Oh, gee! Look at the time, it’s time for “Doin’ butt stuff with Mr. & Ms. X”
Hey, it’s Earth Day today! Did you buy the Earth a cake and smash it into the fucking ground? Have you made-out with a tree today? Get some of the bark, baby! Ellis was recently in a cloud of doom, but not any longer, so he’s happy to be here – loud as shit and everything. Rawdog’s vagina ears were hurt, but Tully loves it loud (did you catch his Kiss reference?) and so does Dingo. Would you bang a chick with a vagina on her neck? Would you wear a condom? Dingo saw Swollen Members over the weekend and heard the Red Dragon song live. Ellis has a new friend, Mr. X. Not to be confused with Rawdog’s friend, Mr. X. No, no. This is a totally different Mr. X, and he’s not gay or anything, but he’s done some butt stuff lately. He has a high pressure hose thing, where he can give himself an enema in the shower. The first time Mr. X had tried giving himself an enema, Ms. X was there to help give pointers and a log shot out and hit the deck, causing Ms. X to start laughing. This time, Mr. X kept pushing all kinds of stuff out and was starting to get worried that he might be over-enema’ing (?) and jamming stuff down the shower drain with his foot when he noticed some things aren’t going down the drain. It was pineapple because Mr. X really enjoys pineapple. Ellis had the mermaid party over the weekend and it sounds like it went pretty well – Will’s older son got busted looking at Katie’s ass. Do you believe in life after death? Do you think you’d be happy in the afterlife? Would you need an energy drink? Who knows, what we do know is that while you’re in the life that you have, you gotta go hard in the paint and enjoy as much of it as you can. I guess Adam Carolla said awhile back that women aren’t that funny or as funny as men. That’s nothing new, people have been saying that for a long time so I’m not sure why this was a major point of discussion in the media.
Whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.
A.J. Clemente. What? You haven’t heard of him? Maybe because his very first appearance on NBC North Dakota TV reading the news, he dropped a “gay fuckin’ shit” live on the air and got fired for it. He was actually trying to pronounce the name of the winner of the London Marathon, “Tsegaye Kebede.” Tully choked hard on the Steampipe Alley TV show when he was 9-years-old, once he saw his face on TV, he forgot how to spell “elected” and bombed out and didn’t get to win his Merlin or whatever kick-ass toy he wanted. Rawdog told the story of the first time he was on radio in college at 5 AM, reading old time radio shows like Flash Gordon, Batman, and Superman. A long time ago, they actually played some clips from that time on the show and holy shit was it hard to listen to, hence the 5 AM slot. In MMA news, Benson Henderson beat Gilbert Melendez, and then Melendez proposed to his girlfriend during a chorus of “boos” from the Melendez-friendly crowd. Daniel Cormier beat Frank Mir and Josh Thomson knocked out Nate Diaz. Moto news, Ryan Barbota (as Dom calls him) Justin Barcia (as the rest of the world calls him) won some shit and other people did not. And that’s all the exciting coverage we can handle, so let’s move on. Dom news, sounds like there were quite a few fans of the show that hate his talk into the cup Lil’ Bane voice. So he was ordered to call into the show via the VIP number instead to see if his voice is any less annoying, I’m guessing to the people who don’t like him, it wasn’t. At least until he called back in with his I’m Batman, drunk and on pills voice, which I don’t see how you couldn’t think it was fantastic. Will “vagina knees” Pendarvis is on crutches from his hard in the paint tactics during the crew’s Friday morning basketball game. Hollywood news time, Reese Witherspoon and her husband got arrested for DUI and she tried to play the celebrity card, it didn’t work. And not to be outdone, Tara Reid had a meltdown while shopping because she couldn’t get a discount. Snoop-Lion-Dogg’s 420 festival got shut down, not for weed smoking but for licensing or some shit. Star Magazine has a list of celebrities people hate, that’s neat (sarcasm). There was a bunch more Hollywood news but I don’t remember most of it, I was driving and watching a little fender bender in front of me. And that’s it for news today, who really wants a shitload of news on Monday anyway, right?
Ok, I lied, it’s not going to be alright as long as this exists.
Some dude that fell off a ladder 9 years ago and was paralyzed from the chest down, discovered that he gets orgasmic feelings when he sucks his thumb. It’s generally assumed that he spends a lot of time sucking on that digit. Mitch Fatel came on the show today with his wife, apparently they’re almost swingers, but he doesn’t let her sleep with other dudes yet, but that might be over now that she’s seen Dingo’s luscious locks. Mitch and his wife seemed to take a real liking to Ellis and especially Katie so maybe there’s a hook-up there to be had. They sound just as adventurous for the most part, with the licking of stripper’s asses and such. Oh, and apparently they’re in the process of trying to do a show about all this and more for A&E, which seems odd because this certainly isn’t like Duck Dynasty or whatever. Here’s his “candy cane” joke about bloody vagina, and if you were listening to the show, he doesn’t really talk like David Blaine’s more effeminate brother. Greatest guitar riff time, weeding through the rest of the Sweet 16 to complete the list of Elite 8. And here they are:
- Guns N’ Roses
- AC/DC
- Led Zeppelin
- Jimi Hendrix
- Dire Straits
- Queen
- Slayer
- Slayer
That’s no typo, sisters! Slayer has two different songs in the contest, showing just how badass they are. And there you have it, your Elite 8 for the Greatest Guitar Riff of All-Time. So goes another mega, cram packed too much show and a mega, cram packed too much re-cap. I know, you’re thinking, “what’s the deal with all the fucking images in today’s post?” My answer to that is, I don’t know man. I was just feeling it and decided to put them in. Besides, everyone loves good images. No? Well shit, sorry then. I guess too many images is a lot like being a pedo, it’s hard to fit in. HEYOH! Oh, come on. Now you’re gonna be upset about that joke? It’s not like someone said the brighter side of the marathon bombings is that the Paralympics just got a bunch more competition. Shit. Okay, sorry about that one. I’m just digging a bigger hole here. Well, let me just close it out proper, I just want to make you all laugh and enjoy reading all this. A new golf course opens in town. It’s rather shabby, and business starts off slow. The owner, taking matters into his own hands, builds three robots to help tidy the place up. For the next week, the place is impeccable; word spreads and people come from all over to try out the new course. Most customers love it, but there’s one complaint: the robots are too shiny, and they sometimes reflect sunlight into the golfers’ eyes when they’re trying to swing. To solve this problem, the owner paints the robots black, thinking it will be a quick and easy fix. The next day, two of the robots don’t show up to work and the third robs a convenience store. OH!
What? This how we say “I love you” here at NYA.