Show Re-cap for Thursday 11/20/2014

“The truth needs to be told. No you are should interview me. I’m ready to tell all. ” – Jason Ellis

Ellis played soccer today with his kids at soccer practice and also with some of the other parents who didn’t look as old as Ellis but acted like they were way older. Jason and Tully talked about soccer a whole bunch and how it seems like every kid that’s not old enough to fuck is kicking a ball in a field somewhere. Soccer soccer soccer everyone has a boner No+Soccer+For+Me_9947f3_5185975about soccer, thanks England ya bunch of fucks! Is crap okay for kids to say? Can kids say crap without being crucified? in my opinion, yup, its O fucking K by me. Those little shits can say whatever fuckin shit comes outta their mouth, just so it’s not my kids. This topic drove the conversation to getting stuff off the internet, like the Vern Troyer blackout clip and Rich’s friend Ana Listing. Ellis is going to be in Austin tomorrow so if you’re there also you can find him somewhere and hang out. Want more info then don’t ask Ellis, just ask Austin Party Planner @JohnInAustin formerly known as @JohnInHouston. Continue reading

Show Re-Cap for Monday 8/25/2014


Don’t get it? It’s okay, it’s a joke from Foreally Show.

No Tully today – he’s not feeling well, so we’ve got Ellis, Dingo, & Christian James Hand. Maybe Katie later too. Some no talent kooks have moved the chairs, the camera, and whatever else they could, part of that whole sharing the studio thing built into the contract. At around age 8-9, that’s when kids start snooping through mom & dad’s shit and finding, weed, porn, pistols, lube, Christmas presents, and what have you. Supercross the Dragon vibes himself when he see’s his own reflection in the mirror, he’s a moron in the human world, but in the lizard world, he’s probably your average bloke. Dingo knows where Supercross’s dick is hidden, you may remember Dingo would cradle his dog’s balls because the dog liked it that way. Ellis has a new hand PG rated fuck you finger, he puts up his thumb & index finger as if to be saying this is how big your dick is. Ellis saw Chris Kattan at a liquor store. Oh, no. Ellis wasn’t there to shop for liquor, he was there to shop for flowers. Anyway, Ellis thought it was a dude that worked at the weed clinic where Ellis got his doobage, but turns out, nope, it was Kattan. Ellis said he looked like shit and couldn’t even bring himself to take video of him. Once and for all, is John Travolta gay? Gee. I don’t know. But who cares. Jake Ellenberger punched Ellis in the face for 4 or 5 rounds this weekend! Also, there’s cake in the studio!

News time will Ellis. A German man was evicted by his landlord because he persistently used a squeaky sex swing in his apartment, which frequently bothered his neighbors and caused many complaints. Suge Knight news, he got shot a bunch of times on Sunday evening at a Chris Brown party or some shit. Ken Block news, Ken Block got 2nd in a big race this weekend. And there ya go, Ken Block news. Moto news with Dingo, pee on Dungey, that loser! And now, time for a game, it’s You Sir, Are A Moron. From the green room, who would be your choice for navigator in a rally car? And here comes Dingo with his story about the one time he changed a flat tire in a rally race in the desert. Would you rather be a worried genius or a happy idiot? Based on your karma, you will come back re-created as what? Or as Dingo called it, “reincanarnated.” Pound for pound. Do you give up porn or weed for the rest the of your life? If you were at Heaven’s gate & God asked why he should let you in, what would you say? I missed a question or maybe 2 in there some where, but you’ll live.


Am I qualified to report the news?

MMA News time. There were fights. People fought at these fights and some people won their fight and some people lost their fight. Cung Le’s face got rearranged by “I know where you can get a great steak” Bisping. Ben Henderson got knocked out in the first round. And there was more stuff, you can Google that shit. Street League news time. Nyjah Huston won everything like everyone predicted because he’s the “it” guy right now. More moto news time from moto correspondent Dingo. Ken Roczen won the 450 motocross championship and likes pissing on people while they’re taking a shit. All this makes perfect sense because he is German. The fuzz is investigating Steve-O for his prank stunt against SeaWorld, where he changed a highway sign to read “SeaWorld Sucks”. It only took 2 days to get up on the sign. Katie keeps sending Ellis photos of hot chicks during the show. Some dumb chick is suing some dumb show she was on because she was too dumb to realize what the dumb show was about. So dumb. More ALS challenge videos, some dude put Icy Hot in his pants, ate a pepper, and… ahhh fuck it. You’ve seen a million videos of this shit. Jetta is falling apart and we’re hearing it happen live, he edited out the main portion of the video Ellis wanted to share. Ellis is black, he loves fried chicken and he was *bah dah bah bah bah*, lovin’ it.


No Tully makes R2-D2 sad.

Hey, you know that whole Suge Knight got shot story? Well it doesn’t end there, some chick got shot in the ass during that whole incident. Shoebox is trying to his best Tully impression by giving us news, but nobody is having it. And now it’s time for shock pictionary. Cumtard will be drawing while Katie & Dingo try to guess versus Jetta drawing while Ellis and Shoebox try to guess. Team Ellis was winning with a commanding lead until the end when Cumtard, Dingo, & Katie found some synergy and came back. The game devolved into a constant shocking of Cumtard & Jetta until both were left helpless and in the fetal position on the floor. Once the game was wrangled back in, Team Ellis had 20 seconds to guess 1 final drawing. It didn’t happen so Team Tard ended up winning the game. Last 10 minutes of the show, Greg Fitzsimmons stopped by to help close out the show and drop some knowledge on motocross, because he’s such a huge fan. He talked about his shows Monday night on Howard 101, his Prius driving skills, his kids soccer game, and his 1 hour special on Hulu. He was texting his wife about his 13-year-old son’s soccer game and eventually asks what she’s wearing. Turns out, it was his son doing the texting on his mother’s phone. Awkward. And there ya go. That’s the show for this Monday. There’s a good possibility that Tully might not be in tomorrow either, so prepare yourself for that. He will be back when he’s no longer sick. Good night, and good luck.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/29/2013


Allegedly, it might give you ball cancer. Allegedly.

Today is a day. So welcome to it! On this day in history, NASA was created and Wil Wheaton was born. In more important news, we’ve got bush! And we’ve got a live show today. Apparently Ellis got a lot of shit on Instagram while he was off for 3 whole days with strep throat. I’ll pass along on the message to anyone who gave him shit, “Fuck you, I’m out. You couldn’t last 10 seconds. I’m out.” So there ya go, haters. Now you’re gonna have to go find someone else with strep throat to hate on. Dingo is close to overdosing on homemade meatballs. He’s feeling pretty shitty because he’s been eating more of those meatballs than your mom has eaten men’s balls. Jeff Goldblum greeted Tully’s baby, and he also saw Andy Richter recently. So meet the newest socialite on the scene, Michael Tully! Rawdog is going to start up a Jason Ellis garden where he gives daily updates on watering, growth, potting soils, etc. to keep everyone thoroughly entertained. Gay Bar Wars no Gay Bar Stores no Bar Rescue, there we go, Bar Rescue was on TV and it’s a show. And it’s on TV. Ellis is recommending it, even though he makes fun of the dude’s face. Me, on the other hand? Do yourself a favor stay away from it, it’ll give you ball cancer. DJ Go For It (aka DJ Blue Steel) says the whole Bar Rescue show is fake as fuck. Surprise!


Ding, ding, ding, ding!

The most expensive burger in the world was served this week, it’s grown from cultured stem cells of a single cow and cost about $385,000. Lab grown burger, mmmm. Also in burger news, some dude ordered 1,000 extra slices of cheese for his Whopper. The world’s youngest chess grandmaster was crowned, bitch be 9-years-old and Asian. Moto news time. Over the weekend, James Stewart won Spring Creek Nationals for the first time this season. Trey Canard was second overall and Ryan Dungey was third overall. In the 250’s, Eli Tomac won his fourth victory of the season and took the lead in the season standings. In UFC news, Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson won his fight against John Moraga. Rory MacDonald beat Jake Ellenberger in a total lackluster fight. Robbie Lawler kicked Bobby Voelker in de head and won that shit. In UTI news, Michael “It doesn’t tickle when I piss on my balls” Tully has himself a urinary tract infection, diagnosed by Dr. Michael Tully, Ph. D. Probably not all that surprising, Rawdog and Cumtard have both had urinary tract infections as well.


Bruce Willis is a fan of NYA!

A man from Maine was sentenced to a week in jail after he left shit smeared on the floor and up the wall of a federal courthouse’s bathroom. He blamed his medication for shitting his pants and creating the mess. The real question is, why do they want that man to shit in more of their facilities? According to Dingo, this kind of thing happens all the time with snowboarders when they take a hard slam, they blast human mud out of their ass – so watch out for that during the upcoming X-Games! Segway into talk about EllisMania 9, fights, and who will be in it. Ellis is obviously fighting Gay Bruediger again. The musical chair fight and shock collar fights are a must. Then it was time to let the fans try and come up with some fight ideas. I missed a lot of this part thanks to work, the online player cutting out on me. the mobile player not working correctly, and a myriad of other shit. Oh well. I’m not going to keep going back only for the fucking player to crash out on me on the same god damned spot every time. Which brings me to this. A plane is falling out of the sky. A female passenger jumps up out of her seat, tears her clothes off and exclaims, “Is there anyone man enough on this plane to make me feel like a real woman before I die?” A man across the aisle stands up, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. He gets it off and throws it at the woman. “Iron this.” OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/13/2013


No really, did you miss me? Is Dom dumb? Think you got a shot with Katie?

OMG! I missed you guise! Did you miss me? I missed you lots. No, I missed you more. Aww. Did you know that the average person knows somebody that knows Ellis – really, clinical research from the the Dummy Dom Institute of Completely Wrong Facts says so. That makes everyone 2 degrees seperated from Ellis, therefore beating out Kevin Bacon and his measly 6 degrees. Dingo was born to meet the Bacon, and that’s just one of the many things that make him a sick cunt. The brought Chad Reed out of the woodwork to make a ledge of a tweet about Dingo & Ellis. Ellis went to see his pal Jake Ellenberger fight with some chick he knows from Twitter, and he thinks he might have mistaken her for someone else. Get out your tissues, either for tears or to clean up your jizz pile, Ellis & Katie are no longer going out, they’re friends and such, but they’re not exclusively fucking other people with each other. Or however you wanna put it. It took all of 60 seconds for Dom to put a call on hold where the caller wanted to ask why they broke up, and as you might expect, that call never got taken. DUH! Rawdog went to his 10 year high school reunion over the weekend, he did not get laid, get his dick sucked, or titty fucked. He went solo, the hot chicks were still hot and still didn’t really talk to him just like 10 years ago. Some chick did know that Josh was in radio however, he asked her how she knew and turns out she’s friends with Dingo’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend. I can’t keep track of everyone’s goddamned love life, for fuck sakes! Anyway, he basically just had a single conversation on repeat, “I’m a co-host on radio now and still live in LA.” Oh, and also, TJES will be on staycation all next week, so plan your life accordingly!


Ryan Gosling is so upset, he won’t eat his cereal.

In “you’re on the wrong fuckin turf, buddy” some dude in Africa went running after an elephant and got trampled, and in other elephant trampling news, a poacher got trampled to death by the elephant he was trying to shoot. This provided a perfect segway into Hollywood news! Jessica Simpson (elephant) is mad at Nick Lachey (poacher) for saying that he doesn’t have to play grab-ass under the table during Thanksgiving with Joe Simpson (elephant’s father) – referring to rumors about Joe being gay. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West rumor mill is abuzz with something or another about him not being part of the family as much as he should, and didn’t open a fucking door for her once, yada, yada, yada. SNL cast member Seth Meyers will be taking over Jimmy Fallon’s spot on “Late Night” while Fallon looks like he’ll be taking over Jay Leno’s spot on the “Tonight Show” and  nobody gives a shit because only old people watch that shit. Disney’s in trouble for trying to trademark a fucking holiday, sweet baby Jesus, you gotta be a bigger douche than Apple to try and trademark a holiday. Vin Diesel says that because he said “Hi guys, I love you.” on Facebook, he made Facebook what it is – which is to say, I giant steaming pile of turd. Oh, and OJ Simpson is still in jail and it’s not looking like he’s going to be getting out anytime soon.


Sex toys? Yea, she’s 5; 10″ and can lift your 140 pound ass in the air while sucking you off!

Fan of the show and Little Miss Ellis contestant, Perry, brought in 2 new machines today. A wheel of doom – a spinning wheel similar to old carnival games with interchangeable punishments for each slot. And, a dick punching machine that Ellis can push from his chair and it punches Rawdog in the dick, in his chair! Sounds like everyone is jazzed about it, except of course Rawdog and his balls. It’s now legal to smoke marijuana in Washington (the state) and bus drivers now use the “lost and found” method for people who forget their weed or pipes on their buses. I had to take a call and missed something, but I came back in as they were talking about while jerking off, you get to smell vagina. What. The. Fuck? Well, here’s a review of this horrible product. Then something about a pigtail butt plug, It’s in the shape of a curly fry, you know, for all you butt plug enthusiasts that have been wanting a coil spring from a fucking Buick in their ass. Then I got another phone call and still wasn’t exactly sure where this bit was heading. Oh, wait. Sounds like Tully is reading the “what other customer’s purchased” feature on Amazon. Anyway, another sexual toy related to the previous products was “the cone”, which is basically like a squished down traffic cone for your asshole stretching needs. Then there’s the “enema simulator”, which is basically a rubber ass that you can practice giving an enema to. So. Hot. In. Thurr. There’s an Obama dildo for all your executive decision sexual desires. And then the “solar powered vibrator” which is supposedly  great for camping! The “ohmibod” sex toy plugs into your iPhone and vibrates to the beat of the song you’re listening to and is a hipster’s wet dream. The “artificial hymen” is yet another sex toy, I assume it’s marketed towards pedophiles or similarly creepy motherfuckers that enjoy being bathed in blood while fucking. Now the creme de la creme of sex toys, the “area 51 love doll” where you bang out an alien. I want to believe! Then we have the “gates of hell male chastity device” that is like 5 rings for your cock and balls, it looks as stupid as it sounds. The “whodini” is a locking steel cock chastity that looks like an oversized faucet head from the Acme company in Looney Tunes cartoons. Anyway, you can read about most of these and more.


I don’t have anything for this. Just look at it.

In generational insanity news, grandma, mom, toddler, & baby all walked down the streets completely naked of Charolette, North Carolina and caused a traffic jam. You know how Asian men can’t grow good facial hair? Well guess what? Now they can get mustache transplants that will make Tom Selleck get emotional! Apparently the Lord told them to do this. Then it was time for unsigned bands. That usually turns out worse than NMT so I didn’t bother taking notes on any of that. The guys did say that one or two of them weren’t that bad, and I don’t know if I agree with the ones they liked, but that sounds about right – one or two were alright. Oh, and one of the songs was called “EllisMate” and was by an ex-pro skater the Ellis actually knows. It was basically full of this guy dropping names of various people and Ellis related words as much as possible with a few fuck ups littered in. Rawdog got his ass chewed for multiple mispronunciations and generally fucking up the English language on a regular bases. Dingo got reprimanded for dropping the “cunt” word a little too much today, and Ellis got called on how much he wants to see chicks’ insides, but not in a weird way, only if they wanna show it to him. Oh, and we got another Ellisism gem today, “Don’t put your eggs in this fucking basket.” Wut? Anyway, we’ve all got our own little intricacies that make us who we are, and that’s cool. Like when I make jokes out of subjects that might be considered taboo, which I try not to do too much. Just not today. I’ll start tomorrow. Maybe. But you’ll never know because I’m not scheduled to re-cap tomorrow’s show, you’ll just have to trust me. What does a gay guy and a tumbleweed have in common? They blow and blow until they get stuck on a fence in Wyoming. OH!