Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Posted on May 2, 2013 by wiz1010

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison. That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means. Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show. Fuck oath mate! Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge. Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right! Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more. Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend. Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff! Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron. I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

Bet he would have said yes to this….

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole. Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out! Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back. People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH! Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too! That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine? Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default. Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms! Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe. What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street? Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right? Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency. Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius. Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out. Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit! Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary. Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place. First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and ~~Ellis~~ ~~Tully~~ ~~Ellis~~ no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully. Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds. Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds! If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious! Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’. Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High. Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’. Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory! So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do? Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit! Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug. But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo! So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine. Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ! Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it. The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah! And this is the ~~most racist commercial ever~~ kinda stupid! Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old. Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit! And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names. I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any. Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really. One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/25/13

Posted on April 25, 2013 by wiz1010

Lets talk about our emotions, and how they effect us each and every Thursday. If your getting high to hide your emotions, well that’s not good. If your using music to feel your emotions well that’s fucking sweet. Therefore if your high and listening to music, you’ve figured out the meaning of life. And welcome to today’s show and straight into how Jersey Shore is expanding like Wu-Tang, everyone’s getting their own show on MTV, but not Ellis, FUCK! No one wants to pick up ol’ MC Hollywood for a season or two? Not Rawdog, who claims to be from Hollywood but really is better know as Mr. Marina Del Ray, but Ellismate, who is not from Hollywood so could claim to be MC Hollywood, is better know as MC Sanderingham. Mr. New Jersey, who claims to be Mr. New York, and better know as Mr. Oxford as far as I’m concerned, had to roll the fuck out for a few to get Ellis some Codeine for his Aids he’s getting. Without Tully in studio, talk went to washer’s and dryers, and of course Rawdog’s dick. Oh, let me explain that…..you see Ellis just moved in so he needs a new washer and dryer, and Rawdog could use one but doesn’t have the cash for it allegedly. Oh, and Rawdog is going to his gay roommates party and is figruing out his best lines for getting some stank on his hang down. So far, Rawdog’s best bet is to quote the average dick size of 5 1/4″, and immediately notify them he’s packing a clean 7″ of Taint Stick.

…if your under the magic 5.25 inches!

Apparently all people in South Korea look the same, even in beauty pageants, or so I learned on TJES! I also learneded that Mike Jasper is pretty fucking gnarly too. If you don’t recall Mike is the dude Ellis was sparring a few weeks ago on EllisMania.com, the cool one who didn’t beat the shit out of him too bad, much respect. Dude is a perfect 6-0 in professional fights, but said he did have a fight in Vegas that didn’t technically count in which he did get knocked out, and that’s one he remembers. Dude’s a warrior, and practices the Dolce Diet too so get it up ya if ya haven’t yet! I missed about 10 minutes of the interview, only to come back to Joe Rowe using some training mask in preparation for this year’s Bong Olympics, Red Dragons to you my friend! Back to Jasper the Angry Ghost, and shout out to him for bringing tickets to give to #EllisFam for his upcoming fight May 11th in Woodlands Hills, CA. He’ll be beating the shit out of Lee Chapman who is 4-8 for another couple of weeks. So wonder what this mutha fucker here can do on the punch machine? Well not sure what happened really, maybe he was psyched out from Branden Schaub’s score was less than Ellis’s, or maybe he just missed that stupid fucking star in the middle, but he topped out at a 56. Hey dude, at least you beat Rawdog! In MMA News, Anderson Silva could beat Rawdog too, even after his new contract extending him for 12 more fights in all. Crazy Bones Jones said he’s got some record to set first before fighting in another weight class, in case you were wondering. Kimbo Slice still exists, knocking MoFo’s out in Australia! Finally, and most improtantly of all, it was rumored that Ellis’ next fight at Ellismania may be a rematch with Gay Bruediger, but kickboxing this time!

Sorry Kimbo, I wasn’t saying you didn’t exist…

It’s that time of year again folks, time to vote for your favorite to be the 2013 Twisty’s Treat Of The Year. Say hello to Spencer Scott and Karlie Montana, two of the contestants for this contest I speak of. Apparently the winner gets some money, a diamond necklace, and one grand for a charity of their choice. Wonder what that charity would be? “Um, I don’t have a clue, maybe Um animals?” Let me ask you this EllisFam, do all the dumb bitches come on the show on Thursday’s? Here’s what you didn’t miss, a four part contest to see who you should vote for. In round 1, Spencer is proud of her blow job accomplishments, is best at everything in bed, and fucks like Bill Clinton. Karlie spits load of 34 story buildings in Canada, wishes she had no tonsils to get the dick in further, an thinks squirting is the greatest thing achieved of the last century – guess who won! Round 2 was phone sex with callers, using voice altermacation of course, but only Karlie was down to phone fuck, Spencer pussed out. Round 3 was the punch machine, Spencer 36, Karlie 39. Round 4 was for Ellis to sniff a line of their pussy and judge. Karlie’s was like America and Monster Energy in one. Spencer’s, besides not even being in the competition, apparently smelled all fruity and shit, so again guess who won. 4 – 0 sweep, bottom line folks, don’t waste your time on this shit and just enjoy your weekend!

Sham-WOW!

Hollywood News anyone? Cops in Stockholm, Sweden say Justin Bieber was rolling with weed and a stun gun, but arrested him only because he was hanging with that Lil Za fucker again, damn Biebs! Bieber was also late to some photo shoot and another concert, but fuck off ok! Some dude from the Nappy Roots got beat down by Po Po Mo Fo! Remember that whole “Don’t you know who I am” from Reese Witherspoon the other day, turns out someone looked up other times that shit happened and Bob’s Your Uncle. In other Hollywood News, Ellis say’s don’t watch The Crow cause it fucking sucks now, and some dude did a ton of blow in it and got all sleepy n shit, and that doesn’t really happen. I kinda sorta missed a little more of the show, only to come back to Beanie Sigel, Memphis Bleek and Ellismate all in a cab, shooting it out with Jay Z, all inside of some chics carnival…..but I never did find out her name! Bruno Mars says fuck Joe’s Crab Shack. And finally ~~La Toya Jackson says Michael Jackson’s ghost tap dancers in her house~~, never mind! Teen Advice, need some, get some – well ok maybe not really, but if you’ve ever questioned whether Ellis, Rawdog or Tully would fuck a clone of them self, No Way for Tully, Why Not for RawDizzle, and Yes For A MTV Show for Young Wing. For the rest of them, I think Tully put it best when he suggested ‘move to the sewer and become lord of the underground’. Except for that one 17year old lesbo who’s gonna eventually fuck her teacher, good luck! And as far as any suggestions for your grandmama, how about five and a quarter inches is all I’ll put in if you don’t shut the fuck up, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/22/2013

Posted on April 22, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Oh, gee! Look at the time, it’s time for “Doin’ butt stuff with Mr. & Ms. X”

Hey, it’s Earth Day today! Did you buy the Earth a cake and smash it into the fucking ground? Have you made-out with a tree today? Get some of the bark, baby! Ellis was recently in a cloud of doom, but not any longer, so he’s happy to be here – loud as shit and everything. Rawdog’s vagina ears were hurt, but Tully loves it loud (did you catch his Kiss reference?) and so does Dingo. Would you bang a chick with a vagina on her neck? Would you wear a condom? Dingo saw Swollen Members over the weekend and heard the Red Dragon song live. Ellis has a new friend, Mr. X. Not to be confused with Rawdog’s friend, Mr. X. No, no. This is a totally different Mr. X, and he’s not gay or anything, but he’s done some butt stuff lately. He has a high pressure hose thing, where he can give himself an enema in the shower. The first time Mr. X had tried giving himself an enema, Ms. X was there to help give pointers and a log shot out and hit the deck, causing Ms. X to start laughing. This time, Mr. X kept pushing all kinds of stuff out and was starting to get worried that he might be over-enema’ing (?) and jamming stuff down the shower drain with his foot when he noticed some things aren’t going down the drain. It was pineapple because Mr. X really enjoys pineapple. Ellis had the mermaid party over the weekend and it sounds like it went pretty well – Will’s older son got busted looking at Katie’s ass. Do you believe in life after death? Do you think you’d be happy in the afterlife? Would you need an energy drink? Who knows, what we do know is that while you’re in the life that you have, you gotta go hard in the paint and enjoy as much of it as you can. I guess Adam Carolla said awhile back that women aren’t that funny or as funny as men. That’s nothing new, people have been saying that for a long time so I’m not sure why this was a major point of discussion in the media.

Whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.

A.J. Clemente. What? You haven’t heard of him? Maybe because his very first appearance on NBC North Dakota TV reading the news, he dropped a “gay fuckin’ shit” live on the air and got fired for it. He was actually trying to pronounce the name of the winner of the London Marathon, “Tsegaye Kebede.” Tully choked hard on the Steampipe Alley TV show when he was 9-years-old, once he saw his face on TV, he forgot how to spell “elected” and bombed out and didn’t get to win his Merlin or whatever kick-ass toy he wanted. Rawdog told the story of the first time he was on radio in college at 5 AM, reading old time radio shows like Flash Gordon, Batman, and Superman. A long time ago, they actually played some clips from that time on the show and holy shit was it hard to listen to, hence the 5 AM slot. In MMA news, Benson Henderson beat Gilbert Melendez, and then Melendez proposed to his girlfriend during a chorus of “boos” from the Melendez-friendly crowd. Daniel Cormier beat Frank Mir and Josh Thomson knocked out Nate Diaz. Moto news, Ryan Barbota (as Dom calls him) Justin Barcia (as the rest of the world calls him) won some shit and other people did not. And that’s all the exciting coverage we can handle, so let’s move on. Dom news, sounds like there were quite a few fans of the show that hate his talk into the cup Lil’ Bane voice. So he was ordered to call into the show via the VIP number instead to see if his voice is any less annoying, I’m guessing to the people who don’t like him, it wasn’t. At least until he called back in with his I’m Batman, drunk and on pills voice, which I don’t see how you couldn’t think it was fantastic. Will “vagina knees” Pendarvis is on crutches from his hard in the paint tactics during the crew’s Friday morning basketball game. Hollywood news time, Reese Witherspoon and her husband got arrested for DUI and she tried to play the celebrity card, it didn’t work. And not to be outdone, Tara Reid had a meltdown while shopping because she couldn’t get a discount. Snoop-Lion-Dogg’s 420 festival got shut down, not for weed smoking but for licensing or some shit. Star Magazine has a list of celebrities people hate, that’s neat (sarcasm). There was a bunch more Hollywood news but I don’t remember most of it, I was driving and watching a little fender bender in front of me. And that’s it for news today, who really wants a shitload of news on Monday anyway, right?

Ok, I lied, it’s not going to be alright as long as this exists.

Some dude that fell off a ladder 9 years ago and was paralyzed from the chest down, discovered that he gets orgasmic feelings when he sucks his thumb. It’s generally assumed that he spends a lot of time sucking on that digit. Mitch Fatel came on the show today with his wife, apparently they’re almost swingers, but he doesn’t let her sleep with other dudes yet, but that might be over now that she’s seen Dingo’s luscious locks. Mitch and his wife seemed to take a real liking to Ellis and especially Katie so maybe there’s a hook-up there to be had. They sound just as adventurous for the most part, with the licking of stripper’s asses and such. Oh, and apparently they’re in the process of trying to do a show about all this and more for A&E, which seems odd because this certainly isn’t like Duck Dynasty or whatever. Here’s his “candy cane” joke about bloody vagina, and if you were listening to the show, he doesn’t really talk like David Blaine’s more effeminate brother. Greatest guitar riff time, weeding through the rest of the Sweet 16 to complete the list of Elite 8. And here they are:

Guns N’ Roses
AC/DC
Led Zeppelin
Jimi Hendrix
Dire Straits
Queen
Slayer
Slayer

That’s no typo, sisters! Slayer has two different songs in the contest, showing just how badass they are. And there you have it, your Elite 8 for the Greatest Guitar Riff of All-Time. So goes another mega, cram packed too much show and a mega, cram packed too much re-cap. I know, you’re thinking, “what’s the deal with all the fucking images in today’s post?” My answer to that is, I don’t know man. I was just feeling it and decided to put them in. Besides, everyone loves good images. No? Well shit, sorry then. I guess too many images is a lot like being a pedo, it’s hard to fit in. HEYOH! Oh, come on. Now you’re gonna be upset about that joke? It’s not like someone said the brighter side of the marathon bombings is that the Paralympics just got a bunch more competition. Shit. Okay, sorry about that one. I’m just digging a bigger hole here. Well, let me just close it out proper, I just want to make you all laugh and enjoy reading all this. A new golf course opens in town. It’s rather shabby, and business starts off slow. The owner, taking matters into his own hands, builds three robots to help tidy the place up. For the next week, the place is impeccable; word spreads and people come from all over to try out the new course. Most customers love it, but there’s one complaint: the robots are too shiny, and they sometimes reflect sunlight into the golfers’ eyes when they’re trying to swing. To solve this problem, the owner paints the robots black, thinking it will be a quick and easy fix. The next day, two of the robots don’t show up to work and the third robs a convenience store. OH!

What? This how we say “I love you” here at NYA.

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

Posted on April 18, 2013 by wiz1010

What’s love got to do, got to do with it? With that, welcome to another Thursday edition of Thunder Dome with your host Tina Turner a.k.a Ellis. Yeah, I don’t get it either, too deep for me. Speaking of too deep, Tully apparently got a little too deep this morning while digging in his ass, just after taking a nice shit mind you, and on his finger was some liquidy substance. Unfortunately it wasn’t shit like we all had hoped, but blood is pretty fucking Red Dragons I’d say and that’s what was on Tully’s finger when he pulled back. After a thorough review, he determined the blood was in fact not from his deuce in the commode, but rather from his ass cheek. And thus begins today’s show, what is bleeding on Tully’s ass, call 855-355-4741 now and give us your thoughts. But please spare me the immediate need to rush to the hospital as it is both necessary and obvi! Let’s just focus on the potential para-rectal cyst lying deep in his ass tissue. Did you know this same scenario happened to Rawdog recently, but turned out he just ate some Doritos, DING! Thankfully Rude Jude stopped by to help us get off Tully’s ass, and focus on the real matter at hand….washing your hands. As Jude puts it, wash your hands so you don’t pass second hand dick – Good shit Jude! Jude taught us all about black hair care and what a weave cap is. He also said Lord Sears is working hard on staying awake, making it most of the show yesterday which also included Adam Carolla. “A Tree doesn’t get mad if you call it a bush. It knows its a tree!” – Rude Jude. Not sure how to transition from that to chics leaving snail trails and being proud of it, but it happens and I’m sure it somewhere on Vine. Of course, thats not to be confused with your Happy Trail, or Treasure Trail, or finally Hairway to Heaven!

Not sure I like where this is going….

Remember yesterday’s World’s Greatest Wednesday, well today’s just as good to finish it up. It was to find out who or what is, the World’s Greatest Way to humiliate a snail down in Flo-Rida. Yeah so we just went through all the nominees:

Rawdog betray the snails for a bagel and crucify them

Make snails have gay sex and make fun of them

Cook snails in beer and feed them to other snails

Make them listen to Accidental Racist (Don’t click it)

Beat the snails with Ellis’s PETA award

Put Offspring and Jeff Hardy stickers on their shells

Send them into space on balloons with Death!Death!Die! stickers for promotional purposes

Cum on a snail

Make them drunk driving monster trucks

Use a potato gun to shoot snails at other snails

Have Rawdog posterize dunk on a snail

Make the snails preform parkour

Make the snails preform the Mega Ramp

Surround them with a ring of salt, and a ring of beer outside of that

Spray them with Axe body spray, when their about the get laid, set them on fire

Drag them behind trucks

Dress them as the Statue of Liberty and make them spin signs on the street corner

Give the snails all white boy cornrows

(And some late additions to yesterday’s list, which by the way has a few removed that Ellis ditched prior to voting)…….

Put snails on Jiffy Pop and put them in the microwave

Tie Snails to both ends of a battery and make them touch to get zapped

Pull the snail’s dick out and pour salt on it, the “Salt Peter”

So that’s the list, can’t really do shit about it now but so you knew who or what was even available. Oh, and Rawdog only smoked like 3 or 4 times in college.

Rawdog’s new night spot coming soon!

Hollywood News bitches, and what other bitch but Kim Kardashian to start us off with her divorce of Kris Humphries and how it may be finally happening. Remember the dude Finch from American Pie, the one that banged Stifler’s mom, yeah well some one night stand didn’t want to leave last night, and well check this shit out! Serena Williams was strutting that ass in Miami and DAMN! Adele turned down a million bucks cause she still got more life to live, for real for real. Did you know Jennifer Aniston has been cupping, or better yet do you even know what the fuck that means? If oyu answered No, fuck yeah homie! Well Gwyneth Paltrow used to do it, and Tully hates that bitch, so you should too – remember that’s fuck Gwyneth Paltrow kids! Jaden Smith says that Obama told him Aliens were true. And thus concludes today’s Hollywood News, so now just back to how German dudes thought black dudes coudln’t beat them in sports until Jessie Owens and Joe Lewis kinda fucked all that up for them. From there it was Jackie Robinson and white dudes figured out that when the monies on the line, always listen to Wesley Snipes. Did you know that Michael Jackson stole the moonwalk from some dude who was a Solid Gold Dancer? Did you give a shit that Fergie is trying to vogue or some shit? No you didn’t, but I bet you do give a shit about this two on two MMA fighting over in Russia! Dom, fuck my bad, Lil’ Bane was out and about the streets of Hollywood yesterday allegedly saying Justin Bieber had been killed by Nazi’s for his Anne Frank comments the other day. Since Lil’ Bane produces The Jason Ellis Show, he had a tape record on him, and we all got to listen to people’s reactions. People such as some old lady who swallowed the microphone and some dude who already knew about it before Lil’ Bane told him. Batman actually spoke and gave his regards to Beiber’s mom. Finally some Australian dude was propsitioned mon, “Fuck the Cunt, I shoulda killed him”. He’s getting better folks, hell of a job Dom!

….Mon!

News from a Dolphin, my favorite shit might I add, about some lady who cut off her husband’s dick cause he was fucking an old girlfriend or some shit. But enough of that, lets get down to some real business. All show Ellis n Tully sprinkled in some shots at Rawdog about basketball and getting a game together. Well it will be sometime tomorrow morning, with Rawdog trying to make 3 out of 10 layups, and also a two on two game between Ellis N Tully verse Will and Dom. Unfortunately tickets aren’t for sale, but how fucking sweet would it be to see this. Just make sure to listen tomorrow for what happens. Kinda like yesterday, when you had to tune in tomorrow which is today, to find out who or what is the World’s Greatest way to humiliate a snail. Well folks, here’s your top ten:

10 – Put Offspring and Ed Hardy stickers on the snail’s shells

9 – Beat snails with Ellis’s PETA award

8 – Send snails into space with balloons to promote Death! Death! Die!

7 – Make snail parkour videos

6 – Dress the snails as The Statue Of Liberty and make them spin signs on a street corner

5 – Pull the snail’s dick out and our salt on it

4 – Put them inside a circle of salt, surrounded by a circle of beer

3 – Spray them with Axe body spray, and as they’re about the get fucked, set them on fire

2 – Have Rawdog betray the snail’s for some bagels, and crucify them

1 – Have Rawdog posterize them

Hey don’t look at me, you fuckers voted on this shit. Seems pretty accurate to me though, cause having The Illusionist dunk over you and see it on your bedroom wall is some fucked up shit. But no where as fucked up as the last episode of Suck My Dick with Will and Lil’ Bane, where Thunderballs and I took turns cupping your grandma’s ass while we moon walked all over her pussay, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013

Posted on April 15, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.

Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!

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Tag Archives: Mike Tully

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/25/13

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/22/2013

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013