Today’s show is dedicated to the troops and to lesbians. But not the lesbians that fuck women only, but the ones who will take a dick from time to time. So for the lesbian troops out there, this one’s especially for you. If your a twisted robot nympho that wishes you could impregnate Wall-E, this one’s especially for you! What were the New Year resolutions for the crew you wonder….Ellis doesn’t have one, just his desire to dominate radio and be famous. Rawdog on the other hand just wants to get out of bed half an hour after the alarm goes off. He also wants to be more social in his life, maybe getting a little pussay if you know what I mean. This all inevitably led to Rawdog needing to pump iron, so he can pump the ladies. After a few callers admitted their tragic downhill turn in life due to Ellis and Rawdog not going to the gym regularly like they were going too, we got action. So again, Ellis n Rawdog are going to the gym to work out, starting Monday, so let that inspire you to at least put down the fucking chocolate eclair and go outside. This will also lead to about 1,000 new cases of STD’s accross the nation, well with all the action everyones gonna get being all ripped n shit. Oh and Scott Greenstein gets mad pussy yo!
So this lady found a video of her boyfriend fucking another chic, and posted the sex tape online to get revenge, but only ended up fucking herself over. Ever wonder what happened to Bill the Scorpion? Yeah me either, but he called the show from heaven. Yeah he’s dead now and chillin with 2-pack up there, so there is a ghetto in heaven, good to know. Sounds like heaven as made Bill a little less racist, but still irritable as all fuck. He gave a shout out to the communists, butt chuggers and amish out there “Die Mutherfuckers!” Love that guy and in case your not sure who Bill the Scorpion is, just ask Cumtard and he’ll break it down for you, along with what Red Dragons means and anything else you need to know, love that guy too. In case your not sure Bill’s dead, just ask Tully or Will and find out for yourself, the hard way! While your at it, ask Jizz Cult about the black widow scare of ’88, or the bed bug massacre in ’92, crazy shit man. Just don’t go pissing Shiny Shins off though, or end up like these two girls parents, just for not letting them use the internet. And finally, if you’ve ever wanted to be Asian, Bob’s your uncle.
Russia has declared beer to no longer be part of their food pyramid, but Vodka is still a key to any nutritious diet. So what advice can the show give to teens out there struggling to make it in this crazy world? How about kill yourself, which was the answer to the majority of such questions as “My girlfriend gets mad I rollerblade” or “My friend has keeps having crushes on the same guys I like”….yeah just fucking off yourself. One chic was dating a cowboy, cause mom said cowboys are fucking hot, and dude beats her and does drugs n shit, yeah she should probably just kill her mom. So should this other teen bitch whos got a 25year old sister with a little rug rat, sleeping in her room at her parents house cause she ain’t got a job or a life. Anyways, back to the kill yourself people….Can I get pregnant with my underwear on…..can I get pregnant by swallowing load….I am a teen girl and want a baby – ok especially this bitch! You get the drift, some funny shit if you wanna go back n check it out. If you do, be sure to stick around for the bitch whos on her 16th day of heavy menstruation, its a hoot!
New Adventure’s with
Danny and the Dingo Cumtard everybody. Every time that Kevin fucks up on the show, Ellis is going to torture him. So today’s torture was the ol’ hot waxing the armpits, but while Cumtard made little kitty cat noises. This go around they didn’t have the professional shit that ladt brought in, but just some store bought shit that wasn’t the same, but Cumtard persevered thanks to his meds he’s back on. They make it harder for him to blow his load, but they keep him leveled out. He’s also cut back on drinking as well, good on ya mate!!! Andy Dick on the other hand doesn’t drink at all anymore, and also came by the show to spit on Tully Sully and Rawdog Mandog for old time sake. He also came bearing gifts of 2% of the US is adopted, and 40% of crazy people in mental homes are adopted, fuck. Then it hit him, Andy Dick has been on The Jason Ellis Show before. He remembers someone smoking weed in the parking lot of swinghouse, probably Mandog I’m sure. Anyways, Andy stopped in to tell Ellis how awesome his show is and that the Dick is now dating guys exclusively, 5 to be exact. He’s also kinda bummed that Howard Stern hates him and wishes he could get a minute with him to apologize. A big heart to heart between Jason Ellis, Andy Dick, Michael Sully and of course Mandog, eventually leading to one key point in all this, if you adopt a child, you MUST read them “Our Chosen Child“, or roll your dice on those percentages Andy gave you earlier.
In tribute to Andy Dick’s relationship status, Ellis decided to knock the dust of a classic, ‘Dude Is It Gay’. Before that though, Mandog’s stories of circle jerking it and snowballing came up, to which the idea of swallowing your own load made even Andy throw up in his mouth. You disgust me Mandog, but you also entertain me so its cool bro! The circle jerk however really caught Andy’s interest, so much so he plans to stop by the show more often to hear more jewels from his cuddly little friend. Well that and the chance to meet Thomas Haden Church, who wouldn’t want to be a friend of the show? Back to Dude Is It Gay, and it is gay to get molested for 6 flags tickets, and to be peed on by any dude, famous R&B star or not. A new twist to Dude Is It Gay this time, twitter questions. “Dude is it gay if I tweet @ellismate gay?” is the gayest question ever asked on the show, twitter or phone. Its not gay to clip your fingernails, but Mike Sully is flaming gay for cutting his with scissors, then using a file to get them just right. @stapleneck is gay for every and any eskibro he issues, and everything @mike_in_canada tweeted is super Gandalf gay. Oh shit that reminds me, earlier Sully did a story on some kid who tried to rob a store, and called his mom for a ride home…….but she couldn’t answer as she was in the middle of a pterodactyl with @AZ_RedDragon, @bitPimps and yours truly, OH!