to do with God. He didn’t help his case any when during the fight, he had to tuck his jerry curl behind his ears, to which everyone watching had a nice collective chuckle over. Gabriel Gonzaga also broke his hand and lost his fight against Stipe Miocic, he also needs to shave his back and train in a real gym instead of on the jungle gym. Donald Cerrone won in spectacular fashion with a nice kick to de head of Adriano Martins, it was awesome and so is Cowboy. Alex Caceres won his fight against Sergio Pettis, which was a pretty entertaining fight and Sergio, even with his loss, looked really good for his age and experience. I’m sure one day he’ll grown into a real manimal and be a force to be reckoned with as he continues to improve. Also, Alex’s afro and dance moves before the fight were pretty entertaining. But do you know what wasn’t entertaining? The Grammys. I didn’t even watch it, but I feel confident in saying that it was not entertaining. Therefore, I shall not discuss it and it can go straight to Hades. Thank you.
Tully had a dream about a fan. A female fan *cough* @emilyInSD.
FUCK! I mean… that he made cry because he was trying to tell her that he was flattered, but married. Instead, it came out more like if he weren’t married, they totally be doing it. So I’ve got some more good news and bad news. Tomorrow on the show, Sam Rubin. I know. BUT… also on the show tomorrow, Thomas Haden Church! Tiger Ellis is doing ollies on his skateboard now, and he’ll kick the shit outta some 2-year-old prodigy, so fuck that other kid. Not literally, come on man! Actually, this 2-year-old is a fucking champ! Continuing with Aussie News, scientists have discovered a newfound sex organ in koalas’ throats. Dingo was at the winter X-Games, so was The Backbone – Dingo totally fucked him over too (not really), but guess who wasn’t there, Shaun White. He’s all about the Olympics right now, and playing guitar in that terrible band, and wearing super tight jeans, and whatever else soulless redheads do. Let’s see, Moto News, and this time there’s no Tickle Time. I know, it breaks your little heart. It did mine too. Ryan Dungey looked solid all day, man. That’s about all I know because work loves to cut into my fucking off time. New intern on TJES today, his name for now is Andrew (Instagram). He’s never heard the show, he’s from Cincinnati, Ohio, he has a girlfriend, and a horn growing out of dick. In case you’re wondering, one of those things is a lie. You make the call. He’s in a hardcore band, he’s straight edge, and enjoys a nice root beer on his birthday. Oh, one more thing… he has a trust fund.
India says dolphins are not people or something. Breaking News, ladies and gentlemen, its with partial joy and partial sadness that I hereby announce that after years of captivity, I have officially escaped from the prize chamber. I may be suffering from Stockholm syndrome, but trust me, if you ever have a chance to get in the prize chamber – you’re going to love it! Cumtard got in trouble for something, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. They punished him somehow, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. I don’t even know what all else happened because, yup, all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. If any of you would like to know more about all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES, just let me know, I’d be happy to describe how fucking cool it is to you. OH!