If You Were To Give Me A Nickname Or Call Me A Name, What Would It Be?

As a game for everyone to play, I asked a simple question “If you were to give me a nickname or call me a name, what would it be?” and asked everyone to use the hashtag #bitPimpsShouldBeCalled and here are the responses: Continue reading

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/22/2012

I would like to start off by thanking the SiriusXm app for being a total pile of shit that was shit out by yet another piece of shit that previously ate it. I missed the first 15 minutes due to this fucktardedry and caught the part where Ellis said that he signed the papers for the house in Tarzan. I’m not from LA so this means as much to me as knowing where Burbank is, sorry Dave. A good friend of the EllisFam, Cody, called in today to thank the Fam and mainly Dutch for their support through his rough emotional patch. This is one of the astonishing things that the EllisFam is known for, helping our brothers and sisters in their time of need, that and giving Dutch handys, you know you would. That led to the discussion of taking depression medication, and the survey says, why not? Ellis wants to have his am show played on Faction, as if we haven’t already heard, Mittens Romney drove with his dog on the top of the car bla bla bla, we covered this about a month ago. The surprising this was that Rawdiggidydog was the only one who remembered that, oh and about 500 people on ellismania.com.

Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are getting married, and according to TMZ this will mark the first lesbian marriage in the Rock World so congrats to the two of them. Rawdog still chooses to defend his McEating habits even though he pissed out a kidney stone. He he is even going as far as to say that carbonated beverages don’t attribute to them. If carbonated drinks don’t cause kidney stones then internet porn isn’t the cause for my sticky keyboard. A brand spanking new game was played today, no it wasn’t guess whats in yer mums smash box, it was, ummmm, I forget. Lets just call it Caller Bingo. Basically a restaurant owner, police officer, elected official, gay porn star, cowboy, etc., had to call in and the guys marked off their bingo boards. This game took forever and was slightly amusing but I’m pretty sure that they won’t be playing it again in the near future. Breaking news, chicks love their boobies and vaginas and so do I! Josh doesn’t know exactly where his girlfriend of 2 months lives exactly. She says its because shes embarrassed or some shit, I think its because they are a secretly working for Opie and Anthony and are stealing show secrets from McTumblebum. Would you take 4 dicks in the ass for 500 thousand dollars cash tax free? If you say no then I know your lying, yer mum did it for bus fare and a half eaten hamburger, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 7/16/2012

DanOD5 getting his interview on after some thuggery

Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.

MMA Sasquatch lurking and rubbing his jerky in the background

Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.

Mayhem Bot making his rap debut with Death! Death! Die!

Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!

EllisFam Interviews

I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Alex Reed (@shit_toboggan)

  1. Where do you live? Oakland, California.
  2. What is your occupation? Service adviser at Dana Meyer Auto Care in Albany, CA.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I am pretty much your average working stiff. I like tattoos, skating, loud fast angry music, slow sweet romantic music, bit of a comic collector, cars, all around good guy I suppose. Never really sure what to write when someone says “Tell me about yourself” unless I’m filling out a job application. I spend most of my time working, most recently been training three days a week for EllisMania 8. On my off time I’m also a semi-regular volunteer at 924 Gilman st, the semi-legendary punk rock club out here in the bay area.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I’ve been  listening to the Ellis show for about 4 1/2 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I discovered the show kind of by accident. I had Sirius for over a year and was starting to lose interest in Howard Stern. I would listen to music and flip through channels all day. I always thought it was weird that the action sports channel had some British guy doing an afternoon talk show, and never really stopped to hear it through, but one day I landed on Faction during a “Dude, is it gay?” segment and couldn’t stop laughing. I listened to the rest of the show and loved every second of it. Been hooked ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? It’s funny, definitely makes the work day go by faster. It can be anything from motivational to hilarious to just plain stupid to absolutely beautiful. The fans are really a community, not just a bunch of fans. Jason does a great job weeding out the bullshit we all can get stuck in. It’s a great way to spend four hours of the day and always puts a smile on my face somehow.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? It’s been a good way to keep sane on stressful days. Joining in on all the “World’s Greatest” and other shit the show asks for participation on, all the EllisMania’s have been an amazing time. It does light a fire under my ass to get out and do more with myself. I was always a pretty lazy person, now I exercise and eat better and really do shit with my time. Life’s too short, y’know?
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? CumTard is gonna get fucked up real bad July 14th. RED DRAGONS!!!

Dutch 中 (@Dutch_RDS)

  1. Where do you live? Highlands Ranch, CO
  2. What is your occupation? Director of Product Management and Sales Gateway Services Group
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. 32 actually 33 on July 6. Just celebrated 10 years of marriage. I have a 4 year old son named Jack. He was born premature at 29 weeks he was 2 lbs 11 oz and spent 42 days in the NICU. He is my world and couldn’t imagine life without him.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I have been a listener for 4 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I was listening to faction one day when TJES came on, I was hooked right away.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I keep listening because Ellis is real. He’s some some fake wackity wack radio guy. Jason has always been open and honest about his life, his struggles, his triumphs and that is a big thing for me. I also keep listening because I love the #ellisfam
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Through the show I met the #ellisfam. A great group of people that have always been there for me. I have had a lot of ups and downs or last 4 years and the fam has always been there for me. Recently I was going through some shit, I felt alone and started cutting. A couple of fam members reached out to me and saved me from myself. Even my own fraternity which I love hasn’t been there for me like the fam has.  There are a couple of people I will always be grateful for.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I am really looking forward to meeting everyone at EM8 and putting on a good show the fans! Chin down hands up!

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/26/2012

I speak the truth! Just kidding

Holy shit! Did you guys hear the news that rocked the world today? Rawdog is now engaged to that chick he’s been dating and they plan on moving to Rhode Island because that’s where her family is from, so no more Rawdog on the show and Rude Jude will be taking his place! Fucking huge bummer, but could be kinda cool having Jude on, right? Well that would be some shocking Asia news if I wasn’t totally lying my ass off right now. Really though, he hates hot chicks just as much as he hates MMA fighters, but loves a chick that can twirl a baton. As Tully has speculated before, Rawdog really does enjoy when he gets punched in the nuts with the Hulk hands. This was confirmed today when Rawdog punched himself right in the dick, harder than Tully has ever punched him. In other, actually truthful news, Ellismania8.com is now online and ready to siphon the money out of your pockets. You know how Ellis ran into Big Black while he was in Miami doing the Hooters judging shit? Yea, well now Big Black wants to help judge the bikini competition at Ellismania 8! That’s motha fuckin’ dope, y’all! Do work, son!

MMA makes you gay

Ellis got his A6K back after West Coast Customs had finished fixing it up, the inside looks brand new, has a navigation system for dumb dumbs in it, all the electronics work in it without breaking all the other shit, and now he’s in love with West Coast Customs. Rightfully so I assume. They offered to fix up the outside of the truck as well but he declined, probably a wise choice or it would’ve come back with massive wings and glitter on it or some shit. All kinds of trash talk flying between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, sounds like Anderson is finally losing his shit and says he’s basically going to ruin Chael’s face for all his trash talking. We all know a lot of fighters do this to help sell tickets, but Anderson has never really gotten into the whole trash talking game so it is rather odd to hear him go off like that. Sad vegetables aren’t as good as happy vegetables, which makes total sense when you think about how they were raised. I mean, if the vegetables’ parents were abusive or addicts, one would expect life to be much more difficult for the young vegetable.

Facts about your mom

Good news for @Dutch_RDS, he’s getting his shot to fight at Ellismania 8 in the blindfold shock collar fight – so congratulations to him! Ellismania 8 is getting bigger and bigger by the fucking day with guests such as Kit Cope, Danny Martinez, Kenji Gallo, Gabe Ruediger, Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Big Black, Mayhem, and more! You shitheads that get to go to Ellismania 8 are lucky as fuck. I hope you all enjoy yourselves and you better take a metric shit ton of photos and videos so the rest of us can live vicariously through you! 50 Cent got in an accident when a Mac truck rear-ended his SUV, sources say the Mac truck is now in hiding after receiving death threats. Today was new music Tuesday, and fuck all that noise, we ain’t talking about it. That Laura chick that gave Ellis his current voice altimication machine was on the show today to give him another fuckin’ TC-1000 Boner Jam Fucker Upper v2.74 altimication machine that has a touch screen and shit. I want one so bad but I ain’t got $800 to be pissing away just so I can call my wife with a creepy voice.

I got the magic stick

More Wolfknives members called in to get their names today, and according to my accounting records there is currently $2.4 million dollars worth of memberships. Also, I am not an accountant and I keep no records – for legal purposes. Some dude who has at least two ex-wives and is an investigator, watched his first ex-wife have sex with some dude. I’m guessing the whole trust issue thing came into play while he was practicing his Magnum PI skills on her. Speaking of practicing, your mom has been going to the gym a lot lately. After all the dudes are done working out and smooching themselves in the mirrors, they all got in a circle with your mom in the middle and took turns shitting in her mouth. You thought there was gonna be a circle jerk story there, didn’t you? Don’t lie! But seriously, she has been going to the gym and putting the 25 pound kettle bells in her snatch. You have to tell her to stop, people are complaining. OH!