Show Re-Cap for Monday 1/27/2014


What I’m about to do to your mind, and then your mom.

It’s today again, you know the day, Monday. And you might think you know what’s coming, and there’s a good chance you’re right. But what if you’re wrong? Just what if? Huh? Well now is the time to test yourself, let’s see how right or wrong you were. One day Ellis had some heart fluttering shit going on, it was hard to breathe and he was freaking, but that day changed his life. Did you know that? Liar. Dingo’s in-studio today. Did you know that? Liar. A little bit of snot is no big deal, which is good, because Ellis still has a little bit of snot leftover from his mega-cold. Even though it’s embarrassing to admit, Ellis has been thinking about famous people lately, and he’s been getting caught up in it. Meanwhile, Tully has never stopped thinking about famous people. Jenna Jameson was going off on Twitter, posting a bunch of pictures of Tito’s roid fridge. I don’t know why I posted that. Do you? Liar. See, I’m starting to think you don’t EVEN know! Ellis & Dingo almost 2-door Porsche’d it right into a shit-green something or another, but they didn’t.


Whatever it is, can we put wheels on it and ramp it?

Ellis went to Nitro Circus over the weekend and got an email from Trip Taylor. Then he saw some PJ Clapp dude making jokes about “chuck it me dumpa” in the same email. Ellis didn’t know who this dude was so he responded back with, “Really?”, to which PJ Clapp responded with, “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to go to you” – which PJ Clapp most certainly did mean it to go to Ellis. Then Cumtard came in to remind Ellis of Johnny Knoxville’s real name… Philip John Clapp (aka PJ Clapp) WHOOPSY! Ellis finally got the joke and now he feels like an asshole. Good times, good times. Anyway, did you know Nitro Circus has rollerbladers in their show? Oh, you did? That figures. OH! Well they also have bathtubs. Pretty much anything they can think of to jump off a ramp, they’ve probably got it. Ellis started reading a bit from his new book and he cringed a bit at what he was reading. He’s brutally honest in this book as he always is, but he feels like he’s changed so much since a year ago when Tully started writing this new book. He felt like he sounded a bit pathetic, like he was dying for people to pay attention to him and accept him, and his priorities have changed since then. It’s no longer about just as much money and having sex with as many women as possible. He’s more concerned about what he does and says and how it affects his kids, himself, and the people around him. Ellis noticed how different he feels lately while he was at Dingo’s birthday party, full of quasi famous people who are materialistic, insecure, and busy blowing smoke up each others asses to help make themselves feel like their more famous and important than they really are. Since he started to act like that at one, point he now see’s how unhappy some of the people are because they spend their time worrying so much about shit that should take a back seat to more important things in life that help make a truly happy life. God damn, we got a little deep there, right?


Uh oh. I got a feeling they’re gonna talk about The Grammys.

Hey, did you know you can get your copy of Awesome Guide To Life signed by Ellis by going to Okay, I believe you. Next up, we have the world’s hottest MMA correspondent, Kenda Perez and her super hot dog Dexter, with MMA News so everyone button up you pants – that includes you too Dingo. Tully didn’t get to catch all of it, but from what he gathers, he didn’t miss much. Ooooohhhh! BURN! Turns out Benson Henderson beat Josh Thomson, Thomson said he broke his hand during the fight, we all heard it. The post fight, Benson threw up the Diamond Cutter sign and looked like a doof because that sign has nothing to do with God. He didn’t help his case any when during the fight, he had to tuck his jerry curl behind his ears, to which everyone watching had a nice collective chuckle over. Gabriel Gonzaga also broke his hand and lost his fight against Stipe Miocic, he also needs to shave his back and train in a real gym instead of on the jungle gym. Donald Cerrone won in spectacular fashion with a nice kick to de head of Adriano Martins, it was awesome and so is Cowboy. Alex Caceres won his fight against Sergio Pettis, which was a pretty entertaining fight and Sergio, even with his loss, looked really good for his age and experience. I’m sure one day he’ll grown into a real manimal and be a force to be reckoned with as he continues to improve. Also, Alex’s afro and dance moves before the fight were pretty entertaining. But do you know what wasn’t entertaining? The Grammys. I didn’t even watch it, but I feel confident in saying that it was not entertaining. Therefore, I shall not discuss it and it can go straight to Hades. Thank you.


Whose Tully talking about? Is it me? You? No. It’s… her.

Tully had a dream about a fan. A female fan *cough* @emilyInSD. FUCK! I mean… that he made cry because he was trying to tell her that he was flattered, but married. Instead, it came out more like if he weren’t married, they totally be doing it. So I’ve got some more good news and bad news. Tomorrow on the show, Sam Rubin. I know. BUT… also on the show tomorrow, Thomas Haden Church! Tiger Ellis is doing ollies on his skateboard now, and he’ll kick the shit outta some 2-year-old prodigy, so fuck that other kid. Not literally, come on man! Actually, this 2-year-old is a fucking champ! Continuing with Aussie News, scientists have discovered a newfound sex organ in koalas’ throats. Dingo was at the winter X-Games, so was The Backbone – Dingo totally fucked him over too (not really), but guess who wasn’t there, Shaun White. He’s all about the Olympics right now, and playing guitar in that terrible band, and wearing super tight jeans, and whatever else soulless redheads do. Let’s see, Moto News, and this time there’s no Tickle Time. I know, it breaks your little heart. It did mine too. Ryan Dungey looked solid all day, man. That’s about all I know because work loves to cut into my fucking off time. New intern on TJES today, his name for now is Andrew (Instagram). He’s never heard the show, he’s from Cincinnati, Ohio, he has a girlfriend, and a horn growing out of dick. In case you’re wondering, one of those things is a lie. You make the call. He’s in a hardcore band, he’s straight edge, and enjoys a nice root beer on his birthday. Oh, one more thing… he has a trust fund.


What you look like while I celebrate all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES.

India says dolphins are not people or something. Breaking News, ladies and gentlemen, its with partial joy and partial sadness that I hereby announce that after years of captivity, I have officially escaped from the prize chamber. I may be suffering from Stockholm syndrome, but trust me, if you ever have a chance to get in the prize chamber – you’re going to love it! Cumtard got in trouble for something, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. They punished him somehow, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. I don’t even know what all else happened because, yup, all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. If any of you would like to know more about all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES, just let me know, I’d be happy to describe how fucking cool it is to you. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/29/2013


Allegedly, it might give you ball cancer. Allegedly.

Today is a day. So welcome to it! On this day in history, NASA was created and Wil Wheaton was born. In more important news, we’ve got bush! And we’ve got a live show today. Apparently Ellis got a lot of shit on Instagram while he was off for 3 whole days with strep throat. I’ll pass along on the message to anyone who gave him shit, “Fuck you, I’m out. You couldn’t last 10 seconds. I’m out.” So there ya go, haters. Now you’re gonna have to go find someone else with strep throat to hate on. Dingo is close to overdosing on homemade meatballs. He’s feeling pretty shitty because he’s been eating more of those meatballs than your mom has eaten men’s balls. Jeff Goldblum greeted Tully’s baby, and he also saw Andy Richter recently. So meet the newest socialite on the scene, Michael Tully! Rawdog is going to start up a Jason Ellis garden where he gives daily updates on watering, growth, potting soils, etc. to keep everyone thoroughly entertained. Gay Bar Wars no Gay Bar Stores no Bar Rescue, there we go, Bar Rescue was on TV and it’s a show. And it’s on TV. Ellis is recommending it, even though he makes fun of the dude’s face. Me, on the other hand? Do yourself a favor stay away from it, it’ll give you ball cancer. DJ Go For It (aka DJ Blue Steel) says the whole Bar Rescue show is fake as fuck. Surprise!


Ding, ding, ding, ding!

The most expensive burger in the world was served this week, it’s grown from cultured stem cells of a single cow and cost about $385,000. Lab grown burger, mmmm. Also in burger news, some dude ordered 1,000 extra slices of cheese for his Whopper. The world’s youngest chess grandmaster was crowned, bitch be 9-years-old and Asian. Moto news time. Over the weekend, James Stewart won Spring Creek Nationals for the first time this season. Trey Canard was second overall and Ryan Dungey was third overall. In the 250’s, Eli Tomac won his fourth victory of the season and took the lead in the season standings. In UFC news, Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson won his fight against John Moraga. Rory MacDonald beat Jake Ellenberger in a total lackluster fight. Robbie Lawler kicked Bobby Voelker in de head and won that shit. In UTI news, Michael “It doesn’t tickle when I piss on my balls” Tully has himself a urinary tract infection, diagnosed by Dr. Michael Tully, Ph. D. Probably not all that surprising, Rawdog and Cumtard have both had urinary tract infections as well.


Bruce Willis is a fan of NYA!

A man from Maine was sentenced to a week in jail after he left shit smeared on the floor and up the wall of a federal courthouse’s bathroom. He blamed his medication for shitting his pants and creating the mess. The real question is, why do they want that man to shit in more of their facilities? According to Dingo, this kind of thing happens all the time with snowboarders when they take a hard slam, they blast human mud out of their ass – so watch out for that during the upcoming X-Games! Segway into talk about EllisMania 9, fights, and who will be in it. Ellis is obviously fighting Gay Bruediger again. The musical chair fight and shock collar fights are a must. Then it was time to let the fans try and come up with some fight ideas. I missed a lot of this part thanks to work, the online player cutting out on me. the mobile player not working correctly, and a myriad of other shit. Oh well. I’m not going to keep going back only for the fucking player to crash out on me on the same god damned spot every time. Which brings me to this. A plane is falling out of the sky. A female passenger jumps up out of her seat, tears her clothes off and exclaims, “Is there anyone man enough on this plane to make me feel like a real woman before I die?” A man across the aisle stands up, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. He gets it off and throws it at the woman. “Iron this.” OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/22/2013

Welcome to Monday’s re-cap of TJES! First, a bit of sad news, actor Dennis Farina died at the age of 69 today. And fuck no, he wasn’t most famous for Law & Order. One of my personal favorite lines of his, was when he played Cousin Avi in the movie Snatch, he said:

“Blagged”? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the fucking language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.


A festival full of hipsters & neckbeards? Let’s go!

That’s just awesome, and completely true. Anyways, Dingo is here today, back from Jamaica. Rawdog has returned safely. Tully is there, his evil child has let him live to see another day. Of course Ellis is there. Ellis was thinking about heaven the other day, he assumes you can fly and eat cakes, but you won’t get fat because that would make you un-happy. And do fat people become healthy and skinny in heaven? Rawdog caught some shit for all his Instagrams over the weekend, from his trip to Chicago to go to a music festival, by himself. First he doesn’t post enough, then he posts too much, the guy just can’t win. He didn’t make any new friends, but he did try talking to a few chicks and got blown off. However, he did manage to get a large neckbeard that flipped him off. Dingo thinks Rawdog’s girlfriend gets fucked by 15 different dudes a day, but that’s because he doesn’t pay attention to shit. Will posted an Instagram over the weekend as well that ended up spawning a debate if they should fix the squeaky studio door or not.


Fuck Jamaica, you wanna see some crime? Visit East St. Louis.

Dingo got robbed in Jamaica and he says the begging there is probably worse than in Mexico. He tried to tell more stories about Jamaica and a documentary and Snoop Dogg or something, but he can’t tell a logical story to save his paper bag in a contest. I think that’s how the saying goes, right? He also watched the life go out of a goat’s eyes just before he ate that motherfucker, probably not with a nice bottle of chianti though because let’s face it, he’s not very well refined. Dude doesn’t even know Sandy the Squirrel is a squirrel instead of a beaver. Tully wants to hear an animal scream and then eat it. He says it’s because he wants to make sure he’s okay with eating meat, but we all know he’s harboring a murderous rage inside. This brought us back into heaven conversation, whores, virgins, fucking, sucking, snorting, shooting, and the holiest of holes that you may or may not get to fuck senseless during your stay in club heaven.


Ah, British porn is so fucking hot.

The prince and princess has had their royal baby. That’s right. The whole world has been royally waiting to see what comes out of one woman’s royal vagina. Turns out, it wasn’t an assortment of collectibles and trinkets stolen from Buckingham Palace. Does Obama call Jay-Z his n-bomb? I don’t know how the fuck that or Downzig snuck into the conversation, but they did. This took us into Game of Thrones and I don’t give a royal rat’s ass if there are dragons in that show, I ain’t gonna watch it. A shit ton of convicts, including senior members of al Qaeda who had already been sentenced to death, have broken out of Iraq’s Abu Ghraib jail. So, that’s not good and my ass is guessing that some shit is about to start popping off like a motherfucker. In super gross news, Geraldo Rivera posted a nude selfie to Twitter, saying that 70 is the new 50. He later deleted the photo (don’t worry, it’s in the linked article if you wanna see old ass wang stem) and said note to self, no more posting after 1 AM – which means he was probably poppin’ blue pills and ready for a mean jerk off session. In moto news, Dungey, Villopoto, Reed, Grant, Alessi, and Tickle – bike yeah.


Way more metal than Metallica, it’s the metal piper!

Ellistronic TV started today with Dingo, Katie, and Ellis. It’ll be 3 days a week or less or maybe more or it might go bankrupt, who knows. You can watch it on and apparently Ellis revealed an uncomfortable story that he’s never said before except to Tully for his 2nd book. Metallica put out another trailer for their new movie while they were at Comic Con, doesn’t that sound like the most metal thing you could ever read? People in New York are paying $400 an hour for consultants to teach their kids how to play with other children. Nick was on the horn, he’s part of the Patriot Guard Riders, the motorcycle enthusiasts created to oppose the WBC and help fend off those vultures from disrespecting the funeral rights of fallen US military personnel. He basically just clarified what exactly the Patriot Guard Riders stand for, what they do, and how they do it.


Right or wrong, it’s time to learn some history and shit.

Then it was time to test everyone’s knowledge of history. Such as the Great Pyramids. How were they built? With the latest in fat chick technology. Why were they built? Because there was no fucking TV back then, life was boring. Now, what about the Cold War? That shit was between America and Russia and it was not about heating coal. It started between Yuri Slobberdickovich and Mike Smith, from Russia and America, respectively. It was basically a big No You Are contest and it ended with Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago. If Rocky can change, and Ivan can change, and Apollo dies, everyone can change! Who was Vlad the Impaler? He invented a muscle car and after dismal sales, Ice Cube told him, “Look homey, you change that name and it’ll sell like that crackrock on them streets.” And that bit of advice gave us the Chevy Impala. The American Revolutionary War was not between The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, but rather it was between America and Britain and dental hygiene. Clearly, we won what that one as well. Pocahontas was the first hot olive skinned chick that the first white man had ever boned, creating an entire group of hot ass models that do cocaine and fuck like only chicks with daddy issues could.


Batman is getting real tired of your shit.

This led us into more talk about Alessi and all the moto shit with shining lasers in opponents eyes and all that good stuff. That, then, put us into final call territory. But we also got a few other gems, like why hasn’t anyone shot Batman in the face? Then the argument of who wins in a fist fight, Batman or Spiderman? What about Superman? What about having sex with all three of them? And what about a fuck, marry, kill scenario between those three? It seems the consensus is to kill Spiderman, marry Batman because he’s rich as fuck and you could go to some kick ass places / parties, and then fuck Superman because you’ll be flying around having the most glorious sexual experiences in your life. Speaking of Batman / Bruce Wayne. Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they don’t know where home is. :( And why do orphans play tennis? Because it’s the only time they get love. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/6/2013


Best homeless titties in hobo land?

It’s Dingo Monday, but first, whose still shitting their pants after yesterday being Stinko de Mayo? And no, that pun has nothing to do with Hellmann’s mayonnaise, George Lopez, or the Titanic. Anyway, the most valuable thing that Ellis came away with this weekend is you’re only as good as the company you keep. The Ellis children reminded him to call his brother, Lethal Lee, who he hasn’t talked to in awhile. Apparently, the only thing Lee regrets is giving up his moto career after he had gotten hurt, he feels like he’s already peeked in his life and his brother hasn’t. But he goes to work and comes home to hang out with his children, making him a super dad. Ellis went to go riding moto on Sunday with Katie and the kids, found out that Katie’s bike had been left on, leaving the battery completely dead. Then he and Katie had a lover’s quarrel, got to the track and there’s an event going on, it’s packed as shit, and it costs $100 per person to get on the track. Tiger’s bike wouldn’t start, took it to the store and they couldn’t get it started either, and there’s how you kill about 4 hours of your day without even riding moto at all. Dingo’s Sunday was much better, drinking lots of beer and tequila and spraying champagne all over the place. i_like_what_i_seeRawdog had a date on Friday, they went to see 2001: A Space Odyssey, which got his panties dripping wet. No blow jobs, no fingering, no nothing. He thought the date went well, called her the next day to ask her out again, got her machine and never heard back. So he called that chick from Friday’s show to go out, she took him to a gay bar with dude’s in their underwear dancing in a conga line. And then he got a blowjob, came, titty fucked her and blew another load! Later in the show, during “DP talk”, she said she’d show Rawdog what DP was! Then today, bitch that never called him back, called to apologize for not calling back and to say that she had a great time & wants to go out again. Are we seeing a new Rawdog? Will it last? Time will tell. While on the topic on blowing loads and titty fucking, Rawdog’s Nana and Papa just recently celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary, so that’s pretty legit!


Mr. Balls loves the children!

Hey kids, an antibiotic resistant strain of gonorrhea may be the new AIDs! Basically, you could go into septic shock and could kill you within days. It started in Japan (surprise) and has now spread to Hawaii, California, and Sweden, so be on the lookout for that coming to a whore near you soon! Brazil is fighting testicular cancer with a new mascot, his name is Mr. Balls! Speaking of balls, Dingo was trimming over the weekend and clipped his balls right on the zipper and it was dangling a little bit and he cut it off with a pair of scissors! This spawned a conversation about trimming versus going completely bald in the ball area, sounds like Dingo is still going bald while the majority of the world is trimming. This conversation then morphed into how gay-friendly and/or how gay each person on the show is, Dingo’s about 10%, Ellis is about 30%, and Tully might be reaching for the stars as he’s cried while talking about Morrissey to his wife. PETA is mad (what else is new?) that Governor Chris Christie squashed a spider in front of school kids. Which begs the question, how do you feel about zoos? Which begs another question, is it gay to have two dicks in one hole? Maybe, I mean, the balls are typically touching at some point. Here’s where we get another bombshell dropped on us, Rawdog says at some point, the two dudes’ butts are touching, proving that he knows that “DP” stands for “double penetration”, but doesn’t know that it means one in the pink, and one in the stink. To explain and show DP to Rawdog, Dom came into the studio to play the female, while Dingo was in his pussy and Rawdog was in his ass. So, let’s review, what did we learn? That Ellis has a DP buddy! Will we ever get to know his name? Has he been on the show? Maybe this will be something to be autographed in the upcoming book that someone can win? Once again, only time will tell.


I recommend that you don’t. You could get in big trouble!


Yea, she hasn’t done coke much. Naw, not much at all.

Could this Western Australian rugby player, Nick Cummins (aka  “The Walloby Winger” aka “The Honey Badger”) be the most Australian person ever? Survey says, YES! Ellis Jeopardy was up next and last time Rawdog won, let’s find out who brought their “A” game for today’s game. Turns out, I don’t know who won. What I do know is that Dingo’s cheese has slid off his cracker, I don’t even know where he pulls his responses from. He managed to get at least 1 question correct, which is typically a big deal for him. It was fantastic! Moto news, Ryan Villopoto won his shit this past weekend, Ryan Dungey came in 2nd for the weekend and 3rd overall, and Davi Millsaps came in 3rd for the weekend but I’m not sure of his overall standings. But you know who does know? The Internet, so go look that shit up if you really wanna know. Hollywood news, and once again, stupid people love to gossip about Lindsay Lohan. This time she says she’s only done cocaine less than a handful of times, which does not explain her looking worse than her mother or the fucking crypt keeper. Anyway, who cares, she’s a fucking has been and I don’t understand how anyone has any kind of interest in her. This led us into 45 minutes of NBA talk with Tully by himself! Ellis had to split to go pitch TV shows and Rawdog knows nothing of the NBA so he hit the bricks as well. While I’m not a huge NBA fan, it was great to hear none the less. If you’ve ever had a chance to catch Tully on Hair Nation, you’d know he definitely has the ability to do good radio by himself. The big difference this time? He gets to take calls from the fans to discuss topics such as: Is everyone watching the playoffs for no reason because the Heat will win? Even though everyone on the Bulls is getting a spinal tap, they could probably still beat the Heat, nobody is sure how to pronounce Tom Thibodeau – not even him – because he’s a mentally challenged person, Blake Griffin is kind of a piece of shit cry-baby whose only interested in getting his dunks on YouTube and Reggie Evans has his number, the Clippers are a big piece of shit and the Lakers will be too. And if you missed any of that, well tough shit – and you missed probably most of the smartest final callers (minus the tree hockey moron) you’ve ever heard at that hour. Also, I’m definitely not reviewing all that from the last 40-45 minutes of Tully’s NBA talk. There was so much information and minutia that I could fill an entire post just on those 40 some-odd minutes. But once again, Tully proves he can carry his own weight – even with no one in the studio with him, to fill a radio show. I hope this was just one of many times we get Tully hour and hopefully it helps to prove that an Ellis Channel could potentially work. And work well. You know who else works and works well? You sister. She learned it all from your mother and from what I know and have heard, she’s got them whore skills. Remember that time your sister had to take a shower with you and her butt accidentally hit your wiener and you two experimented with each other? Yea, that makes both of you fucking deranged sickos. OH!