Show Re-cap For Wednesday 12/12/2012

YNThe Jason Ellis Show is back undoubtedly thanks to Burbank Dave and his ability to be at Jason’a help at a moments notice. Elephants are wrinkly, so are cats, especially when they are hairless and can’t hide their wrinkly ball sack looking skin. Ellis was invited to go to a red carpet event of Disney on Ice with his kids. Nothing cooler than your Dad being interviewed by a bunch of people that think he’s Jason Stathams stunt double. Rawdog claims that he has seen a car flip over during high winds while being blown by Jessica Simpson. There are a number of things that make this story improbable. First only Josh and Burbank Dave have ever seen a car flip due to winds, and second, there is no enough room in Josh’s car for Jessica to be able to properly blow him.Disney on Meth

There’s only one day left to bid on the charity jam they call the Jason Ellis Show Experience. Okay, maybe I just call it that but the current bid is just over 5 grand! Goos job EllisFam. Ever wonder what your baby is worth on the black market? Rawdog took a quicksmells like shit survey from tully and out of 50 fruits and vegetables, he only likes french fries. If anyone was shocked by that please stop reading this, you will never get it. Ezekiel Bread is made with poop. Yup, poop. It used to be made with cow poop but then the people bitched to God about it and because God likes a good joke, told them to use their own poop and they did and God laughed. Its in the Bible, and more importantly its’s on the internet so that makes it true.

Thank you to the ladies for helping out with the “What Do You Think Of These” segment, it sounds like the guys really enjoy it. And if you would also like us here at NoYouAre to give our opinion please CC us a copy, thank you. Panama is making their canal wider which means that they can take a bigger load through their wet passage. And speaking of Panama, segway, a Panama woman got caught smuggling coke in her breast implants. Here’s the Yoko Ono video, and that’s all I need to say about that. Whats left of Nirvana and Paul McCartney are performing together for a charity event and so are Octomom and The Dudesons. And Here’s the Anti-Scientology rap. New Music Tuesday Wednesday was a menagerie of shit featuring Metta World Peace, Cassidy Pope, Big Boy, and some other shitty music that made me want to put sharp objects into my ears.

Hollywood News is brought to you by Anne Hathaway’s pussy. According to some magazine, some chicks are hot, Ricky Martin wishes to come out of the closet again so he can be twice as gay, and Brook Mueller (Charlie Sheen’s ex) is going to rehab, again, for the 19th time. Good luck with this one. The 19th time’s the charm. And then there was final calls where we learned that Australians are just the American version of The Dudesons, drunk and possible retarded. I shouldn’t say mean things like that though. We all thought yer mum was retarded, the way she constantly drooled and slobbered, that is until we realized it’s just all the left over man goo that was seeping out, OH!The Dudesons



Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/30/2012

Dre ain’t gay, but his headphones are!

Coming to you live, from quite far away from the apocalyptic storm that has shat all over the Northeastern United States of Motherfucking America – it’s a Tuesday re-cap for your ass. Ellis woke up early to watch more Claire Danes movies, I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if he’s one more movie away from joining the Claire Danes street team. Tully’s kid is starting to be a real dickhead – his schedule is all fucked up from traveling to Japan and he hasn’t been sleeping, which means he and his wife haven’t been sleeping either. For the sake of humanity, some people are hoping Rawdog is sterile and instead shoots loads of Fanta, he also cannot do a handstand or even really get his legs in the air without help. Jude stopped on the show today after having yesterday full of hallucinogens and all day fucking, he’s sure there are at least a few homosexual rappers, but 50 Cent isn’t one of them. Do gay dudes ever fuck chicks? What percentage of gay dudes have never even touched a girl? According to Jude, DanOD5 was so faggy, it helped him pull more poon.

Stop domestic violence, support titty kung fu!

TJES correspondent, Bryan Cullen, called into the show to give us a live, on location, rock you like a hurricane, news update from the eye of the storm. The storm is going door-to-door giving people AIDs, this storm really is son of a bitch. Cumtard gave us some breaking Hollywood news – Disney has purchased Lucasfilm and so there will be a Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015, white people are pissed and black people don’t give no fuck no how, nah I’m sayin? Apparently Edward Furlong has not only gotten to fat shit status, but now he’s obtained wife beater status as well after being arrested at LAX for domestic abuse. Jude used to see him at parties every now and then, and fat shit wife beater actually stole a chick from Jude once. Octomom checked her gaping snatch into rehab and left her 14 little money makers with a nanny (or nannies and friends) while she gets off the pill train. And of course, we can’t talk pills without talking about Jude, Tully, and Tully’s dope sick wife. Okay, she’s not really dope sick, but she would be if she just picked up the fucking pace already.

If NYC falls to Sandy, the Republic of Jesusland is our last hope.

Backbone called back in to give us and update, the hurricane has now become a full on war, NYC is now bombing and shooting the storm. Shark people with metro cards are forming in the subways and planning a retaliatory attack. Cameron Diaz is not hot and you could pilot a supertanker between her tits, but that fact sure pisses some people off. Just ask the callers. Lucky us, along with Sandy2012 it’s also New Music Tuesday today. There was a band called Halitosis or some kind of osis that seemed okay, but the Red Solo Cup guy sounded like shit on a boot heal. Some chick kept repeating the word “touch” for what felt like 35 minutes, it may have been longer, I’m not sure because I blacked the fuck out. Bad news, the shark people have registered on Twitter and have put forth their demands. Good news, in a last ditch effort to save humanity, Tully registered shark people on Instagram. Your mom finally broke down and told the real story of how she started to be a whore. It all made sense, I remembered when you had asked me, “Why did the little girl drop her balloon?” I replied, “Because she was being raped in the mouth.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/20/2012

Who gets tired of titties?

Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!

While you were talking about celebrities…

Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.

Kill me now, or yourself. Either way.

Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/5/2012

I basically stared at this for the entire Lycans discussion.

Wassup party people in the place to be? I’m filling in for @AZ_RedDragon today because he’s having a fucking dinner party – I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t know he was such a debutante either. HEYOH! Actually, he’s having dinner with @azkellie and @FaceplantLauren and I assume his wife and kids. If going by the songs Ellis played during the breaks today, this is a love filled show today. Ellis got woken up by Paris Hilton today, sure, it was just in his dream, but still. He’ll be moving out of his apartment soon, he plans on giving all his shit to Goodwill so he doesn’t have to move jack shit, solid idea when you get tons of free shit. The DogFather used to read bedtime stories to Rawdog and would do character voices to match the story – including Elmer Fudd, he’s got a wicked awesome Elmer Fudd. More talk about Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, I’m still not sure what this is, but it sounds like another vampire movie and that means it can fuck itself right off my TV, I don’t care how hot Kate Beckinsale is. Shitting and farting in front of your significant other isn’t really all the cool – you’re just asking for trouble because one or both of you are going to end up calling the other a nasty motherfucker.

If you keep eating that shit, you’re gonna pay for it!

Jennifer (Rawdog speak) Jessica Simpson is now sponsored by fat lady snacks Weight Watchers because she’s gained a lot of weight after mowing through Mac-n-Cheese and shit while she was pregnant, and she refuses to run because according to her, her titties are too big. There was quite a bit of time spent on her fatness and diet, which is okay, but I’m done talking about her dumb ass. The real deal Holyfield is that if you get fat and don’t do anything about it, you’ll look for any excuse to justify your fatness. Oh, and don’t scarf down a shitload of “comfort food” (and no, M&M’s do not fall into that category) while you’re pregnant, it’s not doing you or that spawn in your belly, any good. A possible solution is changing your diet to the Ellis Diet, water, dick, and vodka. A listener sent in an email from 2010 that appeared to have Lindsay Lohan as one of the recipients. It outlined who was going to be suing her ass, the skrilla she’ll need to pay for all that shit, and the duckettes she at the time didn’t have to cover anything but a booger. Hilary Duff’s giant head is married to Mike Comrie’s massive dome, and if they boink to make a baby, it will be Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. There was talk about Octomom porn, I Googled and then shut down my computer – that was enough for one day.

Stick to roller disco, Borneo. And stop with the orangutan sex slave trade.

Some poor orangutan was kept as a sex slave, with repeat customers – and that’s pretty fucked up, man. Why would you prefer to fuck an animal instead of a human? I don’t have an answer for that one. Shout out to Borneo, you monkey fuckers top the list as the most fucked up shithole on the planet. Speaking of fucked up shitholes, we got to hear some new drops today, straight from The DogFather’s mouth (or shithole if I may), showcasing his speech impediment that Rawdog still doesn’t accept as fact. It’s fucking amazing, there’s no way Rawdog doesn’t hear it, he’s pwaying dumb. And for the record, I don’t mean to be offensive when I call The DogFather’s mouth a shithole, it’s more a term of endearment, witerawwy.

World’s Greatest Wednesday came back today! Except it took forever and a day to get going because Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis fucked the button bar up like some kind of orangutan fucker or something. For that, he had to create some new intros for the show, which he completely botched the words on most of them – but whatever, he did his famous “radio thing” that’s he’s been known for since the 80’s. On a quick, but completely unimportant note, we found out Lightening Train (aka El Gato) fucked a half Mexican, half Chinese stripper. Anyway, because Ellis is going to be boning Katie in a hot air balloon, WGWtopic for today was “world’s greatest thing to do in a hot air balloon”. And here’s your top 10 in order from 1st to last:

If humans can wear a Bane mask, so can animals.

  1. Bang Katie with a Bane mask on
  2. Get a champagne blowjob from Katie
  3. Pay the pilot to wear a gimp suit
  4. Howl in Katie’s ass
  5. Dress up as Batman and Robin and fuck Katie
  6. Blindfold the pilot and fuck Katie
  7. Put a cubic zirconia around Katie’s neck while fucking her from behind
  8. Fire a flare gun as your cumming from fucking Katie
  9. Get a female pilot and have a threesome
  10. Play “I believe I can fly” from a loudspeaker

Satan called into the show today, he’s in Kansas, he still sounds scary but he’s really dropped off the map and his music is starting to suck. I think Shoebox must be mixing his shit because you can barely hear Satan over the tracks. So here’s what we’ve learned today: Don’t fuck with Lycans, don’t eat mac-n-cheese and expect to lose weight, don’t fuck orangutans, don’t lend money to Lindsay Lohan, don’t fuck with the button bar, and don’t Will-Will the Will unless you’re ready to Will. And for godsakes, you’re old enough to know better by now, you have to stop licking your mom’s cooter, you don’t know where that thing has been. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/1/2012

Goddamnit Bob, be nice!

It’s Tuesday, it’s also the first day of May, so listen to what I say, or I shall proclaim you gay. Damn man, look out Ja Rule, I’m a rhyme master! On an unrelated note, two fucking minutes before the show started, my online player suddenly set me back about 8 whole donkey dick minutes so all my tweets are probably going to be off. By the time I tweet something, they’ll be on an entirely new topic. To that, I say filthy words and ‘scuse me while I curse the skies. There was some more dick talk today, specifically circumcised versus un-circ’ed – which lead into how much Tully thinks of the orgasms his son will have one day. And that, led seamlessly into retarded people and how when they stare off into space, they could potentially be thinking about how retarded they are instead of unicorns.

Don’t listen to her

Somebody claimed Venus and Serena Williams are virgins, it doesn’t seem to be confirmed, but I think the real potential story here is that it’s quite possible that they have penetrated themselves with a tennis racket. That’s just one theory I’m bouncing around in my head anyway. Apparently Octomom is broke and is masturbating in porn to make ends meat. And the real question here is, who in the fuck wants to see that ditch pig rub her bombed out box? Joanna Angel’s movie trailer for “Rock-n-Roll In Your Butthole” features music from Taintstick – you know you’ve made it when your band is played during a montage of anal scenes. The real kicker here is that Ellis’ then 3-year-old daughter is also in that song, so yea, that seems like it should probably be edited or something.

I hope this isn’t true, but it looks like Michael Jordon might be a huge asshole. First was his Hall of Fame speech in 2009, where everyone felt he was settling old scores rather than being graceful. It was also revealed awhile ago that Tiger Wood’s friends and lawyer claimed that Jordon had been a bad influence on Tiger – particularly concerning his affairs and such. And now Chamellionaire is claiming that Jordon is in fact, a super asshole. In the end, I don’t claim to know if Jordan is or is not an asshole, you can make that call on your own. And then there was new music Tuesday! And then I decided to not write about it! And now, since you don’t know much about your whore mother, I’m going to tell you another story about her when you were just a child.

Nobody likes your mom

A few days after Christmas, she was working in the kitchen listening to you playing with your new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and you said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the fuck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train.” She went nuts and told you, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours and think about what you’ve done.” Two hours later, you came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with your train. Soon the train stopped and she heard you say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today. For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your luggage under your seat.” Your mom began to smile, and you added, “For those of you pissed about the two hour delay, please see the cunt in the kitchen!” The moral of the story here? Even when you were a kid, you knew your mother was a worthless whore. OH!