Re-cap for Thursday, 10/17/2013

Welcome to The Jason Ellis Show, where he is confused, but who cares about this shit? Let’s got on with the show because Rob Corddry is in the studio (or his home) and he has his shit together. If you didn’t listen (which, chances are- since you are reading this re-cap) you may not have realized that the show didn’t actually start on time. Or for…you know…like 2 hours. It’s okay though, cause this time it wasn’t because he got into a fender non-bender due to weird LA traffic, it was because he was stuck at the dentist getting a root canal. Why is this better? Because he got the gas…and anyone who has had the gas knows that getting holes drilled into your face is welllllllllll worth it. Ellis has no problem asking the dentist for gas despite the fact that he looks like a really jacked junkie, but Rob Corddry confesses that he doesn’t like asking for the gas because it makes him feel like people look at him like he’s seeking out drugs. Tully however wants to be a drugstore cowboy who looks like Rob Corddry because Corddry looks like the kind of guy who manages to be on so many drugs he looks like he isn’t actually on drugs and isn’t looking for any. Except maybe antibiotics.

Ellis chose to get the root canal done today because next week he is going to Panama, where he will spend at least one night glamping, and the dentist told him it would only take an hour. Well, a little more than 2 hours later Ellis managed to get to the elevator right as Rob Corddry did…so for all intents and purposes…he was on time. He’s the star of the show, the show isn’t the show without them, whatever time he chooses to get there is on time. Duh. While he was at the dentist getting his face drilled into and was sucking back whatever gas the dentist would let him have, he took a trip to a world where his Indian dentist transformed into Biggie Smalls and the mexican nurse turned Asian and started singing “My Blood” to him through her mask. “My Blood” if you aren’t hip and in the know, is the title of Jason’s solo song off of Death! Death! Die!’s (fuck you if you try and correct my punctuation on that one cause I would love for you to do better) upcoming album, which features a solo song from each member of the band that we all know and love and had the number one selling album (in Canada) on iTunes. Red Dragons. Ellis explains that originally he didn’t want to do a solo song, because he doesn’t think he’s that good with music…or lyrics, but he did one anyway since he loves the band and everyone else was doing it.

Rob Corddry did a bunch of movies and television shows for the year of 2013. Have you seen or heard of any of them? I haven’t because I don’t really watch television or go to movies that don’t have Bruce Willis or Harry Potter in them. One movie was Warm Bodies, where he played a zombie that started thinking. Which is one hell of a role, all things considered, since most zombies don’t have functioning frontal lobes. Another movie he was in was called Pain & Gain with a little actor you may have heard of: Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. And even I know who that is, thanks to the Fast & Furious franchise (before there were too many movies for me to care anymore). How is working with The Rock? Awesome, since the apparent reason for The Rock’s excessive amounts of shiny muscley-ness is to protect his big, squishy, heart of gold. The Rock is a great guy who is liked by all and always seemed to be in a good mood, and probably doesn’t drink any of the tequila that he tweets with steak. Corddry has never seen The Rock’s penis, but has a good idea of what it’s like- utter perfection. Large, in charge, and no Rawdog, it doesn’t have its very own set of pecs, but it’s glorious nonetheless. Prolly just as shiny as the rest of him parting clouds in the sky for rays of sunshine to bounce off of while an unseen chorus holds a splendid chord of praise. Yeah, I can see that.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of dicks in Hollywood that aren’t attached to built former pro-wrestlers turned movie stars. Who in particular? No one is naming names- but the breakdown is as follows: Actors are narcissistic dicks, Directors are controlling dicks, and the studio guys are the dicks who give all the other dicks back door blowjobs. In Hollywood you can only be a dick once because if you’re a dick to two people and they know each other, say goodbye to your career. Kathryn Heigl, for instance, is not a dick. Wait for it…I’m getting there. Kathryn Heigl has been all over the place lately with her winning too white for real life smile being all sorts of sweet because she thought she had more than one get out of dick-jail free card to the point where she surpassed being a dick and is just a big ol’ cunt that no one wants to work with. When you’re working in a place where it’s a safe bet 90 percent of the other people think their shit is just as odorless as yours, you probably shouldn’t go around acting like you aren’t base enough of a human being to shit in the first place. Because then, you’re just a cunt, and no one wants to make movies with you.

Pornstars also have cunts. They, however, usually have the good kind of cunt. The sexy kind that it’s alright to talk about. Have you noticed that the pornstars on Instagram have been posting lots of pics from the doctor with “Still open for business!” on the caption? I haven’t either, but, it’s a thing now. All the pornstars wanna let you know that it’s all good in the hood. Rat (I’m all kinds of snarky today). Tully and Rawdog inform Ellis and Corddry that this may be due to the fact that recently it was all over the news that there were a couple of pornstars who turned up HIV+, which is really shitty because porn is a business that hurts no one. I’m not trying to be sarcastic, porn is a great industry that aims to make people happy. Following this mini-outbreak the porn industry in California had to take an AIDs break, which was a great joke, but it also actually happened. The government shut down all filming (which is probably where the government got the idea of a shutdown of their own in the first place) until everyone could get tested and made sure every porn star knew that it was illegal for them to be fired for requesting males to use a condom during performance. Really.

Only half of Ellis’s face is working, but it’s still smarter than Rawdog’s whole face. What a surprise! Said no one. Ever. How high is Ellis exactly? Not high enough to not need a painkiller from Katie. Ellis informs us that there are two sorts of painkillers out there in the world- regular pain killers and the ‘get your bones ground down’ painkillers. If you get your bones ground down you get Percocet. However, if you go down the Mega Ramp in a basketball jersey and melt the skin off of your back and have good friends, you get Oxycontin and tell stories to people on balconies for 12 wonderful time-released hours. Corddry has also taken Oxycontin (albeit for non pain related activities…and only once) and says that it is wonderful. It’s too bad that Hillbillies ruined it by crushing it and snorting it. Ugh. Fucking Hillbillies. Tully says it wasn’t just the Hillbillies and he has multiple Hollywood figures and athletes to back that statement up, because smoking it is a thing now. But…Corddry is right, Oxycontin would be wonderful if it was prescribed and imbibed the way it was meant to be. But we’re humans and we don’t really know how to be smart like that. Drugs are bad.

You know what’s better than drugs for pain? More pain! Seriously. Josh questions this, thinking pain + pain = lots of pain, but Ellis insists that there comes a point where the pain just kind of cancels itself out. Even planning some major rager of a balls to the wall about to be knocked by a wrecking ball pain fest helps to start numbing out the pain. For example- Jason’s tooth hurts. He bets that if he starts calling Tokyo and Josh’s mom and says that he is just going to bring on the pain rain in their lives he would start to feel better. Josh thinks that will only work insofar as until Tokyo and his mom figures out who’s calling…and that the person has an achilles heel in their mouth. Josh is 100 percent convinced they will then attack his tooth. Damn. Maybe Josh should get his face drilled for a bit and make a comeback.

Rob Corddry should have a show on Ellis’s fabled upcoming channel. But, for real though. Ellis basically offered Rob the job on air who immediately and whole heartedly accepted (right before getting cold feet) because he has nothing going on. Which I don’t think is all that true considering he has an ongoing television show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim- Children’s Hospital, and also has a new movie coming out, Hot Tub Time Machine 2. But Ellis didn’t find out about the new Hot Tub movie from Rob, he found out from co-star Clark Duke who he chatted with in the KTLA green room right before going out and KILLING IT. Why chat it up with the Duke? Because the other guy in the green room was that guy in The Patriot who betrayed his not really his yet almost a country and killed women and children by locking them in a church before setting it on fire because Jason Isaacs told him to. Dick.

Is Luke Skywalker the last Jedi? Or did he start on an all new race of Jedi after the credits? I’m sure he spawned some Jedi, and so did Leia and Han, because let’s not forget that Leia and Luke are twins so she probably could have kicked Darth’s ass just as hard. Except she would probably still have both of her real hands. Tully says that the only reason Luke was any sort of a bad ass Jedi was because his father was Darth fucking Vader, and who wouldn’t be a killer Jedi with that kind of backing. Ellis doesn’t think Luke was all that awesome because he lost a hand in the deal and was kind of a whiny little bitch throughout most of the series…but then again, so was Hayden Christiansan who played little Darth Vag, so maybe it’s just a familial phase. No way could Luke take Darth Maul and his double-ender. Another fight we all missed out on in the series- Darth Maul versus Master Yoda. Who would win? Will we ever know? Yoda was a pretty punchy, tumbly, acrobatic bastard…so it seems like it would be a ridiculous fight between his CGI’d little body and the crazy acrobatic Darth Maul. Set it up, Dana White. Josh’s most wanted fictional fight is a throwdown between Harry Potter and Frodo. Wizard against Hobbit. Who wins? With their magical powers Josh says that Frodo would win. Ellis says that it has to be without magic, good old fashioned brawl. Josh then says Potter would probably lay on the hurt because he’s bigger. Who would really win? The fans.

Time for a break. Or not, cause Jason is high. But don’t get cranky and pick on him, who else gets a root canal and then goes to their job? On top of that…who gets a root canal and then goes to their job where the number one requirement is fucking talking?!?!?!

Back from the break? So’s the government!!! Haha. It is though, not that anybody really missed it. Oh….maybe all those temporarily unemployed people did. Sorry. No one else did. The stenographer for the House of Representatives probably could have used the furlough since the stress of typing built upon her so that she started ranting in the middle of the House’s vote. It involved freemasons and the Illuminati or something. She got dragged out, still ranting, by security. Who probably were working for the freemasons.

It’s time to find out who is the next 5 Finger Death Punch!!!!!!!! Are you excited? Or are you as angry as Ellis that such a downright shit-level Nickelback 3 band is raking in the dough by sucking balls? He made a mental note to share with us that he heard 5 Finger Death Punch on Octane (or somewhere) and was so enraged by how fucking terrible they were he had to mention their ass sucking on the radio. Check mark next to that box. The good news though, for all of you sucky bands out there? There will always be whores who like you because you’re in a band and they will give you a blowjob when you’re in town. Really can’t ask for much more outta life than that.

This actually was an introduction to the long-awaited segment Unsigned Bands versus Unsigned Farts. After hundreds upon hundreds of submissions, of which at least 20 were from bands, Tully presented us with the best of the best and pitted them against one another. In all we heard 12 bands and farts (if I’m reading my handwriting correctly) and I’m pretty sure the farts won. The best fart? That was from Bobby…a fart that came in hot and scared Katie winning its way into our hearts. Or something. The bands were…kind of like the best of the worst of New Music Tuesday. Most caused a collective “LOL!!!!!!!” after a few bars were played. The Dirty Bourbon River Show was a band and they annoyed me by having that super long name and then an even longer name on their single and sounded like the music you wake up in the gutter to the afternoon after a Mardis Gras celebration covered in white substance that you only hope is leftover from the donuts at Cafe du Monde. Extermination Protocol was well received by all of the guys, despite their horrible name, and then EP made the mistake of tweeting that they were a one man band. Which is impossible. So, go back to the losers circle. Cage9 is a band from South America that wasn’t all that bad either and could probably be successful here in North America if the singer shaved his head. Actually, Cage9 can only have the USA, Canada is DDD! territory.

Before commencing the Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge with Tully and Katie we hear the newest gem from the Jingleberries. It’s a remix of Katie’s sex-tastic workout breathing to the beat of Push It by Salt-N-Peppa. I would listen to that song on repeat. I may have my first girl-crush ever on Katie. Ellis informs Rob (and reminds the rest of us) that the reason Tully is doing the challenge is to help motivate the fans. Which is the reason Josh previously did a challenge and Ellis is constantly doing insane shit. Every fan has their favorite, Josh himself has tens of fans that were motivated by him to get in shape. But really, the guys want their fans to live long and keep listening. Get in on it and check out the Onnit challenge for yourself.

Things we learned today:

Ellis’s brother had a baby boy today- Welcome to the World Bailey Ellis!!!

At the dentist, all Rod Corddry hears is “Spit now, please”

Dentists are really drug dealers for reluctant pussy junkies

Tom Cruise and Will Smith are so successful because they probably don’t drink

Rob Corddry was on the Daily Show

Rawdog is getting man-boobs, and if he worked at it he could have pecks…so we know soon he’ll probably just have man-boobs

“I can’t feel this side of my nose so when I pick it, it’s like rape” – Jason Ellis

Old Testament God was full of wrath, New Testament God sacrificed Jesus for our sins because He loves us sososososososososo much

Some of the farts were probably simulated

Michael was farting during the Andy Sandberg show

Men probably shake hands as an evolved show of dominance

To be King of the World you need to pay for Hollywood Wives and have sex with whores at the gym

Men on the Ultimate Fighter should really stop crying cause it’s hard to punch through all the tears

Katie’s boobs are getting bigger (your welcome Jason) and she isn’t pregnant

Katie’s dicks keep getting tangled

Children’s Hospital airs Thursday nights at Midnight on Adult Swim and next week is part I of the season finale with fucking explosions and fucking fucking

Ellis throws a great jerkoff party

Flowers are fun cause God should be


Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/8/2013

youve-reached-team-bring-itWooo-weee! It’s Monday and I’m tired’er than a motherfucker at a mom fucker’s convention. That makes sense somehow, but probably isn’t all that funny. I don’t give a motherfuck, like a mother whose not getting fucked at a convention. Oh, I should also mention for those of you reading a bedtime story to your children, you probably shouldn’t read the rest of this to them. I could potentially use some language that you do not find appropriate for them. Okay, did you lock those little shits in their cages? Good, lets proceed. Dingo Monday’s started off with him shouting out Team Bring It and opening 2 motherfucking waters. He said he didn’t open 2 motherfucking waters, but you can’t trust a motherfucking Dingo who knows so much about WWE. Wait just a motherfucking second. Let’s rewind for a second and listen to The Rock singing the Team Bring It Anthem. What. The. Mother. Fuck? Sounds like Dingo might have found his true calling, and it’s not snowboarding or partying. It’s delivering WWE news. Ellis went to Nuclear Cowboyz (the “z” makes it X-TREME!) on ice, not meth, but like meth. Not really, he just went to the show and they had some hot bitches dancing there. Unlike Dingo and Tully, Rawdog is incapable of rape. If there’s a rape-off between Tully and Dingo, it’s probably going to be close and one hell of a sexy ass rape-mania. This spawned many rapemania related calls & ideas, including Downzig and Mini-Nirvana, which led us into a break with “Rape Me” playing, by normal-sized Nirvana.

dr_drew_memeJust in time for moon news, Dr. Drew came on the show and dropped the “F” bomb pretty much immediately. I always find it weird to hear him swear. But anyway, back to the moon for a second. NASA wants to tow an asteroid into orbit around the motherfucking moon. Sounds good, I mean, what could go wrong? Sure, Michael Clarke Duncan is dead, by I think the rest of the Armageddon crew is still alive, right? Ok, back to Double-D PhD. He kept sprinkling in little swear words here and there in what seemed like a cringe worthy effort to sound hip and edgy for the audience. He got to hear about Rawdog’s roommate clogging his toilet with his giant turd and not fixing it. Double-D PhD immediately called Rawdog out on his confrontational issues, but played the part very well by also complimenting Rawdog on how he’s looking lately. We learned that Rawdog’s roommate also painted one of his walls with chalkboard paint and let his friends write all over it. Rawdog actually said something this time and told Captain Chair Leg Feces that he had to re-paint that shit, immediately! Since I’m already tired as a motherfucker (as I eluded to earlier) and Dr. Drew’s voice is like a motherfucking Valium  I pretty much just spaced out and don’t remember the rest of his time on the show. Basically, he asked a bunch of depressing questions, talked about molestation, answered a few questions, talked about Stevie, and some other stuff. It was interesting to hear his take on the myriad of subjects, but I just wasn’t in the mood to pay attention today, sorry motherfuckers. #LOLWinkyButthole

aging_processStill the same deal on EllisMania. So far, it’s a no go, at least until Ellis gets his ducks in a row. Could he have his stuff all situated by September? Maybe. But will the space still be open and available by then? Who knows. Too many variables to make a guess on so I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned. MMA news time, Ross Pearson fucked up his foot before fighting Ryan Couture but still ended up winning by TKO. Matt Mitrione knocked out Todd Duffee, so he’s not cut from the UFC… yet.  Gegard Mousasi won a unanimous decision against Ilir Latifi (who?) and also revealed he’ll be needing knee surgery. Turns out Dana White is kinda pissed at the commission in Sweden because Mousasi was supposed to fight so-and-so but they wouldn’t let him fight because he had a cut before the fight. There was more obviously, but what the motherfuck, I ain’t Fuel TV or some shit, go check that shit out if you’re so inclined. Hey, you know all those bikes Ellis bought for his family so they could all ride together? Yea, none of them wanted to ride except him. So he had to struggle with all of them to get them to stop the panic attack thing until they finally started to ride and have fun. Hey more motherfucking moto stuff was said, but I missed most of it because the cooling system at work decided to blow heat instead so my servers were screaming because of the 90 degree heat they were in. I don’t think it was anything important, just who went super duper fast that weekend and it was one of the same names you’d always hear. Some dumb motherfuckers bought ferrets that were given steroids and perms at birth to look like dumb motherfucking poodles. Who gives a rat’s ass, an emu’s dicks, or your dad’s balls? Also, Dingo is obsessed with animals inside peoples’ rectums. And lube. He’s obsessed with lube. Then there was some Hollywood news, missed that shit too and I’m okay with that. The big news of today was how a little old Jewish lady walks into her Rabbi’s office and said, “Rabbi Rabbi I just won 300 million dollars!” The Rabbi said: “Wow, congratulations. What are you going to do with the money?” She said, “100 million will go to the synagogue, they have always been there for me.” “Very good, we could use a generous donation like that. The rest?”, said the Rabbi. “I’m going to spend 100 million on my family traveling the world, and living it up.”, she said. Again, the Rabbi asks, “Very good, you have lived a hard life. Enjoy the rest of the time with your family. And the rest?” The lady said, “I’m going to build 20ft tall gold statue of Hitler.” Shocked, the Rabbi asks, “Why would you do such a thing???? He was a monster! He killed so many of our people! Why would you make tribute to him?” The lady holds out her forearm and says, “Well, he gave me the winning numbers!” OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/22/2013

The man

The man, the myth, the Reed!

Happy margarita Chad Reed Day mother fuckers! Today is the day when we honor motocross champion Chad Reed. Chad Mark Reed was born 15 March 1982, in Kurri Kurri, Australia. He is a multi-time supercross and motocross champion, he was taught from a young age as being capable of competing at the sports most elite level. He has proven to be the most consistent supercross/motocross racer in the world. He has since ascended the international ranks of the sport to become Australia’s most successful motocross racer. He also has had sex numerous times with yer mum, and yer sister, and of he wanted to, he could fuck yer dad as well. Enough about Chad Reed, here’s a little news about you and how much you suck. Americans get the least days off or vacation than anyone in the world. That sucks until you realize that were not drinking out of a river and eating cow shit for dinner, those people would love to have a job. The guys read some Chad reed poems and as one would suspect, most of the listeners would like to have gay sex with Chad Reed, the ones that don’t are women and then it’s just regular sex. My favorite Chad Reed story is how this moto dude took a picture with Sir Reed and grabbed his junk and gently whispered in his ear, “this is only awkward if you make it awkward.”

A man in stress ball packing plant punched his boss and threatened his coworkers with a knife because no matter what you’re packing, work sucks. This brought on the topic of Josh’s stressful life and how difficult and exhausting it is constantly hunting for large

Women's sports have never looked better!

Women’s sports have never looked better!

areolas. In MMA news, there were a few fights the other day and King Mo got knocked out because he was being cocky and left his hands down, and Finkelstien won but during his celebratory romp he fell down. I would have a video of that for you but I can’t find it so here’s something else. Women in sports is okay if they can support their own, but not if they are swinging off the dicks of man sports. Rob Coddry came back into in studio today and he has six movies coming out this year! Mother fucker has been busy. It is now expected that all celebrity guests get measured on their punching power but before punching Rob warmed up with hurtful childhood insults, and after that they shared bad heroin memories. Somehow the conversation turned to Halle Berry, Halle Berry’s boobs, breast feeding, yer mums boobs, then yer mum boob feeding you at 13 with a raging boner. Oh yeah, Rob punch 58 after knocking over josh. Rob talked about when he worked with The Rock he never saw him or hung out or compared bicep measurements. Ellis thinks he can out box him but then he thought he can’t. Rob left us with a little advise, take vacations more often and try new drugs, enjoy your life and what you work for, but don’t trip too hard because that shit sucks!coolshit

There was a dead body in water tank at hotel, unfortunately it wasn’t Paris Hilton, it was just some runaway. Boring. Jared Fogle of subway apparently has some epic tweets and you should follow him immediately (@thejaredfogel). The boys then graced us with Chad Reed songs, including Will with his classic hit, Chad Reed. Phoenix Askani was also in the studio today after running here after getting a good railing on a staircase, thats right folks, she’s a porn star, so here is the summary of her interview. Bla bla bla sex bla bla bla porn bla bla bla lesbians bla bla bla follow me on twitter bla bla bla dicks. Then she also did the punch test and got a 44. I’m not sure where that ranks but who cares, I’m sure there will be a chart or graph or something later that we can all look at. Then Jason and Kevin did a vegemiteVegemite eating contest and Ellis won, surprise surprise. However Kevin had the best line of the day when he said it tasted like soy sauce and despair. There were a few final calls and then they did Cumtard’s love connection with Phoenix while he had to eat a stick of butter. Unfortunately he failed miserably. Somewhere between the comic book talk and consistent vomiting he couldn’t seem to pull his game together. This pissed off Josh and Will because she basically laid herself in Kevin’s hands. Then Rawdog tried, he fucked her. Then Kevin had a chance again but Rawdog cock blocked him and then fucked her again. Unfortunately Kevin did hot a home run with yer mum, turns out the consistent vomiting and butter breath was irresistible to her, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 12/10/2012

Awkward porn is awkward.

It’s Monday, it’s colder than a well digger’s ass, and I’ve got a link to the sweetest fucking song/video that you must watch. Do puppies keep you at night because they’re chewing on your hands? Do you wake up in the middle of the night to watch porn where old ladies are doing young ladies? Well maybe you should. Or maybe Dingo should, because he just could not follow this story for the life of him. At first he thought it was mom on daughter, then he wasn’t sure what the scissor-kick-cookie-wiggle was, and I think he even started to think the topic was the new Spiderman movie. It took all three of the dudes to get Dingo back on track. Ellis initially started questioning his dick for a moment due to the weird underlying vibe the porn was giving off, at first he wasn’t into it, then he was, and then he went and banged out Katie. Manny Pacquiáo got clobbered hard enough over the weekend that people are already talking about his possible retirement from boxing all together. If you had to pledge your love to a new God and start going to church, which celebrity would it be that changes your life path and you start to follow? Chris Farley? Elvis Presley? Once again, Dingo went off the deep-end here claiming he’d follow Justin Bieber and Usher, or Quentin Tarantino, but not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It’s like I don’t even know Dingo anymore. Okay, so maybe I never really did know Dingo, but still.

For you people reading this, you probably already know oxycottonjohn (Yeahhhh Motherfuckers!) His little sister has setup a blog to accept donations for him and his mounting and very expensive medical bills. Please, if you can, help out a fellow EllisFam member. He’s a fucking great guy and would help you out if he could. Spread some love, you could use the good karma.

Not training for your fight because you still feel on your game?

Wanna see the worst free throw in the fucking history of basketball? Was that a relative of Rawdog’s? Was it Rawdog himself in costume? I’m pretty sure the answer to both is nope. Ellis has been teaching Katie pad work, not like pads for those light days in a girls life, we’re talking boxing here. Could we be seeing a “Dumped or Fired” fight at EllisMania 9, where Rawdog and Katie square off in the ring and the loser either gets dumped or fired? Time will only tell, but hopefully for the fans, this will become a reality. Some world champion mustache dude was there filming Dingo today, yup, that’s all there is to say about that exciting news – I guess at least he’s a world champion. Is it pronounced Appalachia or Far Fig Newton? Who gives a shit? Fight talk time. Ellis doesn’t think Shogun is finished, but a lot of other people do because he’s been getting his face rearranged quite a bit lately, but the only person who really knows is Mauricio “Shogun” Rua. B. J. Penn got beat again over the weekend and people still blame his laid back, weed smokin’ lifestyle for his lackluster performances of late. Nate Diaz flipped the bird on TV, is anyone really surprised that he would do this? He’s a bad-ass hoodlum, how could you think he wouldn’t do something like this eventually? I say more power to him.

Oh come on! I was just joking!

Quick, random thought: Am I the only one who thinks Maria Brink from In This Moment would be a lot hotter without the massive holes in her earlobes? Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, some corpse fell out of the sky, it wasn’t a ghost, it wasn’t “Slimer” from Ghostbusters, but just a dude that tried to travel for free and in the wheel compartment of a plane. Which has been tried before by others, and most of them were just as unsuccessful as he was. And Darwin wins again. Tully had another celebrity sighting over the weekend while taking his son to the swings at the park, guess who was there? No, not Danzig. Yup, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale were there. I assumed with their child as I believe Gavin is no longer into little kiddies at the park, but low-and-behold, Tully never mentioned anything about their kid. Make of that what you will. Kurt Russell’s nephew went to the same school as Rawdog once. Neat, right? Wrong. I can understand you liked Overboard or Big Trouble in Little China, but come on.

There was talk about Camino & Rick, but it’s all old and it’s all lame. Apparently there was a tweet, and then someone else tweeted, and then people had thoughts, and then it was on the fucking show. I don’t listen to C&R, I’ve tried, but it’s just not my thing. If you do listen to them, great. No big deal. I can’t believe anyone cares about any of this. Seriously. Jude popped into the studio just long enough to hand out vaporizer presents to everyone and then boom, he was gone just like that. Do you prefer white chocolate? You’re probably a gaycist. Don’t argue about it, just accept it and move on. There might be a few more things I’m forgetting, but really – are you even paying attention at this point? Me neither. Who cares. Well, actually, I’ll tell you about one time that your mom did care. You were sitting at the kitchen table in the morning and said, “Hey mom, pass the fuckin’ corn flakes.” She took you out back and whipped you with a rod then sat you back down and said, “Now would you like something from the table?” You said, “Well I sure as shit don’t want those fuckin’ corn flakes.” And that’s how I knew you were the spawn of my seed. OH!