Show Re-cap For Friday 5/11/2012

Holy fuck it Friday, and not just any Friday but Who Gives A Fuck Friday, as if you even gave a fuck about that.  Today is Dan “Hot Balls” O’Donell’s last day.  This would be a sad event if it happened yesterday but it didn’t so I don’t give a fuck. We will miss you Doug and your hot mom.  Katie (Ellis’ girlfriend, in case you’ve been under a rock) was in the studio today.  She wasn’t really on the air but you could her her cute little girlfriend laugh every time Ellis made a joke. It was adorable, but who really gives a fuck anyway.

Alaskans will hunt bears, Australians will piss on you, and women are incredibly fucked in the head.  Especially the 21 year old that called in.  Some suspect that she is really 12, but that is way too creepy so for sake of dignity, she was at least 18. She said that while making sweet sweet love to her man in the cowgirl position he got on his cell phone.  This, under most circumstances is a major no no.  However, after listening to this girl drone on and on and on for about 5 minutes I started to understand his plight, I’m surprised he didn’t try to lodge the phone into his brain.

More news, pity sex sucks, Serena Williams made a shit-tacular rap, Rawdog has never received a blow job to completion (we were all shocked by this news), and some of the funniest news I’ve heard in a long time, a man was held up by another man with a rifle and was forced to do the moon walk.  Oh and Ellis puked, I’m not sure if it was on his dick or just in the trash can. I was too busy watching my wife dry heave as she heard it, good times.

The Lemmy interview was good, Vinnie Paul was great, but today the most epic of all interviews went down.  Ellis got a surprise visit from the man, the myth, the legend, Steven Tyler!  This interview was so epic that I am not going to try to summarize it, I will however encourage you to go our good friend’s site, Cobra Tits, to listen to the Steven Tyler interview first hand.

For the end of the show the guys finally finished Worlds Greatest Worst Male Sex Change. Here’s the top 3:

3. Andre the Giant

2. Lenny from Motorbreath

1. Zakk Wylde

In my opinion all three of these guys are incredible ugly for guys let alone guys with cookies.  The only thing worse than having to stuff the sausage into any of them would having to ram jam yer mums actual swamp box, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/1/2012

Goddamnit Bob, be nice!

It’s Tuesday, it’s also the first day of May, so listen to what I say, or I shall proclaim you gay. Damn man, look out Ja Rule, I’m a rhyme master! On an unrelated note, two fucking minutes before the show started, my online player suddenly set me back about 8 whole donkey dick minutes so all my tweets are probably going to be off. By the time I tweet something, they’ll be on an entirely new topic. To that, I say filthy words and ‘scuse me while I curse the skies. There was some more dick talk today, specifically circumcised versus un-circ’ed – which lead into how much Tully thinks of the orgasms his son will have one day. And that, led seamlessly into retarded people and how when they stare off into space, they could potentially be thinking about how retarded they are instead of unicorns.

Don’t listen to her

Somebody claimed Venus and Serena Williams are virgins, it doesn’t seem to be confirmed, but I think the real potential story here is that it’s quite possible that they have penetrated themselves with a tennis racket. That’s just one theory I’m bouncing around in my head anyway. Apparently Octomom is broke and is masturbating in porn to make ends meat. And the real question here is, who in the fuck wants to see that ditch pig rub her bombed out box? Joanna Angel’s movie trailer for “Rock-n-Roll In Your Butthole” features music from Taintstick – you know you’ve made it when your band is played during a montage of anal scenes. The real kicker here is that Ellis’ then 3-year-old daughter is also in that song, so yea, that seems like it should probably be edited or something.

I hope this isn’t true, but it looks like Michael Jordon might be a huge asshole. First was his Hall of Fame speech in 2009, where everyone felt he was settling old scores rather than being graceful. It was also revealed awhile ago that Tiger Wood’s friends and lawyer claimed that Jordon had been a bad influence on Tiger – particularly concerning his affairs and such. And now Chamellionaire is claiming that Jordon is in fact, a super asshole. In the end, I don’t claim to know if Jordan is or is not an asshole, you can make that call on your own. And then there was new music Tuesday! And then I decided to not write about it! And now, since you don’t know much about your whore mother, I’m going to tell you another story about her when you were just a child.

Nobody likes your mom

A few days after Christmas, she was working in the kitchen listening to you playing with your new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and you said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the fuck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train.” She went nuts and told you, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours and think about what you’ve done.” Two hours later, you came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with your train. Soon the train stopped and she heard you say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today. For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your luggage under your seat.” Your mom began to smile, and you added, “For those of you pissed about the two hour delay, please see the cunt in the kitchen!” The moral of the story here? Even when you were a kid, you knew your mother was a worthless whore. OH!