Such an eventful Wednesday show think that I might find it hard to fit everything into todays re-cap, but here goes nothinng. Somebody infiltrated the intro song with that shitacular Marlins song, Rawdog thought System of a Down was the biggest metal band when he was in high school (figures). Ellis wants to get a head tattoo so from afar it would look like he has hair, new Goth rock sucks as much dick as old Goth rock, Tully likes his pork a little rare, and someone called in asking for advise with divorce at which point Tully and Josh took the reigns and after a rather heart felt discussion the show took a music break and returned with a best of show. Nobody is clear what happened or what went wrong, but we all wish the best for Jason and hope things get sorted out soon.
But dont be sad, I created a hashtag game that @bitPimps kicked off called #EllisFamRumors, enjoy.
Lot’s of talk about Ellis’ book, which you can now pre-order an autographed copy of from Diesel or some shit, check it out here: imawesomebook.com Ellis also has his Large & In Charge Trucker Workout DVD out now, you can click this motherfuckin link right here to go buy that shit. Ellis won’t be on the radio tomorrow, he’s “gotta do shit” so no idea what that means but it must be more important than you or me. Instead, they’ll be playing the “World’s Greatest Guitar Solo” show in it’s entirety.
Australian rappers Bliss N Eso stopped by the show today to spit some of those sweet rhymes that Aussies are so well known for. While Aussie rap is just as fucking hilarious as you would expect, I think Rawdog is secretly a Bone Thug because his shit was flowin’ son. Thanks to @CobraTits, you can now listen to Jack The Cunt with Bliss N Eso. And callers, am I right? What in the blue fuck is up with some of these people that call into the show? It’s like they’re listening to a completely different channel and call up with the most fucked up shit that doesn’t pertain to anything but the secret conversation they’ve been having in their head. And apparently nobody knows what Ellis sounds like. Pro tip: If the dude answering the phone has an Australian accent, it’s Jason fucking Ellis. Pooooooooop.
The show went a full hour long today, which was pretty dope even though a lot of us had shit to do or lasagna to eat. Shout out to tummy ache guy, whoever he is. Rawdog had to jet before the show ended because he’s a slave to the puuuuussssaaaaaayyyyy. I think he was late for a date with some chick he’s gone out with like 4 times before and has smooched with, hopefully he’s going to get some titties in his face tonight. On a related note, I know of at least 100 people who are getting titties in their face tonight, and that’s because your mom is working an extra hour tonight too. OH!
The Super Bowl is over and I ain’t saying shit about it, you’ve no doubt already heard everyone talking about it already. I think Cumtard might have been crying or at least emotional – and not the kind of emotional when you have to shit really badly. He said he didn’t feel that great, body hurts, eyes hurt, etc. He might be sad about that one slut he was trying to go out on a date with, apparently she just keeps turning him down and blowing him off. Surprise!
Demi Moore is still in rehab for whip-its. That’s about as gangster as getting gum stuck in your hair. Oh, and apparently at some point she’s had plastic surgery on her knees, you know – to give them a lift. Talk turned to whose hotter, Demi or Madonna. I’m gonna say Demi because Madonna is starting to look like the Cryptkeeper. It has also been revealed that the hot Italian chick @DanOD5 ran into in the hot tub, is in film school. I say she’s going to want to film them having sex and he’ll end up on PornHub in 30 to 60 days.
Roseanne Barr is running for President? I guess if you’re into cheese subsidies and fat old woman farts, then by all means – vote for her. This has to be a joke though, right? More interestingly, there was more talk about Jack The Cunt. Unfortunately there won’t be a release for any Jack The Cunt songs, but fortunately for us there is CobraTits! There you can hear Jack The Cunt and Aussie Country to your hearts content. And get this, Germany has bestiality brothels. Yup, you read that right – bestiality brothels. Way to push yourselves to the forefront Germany!
I think that about does it, don’t you? I mean really, what more do you want? Look, I try to satisfy you, but lets face it – we all can’t put out as much your mom. OH!
That’s right, it’s Who Gives A Fuck Friday (#WGAFF) and guess what else? I don’t give a fuck, a fart, or a fucking fart. Let’s get into this quickly, very soon, like immediately, pretty much right this instant. Talk started off with a bit of hindsight about yesterday’s show and comments concerning Fred Durst. I guess a lot of people were hating on Ellis for not verbally kicking Durst in the nut sack. Ellis, Tully, and Rawdog think the interview went well and that they did what they were supposed to do (I agree.) Get the guest to volunteer information and then get them to volunteer a little bit more, which Ellis is good at. Although Tully did explain that he thought the interview would have gone very differently if they were interviewing him 10 years ago. If you think about it, that’s absolutely true. But enough of yesterday’s show, let’s move on. I SAID LET’S MOVE ON! Fuck, man – come on – try and keep up with me here.
Tully gave Rawdog a ride home on his birthday because he was drunk on dick Jägermeister and Rawdog didn’t give him a hand job or anything of the sort. How rude. I guarantee Dan Diablo (@DanOD5) wouldn’t have stood for that bullshit. Speaking of which, Danny went out last night but did not impregnate any sluts, get any chicks’ numbers, get his junk grabbed by a weird dude or anything like that. I don’t know how that happens, but whatever. You don’t question Dan Diablo’s decisions.
There was a “bad ideas” segment, which included:
What have you accidentally thrown away that was valuable?
The winner here I believe was Christian Hand. He threw away the original trilogy of Star Wars on laser disc as well as several BMI checks worth a couple thousand dollars a piece.
I’m not sure there was a clear winner chosen here, so I’m just going to go ahead name Tully the winner because his poem was about taking a shit – and it was classy as fuck.
Australian country songs
Ellis won this one hands down and not only because he was the only person singing. His awesome impression of Jack The Cunt with extremely homophobic and racist lyrics really made it shine. Sure it may have stuck out like a turd in a punch bowl, but that’s part of the beauty of it. It was fuckin sick, ya cunt.
World’s greatest tree
The Rambo Tree squeaked out the win as a last minute entry, surpassing the Christmas Tree (in your face Rawdog). I mean, it’s name is fucking Rambo. That’s pretty badass and way better than a “rubber” or “maple” tree.
Cumtard won this with his cookie monster scream even though Tully seemed louder to the ear. The best part though was when Will “Shiney Shins” Pendarvis gave it a shot.
What have you gotten through airport security
This one should probably go to Rawdog and “Mr. X” because Mr. X got his shampoo confiscated at the airport, but not his weed – that was in his lost luggage – that took him 2 days to work up the courage to go and get. There was a dude that had a bunch of bayonets and M16 cartridges, but whatever. You make the call.
What’s going on in the world of milk. I don’t fucking know and I don’t think anyone does. We’ll just go ahead and give this one Jack The Cunt since he sang a short diddy about milk and cunts.
New character Barack Lesnar
Tully wins this one too because he rattled off some shit that was a mix of Barack Obama and Brock Lesnar. Rawdog did too, but he sounded like a racist from the south while he read his. Fuck it, we’ll say both of them win.
Bible stories with Rawdog
Rawdog read a story of two kings or some shit. I don’t know. At this point I’m just thinking about what your mom is doing right now and it’s probably something really deviant.
Bobby Evil Aussie Magician
This goes to Ellis as well because it sounded like Jack The Cunt’s cousin. And I’m still thinking about your mother.
Why are you so lame?
This award goes to Cumtard. No explanation needed. However, how many loads do think your mom has swallowed by now? It’s like almost noon.
The ultimate chocolate bar
You can’t really beat what is already out there so I’m just going to say Snickers won (I think Tully suggested it.) Why? Because I said so, that’s why! Don’t argue with me about it okay? Okay. Fuck, I really could use a drink right about now. Think your mom would make me one? She could use her asshole as the shaker and then squirt it out like she taught Sparky to squirt milk.
And that should just about do it. If not, it’s Friday and I don’t give a rats ass. But your mom does, she gives up her ass on the daily. OH!