Show Re-cap for Monday 6/24/2013

Happy Fuck Yeah Day!

Happy Fuck Yeah Day!

Happy ‘Fuck Yeah’ Day to you and yours, thanks to the one, the only Young Wing.  It’s true, we no longer refer to today as Monday, but just Fuck Yeah Day, google that shit if you don’t believe me.  While your at, google how fucking sweet hard candies are, especially the red ones per Ellismate, but fuck the Yellow!  Pound for pound, Dingo questioned what hard candy was, I mean fuck bro your grandma has that shit on hand without question, and I should know!  You should know to never trust a hash tag, or any commercials for that matter.  If you do find yourself with millions to spend, just make your own commercial, not advertising anything other than your sweet ass self!  If you have hundreds to spend, you can get a billboard and be sweeter than the majority.  If you find yourself like me with a few singles to drop, will post your shit on NoYouAre, OH!  Sorry that wasn’t funnier, and Tully’s sorry he isn’t sorry.  Meanwhile, Dingo says coke is still raging on the scene, but not like the 80’s – Molly is the new meth in case you were wondering.  What about Rawdog you ask?  he’s sick and on the show, infecting millions of #EllisFam with his Radio Jihad, despite knowing Jason’s rules on bringing Aids into Swinghouse’s Shitbox.  On a much more positive note, Ellismate had one of these this weekend, and it all started with Twitch hooking him up with a free room.  The skinny, moto with the kids who instead wanted to go to Grandma’s, so Movies and room service…..but then Ellis did get to take Tiger to Pala and roll a little, but Young Young Wing rolls a lot and with no regard for Fuck Yeah Day.  Sure he own’s it on a BMX, but this was only his third time riding and he fucked shit up, even putting it to some little girl who couldn’t pass Tiger, despite her ‘Moto Families’ constant push.  Hell of a day  for the little guy I’d say, far from the day Rawdog, the other little guy had on Friday.  Tully brought it up, cause he pissed in the Illusionist’s Puke, and he liked it!  So I ask you America, and Canada, and of the coast of Madagascar, how do you baby sit Rawdog?  Ask if he’s sick today, check if he’s had any chic-fil-a, and make sure he flushes the toilet – atta boy!




key_art_hollywood_newsPaula Dean apologized, a few times, and still didn’t quite get it right.  But turns out thats enough for Rawdog to still eat at her restaurants, zing!  Kanye West and Kim Kardashian blah blah blah blah blah.  Aaron Carter got fucked up.  Jim Carrey is in Kick Ass 2 against his own will.  Vagina is ok in the Ellis house, but not Ass or Dick!  Taylor Swift has a stinky box….would have been a much more successful shirt.  Michael Jackson would have died either way after roughly 60 consecutive days without sleep.  Scottie Pippen beat the shit out of some dude in Malibu.  Justin Bieber is banned from a Vegas Club……a sky diving club!  If you got shit tons of money, you can rent like DiCaprio or Willis’ pad per day or month, but you don’t so fuck off.  Scott Weiland got hitched while Will Smith got ditched from the Independence Day sequels coming soon.



I am.........Turd Man!

Turd Man and the NYPD working together at last

God Bless You! cause you are that fucking important after all.  What if God did bless you, with one wish, would you ask he “cake you in the right direction”?  Really people, what can God do for you?  If your Rawdog, and you overcome the urge to ask for money cause thats how your wired, you’d obviously want to be taller.  Tully would just ask for money.  Ellismate, his athletical abilities back, and some luscious locks while your at it!  Of course they all missed the most obvious choice, super powers.  The catch, cause there always is, you can’t choose your name.  So no Super Jew, or Jewper Man, nah son your Golem a.k.a. Turd Man!  Now thats outta the way, what to do with these God giving super powers?  If your a fan of Doing Stuff With Rawdog, may I suggest you listen to the replay tomorrow and Bob’s Your Uncle.  Let’s just say the Mexican Drug Cartel and Al Qaeda ain’t sweating shit with this doofus on the loose.  Turd Man not only lacks simple North/South direction, but he couldn’t find water if he fell out of your mom’s anus.  From bullets ricocheting and killing civilians to somehow only the United State of Delaware surviving Tully’s wrath, truly a good time for all those involved!  Oh, and you get a bonus Rawdog workout segment too with a generous and well deserved round of applause, you furry mother fucker you!




Purple Limp Erections Are Kinda Godly!

Penis Pumps, Dick Pills, and do any hair restoring products truly work?  Yeah you may wanna just stop after the last segment if you do catch that replay I was telling you about, but when in Miami!  Penis pumps will get you that nice cold numb purple limp boner you’ve been looking for cause penis pumps fucking rule!  Viagra is ten times better, so just on math alone Viagra fucking rules!  No one really called on the hair care tip, but there were certainly enough Rawdog pity party pussies on the phones to fill the void.  From there, straight ass n booze, I mean another Ellis and Rawdog war of words.  Those two argue like brothers, or little girls, or your mom n dad when I forget my socks again.  You see, its kinda like Bobby Fisher and your grandmother battling over a grueling game of chess, with the inevitable God giving super powers waiting in the wings for the champion to seize and abuse.  Now your grandmama ain’t ever been known to win even a game of checkers, but on this said day, well let’s just say thats how she always knows when and where Turd Man, or just a turd in general is going to be, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/15/2012

Shit got existential right away, talking about God, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and John Wayne Gacy. What? You can’t see the connection? Then what’s with that stupid look on your stupid face for? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll. I was just joking. You have a great face, I love your face! And you’re not stupid, I’m stupid. Also, I love you. xoxoxo

Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday, the one that has been worked on since last Wednesday. It’s all about world’s greatest guitar lead solos. But before getting into the greatest, they got into some of the worst. Some horrid band murdered their cover of Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. I felt embarrassed for them, I hope they just unplugged their instruments, threw them in a lake, and went back to painting warehouses. That was awful. I’m going to vomit if we don’t move along here, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Here’s a list of the top 10 guitar lead solos, in order of their placement:

  1. Guitar SoloDavid Gilmour – Comfortably Numb
  2. Dire Straits – Sultans of Swing
  3. Cliff Burton – Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)
  4. Slash – Sweet Child O’ Mine
  5. Dragonforce – Through The Fire and Flames
  6. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
  7. Fred Durst – Nevermind / Shave My Friends Tonight
  8. Chuck Berry – Johnny B. Good
  9. Dimebag Darrell – Domination
  10. Jimi Hendrix – All Along The Watchtower

I know some of you were absolutely OUTRAGED by the list they came up with, but don’t let it bother you so much. Just make your own list! I did, all my votes were worth 1 million and guess what? The dude I chose won! How fucking awesome was that? I’ll tell you, it was fucking awesome.

Cumtard debuted his rap skills today, rapping to a portion of Party Bot. He wants to gain some street credit after his Sk8er Boi rendition, which I seriously think he did a great job on. Anyway, it went okay I suppose, he rhymed, stayed in time, but as Rawdog (aka Bitch Stiffer) said – I’m affraid it was only possible in a studio produced setting, he probably couldn’t replicate that live, or at least not right now, maybe after some practice.

And that should pretty much do it for today’s re-cap. I dunno, what do you think? Did I miss something? Leave a comment after the beep. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Shit, not those beeps, that was your mom walking backwards. OH! Okay, after this beep. BEEEEEEP.