If You Could Ask My Wife One More Question, What Would It Be?

Here is another round of asking my wife shit. As some of you may remember, I previously asked all you mofo’s “If You Could Ask My Wife One Question, What Would It Be?” and everyone really seemed to like it, even my wife – and she’s no fun. Just kidding honey, (but not really) the questions and answers were pretty funny last time, so let’s see how this round turned out. And as before, I let her pick the questions she wanted to answer and didn’t alter anything.

@CptnSparky: how old is @bitchPimps?

@bitchPimps: Lets just say bitchPimps robbed the cradle.

Brought to you by, CougarLife.com!

@steveanonymus2: take his fucking account away from him lol

@bitchPimps: Noway. Then we’d actually have to talk and spend time together and shit.

Where would I find the time to post smut?

‏@CptnSparky: If it were to go down, who would join you two, if a celebrity would join you in bed for a threesome? #OutOfLine #IKnow

@bitchPimps: Couldn’t we just make it a foursome, one for me and one for him?

Could we do it in separate rooms? I don’t want to be anywhere near Paul Walker.

‏@CptnSparky: Have you ever attempted any of @EllisMate‘s ‘reverse’ sexual positions? i.e. reverse chicken wing bowl, ect..,

@bitchPimps: I may not be up on the latest sex lingo but I’m pretty sure a reverse chicken wing bowl is not in my near future.

Looks like it’s going down prison style!

‏@CptnSparky: Have you witnessed @bitpimps do any illegal shit?

@bitchPimps: Oh yes. I had the great pleasure of hitting up the ATM at 4am to get money to bail him out of jail. Ah, memories.

That was some bullshit too!

‏@bwstrangler: ok back to that magical night in that sketchy hotel room, what was it that got things Hot and heavy? #Part1

@bitchPimps: My mouth and his bit.

I was gonna say when Jackie Gleason appeared in the movie.

@CptnSparky: what is a guilty pleasure of @bitPimps music wise, that he loves but would probably rather no one else knew?

@bitchPimps: I do remember having a conversation with him one time about Madonna.

Look, that was back when she was do-able.

‏@tank_yanker: what’s the weirdest, most disgusting thing you’ve ever caught him doing? #TopFive #IfYouCantDecide

@bitchPimps: Wow, you just want me to list one? Honestly, he doesn’t hide the disgusting things he does. He does that shit right out in the open. Should we talk about him playing with and being so proud of the 4 inch nipple hair he had or the cutting of his toenails on my back porch?

Dead sexy. I’m a lady killer!

‏@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite position?

@bitchPimps: Sitting.

I forget the name of the position, but I like when you’re shutting the fuck up. HEYOH!

‏@mrsjessliv: Name 3 things that make you horny.

@bitchPimps: A clean house, laundry done and my fucking car washed.

I’ve done all that shit before, she’s lying.

‏@mrsjessliv: Does toothpaste or cough drops irritate you vag? #Random #IHateIt

@bitchPimps: What the fuck kind of question is that?

She’s married to a bubble wrap strangler, go figure. lol

‏@CptnSparky: Have you ever encorporated a little strip tease into an evening of seduction at home with @bitPimps?

@bitchPimps: Hell no, we’d be so busy laughing there would be no boner.

We did bang while she was doing a Splash Dance routine once!

‏@CptnSparky: Has Twitter had a positive or negative effect on your relationship?
@bitchPimps: If he’s happy, I’m happy.

Lies! Outright lies! You’re not happy unless I’m miserable.

‏@CptnSparky: How do you feel about Canadians, in general?

@bitchPimps: I love them! That’s my homeland bitch!  Ok, they talk a little funny.

Pft! Pshhh! A little?

‏@bwstrangler: Do u feel like u posses the strength to rip out a mans testical? Have u ever urinated in the back of a cop car?
@bitchPimps: Absolutely and Absolutely not.

Take a walk on the wild side, add that one to the bucket list.

‏@AZ_RedDragon: If you woke up as a dude, would you jack off, pee on something, or do the helicopter in front of @bitPimps?

@bitchPimps: I would immediately fondle my wife’s boobs.

I like your style.

‏@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite scary movie?

@bitchPimps: I’m a huge chickenshit. I don’t like scary movies.

Verified. She also cries at commercials.

@bwstrangler: U have the chance to date master P’s son, some jerseyshore dickhead, or some shitbag named Jeremy, who do u pick? #FuckINeedCable

@bitchPimps: Nice choices. I think I’d rather play a game of Kill, Fuck, Marry.

I hope you’d kill the jerseyshore dickhead.

‏@Truk_Norris: Is it true that @bitPimps #LovesTheCock

@bitchPimps: Only his own.

My cock is pretty fuckin’ awesome.

‏@AZ_RedDragon: Is @bitPimps allowed to go to Ellis Mania with me next year? #BetterAskTheBoss #Pleeaaaasssseeee

@bitchPimps: He’s a big boy, he can make that decision all on his own. The real question is, would he want to go with you?

You have no idea what you just agreed to.

‏@AZ_RedDragon: If @bitPimps nuts were really nuts what kind of nuts would they be?

@bitchPimps: Are there real nuts that big?

BOOM!

‏@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite nickname for your vag? Does Bit call it something special? #JuiceBox #CreamPie #Swamp

@bitchPimps: bitvag.

I’m a gentleman, I usually call it a gash.

‏@mrsjessliv: How do you feel about anal sex?

@bitchPimps: NO. Simple.

You can scream and cry all you want, that just makes it hotter!

‏@itswillbitches: if your pink taco aka vagina was a real taco, would it be a soft, hard or doritos taco?

@bitchPimps: Holy shit dude, if there is seriously someone out there that could compare their vag to a hard or doritos taco, they’ve got serious problems.

So… soft taco?

‏@itswillbitches: if you chose a life of crime, what would be your path chosen? (mob, drugs, fraud, hooker etc.)

@bitchPimps: Assassin. Wait, make that a very hot, sexy assassin.

I’d give you your first contract, a hit on the entire Offspring band.

‏@mrsjessliv: What’s more funny… Chest or vag farts? #IPreferChest

@bitchPimps: WTF is a chest fart? My boobs must not be big enough.

Christmas is coming up!

‏@mrsjessliv: spit or swallow? #DependsWhatHeDrinksHuh?

@bitchPimps: Never waste a good thing.

‘Atta girl!

‏@itswillbitches: if you were held hostage and your captors were to rape you with an animal, would you choose a mouse, snake or horse?

@bitchPimps: Wait, is bitPimps sharing our bedroom fantasies again?

I swear, I only mentioned it once, and that was in passing!

‏@mrsjessliv: Beatles or Stones?

@bitchPimps: Both.

Tom Cruise.

‏@itswillbitches: what flavour of cake would you most prefer to be eaten out of your vag?

@bitchPimps: There would be no cake. bitPimps doesn’t have a sweet tooth.

Fuck a bunch of candy, gangster.

‏@itswillbitches: out of all the soda flavours available, which do you think would be the bully, the emo, the jock and the nerd?

@bitchPimps: Pespi. It has multiple personalities.

Why the fuck are we talking about soda?

‏@mrsjessliv: How did you meet the man of your dreams? And how did Bit steal you away?

@bitchPimps: When you can’t have Paul Walker you settle for second best.

You know I could beat the life outta that little bitch.

‏@itswillbitches: if you were at a disney theme park, whom would be the first character that you would hug?

@bitchPimps: Could we invite Buggs Bunny? Don’t really have a fav Disney character.

I’d go for the one with the biggest tits.

‏@itswillbitches: would you rather be bit by a swarm of mosquitoes nonstop 4 a week, a giant spider 4 a day or bit’s dad 4 3 hours?

@bitchPimps: OMG. And yet another fucked up image of my father in-law. Thanks.

HAHAHAA! That’s awesome.

‏@itswillbitches: do you prefer to use ketchup or catsup?

@bitchPimps: Ketchup, the way normal fucking people say it.

Yea man, down with catsup! Fuck the man!

‏@itswillbitches: do you know how awesome it is to lay down in the middle of a street? #drugquestion

@bitchPimps: As a matter of fact, I do.

You know how awesome it is to be tripping on ‘shrooms and going to the cereal isle of the grocery store? Let me tell you, really fucking awesome!

‏@AZ_RedDragon: Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? Better have your camera ready! #GreatViewFromTheTop

@bitchPimps: Is that your way of asking if I’m fat??  And yes, I can.

Big deal, so can I. You ain’t so special!

‏@Truk_Norris: Have you ever gaped @bitPimps with your lady fist?

@bitchPimps: Wow.

I know, right? That was an great time! I had no idea a chair leg would fit.

@bwstrangler: If u had one song to take a shot and or have a drink too what is that song?

@bitchPimps: Anything by Jack Johnson or Maroon 5. Depends on what drink I’m on.

That has to be the gayest possible answer.

‏@AZ_RedDragon: Do you get annoyed with @bitPimps obsession with the show as much as my wife does?

@bitchPimps: Not really annoyed, just uninterested.

You liked when callers had to sing to R. Kelly’s Ignition.

And that’s a wrap folks! Give yourselves a round of applause. And give me all your lovin’, ZZ Top style! Until next time.

The #ReplaceWordsWithFollowers Game

Every now and then I have a stroke of genius.  Or it was an actual stroke, I’m not sure but I created a new hastag game: #ReplaceWordsWithFollowers. This is possibly one of the greatest things I have ever thought up on a Thursday night before bed in March.  Here are some of the things people came up with.  Enjoy.

 

@bwstrangler: It was @AZ_RedDragon when @EllisMate stuck that @bitPimps in that lady’s @possiblytully and thanked his @KimDultz

@bitPimps中: ‏ At first I was all like, @OMGZeebrazz, but then I saw it was @RachelAndSarah so I pulled out my @tank_yanker

@tank_yanker: I tried to undo her @OMGZeebrazz to see her @CobraTits and she got all @testyboy !! Tried to @bwstrangler me!

@tank_yanker: That’s correct officer, I hit him with @FonzoBlunt object. The body’s in the trunk of my @chevro1et.

@bitPimps: Call me @Amy_L_Sss because I get all @e3guzman when I’m @NCcrushinonRJ her @babythroat like a @BEZERKAH1_3

@bitPimps: If @MyMathGarcia is correct, I should be to send my @RedJammieGirl to college & that would be @atmbcool

@bwstrangler: Can’t wait 2 get all @DougBenson and go @mayhemmiller on a cheeseburger then just @mike_in_canada on the couch

@bwstrangler: my wife’s @bitPimps are huge, can’t wait 2 pull out my @tank_yanker and @AZ_RedDragon all over them

@JohnnySkidmarks: It took @3_days to find out that most of my followers think that I’m a @sarcasticunt

@Jen_E_Morse: Can I lick your @taternuts?

@Jen_E_Morse: I wanna get @DirtNasty with @EllisMate

@AZ_RedDragon: I’m @cantskateanymre and going to @possiblytully for the night.

@AZ_RedDragon: I’ll show you my @tank_yanker if you show me your @herro_amy

@AZ_RedDragonI have a huge @mike_in_canada it hangs way below my @bitPimps and its fucking @bwstrangler

@tank_yanker: I drank too much @WhiskeyGirl923 and went @BEZERKAH1_3 then turned into a @Wolfman812.

@bitPimps: I asked my @RedJammieGirl how she wanted her @herro_amy treated & she said to @donaldschultz it.

@tank_yanker: I’m all out of @_Prozach74 , and @Addicted2Diesel now, and my ass is @AZ_RedDragon now…

@tank_yanker: I’ll @bitPimps slap anybody that touches the ladies, and dump the bodies on the @shit_toboggan

@Jen_E_Morse: I want to suck your @GatorHotdogDog and take it in the @dannykass

@tank_yanker: I took my ex to the river in my @chevro1et and @bwstrangler‘d her there

@KimDultz: I wanna get @AZ_RedDragon wasted!

@KimDultz: I wanna @Fngr_Xpressions @_daniBum_ all night long till I get @sleepyjoe_RDS and pass out in the @oilfieldtrash84

@KimDultz: I held my @gungirlRDS up to your @Meaty_OZ @stapleneck and it went @boomer1600 then you were @cogdeth

‏ @bitPimps: I told @KimDultz I was @mike_in_canada just so I could @nickyknac her @VZ4SHEEZY but she said to @Saveit4thewar

 

These are a few of the posts that I could find, there are some really brilliant people out there.  If you have any ideas for Hastag Games send @bitPimps or @Az_Reddragon a message and we’ll put up some of the results.

A Collaborative Twitter Story

I started a collaborative story on Twitter and asked people to keep the story going by adding to it. Not thinking, I could have made the objective a bit more clear. So instead of one massive connecting story that was contributed to by multiple people, the story ended up fragmenting into several different stories. However, a couple of them turned out awesome, thanks to the participants. Here is the hashtag I used #KeepTheStoryGoingAddToIt and the results of it.

Story (@bitPimps, @AZ_RedDragon):

@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…

@AZ_RedDragon dead, a parapalegic, amputee (half off), a dude… (I wrote this before I knew what @bitPimps was doing, and I was drunk. That’s why it doesn’t make sense, yet!)

@bitPimps She said she could be anything I wanted. I asked if she wanted to get a drink, she said…

@AZ_RedDragon no problem, I know this great place with a seniors discount, and i’ll even show you how I do shots through my tracheostomy hole…

@bitPimps This was it! Exactly what I had been searching for. I couldn’t wait to get her alone so I could…

@AZ_RedDragon slowly remove her support hos, put her teeth in water, and break her hip, only the way a grandson could…

@bitPimps I sucked on her tubes as I was fingering the hole in her neck. I could feel her vocal cords and…

@AZ_RedDragon she said in her raspy voice, go down on me. So I slowly removed her soiled adult daiper, wiped the errant poo from her cookie and…

@bitPimps started to lick her poo covered slit. I tried to think of Nutella, eventually I cleaned here and…

@AZ_RedDragon I looked up to see that she was no longer breathing. I figired what the hell, I already paid so I might as well finish…

@bitPimps I kept pumping, blood and cum was flying all over the place. I finished and then…

@AZ_RedDragon my dad came in, he said, “mom!, what happened to you? You used to be such a milf.” I wrapped my arms around dad, we looked into…

@AZ_RedDragon … each others eyes, and we knew, we knew what we had to do, as men, as family…

@bitPimps … & hugged. Licking us both clean he stuck 1 end of the tube in my mouth and the other end…

@AZ_RedDragon I slowly reached for his aged but tender balls when suddenly grandmas dead body suddenly evacuated her bowels…
The End. (Because we were drunk and left.)

Story (@bitPimps, @herro_amy, @tank_yanker):

@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…

@herro_amy A midget with gold buck teeth…

@bitPimps Her small stature and ghetto teeth made me excited immediately. I asked if I she was into…

@tank_yanker going to Harlem for some soul food and hang out at an urban club…

@bitPimps She just stared at me, sucked on her finger & then reached for my ass. At first I…

@tank_yanker was repulsed,but it was quite clear it was happening anyway, by the way she held the .38 to my balls…

@bitPimps I pulled out a roofing nail from my work belt and asked her to insert it into my dick hole and she…

@tank_yanker slammed it home with the butt end of the gun. At that point I…

@bitPimps tried to keep myself from cumming, she pulled it out and rammed it back in then stuck it in her…

The End. (Because @tank_yanker had to go to work.)

Story (@bitPimps, @herro_amy):

@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…

@herro_amy A midget with gold buck teeth…

@bitPimps Her small stature and ghetto teeth made me excited immediately. I asked if I she was into…

@herro_amy role play and she took off her shoe…

@bitPimps I was confused, yet excited. Especially when I saw her webbed feet. We went to a bar for drinks and…

The End. (Because I fucked up and didn’t get everyone on the same story from the start)

Story (@bitPimps, @cogdeth):

@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…

@cogdeth Your typical Cleveland hooker, 5’7″ with a firm grip, not like the “fun-size” ho’s of yesteryear.

@bitPimps I knew it was firm cuz she was missing her left arm. I asked what can u do with the the nub & she said…

The End. (Because I fucked up and didn’t get everyone on the same story from the start)