Hi everybody! It was great seeing you all in Vegas, what a blast we had together! I met so many new faces, we shared laughter, stories, food, and good times. We’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s just dive right into it, shall we? So today’s show was pre-taped, yesterday, about the events from the day before, but aired on Faction today. Let’s try and do this. It’s really not that hard. We already covered Friday’s live show, but we didn’t get to talk about HATEBEAN’s first and last performance that night, nor the Tiger Box concert later that same night, after HATEBEAN! Only HATEBEAN was live on OfficialJasonEllis.com, Tiger Box however, was not – though I believe it was filmed and will eventually be on the site as well. See? Simple, right? Continue reading
It’s here, and it’s queer! Wait. No. WE… ARE… LIVE! From Tupelo. Wait. No. From Las Vegas, Vinyl at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. You might have heard about it, EllisMania 10? It’s a thing. The gang is all there, Ellis, Tully, Will, Cumtard, Andrew, Hotdog, Cullen, Dingo, Katie, the Boyce Brothers, Harley Davidson & The Marlboro Man, pretty much everyone. Vinyl is at maximum capacity so some people are unable to get in to watch the show. It’s fuckin’ loud and there’s a lot of people staring at Ellis’ head and Dingo is dressed as a kangaroo. Sounds like Hotdog might have brought his own keg of beer to town in Ellis’ truck. Tully’s side bitch, Bunny, might be getting a beat down by Katie for not showing Tully her tits. Thomas Hayden Church and Betsy donated $10,000 each to go to Everlast’s cystic fibrosis charity. Everlast thanked Ellis by calling him a nigger. Continue reading
Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!
Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.
Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!
Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.
Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.
Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!
Guess who… it’s me, bitPimps! I’m back and ready to lick you where you shit, you motherfuckers! Did you all miss me? You better have. EllisMania 8 is this coming weekend, some of you will be there in Vegas, some of you will be watching on PPV on Ellismania8.com, and some of you will be living vicariously through others. The god-damned A6K is being worked on again, one can only hope that means that it is being turned into a port-a-potty. Ellis has been looking at places to rent and is pretty much letting his 7 year-old daughter pick out the place, so most likely it’s going to have some kick ass shit that kicks all kinds of asses. Rawdog is still putting his penis inside of a girl’s vagina on a pretty regular basis, so shout out to that stud muffin. Ellis still has a hole in his dick from blue balling a whore about a month ago, before getting back with Katie. And dry hand jobs are fucking 6th grade bullshit, and that’s all there is to it.
If you watched the UFC this weekend, you saw Chael lose to Silva. I’d feel like a fucking moron if I talked as much shit as Chael and then lost. Equally, I’d feel the same way if Steven Seagal was part of my fucking entourage and shit. Speaking of Steven Seagal, he looked like Steven Van Zandt, he looked fucking ridiculous. This was Tito’s last fight before retiring, and looks like he made the right choice because he lost his fight against Forrest. In other fight news, a rapper beat up another rapper, amazing right? The Game apparently threw fists at 40 Glocc, and there were a lot of n-bombs thrown as well – but nobody got shot son, so according to Ice Cube, it was a good day. Canada is banning foreign strippers in favor of home grown, beady eyed, whiter than rice on a paper plate in a snow storm, women. I predict the one strip club in Canada will be going back to trading furs and pelts within the next arriving Nor’easter. Oh, and in preparation for his fight with Ruby Renegade, Rawdog will not smoke any pot until after the fight, he’ll just eat pot. Way to put the hammer down and take thing seriously, my man!
Apparently some softballers are into TJES, a whole gaggle of them are listening at any given time so just be aware of that. Some dumb bitch with big tits from Australia turned herself into authorities after trying to commit robbery. I’m not sure why I even repeated that, it’s not news or noteworthy, I mean besides her having big tits. I guess what it boils down to here is that if you have nice tits, I’ma talk about ya. Why do I get the feeling that watching the Playboy channel is like watching Cinemax? Neither have money shots, so basically it’s like going to a strip club and getting a boner and leaving with blue balls, only a lot worse. Would you blow your best friend if they really, really, wanted it and begged you for it, and they were in a really tough spot? I didn’t think so, by the way, I’m not sure our friendship is working out anymore. Just kidding. We’ll always be more than friends, we’re digital lovers. One thing that is no joke, it’s the meat curtains your mom has for pussy lips. They starred in the movie Rocky, in the meat locker scene, getting punched by Rocky. OH!