Show Re-cap For Monday 12/10/2012

Awkward porn is awkward.

It’s Monday, it’s colder than a well digger’s ass, and I’ve got a link to the sweetest fucking song/video that you must watch. Do puppies keep you at night because they’re chewing on your hands? Do you wake up in the middle of the night to watch porn where old ladies are doing young ladies? Well maybe you should. Or maybe Dingo should, because he just could not follow this story for the life of him. At first he thought it was mom on daughter, then he wasn’t sure what the scissor-kick-cookie-wiggle was, and I think he even started to think the topic was the new Spiderman movie. It took all three of the dudes to get Dingo back on track. Ellis initially started questioning his dick for a moment due to the weird underlying vibe the porn was giving off, at first he wasn’t into it, then he was, and then he went and banged out Katie. Manny Pacquiáo got clobbered hard enough over the weekend that people are already talking about his possible retirement from boxing all together. If you had to pledge your love to a new God and start going to church, which celebrity would it be that changes your life path and you start to follow? Chris Farley? Elvis Presley? Once again, Dingo went off the deep-end here claiming he’d follow Justin Bieber and Usher, or Quentin Tarantino, but not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It’s like I don’t even know Dingo anymore. Okay, so maybe I never really did know Dingo, but still.

For you people reading this, you probably already know oxycottonjohn (Yeahhhh Motherfuckers!) His little sister has setup a blog to accept donations for him and his mounting and very expensive medical bills. Please, if you can, help out a fellow EllisFam member. He’s a fucking great guy and would help you out if he could. Spread some love, you could use the good karma.

Not training for your fight because you still feel on your game?

Wanna see the worst free throw in the fucking history of basketball? Was that a relative of Rawdog’s? Was it Rawdog himself in costume? I’m pretty sure the answer to both is nope. Ellis has been teaching Katie pad work, not like pads for those light days in a girls life, we’re talking boxing here. Could we be seeing a “Dumped or Fired” fight at EllisMania 9, where Rawdog and Katie square off in the ring and the loser either gets dumped or fired? Time will only tell, but hopefully for the fans, this will become a reality. Some world champion mustache dude was there filming Dingo today, yup, that’s all there is to say about that exciting news – I guess at least he’s a world champion. Is it pronounced Appalachia or Far Fig Newton? Who gives a shit? Fight talk time. Ellis doesn’t think Shogun is finished, but a lot of other people do because he’s been getting his face rearranged quite a bit lately, but the only person who really knows is Mauricio “Shogun” Rua. B. J. Penn got beat again over the weekend and people still blame his laid back, weed smokin’ lifestyle for his lackluster performances of late. Nate Diaz flipped the bird on TV, is anyone really surprised that he would do this? He’s a bad-ass hoodlum, how could you think he wouldn’t do something like this eventually? I say more power to him.

Oh come on! I was just joking!

Quick, random thought: Am I the only one who thinks Maria Brink from In This Moment would be a lot hotter without the massive holes in her earlobes? Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, some corpse fell out of the sky, it wasn’t a ghost, it wasn’t “Slimer” from Ghostbusters, but just a dude that tried to travel for free and in the wheel compartment of a plane. Which has been tried before by others, and most of them were just as unsuccessful as he was. And Darwin wins again. Tully had another celebrity sighting over the weekend while taking his son to the swings at the park, guess who was there? No, not Danzig. Yup, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale were there. I assumed with their child as I believe Gavin is no longer into little kiddies at the park, but low-and-behold, Tully never mentioned anything about their kid. Make of that what you will. Kurt Russell’s nephew went to the same school as Rawdog once. Neat, right? Wrong. I can understand you liked Overboard or Big Trouble in Little China, but come on.

There was talk about Camino & Rick, but it’s all old and it’s all lame. Apparently there was a tweet, and then someone else tweeted, and then people had thoughts, and then it was on the fucking show. I don’t listen to C&R, I’ve tried, but it’s just not my thing. If you do listen to them, great. No big deal. I can’t believe anyone cares about any of this. Seriously. Jude popped into the studio just long enough to hand out vaporizer presents to everyone and then boom, he was gone just like that. Do you prefer white chocolate? You’re probably a gaycist. Don’t argue about it, just accept it and move on. There might be a few more things I’m forgetting, but really – are you even paying attention at this point? Me neither. Who cares. Well, actually, I’ll tell you about one time that your mom did care. You were sitting at the kitchen table in the morning and said, “Hey mom, pass the fuckin’ corn flakes.” She took you out back and whipped you with a rod then sat you back down and said, “Now would you like something from the table?” You said, “Well I sure as shit don’t want those fuckin’ corn flakes.” And that’s how I knew you were the spawn of my seed. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/14/2012

Driving around town I noticed that there are a lot of people on the corners with signs saying “need help”, “hungry”, “my family was killed by ninjas and I need money for karate lessons.” But this afternoon I heard a solution to this problem. According to Ellis, we should just shoot them. Put them out of their misery like the old farm dog and plant them under the apple tree so it will grow delicious apples so that we may eat them and not go hungry. The circle of life. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating, but it sounds good to me. Ellis talked about his Ellis Mania fight and has lined up a mystery MMA fighter, but he won’t tell us who until papers are singed. There will be a hologram Marlyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Jimmy Hendrix, and Jim Morrison. The only reason that I am mentioning this is so that you might imagine the the holographic gang bang that would happen if I had the controls. Ellis spent some one on one time with Devin (Snooks) last night and he said that she was sad that him and mommy aren’t together anymore. Ellis vowed to set his happiness aside and focus on making his kids happy. This is a noble thing for a father to do and hopefully on his quest he finds his own happiness along the way. On the lighter side of things, there was the discussion of who’s better, Mr. Rogers or Barney? Personally, that bloated purple brain raping bastard of a dinosaur can go choke on a thousand dicks. Anything that can sing a song that makes me contemplate suicide need to be eradicated, and yes, I’m also looking at you Nickelback.

Chris Brown and his “crew” got into a tussle (yes, I said tussle) with Drake and his “crew.” There were some words, and then someone smashed a beer bottle and cut one of Brown’s guys causing a slight gash on his chin. The only reason I am even mentioning this is because I am thoroughly disappointed with the rap community, don’t they know that broken beer bottle fights are the country music industry’s territory? They better hope that Blake and Keith don’t hear about this. June is now gay pride month, so congratulations you homos, you can celebrate by being even more fabulous than normal. Oh yeah, who would have ever guessed that along with having huge horse cocks, horses also have huge horse balls, and love hula hooping. No seriously, they fucking love it!

The “Sad Titties in The Rain” art project was due today, and as much fun as it would be to describe each one in painful detail to you, I will just post the link so you can see these shitacular pieces of art yourself (and I use the word art very loosely). Personally I think that Rawdog did the best, probably because it has lots and lots of big boobies. Fuck you, I judge it as I see it and I see boobies, clear winner. But I am not a professional art critic, Hunter Johoroskofeltafishington is, and she said that the pieces weren’t that bad, oh and she said titty a lot.

Mayhem was too late for the critique but he got a miniature showing of the guy’s work and showed a peice of his own. He was the usual Mayhem and then shit got thick son. There was heated discussion about the “N” word and its use, meaning, history. Jason was getting pissed, Miller wasn’t letting up. But in the end it all washed out and Jason and Jason will now go ride moto. Speaking of motorcycles, did you ever know that your mom once tried her hand at riding a motorcycle? Well, a picture speaks a thousand words, OH!