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Show Re-cap For Friday 12/21/2012

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Hey mother fuckers, news flash, the world didn’t end and its Friday! But some people thing that the world might end today, but fuck those fucks, they don’t know nothing about nothing.  Ellis is finally off Stars2 because they keep fucking up his replays.  I guess the bentlysuits in New York are paying attention.  There will not be any replays for a little while but in time they will figure out if Ellis will get his own channel or if they will just play the replays on Faction41.  This, however, might be a sign that the four horsemen have arrived and apparently Tully is one of the responsible parties for their arrival.  Bently is in the Swinghouse today looking hot, still modeling a little, and is now an event coordinator so she won’t have to suck old man balls.  The Texas DJ, Billy Madison, was brought up again today and they talked about some of the bits that he does on his show. Like Vagina Funerals, Crazy Things You See At Work, Honk If Your Horny, Am I A Slut If, and many other favorites that you can hear originally on The Jason Ellis Show.

The guys did a gift exchange, you know the usual gifts, smokes, chocolate, kangaroo meat, a book about The Smiths.  aussie kid has poisonous snake eggs, roo invades house, want to watch a video where a drunk Aussie falls through a fence?  Or a video of an Aussie getting interviewed after a sex shop caught on fire? Is this Aussies dumbest Hoon?  What the fuck is a Hoon? This would be the video of the Aussie that got drunk and tried to ride a croc, but all the videos that I found suck, so fuck that.  Nashville isn’t just country music and inter-family relations, its a nice place to visit, and Texas is a place poopsockwhere men are men and sheep are scared! Some lady was the victim of the poo sock attacker on train and I laughed when I heard this so I get a special seat in Hell.  American sports have too many commercials, according to everyone.  And speaking of everyone, this segment has been brought to you by Verizon Wireless, can you hear me now? In case you haven’t figured it out by now, the ladies love a clean smooth hair free ass. People shouldn’t have to keep calling in to ask Ellis how to shave their intimate parts, but if you ask me, I always use Gillette Fusion Proglide, for against the grain closeness with comfort. A girl called in and said that she liked to be choked but she needed to teach her boyfriend how to choke her properly and without that weird “I wanna kill you” vibe.  How to choke a bitch has been brought to by The Home Depot. Because we have shovels, and that hole ain’t gonna dig itself.

In today’s Hollywood News, Kat Williams is gettin heat for being a pimp, Lohan didn’t want to kiss crack faced Charlie Sheen, Madonna yelled at some smokers at her concert and then threatened to cancel the show, Kelly Osbourn is hot, some magazine is looking for pictures of Lohan in Pennsylvania, Devito still trying to get Pearlman back, a bunch of famous people thanked Obama for being cool about weed, Arnold’s hair resembles that of Hitler’s, and all of this has been brought to you by Instagram, because your pictures are our pictures and we don’t give a fuck what you say about it.  After Hollywood News they did, Get The Cock Off Your Chest end of the world holiday edition. There were a lot of people looking to clear their conscious of their dirty little deeds and the segment was very entertaining. Get The Cock Off Your Chest was also sponsored by KY Jelly, getting cocks off since 1904.

Final calls time. During Final Calls they talked about football, chubby truckers, shout out to the veterans, roses, Cullen, Cullen’s fat baby, a slippery slope of death, Jerry Springer, a self racist black man, Master of Puppets, Uncle Jesse from Atlanta, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, stinky dinky and wrinkle poles, the fucktard of the year, fuck Tully, Canada, and Jingle balls. 1321645583363

This is the last recap of 2012 and those of us here at NoYouAre would like to wish you a safe and happy Christmas, Hanukkah, or what ever the fuck else it is you do to get drunk in December. We would also like to thank yer mum, her prices are fair and she always helps pay for the Penicillin, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 12/12/2012

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YNThe Jason Ellis Show is back undoubtedly thanks to Burbank Dave and his ability to be at Jason’a help at a moments notice. Elephants are wrinkly, so are cats, especially when they are hairless and can’t hide their wrinkly ball sack looking skin. Ellis was invited to go to a red carpet event of Disney on Ice with his kids. Nothing cooler than your Dad being interviewed by a bunch of people that think he’s Jason Stathams stunt double. Rawdog claims that he has seen a car flip over during high winds while being blown by Jessica Simpson. There are a number of things that make this story improbable. First only Josh and Burbank Dave have ever seen a car flip due to winds, and second, there is no enough room in Josh’s car for Jessica to be able to properly blow him.Disney on Meth

There’s only one day left to bid on the charity jam they call the Jason Ellis Show Experience. Okay, maybe I just call it that but the current bid is just over 5 grand! Goos job EllisFam. Ever wonder what your baby is worth on the black market? Rawdog took a quicksmells like shit survey from tully and out of 50 fruits and vegetables, he only likes french fries. If anyone was shocked by that please stop reading this, you will never get it. Ezekiel Bread is made with poop. Yup, poop. It used to be made with cow poop but then the people bitched to God about it and because God likes a good joke, told them to use their own poop and they did and God laughed. Its in the Bible, and more importantly its’s on the internet so that makes it true.

Thank you to the ladies for helping out with the “What Do You Think Of These” segment, it sounds like the guys really enjoy it. And if you would also like us here at NoYouAre to give our opinion please CC us a copy, thank you. Panama is making their canal wider which means that they can take a bigger load through their wet passage. And speaking of Panama, segway, a Panama woman got caught smuggling coke in her breast implants. Here’s the Yoko Ono video, and that’s all I need to say about that. Whats left of Nirvana and Paul McCartney are performing together for a charity event and so are Octomom and The Dudesons. And Here’s the Anti-Scientology rap. New Music Tuesday Wednesday was a menagerie of shit featuring Metta World Peace, Cassidy Pope, Big Boy, and some other shitty music that made me want to put sharp objects into my ears.

Hollywood News is brought to you by Anne Hathaway’s pussy. According to some magazine, some chicks are hot, Ricky Martin wishes to come out of the closet again so he can be twice as gay, and Brook Mueller (Charlie Sheen’s ex) is going to rehab, again, for the 19th time. Good luck with this one. The 19th time’s the charm. And then there was final calls where we learned that Australians are just the American version of The Dudesons, drunk and possible retarded. I shouldn’t say mean things like that though. We all thought yer mum was retarded, the way she constantly drooled and slobbered, that is until we realized it’s just all the left over man goo that was seeping out, OH!The Dudesons

 

 

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Amber (@reankanesmom)

  1. Where do you live? Adaghetto,Black Hole, Dusthell the list goes (Adelanto, CA)
  2. What is your occupation? Mommy, Student, Freelance Photographer(though by trade I teach pre-k)
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. Let’s see here..OCD mom of two kids 8 and 6. Married for almost 10 years to one awesome Army Veteran(Tithas aka Sgtshitbag)lol. Always striving to do better and not let the stupid shit bother me.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I do not get to listen all the time :( due to the kids always being in the car. Damn those little people though it’s been close to 5 years now.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Through my husband, one day I got into his car and was like What the fuck is this shit turn it off and after that I was hooked.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? Honestly pure suspense on what will be done or said next.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How?As strange as this sound I have lost almost 100 lbs since 2010 and pushed me to make that change was always hearing Ellis talk about being healthy in some way.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Fuck your face..that is all..

 

Shifty (@SHIFTYINMN)

  1. Where do you live? Circle Pines, MN
  2. What is your occupation? I work at a law firm. No I’m not a lawyer, more of the firms/clients whipping boy.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. Dad of 2 girls and 1 boy and hubby to @prettymisschloe. Like to ride my bike especially to Stillwater with her. I own a full set of Labs (1 chocolate, 1 Yellow and 1 “Bleck” lab) and 3 chickens that match the colors of the dogs. Also have 3 cats, 2 of which we found on the side of the road 2 days after xmas 2 years ago (vet said they were about 7 weeks when we found them). Being the “I HATE CATS” guy that I am, I let the kids keep them. Clearly someone bought their kids a kitten xmas present and someone who objected didn’t have the balls to do the right thing and just dumped them! Now, I don’t mind cats in the least. 3rd cat is a friend of mines grampa who recently passed. That cat, well frankly she’s a cunt (she hates the the dogs bigtime)!
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Mid October 2005.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I got a shitty Sirius player from Walmart because we were going to Talledega late October I was sitting in my shitty commute home and just happened upon it. Cannot really say I listened “religiously” (because once I got home car off) until Ellis talked about the Stilleto, I got it soon as it came out and have listened start to finish ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? That is a fantastic question! It is just what I do, I do not want to call it a habit, because if I know he is not live I am not tweeting “OMG HOW WILL I MAKE THIS DAY/WEEK WITHOUT A LIVE SHOW???”. Am I bummed when there is supposed to be a live show but is not, a little, but I do not get all bent out of shape like some people. Hey asshole, shit comes up where I cannot listen and have to catch it on another day, that’s fuckin’ life! He has his own also, deal with it and stop fucking whining to him about not being live!
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? On March 26, 2011 Ellis replied to me that it was OK to start a WK Chapter in MN. I ran with it, and with that reply, other TJES fans in MN came out of the woodwork. People I may have never known for whatever reason that I now call friends that are close. Ellisfam is worldwide, but to know so many are in your home state is awesome. And the Chapter was born and patches sent out with a lil help from Grant Cobb. My youngest daughter and her friend put together and sent a care package to one of the Chapter members who was stationed in Afghanistan, that was a pretty good day, they understood why and what  they were doing and it meant a lot to them. Even gave a cheeseburger to a homeless guy, although, he was not impressed… I tried.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Yes, you have a great thing going here to unite EllisFam who may not know one another and I commend you for that. Some cannot make EM events for various reasons (I’ve only made one, EM7) Nice work! I hope more “unwilling participants” will play along!

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Friday 12/7/2012

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Hey mother fuckers it’s time to jump over shit cuz it’s Friday! You know what the Swinghouse needs, a skate ramp sponsored by Slurpee, so Ellis can do his sick ass skateboard moves during the breaks or when ever he damn well feels like. Will’s voice is shot, probably karma getting back at him for sabotaging the buttons. Little Willy Cupcake defended himself in a hilarious mickey mouse during puberty fashion. The guys had a little advice for Rawdog to ease his performance issues during the Wreckoning. Mainly get

The Dolce Diet, apples and nuts!

drunk but not too drunk, like my prom date and she did fine. Ellis’s new maid was finding tiger turds and poopies everywhere, I’m not sure why but in these situations I find it best to not ask any questions. Ellis is also eating eating apple and nuts in accordance with the Dolce Diet. They said something about The Grateful Dead and Jason’s new intern, Lord Sear, the white Canadian one, is kicking ass, just so you know. The UFC goes up to 8% gay with fashion style and flair, and UFC guys fight, cry, something, something, broken bones, mad respect. Some South African chick called in who used to bar fight and wants to fight now but won’t shut the fuck up and probably knows Donald Schultz. Dana White is willing to have an all girl ultimate fighter season. There would probably be less crying and bitchy drama than this season.

Hollywood News, Lindsay Lohan is on bus with Wanted, I don’t know who the fuck they are wither but they probably have coke. The Notorious B.I.G.’s autopsy was released, surprise surprise, he died of gun shot wounds. War should be hand 2 hand? Brazil would kick everyone’s ass and then we would all have massive parades with trannies and girls with great asses. Nicole Kidman’s beaver was mentioned, so here it is. She peed on Zack Effron in a recent movie and that sparked the conversation of who would you like to be peed on? Rose Mgowan, Taylor Swift, Gwen Stephanie, Matt Damon? There was a lot of pee talk which is why I’m now in the bathroom writing this. That’s better. Kidman spoke to Dijour about Tom Cruze and their break up and how it made her sad and shit. Speaking of shit (segway), wanna be bros with Johnny Depp? Just sew your mouth to his ass, then he will be your bro for life! Devito and Perelman working on their marriage and love guru, Taylor Swift doesn’t know how to make relationships work.  Breaking News, Corona Dave spotted the Ellis impostor pumping gas while Elvis washed the windshield.

Here is the entire recap of Tully’s “Women, am I right?” segment. Some chick has Bigfoot DNA, dumbass. A physical therapist becomes double jointed arm wrestling. A 19 year old Nebraska teen stole a car, robbed a bank,  and then put it all on youtube. A  couples 3-some ends in gunshots after the dudes wife falls asleep and wakes to see her hubby tagging the other chick. A 60 year old Florida woman got lubed with olive oil but then asked for Pam and her boyfriend admitted to fucking Pam, she has a boat. A 27 year old Tennessee woman called rape because of bad sex. A Florida girl threatened her date with a kitchen knife and smashed his windows because shes a crazy bitch. Another Florida woman robbed man while having sex while driving, Reddragons to you sir. An Illinois woman hit tree because she was drunk and wanted to see the twilight movie. A woman cut up her boyfriend for taking the last colt 45, gangster. A mom and daughter duo are Fmaking porn together, keep it in the family. A woman burned down her house in fear of ghosts, and possible attic raccoons.  A woman claims to be allergic to wifi. A husband, his wife, and her sister went out and upon returning the girls got into a fight and the sister bit off the wife’s nose. And hoarder has 100 frozen cats, some a little more liquidy than others.

Now thats’ some cold pussy!

Prime minister huge tits declared .end of world so there will be a shortage of Vegimite in the next couple weeks. Don’t forget about Ellis’s auction to hang out with the guys and then go to a strip club and get knee jacked by a law student. Some gay kid in jersey wants an easy bake oven but they only make them in pink and purple. Waaaaaa. And finally, Final calls (conveniently named). Final calls were surprisingly good. They talked about tits, tittys, boobs, sweater meat, fun bags, balloon smugglers, bazoongas, bongos, flappers, love melons, nippleoons, zingers, rib cushions, pompoms, and moo moos. Ellis also made a bet with Josh on the UFC fights this weekend. If Josh gets all 4 cards correct and wins the coin toss (2 out of 3), Ellis will join josh at The Wreckoning slobbing know on some equestrian erection. Then there was talk about moto, lesbians  the friend zone, butt chugging addictions and the eerie silence of confusion, just like yer mums gynecologist makes as he stares into the abyss of her enormous hole of doom, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 11/30/2012

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The end of the week is finally here and you know what that means! Have you ever thought about having a metallic skull? Or what it would be like to have a phone implanted in your

The doctor is here to see you, eh.

jaw? If you did then airports would become a bitch and how could you post titty pictures onto Twitter? Ellis is getting his knee fixed and went to Dr. Stabby who injected some unicorn blood into his knee after asking Jason if he was freeballin. Then Ellis talked about getting a nose job, mostly to fix his deviated septum and then maybe get shit straightened out. Speaking of nose jobs, here’s a video of an eagle throwing a goat off a cliff. Farting in public is frowned upon unless your Asian, old, and old Asian or its just funny. But remember, farting in a kids face at Disneyland is an offense that is punishable by death. That’s what the internet said anyway and that means it’s true.

North Korea found a unicorn burial site. And they are also all full of shit. But you know who’s not full of shit? Godwar, and he made another appearance today. He brought us Godwar Metallica Edition and as cool as that sounds it was hard as fuck! However, there might be an appearance of Godwar on the next Death Death Die album because Godwar’s singing is metal as fuck! A model in Bejing got arrested for dressing up as a cop, a sexy sexy lady cop. The government knows that geneticly modified corn causes cancer but they don’t give a shit cause it’s all about the dolla dolla bills ya’ll. Wonder what you can do to help the enviroment? Try painting yourself green or working for the Sierra Club, or not farting, and a school in Phoenix punished two kids for fighting by making them hold hands in public for an hour. This is a great punishment, especially now that the boys are gay because of the contact with each other.

The Dogfather came into the studio today to sell his latest product, the Super Accurate Fortune Cookie. These cookies have an accuracy increase of 77% from other fortune cookies. They also come in different flavors like strawberry, mint, coconut, and bwoobewy. He was awso on Gwood Day LA to get even more pubwicity fow his cwookies. You can order these at smartestcookie.com and use the promo coke “fuckyou” to get a discount. Oh and they played Ellis Jeopardy but I missed it so if you can listen to it and tell me about it, thanks.

Some dude somewhere was on some kind of medication that turned him into a gambling gay sexaholic. That kind of reporting is only available here folks! In Hollywood News some singer guy kicked a chick out of his concert because she tweeted something about the show sucking, and it probably did. Gerard Depardieu got a DUI after falling off his

They see me rollin, then I be fallin

scooter,Dr. Phil is a womanizing prick, in case you didn’t already know, and what would Hollywood news be without Lindsay Lohan. Apparently she drinks 2 liters of vodka a day. Some caller brought up some of Ellis’ bad interviews over the years and LL Cool J and Johnny Rotten were the two discussed. I thought these were hilarious interviews because if they were just a little better it would have sucked. Final calls also sucked. And speaking of sucking, yer mum also sucks, she sucks so much that Dyson modeled their vacuums after her throat, OH!