Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/23/2013


Gaze deeply into Dingo’s eyes until you grow luscious locks like his!

It’s Monday. And this is a recap. Are you ready for a loud Dingo? I hope so, because he’s in the studio. Ellis might hire Dingo to say “Jason Ellis” in his big boy voice, but he might have to work on it because he doesn’t really have that deep of a voice. Dingo’s elevator talks to him and his cereal berates him. Ellis used to pray to get his wife back, but that didn’t happen so either there is no god or maybe there is a god and god was all like, “dude, you don’t want that” and therefore didn’t give his wife back. Dingo would go to church with Ellis if he wanted. But I’m pretty sure the congregation would forcibly remove Dingo because he just can’t go more than 60 seconds without being loud. That’s our Dingo! Jon Jones almost lost his fight with Alexander Gustafsson, but the Lord is a big Jones fan so you know what’s up. No matter if he like either one of those dude or not, their fight was pretty amazing, you could even say it was almost, god-like. Speaking of god/s, Ellis and Katie went to see Metallica and they were so close to James Hetfield that Ellis almost cried like 3 times. Apparently, Scott Greenstein knows Metallica and was a big part of some things Ellis was into when he was younger, which blew Ellis’ mind a bit. Ellis saw a bunch of other people there as well. He talked Opie, you know – that dude from Opie & Anthony. They talked about their past shit talking back and forth sessions and shit and talk, in the end Opie & Ellis are cool with each other. Howard Stern gangled up in the Metallica concert as well. That’s all we really were supposed to know, but we overheard Ellis talking to Wilson on “accident”. Everyone started cheering for Stern and all Ellis could think of was how he’s gonna take that shit. He’s super jealous but he also thinks it’s straight up gross that he’s so jealous of wanting to be as big and import as Stern. And that’s how Tully got hepatitis.


Shout out to Tiger, who’s now a baller!

Tiger discovered his balls this weekend. He asked his mommy what they were, then he started squeezing them until one of his balls did what balls sensing danger do, it went and hid. Then he pushed them together and showed his mommy that when he does this, it looks like a butt. And so starts an entire lifetime of playing with one’s balls. Have fun kid, you’re going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Gabe Ruediger is apparently feeling neglected this time around since Ellis fans aren’t razing him as much. So some of us hardcore fans started tough talking Gabe using #DummyTrashTalking. News time! A Texas jury gave a 44 year-old woman a life sentence for a DUI conviction because it was her 6th DUI. Take that Bartles & Jaymes! Hey, are you like Rawdog and just toss your old phone in the trash? Why the fuck do you do that? You could keep it, sell it, trade it, give it away, but no. You wanna fill up a landfill, don’t ya? The new iPhone 5 has a level on it, because do you know how many burly construction dudes have the latest phone for women and dudes that love to accessorize? Ellis got sent a CD of some unsigned band and the guys reminded everyone to send in their unsigned bands, so do that. Katie put a post up on Instagram, so eat a dick everybody! I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t mean any harsh feelings. I love you. Anyways, this brought up Bieber talk and I’m not having any of it, so BLA-DOW! A caller phoned in to tell Ellis that Tom Leykis was talking about Ellis on his show, and then everybody was like – PSSSHHHHH! You ever have a family pet try to get all up in your sexy times? Yeah, those fuckers are creepy gross. And don’t do what Dingo does, which is fondle his dog’s balls.


Intern angst.

Some chick in Canada with retarded kids bought a vitamin water and under the cap, it said “You retard” which of course sent her into a retarded rage and Coca-Cola had to apologize for predicting who was going to get that bottle of sweet justice. Speaking of retard, Ellis wants a big ass Nerf basketball on Rawdog’s microphone because he eats his microphone and it’s too loud. This brought us to Wilson who brought in a picture of his ex-wife’s dashboard that said “refill now butthole” which totally reminded him of how his ex-wife talked to him. One of the new interns, Lynette, was the focus of a “game” Wilson spent many a night thinking very in depth about. The game? How much does everyone know about her, Wilson giving the guys 3 options to choose from for each answer. Come to find out, she has 2 half-black sisters who are both Olympiads, in different sports. She also went skinny dipping in Loch Ness with some Scotsman, she’s been to 14 Coachella’s, she ran into a parked car while she was high on that sticky-icky, went to Paris Hilton’s something or another, she was an overweight kid, got hit by a car while jaywalking, and she got fired after 1 week of working as a hostess for having an attitude.


If you’re still reading, practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation, or committing suicide, hang in there!

You ever wondered what it was like to fly like an eagle, doot-doot-doo-doo? Ever wanted to be an eagle? Too fucking bad, you’re human. However, you can see what it’s like by watching this video of a GoPro strapped to an eagle in flight! Dingo’s dad used to live in Kualdalaupe, which of course is in some imaginary country that is made up of a bunch of other countries that takes up pretty much all of Southern Asia. Get the cock off your chest was next up and it seems a lot of dudes have been pissing the bed lately, like an excessive amount of dudes and an excessive amount of piss. Let’s see how many of you are still actually reading this recap. 2 cups flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, ½ teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon sugar, ¾ teaspoon salt, ½ teaspoon garlic powder, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, 4 ounces shredded sharp cheddar cheese, 1 cup cold buttermilk, ½ cup melted unsalted butter and cooled for 5 minutes. For the topping, 2 tablespoons melted unsalted butter, ½ teaspoon garlic powder, 1 teaspoon minced fresh parsley. And there you have some basic ingredients for Red Lobster’s cheddar bay biscuits. If you’re still reading, you’re welcome. And with that, like an alcoholic or a necrophiliac, it’s time for me to go crack open a cold one. OH!


Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/3/2013

Today’s show is dedicated to the troops and to lesbians.  But not the lesbians that fuck women only, but the ones who will take a dick from time to time.  So for the lesbian troops out there, this one’s especially for you.  If your a twisted robot nympho that wishes you could impregnate Wall-E, this one’s especially for you!  What were the New Year resolutions for the crew you wonder….Ellis doesn’t have one, just his desire to dominate radio and be famous.  Rawdog on the other hand just wants to get out of bed half an hour after the alarm goes off.  He also wants to be more social in his life, maybe getting a little pussay if you know what I mean.  This all inevitably led to Rawdog needing to pump iron, so he can pump the ladies.  After a few callers admitted their tragic downhill turn in life due to Ellis and Rawdog not going to the gym regularly like they were going too, we got action.  So again, Ellis n Rawdog are going to the gym to work out, starting Monday, so let that inspire you to at least put down the fucking chocolate eclair and go outside.  This will also lead to about 1,000 new cases of STD’s accross the nation, well with all the action everyones gonna get being all ripped n shit.  Oh and Scott Greenstein gets mad pussy yo!



Wall-E also enjoys a snowball now and then


So this lady found a video of her boyfriend fucking another chic, and posted the sex tape online to get revenge, but only ended up fucking herself over.  Ever wonder what happened to Bill the Scorpion?  Yeah me either, but he called the show from heaven.  Yeah he’s dead now and chillin with 2-pack up there, so there is a ghetto in heaven, good to know.  Sounds like heaven as made Bill a little less racist, but still irritable as all fuck.  He gave a shout out to the communists, butt chuggers and amish out there “Die Mutherfuckers!”  Love that guy and in case your not sure who Bill the Scorpion is, just ask Cumtard and he’ll break it down for you, along with what Red Dragons means and anything else  you need to know, love that guy too.  In case your not sure Bill’s dead, just ask Tully or Will and find out for yourself, the hard way!  While your at it, ask Jizz Cult about the black widow scare of ’88, or the bed bug massacre in ’92, crazy shit man.  Just don’t go pissing Shiny Shins off though, or end up like these two girls parents, just for not letting them use the internet.  And finally, if you’ve ever wanted to be Asian, Bob’s your uncle.


Shit Sully LOOK OUT!!!

Shit Sully LOOK OUT!!!


Russia has declared beer to no longer be part of their food pyramid, but Vodka is still a key to any nutritious diet.  So what advice can the show give to teens out there struggling to make it in this crazy world?  How about kill yourself, which was the answer to the majority of such questions as “My girlfriend gets mad I rollerblade” or “My friend has keeps having crushes on the same guys I like”….yeah just fucking off yourself.  One chic was dating a cowboy, cause mom said cowboys are fucking hot, and dude beats her and does drugs n shit, yeah she should probably just kill her mom.  So should this other teen bitch whos got a 25year old sister with a little rug rat, sleeping in her room at her parents house cause she ain’t got a job or a life.  Anyways, back to the kill yourself people….Can I get pregnant with my underwear on…..can I get pregnant by swallowing load….I am a teen girl and want a baby – ok especially this bitch!  You get the drift, some funny shit if you wanna go back n check it out.  If you do, be sure to stick around for the bitch whos on her 16th day of heavy menstruation, its a hoot!


You maybe wanna get that shit checked out lady


New Adventure’s with Danny and the Dingo Cumtard everybody.  Every time that Kevin fucks up on the show, Ellis is going to torture him.  So today’s torture was the ol’ hot waxing the armpits, but while Cumtard made little kitty cat noises.  This go around they didn’t have the professional shit that ladt brought in, but just some store bought shit that wasn’t the same, but Cumtard persevered thanks to his meds he’s back on.  They make it harder for him to blow his load, but they keep him leveled out.  He’s also cut back on drinking as well, good on ya mate!!!  Andy Dick on the other hand doesn’t drink at all anymore, and also came by the show to spit on Tully Sully and Rawdog Mandog for old time sake.  He also came bearing gifts of 2% of the US is adopted, and 40% of crazy people in mental homes are adopted, fuck.  Then it hit him, Andy Dick has been on The Jason Ellis Show before.  He remembers someone smoking weed in the parking lot of swinghouse, probably Mandog I’m sure.  Anyways, Andy stopped in to tell Ellis how awesome his show is and that the Dick is now dating guys exclusively, 5 to be exact.  He’s also kinda bummed that Howard Stern hates him and wishes he could get a minute with him to apologize.  A big heart to heart between Jason Ellis, Andy Dick, Michael Sully and of course Mandog, eventually leading to one key point in all this, if you adopt a child, you MUST read them “Our Chosen Child“, or roll your dice on those percentages Andy gave you earlier.




In tribute to Andy Dick’s relationship status, Ellis decided to knock the dust of a classic, ‘Dude Is It Gay’.  Before that though, Mandog’s stories of circle jerking it and snowballing came up, to which the idea of swallowing your own load made even Andy throw up in his mouth.  You disgust me Mandog, but you also entertain me so its cool bro!  The circle jerk however really caught Andy’s interest, so much so he plans to stop by the show more often to hear more jewels from his cuddly little friend.  Well that and the chance to meet Thomas Haden Church, who wouldn’t want to be a friend of the show?  Back to Dude Is It Gay, and it is gay to get molested for 6 flags tickets, and to be peed on by any dude, famous R&B star or not.  A new twist to Dude Is It Gay this time, twitter questions.  “Dude is it gay if I tweet @ellismate gay?” is the gayest question ever asked on the show, twitter or phone.  Its not gay to clip your fingernails, but Mike Sully is flaming gay for cutting his with scissors, then using a file to get them just right.  @stapleneck is gay for every and any eskibro he issues, and everything @mike_in_canada tweeted is super Gandalf gay.  Oh shit that reminds me, earlier Sully did a story on some kid who tried to rob a store, and called his mom for a ride home…….but she couldn’t answer as she was in the middle of a pterodactyl with @AZ_RedDragon, @bitPimps and yours truly, OH!


Show Re-cap For Monday 9/10/2012

You wanna go to the planetarium, you say?

It’s Monday, it’s the start of a week of TJES in NYC, droppin’ BOMBS on your moms. Why do people get all dumb when traveling to another country? If you ask me, or even if you don’t as me, my answer is the same: because that bitch needs a load to the face. Ellis needed a phone charger, so obviously he checked a strip club and then a jerk-off booth because that’s probably where one would find a phone charger, am I right? However, he didn’t feel like jacking off so, he’ll go back tomorrow and give us a report. Back in LA, Rawdog went to a planetarium with his girlfriend – it sounded horribly boring, but apparently they had a pretty good time – they also had missionary sex. Good times, good times. Ellis’ daughter had accidentally gotten one of Katie’s t-shirt’s from the wash and to be funny, she wore it in front of her. The t-shirt said, “I love Satan” and everyone had a good laugh until it was time to drop Devin off at her mom’s house. By this time, everyone had forgotten she was still wearing the t-shirt, things didn’t go well when mommy saw the shirt.

Pendarvis doing buttons is as cute as OMG!

One thing that nobody knew about this trip to NYC, the trip is for Tully to promote his new coffee table book of artful cock photos. This took everyone by surprise, even Tully, just not the monster truck voice guy on the radio – mainly because this book does not yet exist. Since Will Pendarvis made the trip to NYC and Backbone is in-house, it only makes sense to have Will re-do all the buttons for the show. He re-did the “POOOOOOOOP”, “You should just fuckin’ smile and blow me”, “Well puke on my dick”, “Hard pussy on your ass”, and “Shut that cunt’s mouth before I come over there and fuck start her head”, and “ah delicious cum on the ground, ahhhbllaauuhhhggg” buttons. It was partially disturbing yet full on hilarious. Ellis isn’t nearly as angry as he used to be, Rawdog doesn’t express his anger to a point of fault, so smart guy in the room (Tully) looked for the middle ground where Rawdog get’s a chance to vent his anger. And BOOM! We got our first Rawdog “I’m fucking angry” rant session, which was more emo than angry. He needs work, more angry work.

Shit’s pretty much normal around here.

Some dude fell out of a moving car, got ran over, people stopped to help, he got up and ran towards one of the stopped cars, opened the back door and tried to pull a kid out… he was on PCP. That PCP shit, it makes fucking superheros. High profile guest on the show today, guitar sick cunt Steve Vai stopped by, and if you don’t know who he is, you’re probably younger than most of us. Ellis, in all his refinement, couldn’t help but notice how big Vai’s hands are and asked if he could swim good with those flippers. HA! That’s just one of the things I love about listening to Ellis interview famous people. Stacy Peralta made a quick stop by the show, he’s a skateboarding legend. And again, if you don’t know who he is, you’re probably old enough to be raped, and young enough to press some serious charges. Scott Greenstein, President and CCO of Sirius XM made super brief stop by the show as well, and if you don’t know who he is, don’t worry about it – only Sirius XM employees know if he really exists or not. Hey, did you know your mom tried to get your sister on birth control because she was following in mommies footsteps? Yup, she did. Your mom walked into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist: “Can I get some birth control for my 10 year old daughter?” The pharmacist said, “You have a sexually active 10 year old daughter!?” Your mom then said, “Sexually active? Hell no!, She just lies there and cries most of the time”. OH!