Best Of Re-Cap for Tuesday 3/19/13

How ya doin’ cunt satchels? It’s your old pal Shit Toboggan here, and today I want to bring you all along as I take a look back at some of my favorite moments of The Jason Ellis Show from the last year. You ready? Did you use the bathroom first? Did you wipe? Was there blood? Good!!! hen let’s get this magical fucking journey underway.


FEBRUARY 23RD, 2012!!! Rawdog told us about the first tie he smoked pot. He was a sophomore in college at UC Santa Cruz, and somehow got convinced by his friends to partake of this miracle amidst a session of strip poker and truth or dare. A young lady who he was very interested in was there, and somehow ended up topless. She also ended up going back to NOT RAWDOG’S dorm that night to get her snatch broke open by somebody who I’m sure can ride a bike and pronounce the letter L. All jokes aside, this was an interesting story, because my first time smoking pot wasn’t nearly as cool, but there were some awesome stories afterwards. There was this one time at BoyScout camp (before you even ask, none of the scout masters ever touched my booty hole) when me and a buddy got some weed that was laced with good ol’ down home American PCP. We didn’t catch on until I noticed that it tasted incredibly minty, and that while laying in a pitch black tent in the middle of the night, I could see colors streaming down the walls. FUN!!! And while we’re on the topic of fun with drugs, on February 20th, it was a Rude Jude’s day and he stopped in the studio to tell the boys he snorted so much ketamine over the weekend that he was barfing his guts out like a fuckin’ champ. He also mentioned how he would love to bang Sandra Bullock (which was probably a byproduct of the drugs).


On March 13th last year, huge friend and long time contributor to the show STD Emily (AKA Sexual Bowling Ball, AKA stop calling me STD Emily I don’t have any STD’s) gave us a truly horrific news story about why we need to start taxing churches, basically, a Rabbi was performing the most ancient of old school circumcisions, in which the blood of the young boys penis was to be mopped up by the mouth of the Rabbi that just mangled it. What was really disturbing about this story is that this one particular Rabbi had a case of lip herpes and the baby contracted it then died. And quite frankly, this is why we need to endorse progress. Glad I killed your appetite, cause I didn’t bring any snacks and we’re not stopping. We’re making such good time!!! Do you guys remember DanOD5? Kinda metrosexual hipsterish guy that went 4 solid rounds against a seriously tough bitch and Tully at EllisMania8? Remember on March 15th when the guys let him produce the entire show? The only thing we learned about him that day was that he sucks at coming up with nicknames for people, as they did some game where they had to call someone from his phone, and they all had names like poopy face and wang kong and dumb shit like that. Seriously, DanOD5, step your fucking game up. Find somebody you can name Rape Whistle, or Jagerbeard, or CowFucker. Pffftt, fuckin’ amateur.


And I wouldn’t be doing my job correctly on this if I didn’t touch on the live show from the Hard Rock on July 13th, the weekend of EllisMania8, where I had my ass handed to me by a surprisingly fit Kevin Kraft and then had to smoke human hair. If you’ve never been to an EllisMania, I really hope you can make it to the next one. And if you can find a way to get a fight there, do it. It’s a pretty awesome experience. And next time they do “Doing Stuff With RawDog” he better answer my question of how do you get cum out of silk sheets, cause atthe live show Ellis brushed it off, and god dammit, I need to know. However, I did get to pass a shot of Jager to the real live JabgerBeard, so the day was not wasted. Seriously though, that show was great, there was a bikini contest where one of the girls got ejected for flashing her tits, then they had a freethrow contest, people got all their WolfKnives gear, we saw an adorable little asian girl get stared down like somebody was about to straight up take the pussy, and Rawdog taught the crowd a valuable lesson about how to wipe your ass and insert a tampon.


Y’know, it’s been an interesting and wonderful time being a fan of this show. Who’d have thought some washed up Australian skateboarder could bring a group of people together the way he has for such ridiculous events? Or to help people get off drugs so they can take care of their families? Or help the truckers keep everything they eat from going to their thighs? Or convince some east Oakland punk rocker to get off his ass, go to a gym and be the main attraction for just a few minutes, just one time in his life? I truly appreciate the chance I’ve had to be a part of the whole experience that is the Jason Ellis Show, and to write recaps for people with shittier schedules than mine. Expect new shit next week when Ellis is back from his vacation, and as always,


Red Dragons, mother fuckers ,,rr,

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