Hey mother fuckers it’s time to jump over shit cuz it’s Friday! You know what the Swinghouse needs, a skate ramp sponsored by Slurpee, so Ellis can do his sick ass skateboard moves during the breaks or when ever he damn well feels like. Will’s voice is shot, probably karma getting back at him for sabotaging the buttons. Little Willy Cupcake defended himself in a hilarious mickey mouse during puberty fashion. The guys had a little advice for Rawdog to ease his performance issues during the Wreckoning. Mainly get
drunk but not too drunk, like my prom date and she did fine. Ellis’s new maid was finding tiger turds and poopies everywhere, I’m not sure why but in these situations I find it best to not ask any questions. Ellis is also eating eating apple and nuts in accordance with the Dolce Diet. They said something about The Grateful Dead and Jason’s new intern, Lord Sear, the white Canadian one, is kicking ass, just so you know. The UFC goes up to 8% gay with fashion style and flair, and UFC guys fight, cry, something, something, broken bones, mad respect. Some South African chick called in who used to bar fight and wants to fight now but won’t shut the fuck up and probably knows Donald Schultz. Dana White is willing to have an all girl ultimate fighter season. There would probably be less crying and bitchy drama than this season.
Hollywood News, Lindsay Lohan is on bus with Wanted, I don’t know who the fuck they are wither but they probably have coke. The Notorious B.I.G.’s autopsy was released, surprise surprise, he died of gun shot wounds. War should be hand 2 hand? Brazil would kick everyone’s ass and then we would all have massive parades with trannies and girls with great asses. Nicole Kidman’s beaver was mentioned, so here it is. She peed on Zack Effron in a recent movie and that sparked the conversation of who would you like to be peed on? Rose Mgowan, Taylor Swift, Gwen Stephanie, Matt Damon? There was a lot of pee talk which is why I’m now in the bathroom writing this. That’s better. Kidman spoke to Dijour about Tom Cruze and their break up and how it made her sad and shit. Speaking of shit (segway), wanna be bros with Johnny Depp? Just sew your mouth to his ass, then he will be your bro for life! Devito and Perelman working on their marriage and love guru, Taylor Swift doesn’t know how to make relationships work. Breaking News, Corona Dave spotted the Ellis impostor pumping gas while Elvis washed the windshield.
Here is the entire recap of Tully’s “Women, am I right?” segment. Some chick has Bigfoot DNA, dumbass. A physical therapist becomes double jointed arm wrestling. A 19 year old Nebraska teen stole a car, robbed a bank, and then put it all on youtube. A couples 3-some ends in gunshots after the dudes wife falls asleep and wakes to see her hubby tagging the other chick. A 60 year old Florida woman got lubed with olive oil but then asked for Pam and her boyfriend admitted to fucking Pam, she has a boat. A 27 year old Tennessee woman called rape because of bad sex. A Florida girl threatened her date with a kitchen knife and smashed his windows because shes a crazy bitch. Another Florida woman robbed man while having sex while driving, Reddragons to you sir. An Illinois woman hit tree because she was drunk and wanted to see the twilight movie. A woman cut up her boyfriend for taking the last colt 45, gangster. A mom and daughter duo are Fmaking porn together, keep it in the family. A woman burned down her house in fear of ghosts, and possible attic raccoons. A woman claims to be allergic to wifi. A husband, his wife, and her sister went out and upon returning the girls got into a fight and the sister bit off the wife’s nose. And hoarder has 100 frozen cats, some a little more liquidy than others.
Prime minister huge tits declared .end of world so there will be a shortage of Vegimite in the next couple weeks. Don’t forget about Ellis’s auction to hang out with the guys and then go to a strip club and get knee jacked by a law student. Some gay kid in jersey wants an easy bake oven but they only make them in pink and purple. Waaaaaa. And finally, Final calls (conveniently named). Final calls were surprisingly good. They talked about tits, tittys, boobs, sweater meat, fun bags, balloon smugglers, bazoongas, bongos, flappers, love melons, nippleoons, zingers, rib cushions, pompoms, and moo moos. Ellis also made a bet with Josh on the UFC fights this weekend. If Josh gets all 4 cards correct and wins the coin toss (2 out of 3), Ellis will join josh at The Wreckoning slobbing know on some equestrian erection. Then there was talk about moto, lesbians the friend zone, butt chugging addictions and the eerie silence of confusion, just like yer mums gynecologist makes as he stares into the abyss of her enormous hole of doom, OH!