Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/14/2012

Driving around town I noticed that there are a lot of people on the corners with signs saying “need help”, “hungry”, “my family was killed by ninjas and I need money for karate lessons.” But this afternoon I heard a solution to this problem. According to Ellis, we should just shoot them. Put them out of their misery like the old farm dog and plant them under the apple tree so it will grow delicious apples so that we may eat them and not go hungry. The circle of life. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating, but it sounds good to me. Ellis talked about his Ellis Mania fight and has lined up a mystery MMA fighter, but he won’t tell us who until papers are singed. There will be a hologram Marlyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Jimmy Hendrix, and Jim Morrison. The only reason that I am mentioning this is so that you might imagine the the holographic gang bang that would happen if I had the controls. Ellis spent some one on one time with Devin (Snooks) last night and he said that she was sad that him and mommy aren’t together anymore. Ellis vowed to set his happiness aside and focus on making his kids happy. This is a noble thing for a father to do and hopefully on his quest he finds his own happiness along the way. On the lighter side of things, there was the discussion of who’s better, Mr. Rogers or Barney? Personally, that bloated purple brain raping bastard of a dinosaur can go choke on a thousand dicks. Anything that can sing a song that makes me contemplate suicide need to be eradicated, and yes, I’m also looking at you Nickelback.

Chris Brown and his “crew” got into a tussle (yes, I said tussle) with Drake and his “crew.” There were some words, and then someone smashed a beer bottle and cut one of Brown’s guys causing a slight gash on his chin. The only reason I am even mentioning this is because I am thoroughly disappointed with the rap community, don’t they know that broken beer bottle fights are the country music industry’s territory? They better hope that Blake and Keith don’t hear about this. June is now gay pride month, so congratulations you homos, you can celebrate by being even more fabulous than normal. Oh yeah, who would have ever guessed that along with having huge horse cocks, horses also have huge horse balls, and love hula hooping. No seriously, they fucking love it!

The “Sad Titties in The Rain” art project was due today, and as much fun as it would be to describe each one in painful detail to you, I will just post the link so you can see these shitacular pieces of art yourself (and I use the word art very loosely). Personally I think that Rawdog did the best, probably because it has lots and lots of big boobies. Fuck you, I judge it as I see it and I see boobies, clear winner. But I am not a professional art critic, Hunter Johoroskofeltafishington is, and she said that the pieces weren’t that bad, oh and she said titty a lot.

Mayhem was too late for the critique but he got a miniature showing of the guy’s work and showed a peice of his own. He was the usual Mayhem and then shit got thick son. There was heated discussion about the “N” word and its use, meaning, history. Jason was getting pissed, Miller wasn’t letting up. But in the end it all washed out and Jason and Jason will now go ride moto. Speaking of motorcycles, did you ever know that your mom once tried her hand at riding a motorcycle? Well, a picture speaks a thousand words, OH!


Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/15/2012

Shit got existential right away, talking about God, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and John Wayne Gacy. What? You can’t see the connection? Then what’s with that stupid look on your stupid face for? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll. I was just joking. You have a great face, I love your face! And you’re not stupid, I’m stupid. Also, I love you. xoxoxo

Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday, the one that has been worked on since last Wednesday. It’s all about world’s greatest guitar lead solos. But before getting into the greatest, they got into some of the worst. Some horrid band murdered their cover of Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. I felt embarrassed for them, I hope they just unplugged their instruments, threw them in a lake, and went back to painting warehouses. That was awful. I’m going to vomit if we don’t move along here, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Here’s a list of the top 10 guitar lead solos, in order of their placement:

  1. Guitar SoloDavid Gilmour – Comfortably Numb
  2. Dire Straits – Sultans of Swing
  3. Cliff Burton – Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)
  4. Slash – Sweet Child O’ Mine
  5. Dragonforce – Through The Fire and Flames
  6. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
  7. Fred Durst – Nevermind / Shave My Friends Tonight
  8. Chuck Berry – Johnny B. Good
  9. Dimebag Darrell – Domination
  10. Jimi Hendrix – All Along The Watchtower

I know some of you were absolutely OUTRAGED by the list they came up with, but don’t let it bother you so much. Just make your own list! I did, all my votes were worth 1 million and guess what? The dude I chose won! How fucking awesome was that? I’ll tell you, it was fucking awesome.

Cumtard debuted his rap skills today, rapping to a portion of Party Bot. He wants to gain some street credit after his Sk8er Boi rendition, which I seriously think he did a great job on. Anyway, it went okay I suppose, he rhymed, stayed in time, but as Rawdog (aka Bitch Stiffer) said – I’m affraid it was only possible in a studio produced setting, he probably couldn’t replicate that live, or at least not right now, maybe after some practice.

And that should pretty much do it for today’s re-cap. I dunno, what do you think? Did I miss something? Leave a comment after the beep. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Shit, not those beeps, that was your mom walking backwards. OH! Okay, after this beep. BEEEEEEP.