It’s Friday and everyone is busy telling social media how much they don’t give a fuck, and we here at NYA are usually no different. But today is special. Today is the birthday of someone you all know and love. Today is a day to give a fuck and celebrate. But keep it quiet…not everyone knows…and we’re planning a surprise…so let’s keep it for the end.
“Welcome, maybe?”
I started my previous recap by stating that Ellis was back. The above statement was how he started the show today. I think we lost him again somewhere between last Wednesday and Las Vegas. Apparently he’s been stricken with panic attacks every day since then, and of course he always worries those will lead to AFib. Add to that the social anxiety of a weekend on display at the AVN Awards and it’s no surprise he needed a day off on Monday. It seems the recent Australia trip was a bigger blow to the psyche than he initially realized and he still hadn’t taken proper time to process that shit which can only compound his PTSD. The man has issues.
The man also has a hell of a lot of good people who really do care about him. More than he will ever allow himself to believe. We get it, mate. Many among us walk similar obstructed paths in life and fall victim to the black hole of negativity because of it. I don’t need to preach about the benefits of seeking comfort in the positive aspects of one’s life, or inspire with meaningful words, or motivate anyone to do better for themselves by facing a challenge head-on. That’s your thing. Besides, how do you tell a champion that he should stop fighting a battle and learn how to live with the loss? And then convince him that is how he will ultimately win the biggest prize? A fucking lame boxing metaphor is all I got. Take your medicine Jason Ellis. Continue reading
I’m sorry to report that the previous mid-week recap writer is no longer, umm…available. But you can relax because bitPimps has sent the Wolf…and I solve problems. As such, welcome to the inaugural edition of Wolfkisser Wednesday.
Now strip down and let me spray you with my hose so we can get started. (Spoiler Alert: That’s also how it will end) Continue reading
Seven years ago, I stumbled upon something that would forever change my life in ways I never thought possible. I was sitting at home, flipping through the Sirius music channels on my DISH satellite TV package when I came across this crazy Australian guy making fun of the Lucky Charms cereal mascot with the most hilariously-bad Irish accent I’d ever heard. I laughed harder than I ever had in my life and from that point on, I was hooked. Every weekday from that point on, I would listen to Ellis for all four hours of his show, hanging on his every word. It became my favorite part of the day: sitting down with the boys and shooting the shit while laughing our asses off. As the years went on, Ellis continued to be an inspirational force in my life, pushing me to always better myself and strive to be the best. He and the show became a major part of my life and helped define who I was. But it wasn’t until Twitter came along, that the greatest gift Ellis has ever given me came to be: EllisFam. It started off as nothing more than fans talking about what was happening on the show, but it would grow to become a life-altering aspect of all of our lives. Slowly, we all started to get to know each other and become friends, no longer limiting our conversations to the show. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized how much we are all alike and how we’ve been through the same shit in life. This connection was born that seemed stronger than anything ever before experienced, even though we’d never met in person. It was a truly wild and unexplainable experience how this all came to be; a bunch radio show fans, spread across North America, becoming this tight-knit community that was filled with love and support. The power of EllisFam didn’t become clear to me until a very dark period in my life. I was a freshman in college and I was struggling with the fact that all of my so-called friends from high school completely stopped being so when they moved away for college. To make matters worse, I had just had my heart broken by someone who I thought I could trust and I was left in shambles. I was deeply depressed and couldn’t shake the dark clouds that seemed to constantly hang over my head. It got to the point that I started to have suicidal thoughts and became very self-abusive. It all built up until one day I had a complete and total meltdown. I began ranting on Twitter, spilling all of my emotions into tweets that came fast and furious. I had lost it. I was going over the edge and was about to end it all. But then something happened. I suddenly started getting all these tweets from EllisFam expressing extreme concern for me and asking if everything was OK and if they could help in any way. They acted as a therapist for me as I blurted out all my life’s troubles, giving me positive reinforcement and a shoulder to cry on. Out of all the people that came to my aid, two people went above and beyond in consoling me: Jess and Steve (AKA @ladystrangler and @bwstrangler). The amount of care and compassion these two showed towards me was unreal. I was blown away by how two people who I’d never met in person and had only known through conversations on the internet could be so willing and able to help me like they did. This act of kindness sparked what would become the best friendship I’ve ever had. These two mean more to me than anyone ever has and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be here today without them. They’re my best friends and I love them. From that point on, my bonds with other members of EllisFam began to strengthen and the “Fam” in EllisFam began to take on more meaning. These people became my friends, REAL friends who don’t abandon you at the drop of a hat. No matter what, I always knew they had my back.
Even though I’d been a hardcore listener since the early days of the show, I had never been able to make it out to an Ellismania due to my relatively young age and lack of money to fly to Vegas. That all changed this year. I was finally able to make it out to Vegas for what was sure to be the greatest weekend of my life with the people that meant so much to me. At one point, however, that dream was in jeopardy; I needed a roommate to afford the room at the Hard Rock and I was unable to find one on my own. Luckily for me, and in yet another showing of Ellisfam love and support, Tim (AKA @wolfman812) came to my rescue and hooked me up with other Fam who wanted to split a room, Nate, Sara, and Victor (AKA @DraXsiS_Rocker @thewoodswoman @Saveit4thewar). My dream was saved and Ellismania was a reality. These people didn’t have to help me out and take me in, but they did and it meant a lot. The wait for EM was brutal, but honestly went by faster than I would have ever imagined. Before I knew it, it was October 10th and I was at the airport waiting for my flight to Vegas. Upon landing, none other than my two best friends, Jess and Steve, were there waiting for me so we could take a shuttle to the Hard Rock together. Even though we’d never met in person, we instantly acted as though this was our thousandth time seeing each other. The connection was immense. After a short trip in a cramped shuttle van, we arrived at the Hard Rock, walked up to the Circle Bar and began the biggest hug-fest I’d ever seen. Everyone that I knew from Twitter immediately hugged me with everything they had. I’d never experienced this much affection in my life and it was awesome. When Sean (AKA @cantskateanymre) saw me, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Do you want some water?” He knew I didn’t drink and made sure I was being taken care of. When that happened, I knew that I truly was among family. We all hung out like it was one, big family reunion and that’s exactly what it was. At last, I was able to be among the people that meant so much to me and that had saved my life. This is what EllisFam is all about: people from all across the US and Canada coming together to form one, big happy and yes, dysfunctional family. The weekend was the greatest time I’d ever had and I wish it didn’t have to end. Every kiss on the cheek from Jason and Kellie (@AZ_RedDragon @azkellie), laugh shared with Alex (@shit_toboggan), loving hug from Tim (Wolfie), every chance to say “Hed Ragons” with Nate, Victor, and Gregg (@Fngr_Xpressions), and the countless other moments shared with my Fam will be something that I’ll never forget and cherish for the rest of my life. The goodbyes were filled with tears, hugs, and promises to text each other once we made it back to our respective homes safely. It was an experience I’ll never forget and can’t wait to do all over again. This is the greatest gift Ellis has ever given any of us, a family to call our own that has done nothing but provide positivity and love in our lives. EllisFam is truly something special and one of a kind. I dare anyone to find a closer group of people because they can’t. EllisFam truly is “Thicker than Blood”. Red Dragons, motherfuckers.
Written by Cody McCraw (@Cody_McCraw92)
Happy Thursday said no one ever! Ellis is feeling the pain of his workout and today on the mean streets of Hollywood a crazy 200 pound white broad called Ellis a N bomb and a F bomb and tried to flinch him then pissed while staring him down. Being quick on his feet he
Nice glasses, no really, I mean it. Please don’t kill me.
was able to get it all on Ellismania.com. Also on Ellismania.com is Ellis’s new signature sunglasses. Okay I don’t know if that’s where you get them for sure but it’s a pretty good bet. They started talking about teachers and shitty smart parents that bug them too much with all their brainy brains and having to do good in school because you can’t just get “dummy” jobs anymore like digging ditches or working in the oil fields of Canada. They also talked about starting your own business or getting on TV but I wasn’t really listening, I was busy digging a ditch.
And back from the music break we are graced with Hollywood blabber mouth Sam Ruben. He thinks that he can fight Tara Patrick in Ellismania 9, either because he likes hitting girls or because he enjoys punching chicks, but I’m sure it’s all in good fun. They talked something about a charity bike ride, shit about The Today Show, and a whole bunch of other Hollywood shit that I tend to drown out. The only thing worse than Hollywood News is Hollywood News on steroids. Then for a nice turn of events they talked about movies, actors, my balls, Rawdog’s diet, Ellismania fights, and this one guy that did that one thing with the other dude that was totally rad.
How I expect the Tera Patrick fight will go.
All porn productions have been shut down because an unknown performer has tested positive for HIV. Even this is the second case since 2004 you know that all the anti porn blue balled mother fuckers are gonna crow about shit that they have no business sticking their pretentious noses into. Ellis’s arm is sore because he tore something while working out so he’s taking it easy to heal. Unfortunately he doesn’t have the money to hire a masseuse to work it out. Happy endings are expensive. Rawdog plans on doing cardio 
much like the Onnit challenge but easier. A Northern Arizona family got lost at sea while trying to escape the government for religious causes. Being from Arizona it’s safe to say that they had no nautical experience and should have died at sea like God intended them to do. God doesn’t like idiots either. Tully thinks that all the crazies and bible thumpers and every other skitzo that hates the government should be given Wyoming. That way they can live in whatever kind of chaos they prefer. Besides, nobody’s using Wyoming anyway, it’s like that corner of Americas back yard that has an old tire and a few pieces of wood and a rusty bicycle from the 50’s.
An English chick is going to marry a man on death row who shot a dude at 16 and then strangled another inmate earning his spot in old sparky. Hope they don’t forget to wet the sponge. Crazy people, am I right! Some dumbasses called and then one smart dude called suggesting that they have a comic open for DDD and it’s defiantly a suggestion to consider. Then there were more dumb callers but this time it was on purpose in the quest to find the dumbest caller and there are quite a few great contestants.
How I picture the callers, but less funny. Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
If you want to win stuff and fight at Ellismania 9 then send in your video of yourself hitting a heavy bag for three minutes to Juliet, The Web Mastress, at fightclub@ellismania.com. You can also send in your singing videos through Instagram, just take a video of yourself singing a Death Death Die or Taintstick song and put @wolfmate and #ellismania9 on it. Heather Mills now has a silver metal for skiing in the New Zeland solemn skiing something or other, not bad for a one legged bitch. Ever wonder what it would be like to watch Mike Tyson play Mike Tyson’s Knockout? Well wonder no more! A dude on bath salts went on an ass kicking spree punching a kid and taking his skateboard, kicking a dog, beating a dude with a shovel, and pushed a man in a wheelchair down the street saying, “You’re coming with me!” I’m not gonna lie, that last one made me laugh. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy is at the end of his internship today. He is going back to school tomorrow where you can hear him on collegeradiocrap.com.ed.au. Or ChapmanRadio.com whichever steaming pile of shit you prefer to listen to. Also follow him on Instagram, @AdamMann24, where there are riveting pictures of him and Wilson in some artsy fartsy filter. They ended the show with the high speed recap guy. If this guy reads these please get in contact with myself, @Az_RedDragon or @bitPimps. Or you can just tell our mum because you’re poundin that pussy yo!
Oh yeah, OH!