Best of Re-Cap for Monday 3/18/2013

I know. You’re all like, “Hey, what the fuck, man? It’s a ‘Best of Ellis’ show all this week!” And I’m all like, “Yeah, man. I know!” So you’re all like, “So why are you doing a re-cap today?” And that’s when I was like, “Dude, this isn’t your normal re-cap, this is something different.” So then you’re all like, “So how the fuck is this different?” And finally, I’m all like, “Because, dude. I’m going to go back in time, hit a few old re-caps and give you an overview of the show then and the show now. Like a ‘Best of NYA Re-Caps, Kinda’.” Okay, are we all on the same page now? No? Fuck. Look, here’s the deal. We here at NYA decided to try something new to keep you all entertained. Normally on “Best of Ellis” shows, we don’t do re-caps. This time we decided to our own “Best of NYA” re-caps. We all good now? Fantastic! So let’s jump right into this shit.


Your mom never made a World’s Greatest Cook list, that’s for damn sure.

Remember how Ellis used to do “World’s Greatest Wednesday” almost every Wednesday, until we all beat that shit into the ground? Those were fun as shit, and since the show is in the midst of a “March Madness: Greatest Guitar Riff” contest, let’s travel back to Wednesday, February 15, 2012 when we had a WGW to find the top 10 guitar solos. Click the link above to read the re-cap and see the top 10 guitar solos. And for the lazy, I’ll give you the overall winner, which was: David Gilmour – Comfortably Numb. Another WGW blast from the past was the first time Cumtard was let go from the show. Travel back to Wednesday, February 29, 2012 to see the top 10 things for Cumtard to do for money since he no longer had a job. The number one spot was secured by: Cumtard becoming a freeway clown. What about a WGW for the best thing to do with $2000? Jump to Wednesday, March 7, 2012 when it was decided the best thing to do was: Buy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose. Good times, good times.


Mr. X is 1 part rebel, 1 part fucktard.

During the show, we’re always introduced to new and different people, most of them are pretty fucking cool too. But every once in awhile, we get to meet someone super special, like Thomas Haden Church, Rude Jude, or Mr. X. In a segment about bad ideas from Friday, February 3, 2012, one of the first times we were introduced to the first of many stories involving Mr. X, he was returning from Las Vegas after an EllisMania. At the airport, he got his bottle of shampoo confiscated, boarded the play back to LAX and then suddenly could not find his luggage after landing. Instead of going up to the counter to ask if his luggage had been lost, Mr. X waited a full two days before working up the courage to even ask about his lost luggage. Why? Because he had weed in that very same luggage. Don’t remember this story or want to hear more Mr. X stories such as getting snowballed or cumming in his pants? Allow me to introduce you to


Sometimes you get what you asked for, just not in the way you thought.

Ellis gets a lot of hook-ups from different companies, even ones that aren’t his sponsors, some of them work out and others just fizzle into nothingness. You may remember when Brazzer’s tried contacting him over Twitter, and you may also remember how nothing came (innuendo) from that contact. I’m going to assume you also don’t remember Thursday, March 1, 2012 when Amtrak – the fucking train service – tweeted him. The idea the guys were considering was to see if Amtrak could offer packages to people who were making the trek to EllisMania’s in Las Vegas. That idea quickly faded once everyone realized that they don’t have any service routes to Las Vegas. Then another idea came into play, the possibility of using the train as a possible stage for Death! Death! Die! to perform on. Of course, nothing came out of that contact either, but hey, it’s the thought and potential that counts, right?

Well, that about covers our trip to the past for today, time travel can make you very sleepy and disorienting. Use your bumper sticker to ease your mind, have “no fear” as I count backwards from 3, you’re starting to feel normal again, 2 you’re eyes are open and you pants are back on, 1 you recognize your surroundings are contemplating a drink. *SNAP* You are back in the now, you’re time travel was a success and you are relatively safe until. At least until you remember what Penn & Teller looked like when they were young. YIKES!


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