The CEO of Faction (History)

In honor of May the Fourth (AKA Star Wars Day) let’s take a listen at one of the Jason Ellis show staple bits for a time, making fun of Will Pendarvis III with “The Imperial March”. This is the bit that got me hooked onto the show many moons ago. Enjoy!


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Show Re-cap For Wednesday 4/4/2012

I am back to grace you with my whimsical writings and often humorous tales of excitement, passion, and woe.  Now that the bullshit is out of the way, today was a busy show.  Everything started out with Ellis wanting to be a somersaulting moto dolphin saki or some shit, then there was mention of Ellis being on Fox and Friends.  From their conversation I’m pretty sure its not the Furry porno that I, never mind, moving on.

Then things turned into money and if its still masculine to make less than your wife.  The over all consensus is, fuck yeah. Then they got into the issue of dating a porn star which means all your shit is bought with dicks.  The cup your drinking out of, dicks.  The soap you wash your ass with, dicks. You get the idea.  Moving further on, Fred Durst isn’t a douche after all, he’s a SUPER DOUCHE.  Apparently after signing with his new label he kicked a couple long time band mates to the curb.  Too bad so sad.

There was talk about the EM8 fights, i didn’t hear it because my phone app is a piece of shit, but there was something about @shit_tobboggan fighting.  Then @mayhemmiller stopped by, did some shit, talked loud, said something about making sweet sweet love to his lady friends, then talked about jacking off.  Pretty typical Mayhem conversation.

@Donaldschultz stopped in for a Redbull and a tinkle. Best guest appearance ever.  After the confusion over the Schultz incident the boys started to come up with character names for Big Fucking Mega Boat and the phones and Twitter were flying.  There were too many names to mention and I will assume this took the place of Worlds Greatest Wednesday.

During final calls my mobile app once again took a shit and I was unable to listen to the rest of the show. I really wish Sirius would fix this issue because much like your mom, this app sucks massive donkey balls. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/15/2012

Shit got existential right away, talking about God, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and John Wayne Gacy. What? You can’t see the connection? Then what’s with that stupid look on your stupid face for? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll. I was just joking. You have a great face, I love your face! And you’re not stupid, I’m stupid. Also, I love you. xoxoxo

Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday, the one that has been worked on since last Wednesday. It’s all about world’s greatest guitar lead solos. But before getting into the greatest, they got into some of the worst. Some horrid band murdered their cover of Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. I felt embarrassed for them, I hope they just unplugged their instruments, threw them in a lake, and went back to painting warehouses. That was awful. I’m going to vomit if we don’t move along here, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Here’s a list of the top 10 guitar lead solos, in order of their placement:

  1. Guitar SoloDavid Gilmour – Comfortably Numb
  2. Dire Straits – Sultans of Swing
  3. Cliff Burton – Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)
  4. Slash – Sweet Child O’ Mine
  5. Dragonforce – Through The Fire and Flames
  6. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
  7. Fred Durst – Nevermind / Shave My Friends Tonight
  8. Chuck Berry – Johnny B. Good
  9. Dimebag Darrell – Domination
  10. Jimi Hendrix – All Along The Watchtower

I know some of you were absolutely OUTRAGED by the list they came up with, but don’t let it bother you so much. Just make your own list! I did, all my votes were worth 1 million and guess what? The dude I chose won! How fucking awesome was that? I’ll tell you, it was fucking awesome.

Cumtard debuted his rap skills today, rapping to a portion of Party Bot. He wants to gain some street credit after his Sk8er Boi rendition, which I seriously think he did a great job on. Anyway, it went okay I suppose, he rhymed, stayed in time, but as Rawdog (aka Bitch Stiffer) said – I’m affraid it was only possible in a studio produced setting, he probably couldn’t replicate that live, or at least not right now, maybe after some practice.

And that should pretty much do it for today’s re-cap. I dunno, what do you think? Did I miss something? Leave a comment after the beep. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Shit, not those beeps, that was your mom walking backwards. OH! Okay, after this beep. BEEEEEEP.

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/3/2012

Super-Big, Awesome Fucking Mega-Boat!That’s right, it’s Who Gives A Fuck Friday (#WGAFF) and guess what else? I don’t give a fuck, a fart, or a fucking fart. Let’s get into this quickly, very soon, like immediately, pretty much right this instant. Talk started off with a bit of hindsight about yesterday’s show and comments concerning Fred Durst. I guess a lot of people were hating on Ellis for not verbally kicking Durst in the nut sack. Ellis, Tully, and Rawdog think the interview went well and that they did what they were supposed to do (I agree.) Get the guest to volunteer information and then get them to volunteer a little bit more, which Ellis is good at. Although Tully did explain that he thought the interview would have gone very differently if they were interviewing him 10 years ago. If you think about it, that’s absolutely true. But enough of yesterday’s show, let’s move on. I SAID LET’S MOVE ON! Fuck, man – come on – try and keep up with me here.

Tully gave Rawdog a ride home on his birthday because he was drunk on dick Jägermeister and Rawdog didn’t give him a hand job or anything of the sort. How rude. I guarantee Dan Diablo (@DanOD5) wouldn’t have stood for that bullshit. Speaking of which, Danny went out last night but did not impregnate any sluts, get any chicks’ numbers, get his junk grabbed by a weird dude or anything like that. I don’t know how that happens, but whatever. You don’t question Dan Diablo’s decisions.

There was a “bad ideas” segment, which included:

  • What have you accidentally thrown away that was valuable?
    The winner here I believe was Christian Hand. He threw away the original trilogy of Star Wars on laser disc as well as several BMI checks worth a couple thousand dollars a piece.
  • Poetry readings
    I’m not sure there was a clear winner chosen here, so I’m just going to go ahead name Tully the winner because his poem was about taking a shit – and it was classy as fuck.
  • Jack The CuntAustralian country songs
    Ellis won this one hands down and not only because he was the only person singing. His awesome impression of Jack The Cunt with extremely homophobic and racist lyrics really made it shine. Sure it may have stuck out like a turd in a punch bowl, but that’s part of the beauty of it. It was fuckin sick, ya cunt.
  • World’s greatest tree
    The Rambo Tree squeaked out the win as a last minute entry, surpassing the Christmas Tree (in your face Rawdog). I mean, it’s name is fucking Rambo. That’s pretty badass and way better than a “rubber” or “maple” tree.
  • Screaming ContestScreaming contest
    Cumtard won this with his cookie monster scream even though Tully seemed louder to the ear. The best part though was when Will “Shiney Shins” Pendarvis gave it a shot.
  • What have you gotten through airport security
    This one should probably go to Rawdog and “Mr. X” because Mr. X got his shampoo confiscated at the airport, but not his weed – that was in his lost luggage – that took him 2 days to work up the courage to go and get. There was a dude that had a bunch of bayonets and M16 cartridges, but whatever. You make the call.
  • Milk news
    What’s going on in the world of milk. I don’t fucking know and I don’t think anyone does. We’ll just go ahead and give this one Jack The Cunt since he sang a short diddy about milk and cunts.
  • New character Barack Lesnar
    Tully wins this one too because he rattled off some shit that was a mix of Barack Obama and Brock Lesnar. Rawdog did too, but he sounded like a racist from the south while he read his. Fuck it, we’ll say both of them win.
  • Jesus BreakdancingBible stories with Rawdog
    Rawdog read a story of two kings or some shit. I don’t know. At this point I’m just thinking about what your mom is doing right now and it’s probably something really deviant.
  • Bobby Evil Aussie Magician
    This goes to Ellis as well because it sounded like Jack The Cunt’s cousin. And I’m still thinking about your mother.
  • Why are you so lame?
    This award goes to Cumtard. No explanation needed. However, how many loads do think your mom has swallowed by now? It’s like almost noon.
  • The ultimate chocolate bar
    You can’t really beat what is already out there so I’m just going to say Snickers won (I think Tully suggested it.) Why? Because I said so, that’s why! Don’t argue with me about it okay? Okay. Fuck, I really could use a drink right about now. Think your mom would make me one? She could use her asshole as the shaker and then squirt it out like she taught Sparky to squirt milk.

And that should just about do it. If not, it’s Friday and I don’t give a rats ass. But your mom does, she gives up her ass on the daily. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/2/2012

Animal ManToday’s show was brought to you by the letter “G”, now on to more interesting things. There was talk about what would be the best thing/s to be made out of. The Michelin Man seemed to bring all this discussion on. There were so many conglomerations I couldn’t possibly list them all, but I think (not real sure) the end result was:

  • Owl for a head
  • Pythons for arms
  • Bird for torso
  • Kangaroos for legs

Alison Eastwood stopped by the show today. Yes that’s Clint Eastwood’s daughter so there’s a good chance that when she’s old, she’ll look like an old leather shoe. She’s got kind of a deep voice for a female (I hope Clint is not reading this), just imagine Clint with his balls in his throat and that’s what she sounds like. She talked about giving Rawdog a colonic, which is pretty hardcore and disturbing since I completely believe she would. Apparently she doesn’t like hair in guys’ butt cracks, so… there’s that.

Donald RamboShe sounds pretty smart about quite a few things, nutrition in general. She also says she listens to the show and has even tried to call in. I’m assuming Cumtard hung up on her because he’s cumtarded. She carries a motherfucking switchblade and drinks a lot, there’s proof positive that Clint is her father and she must be a kick ass person. She also seemed very open and honest, she also had a great sense of humor and didn’t hold back on anything that I could tell. So overall she was a pretty awesome guest. Oh, yeah, and Donald Schultz (@donaldschultz) was also there.

Fred Durst also stopped by the show, which I can’t say I care about really. I was waiting to hate him from the get go and oddly, I didn’t. He didn’t act like a dickhole, asshole, or any other kind of hole. I know, surprising right? I seriously thought for sure this guy was gonna come off like a prick, instead, he Anderson Silva’d me. I still don’t like his music, and I could still care less about him, but his interview was alright I suppose. I found it a little boring, so I don’t have much to say on his interview.

That’s about it for the show. The majority of the show (about 3 hours) was spent interviewing Alison Eastwood and Fred Durst, no shit. Kind of like how the majority of gang bangs your mom is in are about 3 hours long.