2013

Posted on March 18, 2013 by bitPimps 中

I know. You’re all like, “Hey, what the fuck, man? It’s a ‘Best of Ellis’ show all this week!” And I’m all like, “Yeah, man. I know!” So you’re all like, “So why are you doing a re-cap today?” And that’s when I was like, “Dude, this isn’t your normal re-cap, this is something different.” So then you’re all like, “So how the fuck is this different?” And finally, I’m all like, “Because, dude. I’m going to go back in time, hit a few old re-caps and give you an overview of the show then and the show now. Like a ‘Best of NYA Re-Caps, Kinda’.” Okay, are we all on the same page now? No? Fuck. Look, here’s the deal. We here at NYA decided to try something new to keep you all entertained. Normally on “Best of Ellis” shows, we don’t do re-caps. This time we decided to our own “Best of NYA” re-caps. We all good now? Fantastic! So let’s jump right into this shit.

Your mom never made a World’s Greatest Cook list, that’s for damn sure.

Remember how Ellis used to do “World’s Greatest Wednesday” almost every Wednesday, until we all beat that shit into the ground? Those were fun as shit, and since the show is in the midst of a “March Madness: Greatest Guitar Riff” contest, let’s travel back to Wednesday, February 15, 2012 when we had a WGW to find the top 10 guitar solos. Click the link above to read the re-cap and see the top 10 guitar solos. And for the lazy, I’ll give you the overall winner, which was: David Gilmour – Comfortably Numb. Another WGW blast from the past was the first time Cumtard was let go from the show. Travel back to Wednesday, February 29, 2012 to see the top 10 things for Cumtard to do for money since he no longer had a job. The number one spot was secured by: Cumtard becoming a freeway clown. What about a WGW for the best thing to do with $2000? Jump to Wednesday, March 7, 2012 when it was decided the best thing to do was: Buy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose. Good times, good times.

Mr. X is 1 part rebel, 1 part fucktard.

During the show, we’re always introduced to new and different people, most of them are pretty fucking cool too. But every once in awhile, we get to meet someone super special, like Thomas Haden Church, Rude Jude, or Mr. X. In a segment about bad ideas from Friday, February 3, 2012, one of the first times we were introduced to the first of many stories involving Mr. X, he was returning from Las Vegas after an EllisMania. At the airport, he got his bottle of shampoo confiscated, boarded the play back to LAX and then suddenly could not find his luggage after landing. Instead of going up to the counter to ask if his luggage had been lost, Mr. X waited a full two days before working up the courage to even ask about his lost luggage. Why? Because he had weed in that very same luggage. Don’t remember this story or want to hear more Mr. X stories such as getting snowballed or cumming in his pants? Allow me to introduce you to cobratits.com.

Sometimes you get what you asked for, just not in the way you thought.

Ellis gets a lot of hook-ups from different companies, even ones that aren’t his sponsors, some of them work out and others just fizzle into nothingness. You may remember when Brazzer’s tried contacting him over Twitter, and you may also remember how nothing came (innuendo) from that contact. I’m going to assume you also don’t remember Thursday, March 1, 2012 when Amtrak – the fucking train service – tweeted him. The idea the guys were considering was to see if Amtrak could offer packages to people who were making the trek to EllisMania’s in Las Vegas. That idea quickly faded once everyone realized that they don’t have any service routes to Las Vegas. Then another idea came into play, the possibility of using the train as a possible stage for Death! Death! Die! to perform on. Of course, nothing came out of that contact either, but hey, it’s the thought and potential that counts, right?

Well, that about covers our trip to the past for today, time travel can make you very sleepy and disorienting. Use your bumper sticker to ease your mind, have “no fear” as I count backwards from 3, you’re starting to feel normal again, 2 you’re eyes are open and you pants are back on, 1 you recognize your surroundings are contemplating a drink. *SNAP* You are back in the now, you’re time travel was a success and you are relatively safe until. At least until you remember what Penn & Teller looked like when they were young. YIKES!

Show Re-cap for Friday 3-15-2013

Posted on March 15, 2013 by wiz1010

Fuck You! I don’t have to tell you shit man, I don’t have to tell you it’s Friday, and I certainly don’t have to just talk about The Jason Ellis Show. In fact, Fuck That! Its Dog Center mofo’s and joining our illustrious host Josh Rawdog Richmond is none other than Michael McTumble Tully (It’ll make sense later on) back from a two day aids-cation, which he “claims” to be over, uh huh! Rawdog doesn’t really fucking care what Tully has to say cause he gets to push the buttons and sit in the big boy seat! Tully did say he checked out some radio while out and the ‘Best Riffs’ was good clean radio fun! Superdad is also shocked Purple Haze is now out of the pool of 64. Tully also caught yesterdays no dick having proposition and got Rawdog started again, and just as he was about the marry a tranny, in walks our hero, our saviour, Young Wing. Well I guess Rawdog didn’t get that memo, you know the one about checking with Ellis first before just going into Dog Center like that. Turns out he didn’t get it, so in the end we all learned a valuable lesson today kids…..It’s Will’s fault, fucking Jizz Cult, who isn’t there today cause of his own aids-cation, which has officially been termed “Tully’s Shit Your Guts Out Disease”. Just hope that shit don’t make it to the East Coast! Anyways, Tiger kicked a ball into his face, and then he whipped his face off on Burger Ellis, and your Chad Reed’s poopie underwears! How sweet would it be to take Tully’s new drug, which makes you feel just like a 3 year old, blissful as it may sound it does include temper tantrums? How sweet would it be to think a Sperm Bank is the place you donate your load huh Rawdog? From there it was just phone calls on fisting stories, the likes of which produced the creepiest of creepy. One caller did remind Ellis how symmetrical and proportionate, not to mention aerodynamic, Ellismate’s penis is. That and Tully needs to tell Ellis this same type of compliment more often, to which Tully jsut dodged big time, finally giving in with a mediocre “Nice Cock”. Rawdog on the other hand does care for 6 pounds, and even suggested he get a Weenie Warmer for those colder nights!

Hope You Get Better Soon Will – Barry Damn!

UFC News is pretty fucking simple, its UFC 158 this weekend with Nick Diaz battling George St. Pierre, oh and GSP plays ~~mind games~~ with himself! Grill Em All is this magical fucking place where these sweet add dudes make the baddest fucking burgers n sandwiches n all since like well never before. They came on the show to toss out some eats for the gents to review, and to plug their shit – win/win! Did you know Grill Em All is no longer just a truck driving around Cali, but rather a restaurant, with walls n a restroom n shit in the restroom n shit. Crazy I know – Its also true they got some deal worked out with Metallica for the name n all, and Metallica has not eating there as of yet. The dudes from Grill Em All did get to meet Lars one time, through Dave Grohl of course. They also were invited to a party Metallica was having, but didn’t make it??? Whatever, these dudes brought food and its Friday so fuck off. Ellis had the Behemoth which was fuckign awesome. Rawdog had the Dee Snyder which was pretty fucking tasty. Tully had the Bar Coastal, also excellent. This place sounds delicious! Weekends are crazy busy for the boys so it sounds like their move indoors is paying off handsomely. The good folks at Grill Em All also extended the hook up to Rawdog to impress any date he may want to bring by, fucking cool man. If your ever in California check these mutha fuckers out and enjoy!

Image from searching “Panda Porn”

Image from searching “Panda Sex”

Breaking News – Panda Porn works! Its weird as fuck, but apparently all those years of shoving two teddy bears together has paid off. Well its March, so what else could that mean? Its Best Riff time everybody. Today we were able to advance one more team to the Elite 8, this time from the ‘Alternative’ bracket. I didn’t catch it song for song, but you get the idea:

#1 – “Superstitious” – Stevie Wonder WINNER

#16 – Some Radiohead song

#8 – No freaking clue

#9 – “In The Flesh” WINNER

#1 – “Superstitious”

#13 – That Pixies song

#4 – “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver” – Primus WINNER

#12 – Violent Femmes

#5 – “Money For Nothing” – Dire Straits WINNER

#4 – “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver”

#5 – “Money For Nothing WINNER (Triple Overtime)

#5 – “Money For Nothing” WINNER

#9 – “In The Flesh”

So the MTV song defeated Les Claypool’s strip club anthem in one of the toughest fought battles we’ve seen in year’s folks, only to move onto the Elite 8. More to come on this when we, you, well really The Jason Ellis Show decides who has the Best Riff!

Say “Hi” Dom!

Hey you’ve met Dom, the new producer dude right? He seems pretty cool so far, but as we all know that don’t mean shit until you get bitten by a snake, or shit on by one too that’ll do it. Well, today is no better day to initiate Dom into the club and who better to bring in the muscle? Reptile Outpost no doubt! And how better to determine the punishment, the Wheel Of Doom no doubt. And how to determine he Dom should face The Wheel, a simple little Q+A devised from #EllisFam tweets and Rawdog. For those of you who wanna play along at home, I’ve left the questions at the end. Now look, questions don’t mean shit here, all we care about is life and living it right! Well man, Dom learned to live today and tomorrow the air will taste so good to him. Cheese will probably never taste good to him as its almost as scary to him as getting bit by a snake or scorpion. Well after the first two questions were wrong, and Dom suffered through both blue and cream cheese and near vomiting, we eliminated cheese from The Wheel and shit got heavy. From there Dom pretty much feel apart really. He pet a scorpion and then a bird eating spider with minor complaint, but when the giant cock roach came out Dom lost his cool and almost his lunch since those things apparently smell like shit. Then it was put your hand in the box time for Dom. The first go into the box Dom was lucky as he missed the dick and touched only the bottom of the box. Then the snake was put in and Dom got another go, and another. Let me tell you by this point Dom was freaking out, screaming with a pitch the likes of Frank Decaro, but the snake wouldn’t fucking bite him. By then Ellis just had the Reptile Outpost dudes bring the snake out and try to bite Dom while his arm was extended but no dice. Its almost as if there’s a direct link between stroke victims and snakes refusing to bite them, weird. Anyways heres the Q+A for you to play along at home, along with Dom’s answer when incorrect (And the “Correct” answers are in the caption of the next picture, if you don’t get it then you are Fucktard Of The Week):

1. What was Tully’s original nickname? “McTumble”

2. Who was 1st winner of Musical Chair Fight? “Dingo”

3. Whos the worst house sitter? “Dingo”

4. Who’s the king of all pouches? “Raw Dog”

5. Give another nickname for Rawdog?

6. Who’s the original owner of Ellis’s Porsche? “Benji Madden”

7. Whats the jet ski tat on Ellis’s leg say?

8. What’s the girls name who gave Rawdog a hand job? “Sasha Grey”

9. What is Tully’s kids nickname? “Little Man”

10. What is Ellis’s favorite Offspring song?

11. Name a sex move Ellis has invented? “The Mouth To Vagina”

12. What is Dingo’s catch phrase? “Really”

13. Who’s the greatest toon to do coke with? “Scooby Doo”

14. What’s the original name of Death! Death! Die!?

15. What does “TFB” mean? “Tumble McRumbleson”

16. Who lives under the studio? “Springs”

..and for those playing at home, Dom got 4 out of 16, I got 15 out of 16, how’d you do?

(1. Cow Fucker) (2. Butter Balls) (3. Jason Mayhem Miller) (4. Jason Ellis) (5. theres so many give yourself a point) (6. Thomas Haden Church) (7. Kawasaki or Kawaski) (8. I Don’t Remember) (9. Linsanity) (10. None of them) (11. Reverse Scorpion, Reverse Chicken Wing Ball, Reverse Motosaki) (12. Pound for Pound) (13. Skeletor) (14. Tony Hawk’s Taintstick) (15. Trust Fund Baby) (16. Bill The Scorpion)

How could I forget tonight is Tiger Box, the greatest event one man has ever planned. There’s gonna be metal n whores n locusts n Rawdog may go too, tis fucking sick man! But before the show can go on, Ellis needs to find his guitar tech/roadie, and this can only be done with a test of will n strength n fucktardedness. So each intern was giving a task to complete, a task that may or may not be asked of a tech in a pinch. Anal Gay Lewis had to go purchase rubbers, poke holes n ’em, and return as quickly as he could…..so Ellis can impregnate every lady there and make tons of shredding babies to carry the Riff on forever, duh! Fruitler was giving a gun, that may or may not, ok was used for a murder and needed to be buried where no one could find it. Both of them were to take pictures of the task for proof, and again return as quickly as they could, at least before the end of the fucking show right. I kinda missed a lot from here to the end, Hollywood News was about Sharon Stone pissing off her maid, and Val Kilmer tweeting Tully about checking out his new play. Well only 5 minutes of that shit and Anal Gay had returned. Well he definitely was the fastest thats for sure, but a job must be done correctly or the clock has not stopped ticking young grasshopper. Well, Anal Gay not only got regular sized condoms, he also decided it be best to take them out of the wrapper to poke the holes in them, and them slip them back into the ripped packaging. As Tully, who so elegantly hosts the world renowned Woman Am I Right, put it “woman ain’t that fucking dumb dude”! From here the show got very happy and stuff, cause it’s Devin’s birthday today. Happy Birthday Devin, hope you have an awesome day!!! Ellis worked it out so he could tell her Happy Birthday live on the radio, so everyone had to be super chill or else! Well Ellis flexed his radio muscle for Snookie to hear, and no more than 10 seconds after he said bye does Josh drop “…shit man, Fuck!” Fruitler had returned during all this, so lets see how he did. Well he had a picture of the gun being buried, and buried too! Well just to make sure he’s the guy, and to also quiet Anal Gay Lewis’s tears of frustration over losing this event, Fruitler was giving the same Impregnation mission, to which he poked the fucking holes into the wrapper – Boom! Anal Gay just died after that, and in my humble opinion got very Bitch Chocolate like from there on out. Anyways its Final Calls from there and you know we don’t give flying mother fucking fuck! All we care about is being elbow deep in your grandma with one arm, fist deep in your dad’s ass with the other, knee deep in your mom’s vagina with a leg, and standing straight up on the other as to form the self proclaimed “Family Tree”, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/14/2013

Posted on February 14, 2013 by wiz1010

Today’s Valentines Day Show recap is for the ladies, so Happy VD from Ghostload ladies! Oh, and now a Happy VD to the fellas too, #FullHomo. Speaking of Full Homo, Tully took Linsanity to some museum and Ellis is working super dad hard on new approaches to his kids. All sounding good to me, and to Ellis too who gave himself some more HTFU advice and is rolling on, Brother! Ellis really does believe the show will have a REAL producer soon, and that THC should call him every night and threatening him. Sounds kinda cool, but not as cool as Chad Reed Day a week from 22-morrow. Doing Stuff With Rawdog with a VD twist, how do you propose to your hopeful wife to be, tonight? Now we all know that you gotta hear Rawdog to understand him, but basically you need a ~~boat~~ small yacht, a life guard on stand by, a walkie talkie, and you better prey its not cloudy tonight. Or you could just bring your own Minora to dinner and do it over candleslight. For real for real, he’d just have the Domino’s dude bring it in a box of those tasty fucking chocolate dunkers they got. Tully threw in his 2 cents, just do it like a magician, except the ring is the quarter……..and her ear is her pussy!

I Love You Too!

So this gay dude said he ain’t got the gay no more on account that he was saved by Jesus, at a bar, but turns out he still kinda got a little gay still. Fuck Yeah – Ellis got the new punching machine and it is time to try it out. Some callers got to take bets on who would beat who, but only the upsets of course and for cash n prizes. Basically each took someone against Ellis, but if they lost…well we can get to that later. For those playing at home Tully lays the odds as (From 1st to last) Ellis, Jizz Cult, himself and Cumtard even, and Rawdog last. He’s from Oxford, so lets go with that and see what happens. 3 punches each and use only your highest single score. Oh and Ellis’s little girl got a 55 on this thing, which I think scores from 0-100. Cumtard up first with some Street Fighter shit, and topped out at only a 40! Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult got a 50. Super Dad up next and Tully got a respectable 60 to at least beat Snookie. Rawdog banged out a 46 which was pretty good considering. The intern snuck in to grab a 54, almost buddy! How about Ellismate, a 58 – no shit Tully knocked out Ellis, on radio. That or this machine ain’t the accurate, maybe but unlikely I think! Oh yeah, a few dudes got to the Prize Chamber, but on Ellismania.com coming soon….dude licking his dog’s ass….dude to fart on his girlfriend…..and look for Robert who has to smoke a microwaved load joint – yup!

Now this dude is ready to play Dick Baseball

Britney Markham is in the house you bitches. Transsexual porn star, bitch, and she fought in a prior Ellis Mania event bitch, she’s the bitch who puked in the bucket in the ring, Red Dragons bitches! Allegedly some of that vomit got on Carmen Electra, who was in the front row bitch, and she ain’t been back since bitch. Ok I’m done with the bitch thing, but you get the idea she’s expressive! What’s Britney got going on? Just got back from Columbia where she got some ass injections, oh and she’s got a book like sometime this year. She’s got a charity going on, The Britney Markham Foundation. She pissed into a glass on the limo ride to TJES, had and has ball cancer, and may be a little racist. So what do we do with a tranny of this caliber, play a game – Dick Baseball. Yeah, they did. 4 boxes set up, each further away in distance. The farther away the more points and the higher the prize, for the caller. Oh but there’s a twist my friends, the caller can trade their prize for Cumtard being shock collared and having to catch the balls in his mouth, from the trannies dick. Ready – Play Ball! Yeah so baseball is a bit boring, how about it was kinda cool, one dude got a sticker, and pretty quickly it was just Cumtard trying to catch ping pong balls while Tully n Josh took turns pitching to the tranny batter with a huge stick. Fucking hilarity if you can go back, or catch it on a best of I’m sure. Cumtard only got the balls on his chin and nose, but never into his mouth, and he got the shit shocked out of him.

Best I Could Find On ‘Shitting Metal’

Some dude bought some bread with shards of glass in it, and we all know that Shitting Glass Is Metal!!!! So Britney has this friend with her, Paula, who’s telling us all about this bad ass new workout called SeXercise. She took a moment to show Rawdog the ‘Vine’, where your chic is on the floor doggy, you come in from above and behind, and she wraps a leg around you and resembles a vine = Fucking Genius! Just one bit of advice I took from the show today, while you do wanna tell your lady about this, please wait til tomorrow dumb ass. Curious about the Britney Markham diet? McDonald’s, Xanax, Shit, Anal Douche and repeat. You ~~Sir~~ Lady Are A Moron. You know the game, and hopefully you heard it cause my weed dealer stopped by and I had to pause that shit, and you know the fucking Sirius App sucks balls so I finally tune back in to hear the age old question of life – Would you rather live in 40 or 100 degree weather year round? Answer: “No One’s Titties Are Out When It’s 40 Degrees Dude” -Jason Ellis. Let’s see, cursive is gay, porn is worse than violence for your kids, Britney can shoot a 12 foot load and obviously give herself a facial, Sear’s beats National Geo for spank material. Then shit got heavy, would and how often would you blow yourself if you could? Britney can, bitches! Ellis verse Tully on this one with Rawdog deep in thought and all we got out of it was a sweet button from Will – Yeah Will! Stamp Collecting and Dungeons and Dragons are equally gay, but one could lead to a fortune so fuck off. And Corey Taylor has a book out about possessions n his life n stuff, fucking cool right. Before Britney could leave she had to do one last thing, punch the machine. She got a 46 which tied Rawdog and that just pissed her off to no end, so good luck with that bitches.

What I’ll Be Doing To Your Grandmama’s Box Later Tonight!

Hollywood News be Ballin’! Yeah Jim Jones got arrested for Ballin’ to muthafucking hard, and another time for having snow on his side walk, really. By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the former no legged Olympian dude that shot his girlfriend, if not here. Chubby Checker is suing HP over some app that determines your dick size from your show size. My gut says the majority of you searched for the app rather than reading the story, and if you did read it, it was only to hear more about the app. Why is Drew Barrymore removing her tattoos – cause she was to be buried in a jew box n live happily ever after in jewternity. Nicki Minaj sucks. Ke$ha is fucking hot and apparently this documentary of her says she’s just like ol’ Uncle Ellismate boys n girls. Well with the piss drinking and shark stuff, fucking ~~Ellis~~ Bob’s your uncle! James Franco will be unveiling Gay Town at some art festival. Death! Death! Die! have announced no plans of such said song, yet. Lady Gaga cancelled her tour cause she tour her labrum, fucking pussy I may have broken my thumb and I ain’t let the fans down on a gnarly TJES recap, ~~bitches~~ Ballin’! MMA News about NY almost getting their shit together – STD News about whats in store for later tonight. Some lady called in, I think she was trying to get Ellis to bang her and her husband. Oh, and Rawdog reviewed some art or some shit. Not really sure cause I couldn’t wait to break out today’s score and kinda don’t remember much. All I know, by the time I post this I will be ‘Vining’ your grandma if the bitch can lift her leg that high – Happy VD grandma, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/9/2013

Posted on January 9, 2013 by wiz1010

Get It Up Ya!

Edward “Ned” Kelly (June 1854 or 1855 – 11 November 1880) was an Irish Australian bushranger. He is considered by some to be merely a cold-blooded killer, while others consider him to be a folk hero and symbol of Irish Australian resistance against the Anglo-Australian ruling class, and it’s Wednesday! Dude died trying to do it his own way, and when that time finally came, said “Ah, well, I suppose it has come to this” – No not Jesus, Ned Kelly. All this from a picture Ellis has and his quest to gain Instagram followers, oh and @wolfmate on Instagram! You do know he is the Vegemite of radio, and Chad Reed is a fucking sick cunt ledge, check him out. Ellismate picked up Rawdog a chocolate covered Oreo cause he loves the little guy, and Tully is infatuated, I mean fucking twisted stuck on the Fist of Adonis. He’d love to pop one on the hood of his car and road trip it, or at least give it to Ellis to put on the coffee table when any boys come over to date his little girl. That should deter those little fucking punks, unlike the measly parking ticket fines that apparently everyone on the show has gotten recently. Tully, Rawdog and Ellis all have had their share of parking violations in the past week or so. What if their were tiers to your fines, stay with Tully, so based on your income is how much your fine would be. The poor would have small fines, the rich would pay millions, and strippers would just have to fuck whomever they owe…..hey its that or a new AIDS for meter maids (Shit that rhymes)! Don’t think it’ll work, here’s a real life example for about $103,000. So good old Rawdiggitydog does embrace his cock suckerness, but is so obscure he can’t admit it – Just see any New Music Tuesday, and any of Arnold’s new movies such as Last Stand or the new Conan.

OLD SCHOOL!!!

Remember that scene from Pulp Fiction with the Bad Mutha Fucker wallet, yeah well this dude is the real owner of said wallet, and trying to be the next President of the Czech Republic, despite not having any political or video gaming background….which would serve him little help in Rawdog’s quiz on, yup you guessed it, video games. Are you curious the game Mario first appeared in, or what IPS stands for, and who is the bad guy in Resident Evil? Or when you fag another player it means you killed them! And you must know the best time to use your shell in Mario Kart. Can you recite the Play Station controller layout by heart? From Zelda to Angry Birds and back to Zelda, you feel a hell of a lot cooler listening to this quiz of Josh’s. While Tully outscored Ellis like 5 to 2, no one was a winner here, not the fans not Rawdog, NO ONE! And if you can’t find a way to listen to a replay (Which are on Friday mornings and on Sundays too on Faction!), then your not trying hard enough you pussy.

Then shit got serious. Look kids, your uncle Ellis has had a hard couple of days lately and just needed to get some shit of his chest. So Tully played shrink while Ellis got it out, fucking no replays since canning Stars 2 (Which had to be done no question!), childhood issues still bothering him as it would anyone, just life ya know. Well of course this concerned Thomas Haden Church who called in on the spot to cheer up and advise his good buddy. It shows man, Thomas is gay for Ellis, I mean gayer than you and i are for him, and thats gay! Of course no call from Thomas goes without some jewel, i give you Tully the “iconic pillar of entertainment”. It was meant for them all, but too bad THC its Tully’s now. Not too bad is the possibility that Thomas has something lined up for the crew in an upcoming ~~horror~~ whore movie. Tons of other callers showing their support, but not the Fake Ellis. That dude is so mysterious, and we got more confirmation this dude is real, well you know what i mean. Callers have seem him in person, tattoo’d n all with beanies n chains on, eating vegemite n all that shit yo! Fake Ellis has been spotted at Ceaser’s, The Riviera, The Wynn, etc. etc. The only way you can tell the two apart is one is a dick, and the other is the sweetest dude ever. Well that and the ink is real on one, and apparently done by magic marker for the other – really dude? Fake Ellis, if your reading this, please PLEASE call the show and rejoice us with your stories and shit, and you’ll be put in the prize chamber.

Will’s Shiny Calf?

Is Steven Spielberg’s mom still alive? Actually yes she is, BOOM! So you know how Tully likes to help give teen advice, well he took it a step further and answered some Q’s from Mrs. Manners. More variety in these questions kids, and Ellis really had to ‘be the bitch’ on this one. What advice would you give a 60year old dude who offered, his niece and her girlfriend, his sperm for a future baby…and was upset when they had a child on their own using a different donor who was NOT in the family tree? Doesn’t matter, just reassure Rawdog you’ll be glad to donate your sperm to him and his future wife, ya know! I must of tuned out for a second cause the show went to a bad place with Will blowing everyone at the Faction Holiday party. Raunchy sex, ball grabbing, Freddie Mercury, and hand twisting BJ’s were the topic of discussion until Rawdog admitted he hates cunnilingus. Despite him being the Master of Oral, and his numerous encounters with Joanna Angel, its just not his thing. Staying out of jail just ain’t Katt Williams thing these days either, as he was arrested again…..in Hollywood News, fuck yeah! What else, ok, Kat Von D bought future ex Deadmau5 a sweet new ride besides herself. Charlie Sheen parties with everyone and anyone, including the mayor of LA. Nothing much in the way of Final Calls, except that Ellis has never had a gerbil in his ass, which is nice to know. However, its not nice to know that I can’t unlive that one night your mom decided gerbils just weren’t doing it for her anymore…..poor Spot hasn’t been the same ever since, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/3/2013

Posted on January 3, 2013 by wiz1010

Today’s show is dedicated to the troops and to lesbians. But not the lesbians that fuck women only, but the ones who will take a dick from time to time. So for the lesbian troops out there, this one’s especially for you. If your a twisted robot nympho that wishes you could impregnate Wall-E, this one’s especially for you! What were the New Year resolutions for the crew you wonder….Ellis doesn’t have one, just his desire to dominate radio and be famous. Rawdog on the other hand just wants to get out of bed half an hour after the alarm goes off. He also wants to be more social in his life, maybe getting a little pussay if you know what I mean. This all inevitably led to Rawdog needing to pump iron, so he can pump the ladies. After a few callers admitted their tragic downhill turn in life due to Ellis and Rawdog not going to the gym regularly like they were going too, we got action. So again, Ellis n Rawdog are going to the gym to work out, starting Monday, so let that inspire you to at least put down the fucking chocolate eclair and go outside. This will also lead to about 1,000 new cases of STD’s accross the nation, well with all the action everyones gonna get being all ripped n shit. Oh and Scott Greenstein gets mad pussy yo!

Wall-E also enjoys a snowball now and then

So this lady found a video of her boyfriend fucking another chic, and posted the sex tape online to get revenge, but only ended up fucking herself over. Ever wonder what happened to Bill the Scorpion? Yeah me either, but he called the show from heaven. Yeah he’s dead now and chillin with 2-pack up there, so there is a ghetto in heaven, good to know. Sounds like heaven as made Bill a little less racist, but still irritable as all fuck. He gave a shout out to the communists, butt chuggers and amish out there “Die Mutherfuckers!” Love that guy and in case your not sure who Bill the Scorpion is, just ask Cumtard and he’ll break it down for you, along with what Red Dragons means and anything else you need to know, love that guy too. In case your not sure Bill’s dead, just ask Tully or Will and find out for yourself, the hard way! While your at it, ask Jizz Cult about the black widow scare of ’88, or the bed bug massacre in ’92, crazy shit man. Just don’t go pissing Shiny Shins off though, or end up like these two girls parents, just for not letting them use the internet. And finally, if you’ve ever wanted to be Asian, Bob’s your uncle.

Shit Sully LOOK OUT!!!

Russia has declared beer to no longer be part of their food pyramid, but Vodka is still a key to any nutritious diet. So what advice can the show give to teens out there struggling to make it in this crazy world? How about kill yourself, which was the answer to the majority of such questions as “My girlfriend gets mad I rollerblade” or “My friend has keeps having crushes on the same guys I like”….yeah just fucking off yourself. One chic was dating a cowboy, cause mom said cowboys are fucking hot, and dude beats her and does drugs n shit, yeah she should probably just kill her mom. So should this other teen bitch whos got a 25year old sister with a little rug rat, sleeping in her room at her parents house cause she ain’t got a job or a life. Anyways, back to the kill yourself people….Can I get pregnant with my underwear on…..can I get pregnant by swallowing load….I am a teen girl and want a baby – ok especially this bitch! You get the drift, some funny shit if you wanna go back n check it out. If you do, be sure to stick around for the bitch whos on her 16th day of heavy menstruation, its a hoot!

You maybe wanna get that shit checked out lady

New Adventure’s with ~~Danny and the Dingo~~ Cumtard everybody. Every time that Kevin fucks up on the show, Ellis is going to torture him. So today’s torture was the ol’ hot waxing the armpits, but while Cumtard made little kitty cat noises. This go around they didn’t have the professional shit that ladt brought in, but just some store bought shit that wasn’t the same, but Cumtard persevered thanks to his meds he’s back on. They make it harder for him to blow his load, but they keep him leveled out. He’s also cut back on drinking as well, good on ya mate!!! Andy Dick on the other hand doesn’t drink at all anymore, and also came by the show to spit on ~~Tully~~ Sully and ~~Rawdog~~ Mandog for old time sake. He also came bearing gifts of 2% of the US is adopted, and 40% of crazy people in mental homes are adopted, fuck. Then it hit him, Andy Dick has been on The Jason Ellis Show before. He remembers someone smoking weed in the parking lot of swinghouse, probably Mandog I’m sure. Anyways, Andy stopped in to tell Ellis how awesome his show is and that the Dick is now dating guys exclusively, 5 to be exact. He’s also kinda bummed that Howard Stern hates him and wishes he could get a minute with him to apologize. A big heart to heart between Jason Ellis, Andy Dick, Michael Sully and of course Mandog, eventually leading to one key point in all this, if you adopt a child, you MUST read them “Our Chosen Child“, or roll your dice on those percentages Andy gave you earlier.

DING!

In tribute to Andy Dick’s relationship status, Ellis decided to knock the dust of a classic, ‘Dude Is It Gay’. Before that though, Mandog’s stories of circle jerking it and snowballing came up, to which the idea of swallowing your own load made even Andy throw up in his mouth. You disgust me Mandog, but you also entertain me so its cool bro! The circle jerk however really caught Andy’s interest, so much so he plans to stop by the show more often to hear more jewels from his cuddly little friend. Well that and the chance to meet Thomas Haden Church, who wouldn’t want to be a friend of the show? Back to Dude Is It Gay, and it is gay to get molested for 6 flags tickets, and to be peed on by any dude, famous R&B star or not. A new twist to Dude Is It Gay this time, twitter questions. “Dude is it gay if I tweet @ellismate gay?” is the gayest question ever asked on the show, twitter or phone. Its not gay to clip your fingernails, but Mike Sully is flaming gay for cutting his with scissors, then using a file to get them just right. @stapleneck is gay for every and any eskibro he issues, and everything @mike_in_canada tweeted is super Gandalf gay. Oh shit that reminds me, earlier Sully did a story on some kid who tried to rob a store, and called his mom for a ride home…….but she couldn’t answer as she was in the middle of a pterodactyl with @AZ_RedDragon, @bitPimps and yours truly, OH!

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Thomas Haden Church

Best of Re-Cap for Monday 3/18/2013

Show Re-cap for Friday 3-15-2013

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/14/2013

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/9/2013

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/3/2013