Show Recap for Friday 2/14/2014

Yesterisday as you may or may not know, yours truly was on air with Rude Jude at SiriusXM in New York City!! That’s not the point, though. The point is that Jude brought us down to where Cullen aka The Backbone works to give him a good natured ribbing about how shitty the SiriusXM app is…he wasn’t there…and today the app fucked with my life big time. Of course. And yeah, I know he has no control over how good or bad the app is, it was gonna be an LOL sesh…and it just sort of figures that today it decided to give me a shit time. Honestly, I am still so pumped after all that happened yesterday (which I will do a full write up of that will be posted tomorrow, I promise :) that I’m not as pissed abound it as I would be on an ordinary day, but I do apologize in advance if this recap is not quite up to snuff. But, you love me, right?

Today is valentine’s day! Which is weird, so says Ellis, and I tend to agree with him o  that one. Ellis proclaims thay v-day is a fake holiday because he doesn’t get a day off for it and he doesn’t need the government telling him when to tell his chick that he loves her. Cause he loves her everyday. Son. Ellis says he does feel the pressure a bit because Katie has ‘hopeless romantic’ tattooed on her forearm, but she’s also the dummy who fell in love with a guy who forgets stuff. Not to worry though, cause he did get her flowers and made her a card. Tully thinks more people think of v-day as a greeting card holiday as opposed to a government conspiracy holiday, and speaking of greeting cards and conspiracies…why the fuck do cards cost 4 times as much now than they did 10 years ago? And for that matter,  how come Hallmark has the monopoly on greeting cards? Sure, there are other greeting card companies, but no one brings in the dough like the gold crown does, and if you disagree- it’s because you’re lying to yourself. Ellis talks about how he thinks that people think that if you go around making a card for your chick that you aren’t all that awesome because it doesn’t usually result in a professional looking object. Tully adds a qualifier stating that it’s uncool if you go around making things as gifts for people because you’re cheap, but if you do it because you really love that person and want to give them something one of a kind and from the heart, then you’re pretty cool. I agree…if you make me something- I keep that shit forever. Before we started working together Hubbs dropped by my office and doodled something for me on a post it note while I was helping a patient and I still have that post it note doodle. Homemade shit is the best.

Tully mentions that he sounds all nasally, which you couldn’t hear since you’re reading this and probably didn’t therefore listen to the show at all and it’s because he has allergies. No, it wasn’t because of his allergies that yesterday was a ‘Best Of’ day instead of a live show. It’s allergies…if he had been sick again and was gonna miss the show they would have just had Christian in like on Monday. No, the reason that there was no show yesterday had nothing to do with the fact that I couldn’t listen because I was hanging with Rude Jude (yeah, I’m mentioning it again…it’s gonna make me feel cool for…ever, or at least like a week or something) and Ellis thought it was best not to test the loyalty of Ellisfam should he be disappointed (like I would win, anyway, way to be flattering Ellis), it was because Ellis was really sleep deprived and in the throes of an all day panic attack. Ellis takes some pills to help him sleep at night and it can be hard for him to get to the doctor’s office to get his prescription because he is a busy man doing radio, making books, and trying to entertain us like the super amazing man that he is, and his script ran out. He did talk to his doctor’s receptionist who he said became super interested in helping him out once he mentioned that he had a book out, but due to a communication error between him and Katie, the prescription was never picked up. At first Ellis thought that he was gonna going to be okay but after falling asleep at midnight and waking up an hour later he kind of knew that shit was going to suck hard. And it did. He sent texts out canceling his plans for yesterday, and by ten in the morning he was in full panic attack mode and didn’t even want to be near his phone. He said having panic attacks isn’t as bad as it used to be, because at this point he knows what they are and knows that he isn’t going to die, but they still suck mad balls, yo. He hung with the kids, although he wasn’t on top of his Daddy Ellis game due to the anxiety and sleep deprivation, but he still was a good dad and got kicked in the balls a few times whole wrestling around with Tiggie. By the end of the night he had his prescription and put Devin to bed before passing out, although he is pretty sure he fell asleep before Devin did.

A crazy person said some shit to Katie this morning but promptly shut the fuck up after Ellis told him that if he didn’t that he would have the crazy smacked from his face. Tully said he and his wife and DudeBro encountered a crazy person on their walk last night and they talked about how a lot of crazy people pop off at the mouth at women because they are easy targets. Tully thinks that it’s because everyone in the world likes to feel powerful and exercise that power in some way, and when you’re a crazy person, the only people you can really have power over are ladies. Last night in Manhattan Hubbs and I had a crazy person incident (and really we were lucky cause, you know, Manhattan) and Hubbs went the Ellis route and told the guy he’d slap the teeth out of his mouth if he kept bothering me. And poof…all of a sudden the guy wasn’t that crazy anymore and he walked away with an apology, probably to go bother some other girl who didn’t have a scary tattooed guy with her. They then discuss that there is definitely a difference between crazy on drugs people and crazy mentally disabled people and the people who can’t help being crazy get a pass because most of the time they aren’t aware that they are on Earth and the people around them aren’t soul sucking monsters. Ellis also went on a riff about Detective Stabler from Law and Order SVU and his batshit crazy daughter and crazy batshit mom and…I don’t feel the need to rehash it because if you are a fan of Law and Order SVU you already know what I’m talking about, and if you aren’t…it’s on Netflix and this schmabibble erupts around season 8.

Time for some Wolfknives names with Will!!! But first, Ellis gives him a home made Valentine that says “Will you bean mine?” Which is awesome on so many levels that it’s hard to comprehend. Without further ado…welcome to the Wolfknives The Spanish Crowe, Hot Box, B.A. Baracus, Necklace Raccoon, Ol’ Scabby, Charlie Chapstick, Dave the Grapest, The Grapey, Ass To Mouth, Huge Tits, The Sweaty Latino, Squatch, and Loogie Howser!!!! Do us proud!!!

Tully brings up that Katie is going to be dropping by, and Ellis says that yeah, she is, but first she’s dropping something off somewhere for Devin’s braces. Ellis says that Devin is adjusting really well to life with braces and says that she feels like it’s also helping to open her nasal passages so she can breathe better. Two birds…one stone. Tully mentions that he slept with a nose strip on last night because apparently he is a horrible snorer and his wife asked him to do it (most likely because his allergies are acting up) and that shit worked like a charm. How bad is his snoring? Well, back when he was younger one of his girlfriends invited her friend over just to listen to him snore. That sounds pretty bad to me, I mean, if one of my friends made me come over to hear her man snore, the walls better be shaking. All I’m saying. He used to even tell his girlfriends to kick him out of bed if his snoring was too loud, because he didn’t want to listen to them complain about not being able to sleep because of him. Ellis says that he snores every once in a while also, but usually only when Fifty is in bed snoring with him. Which is kind of weird.

Back from the break is where my app fucked up and decided to jump around in time and I came in in the middle of a conversation about some lady who wrote a negative review about Ellis’ new book The Awesome Guide To Life, which is available for pre-order right now at She seems to take issue with the fact that Ellis is a chauvenistic pig, which she thinks because she obviously has never heard a joke before and lives an exceptionally literal lifestyle.  SMH it’s girls like her that give the rest of us a bad name. But anyway,  now Katie is in the studio to draw an accurate representation of Ellis’ dick in one copy of the book,  which one lucky customer will receive in the mail in only a few days time!!!!!!!!! Katie wants to draw it on Ellis’ face,  but gets beaten down by him and Tully and agrees the best place for it is probably on the plain white title page. Ellis takes his dick out of his pants and after some discussion as to how it should be drawn, Katie sets to work. Ellis stops her about halfway through because he is offended that she isn’t drawing it actual size and makes her label it as such. She then starts to work on a new book and Tully almost sees Jason’s manhood when he leans back in his chair and sees the mirrored ceiling staring back at him. HAHA. I dont believe that he didn’t see it, but would rather keep it to himself and cherish that memory forever. When Katie is done Will wants to see the drawing and then  immediately regrets it because Katie is a good artist and he will never be able to unsee that image. This makes Ellis not want to give the book away because he wants to posess something that can so easily amd effectively ruin someone’s life.

Tully made some special Valentine’s chocolates with some gnarly ingredients for Jetta and Cumtard to try in their V-day themed game.  Wilson helps out by rattling off some statistics and the guys have to try and guess if they’re accurate or not.  During this game we learn that 25% of americans would consider religious conversion for love,  Cumtard would rather eat a chocolate covered dog turd than a chocolate covered onion,  51% of married couples would rather spend today with their pet than their spouse,  49% of guys would dump their girlfriend if she got fat,  and chocolate candy really shouldn’t be made with Japanese spices,  mayonnaise, garlic, oysters,  or peppers.

Back from another break Fat Mike from NoFX is in the studio with his fiancee,  and as today is the holiday of love they are here to talk about when you love someone and you love either beating the shit out of them, or loving when they beat the shit out of you. BDSM is a game this couple has been in for a while now and they give a pretty good explanation of it to Ellis, or at least I think they do because my app shit out about thirty times while they were on the air, which is so sad because I really love the BDSM scene and so does Joe and inspiration is a wonderful thing.  My app does come back to life to hear Fat Mike’s fiancée whip Katie and I will definitely be downloading the episode on demand so I can hear whatever other goodies I may have missed during this segment.

At the end of the show Tully and Ellis bring Cumtard in to talK more about his love life and that’s when my app decided to die for good.  Sorry for how anticlimactic that was. I’m sure it was insightful and hilarious, and Cumtard probably still refused to embrace buttplay at some point. Final calls were probably very much like how final calls normally are,  and there may have even been a recapper… That I still prolly owned with this three quarters of a recap that I have spent the past hour and fifteen minutes typing out on my phone (because technology is really not on my side today and I am dedicated enough to do this from my fucking iphone because I love you guys and try not to suck too hard).

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!!

Re-cap for Thursday, 10/17/2013

Welcome to The Jason Ellis Show, where he is confused, but who cares about this shit? Let’s got on with the show because Rob Corddry is in the studio (or his home) and he has his shit together. If you didn’t listen (which, chances are- since you are reading this re-cap) you may not have realized that the show didn’t actually start on time. Or for…you know…like 2 hours. It’s okay though, cause this time it wasn’t because he got into a fender non-bender due to weird LA traffic, it was because he was stuck at the dentist getting a root canal. Why is this better? Because he got the gas…and anyone who has had the gas knows that getting holes drilled into your face is welllllllllll worth it. Ellis has no problem asking the dentist for gas despite the fact that he looks like a really jacked junkie, but Rob Corddry confesses that he doesn’t like asking for the gas because it makes him feel like people look at him like he’s seeking out drugs. Tully however wants to be a drugstore cowboy who looks like Rob Corddry because Corddry looks like the kind of guy who manages to be on so many drugs he looks like he isn’t actually on drugs and isn’t looking for any. Except maybe antibiotics.

Ellis chose to get the root canal done today because next week he is going to Panama, where he will spend at least one night glamping, and the dentist told him it would only take an hour. Well, a little more than 2 hours later Ellis managed to get to the elevator right as Rob Corddry did…so for all intents and purposes…he was on time. He’s the star of the show, the show isn’t the show without them, whatever time he chooses to get there is on time. Duh. While he was at the dentist getting his face drilled into and was sucking back whatever gas the dentist would let him have, he took a trip to a world where his Indian dentist transformed into Biggie Smalls and the mexican nurse turned Asian and started singing “My Blood” to him through her mask. “My Blood” if you aren’t hip and in the know, is the title of Jason’s solo song off of Death! Death! Die!’s (fuck you if you try and correct my punctuation on that one cause I would love for you to do better) upcoming album, which features a solo song from each member of the band that we all know and love and had the number one selling album (in Canada) on iTunes. Red Dragons. Ellis explains that originally he didn’t want to do a solo song, because he doesn’t think he’s that good with music…or lyrics, but he did one anyway since he loves the band and everyone else was doing it.

Rob Corddry did a bunch of movies and television shows for the year of 2013. Have you seen or heard of any of them? I haven’t because I don’t really watch television or go to movies that don’t have Bruce Willis or Harry Potter in them. One movie was Warm Bodies, where he played a zombie that started thinking. Which is one hell of a role, all things considered, since most zombies don’t have functioning frontal lobes. Another movie he was in was called Pain & Gain with a little actor you may have heard of: Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. And even I know who that is, thanks to the Fast & Furious franchise (before there were too many movies for me to care anymore). How is working with The Rock? Awesome, since the apparent reason for The Rock’s excessive amounts of shiny muscley-ness is to protect his big, squishy, heart of gold. The Rock is a great guy who is liked by all and always seemed to be in a good mood, and probably doesn’t drink any of the tequila that he tweets with steak. Corddry has never seen The Rock’s penis, but has a good idea of what it’s like- utter perfection. Large, in charge, and no Rawdog, it doesn’t have its very own set of pecs, but it’s glorious nonetheless. Prolly just as shiny as the rest of him parting clouds in the sky for rays of sunshine to bounce off of while an unseen chorus holds a splendid chord of praise. Yeah, I can see that.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of dicks in Hollywood that aren’t attached to built former pro-wrestlers turned movie stars. Who in particular? No one is naming names- but the breakdown is as follows: Actors are narcissistic dicks, Directors are controlling dicks, and the studio guys are the dicks who give all the other dicks back door blowjobs. In Hollywood you can only be a dick once because if you’re a dick to two people and they know each other, say goodbye to your career. Kathryn Heigl, for instance, is not a dick. Wait for it…I’m getting there. Kathryn Heigl has been all over the place lately with her winning too white for real life smile being all sorts of sweet because she thought she had more than one get out of dick-jail free card to the point where she surpassed being a dick and is just a big ol’ cunt that no one wants to work with. When you’re working in a place where it’s a safe bet 90 percent of the other people think their shit is just as odorless as yours, you probably shouldn’t go around acting like you aren’t base enough of a human being to shit in the first place. Because then, you’re just a cunt, and no one wants to make movies with you.

Pornstars also have cunts. They, however, usually have the good kind of cunt. The sexy kind that it’s alright to talk about. Have you noticed that the pornstars on Instagram have been posting lots of pics from the doctor with “Still open for business!” on the caption? I haven’t either, but, it’s a thing now. All the pornstars wanna let you know that it’s all good in the hood. Rat (I’m all kinds of snarky today). Tully and Rawdog inform Ellis and Corddry that this may be due to the fact that recently it was all over the news that there were a couple of pornstars who turned up HIV+, which is really shitty because porn is a business that hurts no one. I’m not trying to be sarcastic, porn is a great industry that aims to make people happy. Following this mini-outbreak the porn industry in California had to take an AIDs break, which was a great joke, but it also actually happened. The government shut down all filming (which is probably where the government got the idea of a shutdown of their own in the first place) until everyone could get tested and made sure every porn star knew that it was illegal for them to be fired for requesting males to use a condom during performance. Really.

Only half of Ellis’s face is working, but it’s still smarter than Rawdog’s whole face. What a surprise! Said no one. Ever. How high is Ellis exactly? Not high enough to not need a painkiller from Katie. Ellis informs us that there are two sorts of painkillers out there in the world- regular pain killers and the ‘get your bones ground down’ painkillers. If you get your bones ground down you get Percocet. However, if you go down the Mega Ramp in a basketball jersey and melt the skin off of your back and have good friends, you get Oxycontin and tell stories to people on balconies for 12 wonderful time-released hours. Corddry has also taken Oxycontin (albeit for non pain related activities…and only once) and says that it is wonderful. It’s too bad that Hillbillies ruined it by crushing it and snorting it. Ugh. Fucking Hillbillies. Tully says it wasn’t just the Hillbillies and he has multiple Hollywood figures and athletes to back that statement up, because smoking it is a thing now. But…Corddry is right, Oxycontin would be wonderful if it was prescribed and imbibed the way it was meant to be. But we’re humans and we don’t really know how to be smart like that. Drugs are bad.

You know what’s better than drugs for pain? More pain! Seriously. Josh questions this, thinking pain + pain = lots of pain, but Ellis insists that there comes a point where the pain just kind of cancels itself out. Even planning some major rager of a balls to the wall about to be knocked by a wrecking ball pain fest helps to start numbing out the pain. For example- Jason’s tooth hurts. He bets that if he starts calling Tokyo and Josh’s mom and says that he is just going to bring on the pain rain in their lives he would start to feel better. Josh thinks that will only work insofar as until Tokyo and his mom figures out who’s calling…and that the person has an achilles heel in their mouth. Josh is 100 percent convinced they will then attack his tooth. Damn. Maybe Josh should get his face drilled for a bit and make a comeback.

Rob Corddry should have a show on Ellis’s fabled upcoming channel. But, for real though. Ellis basically offered Rob the job on air who immediately and whole heartedly accepted (right before getting cold feet) because he has nothing going on. Which I don’t think is all that true considering he has an ongoing television show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim- Children’s Hospital, and also has a new movie coming out, Hot Tub Time Machine 2. But Ellis didn’t find out about the new Hot Tub movie from Rob, he found out from co-star Clark Duke who he chatted with in the KTLA green room right before going out and KILLING IT. Why chat it up with the Duke? Because the other guy in the green room was that guy in The Patriot who betrayed his not really his yet almost a country and killed women and children by locking them in a church before setting it on fire because Jason Isaacs told him to. Dick.

Is Luke Skywalker the last Jedi? Or did he start on an all new race of Jedi after the credits? I’m sure he spawned some Jedi, and so did Leia and Han, because let’s not forget that Leia and Luke are twins so she probably could have kicked Darth’s ass just as hard. Except she would probably still have both of her real hands. Tully says that the only reason Luke was any sort of a bad ass Jedi was because his father was Darth fucking Vader, and who wouldn’t be a killer Jedi with that kind of backing. Ellis doesn’t think Luke was all that awesome because he lost a hand in the deal and was kind of a whiny little bitch throughout most of the series…but then again, so was Hayden Christiansan who played little Darth Vag, so maybe it’s just a familial phase. No way could Luke take Darth Maul and his double-ender. Another fight we all missed out on in the series- Darth Maul versus Master Yoda. Who would win? Will we ever know? Yoda was a pretty punchy, tumbly, acrobatic bastard…so it seems like it would be a ridiculous fight between his CGI’d little body and the crazy acrobatic Darth Maul. Set it up, Dana White. Josh’s most wanted fictional fight is a throwdown between Harry Potter and Frodo. Wizard against Hobbit. Who wins? With their magical powers Josh says that Frodo would win. Ellis says that it has to be without magic, good old fashioned brawl. Josh then says Potter would probably lay on the hurt because he’s bigger. Who would really win? The fans.

Time for a break. Or not, cause Jason is high. But don’t get cranky and pick on him, who else gets a root canal and then goes to their job? On top of that…who gets a root canal and then goes to their job where the number one requirement is fucking talking?!?!?!

Back from the break? So’s the government!!! Haha. It is though, not that anybody really missed it. Oh….maybe all those temporarily unemployed people did. Sorry. No one else did. The stenographer for the House of Representatives probably could have used the furlough since the stress of typing built upon her so that she started ranting in the middle of the House’s vote. It involved freemasons and the Illuminati or something. She got dragged out, still ranting, by security. Who probably were working for the freemasons.

It’s time to find out who is the next 5 Finger Death Punch!!!!!!!! Are you excited? Or are you as angry as Ellis that such a downright shit-level Nickelback 3 band is raking in the dough by sucking balls? He made a mental note to share with us that he heard 5 Finger Death Punch on Octane (or somewhere) and was so enraged by how fucking terrible they were he had to mention their ass sucking on the radio. Check mark next to that box. The good news though, for all of you sucky bands out there? There will always be whores who like you because you’re in a band and they will give you a blowjob when you’re in town. Really can’t ask for much more outta life than that.

This actually was an introduction to the long-awaited segment Unsigned Bands versus Unsigned Farts. After hundreds upon hundreds of submissions, of which at least 20 were from bands, Tully presented us with the best of the best and pitted them against one another. In all we heard 12 bands and farts (if I’m reading my handwriting correctly) and I’m pretty sure the farts won. The best fart? That was from Bobby…a fart that came in hot and scared Katie winning its way into our hearts. Or something. The bands were…kind of like the best of the worst of New Music Tuesday. Most caused a collective “LOL!!!!!!!” after a few bars were played. The Dirty Bourbon River Show was a band and they annoyed me by having that super long name and then an even longer name on their single and sounded like the music you wake up in the gutter to the afternoon after a Mardis Gras celebration covered in white substance that you only hope is leftover from the donuts at Cafe du Monde. Extermination Protocol was well received by all of the guys, despite their horrible name, and then EP made the mistake of tweeting that they were a one man band. Which is impossible. So, go back to the losers circle. Cage9 is a band from South America that wasn’t all that bad either and could probably be successful here in North America if the singer shaved his head. Actually, Cage9 can only have the USA, Canada is DDD! territory.

Before commencing the Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge with Tully and Katie we hear the newest gem from the Jingleberries. It’s a remix of Katie’s sex-tastic workout breathing to the beat of Push It by Salt-N-Peppa. I would listen to that song on repeat. I may have my first girl-crush ever on Katie. Ellis informs Rob (and reminds the rest of us) that the reason Tully is doing the challenge is to help motivate the fans. Which is the reason Josh previously did a challenge and Ellis is constantly doing insane shit. Every fan has their favorite, Josh himself has tens of fans that were motivated by him to get in shape. But really, the guys want their fans to live long and keep listening. Get in on it and check out the Onnit challenge for yourself.

Things we learned today:

Ellis’s brother had a baby boy today- Welcome to the World Bailey Ellis!!!

At the dentist, all Rod Corddry hears is “Spit now, please”

Dentists are really drug dealers for reluctant pussy junkies

Tom Cruise and Will Smith are so successful because they probably don’t drink

Rob Corddry was on the Daily Show

Rawdog is getting man-boobs, and if he worked at it he could have pecks…so we know soon he’ll probably just have man-boobs

“I can’t feel this side of my nose so when I pick it, it’s like rape” – Jason Ellis

Old Testament God was full of wrath, New Testament God sacrificed Jesus for our sins because He loves us sososososososososo much

Some of the farts were probably simulated

Michael was farting during the Andy Sandberg show

Men probably shake hands as an evolved show of dominance

To be King of the World you need to pay for Hollywood Wives and have sex with whores at the gym

Men on the Ultimate Fighter should really stop crying cause it’s hard to punch through all the tears

Katie’s boobs are getting bigger (your welcome Jason) and she isn’t pregnant

Katie’s dicks keep getting tangled

Children’s Hospital airs Thursday nights at Midnight on Adult Swim and next week is part I of the season finale with fucking explosions and fucking fucking

Ellis throws a great jerkoff party

Flowers are fun cause God should be


Show Re-Cap for Friday 9/13/2013

I came in a little late and Ellis was talking about rubber on fire and smoking in the yard burning kids and the only thing I could think was, “I didn’t think he wore condoms.” And then I realized that he’s talking about doing burnouts. If you are doing burnouts or having sex you have to stop when the cops show up. You gotta respect the police for putting up with your stupid ass. El Diablo Blanco is fighting this weekend, that’s The White Devil for all you people not fluent in Messican. Some how talking about the Devil Blanco Ellis shat photo (9)out this pearl of wisdom, “When you get to the top you’re competing with natural ability.” Which pretty much means that you already beat out all the people without the dedication and drive as you and are on a level playing field of learned skill. Just like Deathbone McGee on the mega ramp. I’m not sure what that means but I just wanted to write Deathbone McGee. Ellis got five pairs of Metallica tickets to give away, NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A purchase will not increase your chances of winning. Void where prohibited. U.S. Law Governs. OPEN ONLY to active SiriusXM subscribers (self-paid or an introductory trial) continuously since August 1, 2013 while meeting other geographical Conditions of Entry (see Official Rules), who are at least 18 years of age at time of Entry. Ellis sang his song last night called My Blood. The main lyric is “My blood is out to get me” and he said it’s a dark metal song about, well, his blood i guess. What do you expect, I haven’t heard it yet, get off my back! Ellis had Katie sing it too so we will eagerly wait for that EP to come out.

A black man in Union Square yelled I’m gonna punch the next white man I see, and he did. Then the guy hit his head on the sidewalk and went into a coma and died. Ellis recalled the night coming out of nightclub when some fucking asshole punched him square in the pace while he has his arms around two ladies. The same thing happened to another dude the next nite but the dude died and that could have been big daddy Jace cakes and then this recap would make no sense at all. He remembered that when he was a kid fights were scary and ugly so he never really wanted to be in a street fight which is a good idea because it’s stupid and you never know, you might die. On a lighter note they played, You Sir Are A Moron, they talked about Astrological signs, ghosts, going to space, being a hitman, fucking Larry King and dying with Joan Rivers bloated skeleton in your bed every week.

196_29735630096_7290_aRoger Black, aka Yucko The Clown, came in talked about his new show Brickelberry about park rangers and people and trees and a talking bear and bestiality. Sounds like everything a cartoon about a sadistic bear cub can ever be. He also talked a little about being on Howard and being a part of the Wack Pack and some other shit about this one cunt who played him to get herself famous and broke his heart and is hopefully currently in a pit of snakes that have herpes and syphilis. Yukko also said, “NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A purchase will not increase your chances of winning. Void where prohibited. U.S. Law Governs. OPEN ONLY to active SiriusXM subscribers (self-paid or an introductory trial) continuously since August 1, 2013 while meeting other geographical Conditions of Entry (see Official Rules), who are at least 18 years of age at time of Entry.” Anderson Silva did an interview about his front kick the he has been doing since his days as a wee youngster and how Steven Seagal is full of shit.

There were more fight submissions for Ellismania 9 and if you want to participate, send your submissions to or or something, I don;t really know, I just pretend to know. Apparently the monkey cats that shit out the monkey cat shit coffee are kept in bad conditions. So if you are an animal lover that loves monkey shit coffee you are really bummed right now. A video of a store owner that

mmmm, who wants a warm cup?

mmmm, who wants a warm cup?

knocked out a robber with baseball bat was played today, so I found it for you too because I’m nice and shit. Fredericos is giving away free burritos on Monday now E.coli free! To be honest I was really stoked about this but then I found out that it’s only at the location that was serving the “shitting blood special” and not the one by me. I love me some free burritos. The Titanic Heritage Crusty Dusty Box Committee is mad at Redbull because they made a commercial that if the people that were on the Titanic had Redbull they would have been able to grow wings and fly to safety. This is bullshit, all that would have happened is the band that stayed on the boat would have played something more awesome like the Mexican Hat Dance or Breadfan. Also the Titanic committee said, “NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A purchase will not increase your chances of winning. Void where prohibited. U.S. Law Governs. OPEN ONLY to active SiriusXM subscribers (self-paid or an introductory trial) continuously since August 1, 2013 while meeting other geographical Conditions of Entry (see Official Rules), who are at least 18 years of age at time of Entry.” If Josh gets knocked out and jacked off by Nick Swardson after his fight, he’ll let Ellis put it on YouTube. I don’t know if Nick will knock out the bush baby but I do know that if you want to see someone jack off unconscious dudes you can go to, OH!

Show Re-cap for Friday 8/23/2013

Welcome, welcome to the show recap, listen read as we tell you everything you need to know, about chicks and fighting, and moto. But mostly check out these balls recaps! Ellis might be overdoing it with Katie’s mum jokes, almost every comment is followed by yer mum, yer mums ass, I’m gonna eat it off yer mums ass, etc. Funny as it might be, Ellis thinks he should tone it down a little, with yer mum. Tully’s wife’s grandma died so he’s not in today, he might be on a plane to China or not, I don’t know and neither does anybody else. Rawdog can’t button his shirt correctly, just another surprising lack of ability from the adorable bush baby. Ellis is trying not to be a slugger in boxing, he’s trying to be a boxers boxer, a black boxer to be exact. He just needs to work more on his footwork and his tan. Ellis talked about how back in the day PLG boxed him and hit him in the side and knocked the wind out of him. Speaking of fighting, Will once got in a fight with a road rager and they were hauling ass and the dude was trying to run Will off the road. But slick Willy had a faster car and sped away and after he thought he was safe he pulled into gas station. Next thing Wilson knew, in pulled the dude. He got out of his car and before William could get



his window rolled up he punched him about three times in de face. Next the guy hollered, “Come on boys” and two more dudes got out carrying a bat and pipe. Willshire then started his car, whipped around the other car, got plate number, then took off through back roads. When Willavitch got home he told his daddy and he then called the sheriff. The sheriff said the dude was just released from prison for killing his wife with hammer and suggested that the Willingtons just forget about it. No charges were filed. This brought up the discussion of bad driving and shitty drivers. I would like to finish this recap today so I’m just gonna say, don’t be a dick and drive slow in the left lanes, if you do you should have to drive a Prius forever as a punishment. Ellis got props from Votaspa because he talks about them all the time on the radio. Then a dude called in asking about his mushroom tip showing through his swim trunks and if it’s inappropriate, the answer is yes, yes it’s a vulgar display of penis.

Circumcisions in the US are down to 58% mainly in the west where they are down to 40%. Score one for the hooded vagina basher. Somebody had the balls to get audio clip of Anderson The Spider Silva trying to say Red Dragons over and over again. He couldn’t quite get it right so, Head Dragons mother fuckers! They then played The Greatest Small Town In America, how did they ever think of the name? Everything was going well then THC called in with his small town, Vanderville Texas. Everybody else didn’t have shit on THC, who is also doing a movie about that Colton Burpo kid, until Jeff called in with Alma Colorado where they have more dispensaries and bars that churches or schools and an Almart, it’s like Walmart but an Almart. SiriusXM is having a contest where you can win the chance to see Metallica at an intamate show at the Apollo Theater, and by intimate I mean, bring lube.

Lives in a small town, knows Josh Adam Richmond

Lives in a small town, knows Josh Adam Richmond

Here’s the video of the motorcyclist in BC that hit a black bear. Yesterday at the theater before josh fainted somebody yelled Ben Aflack is going to be the next Batman. Idon’t give a fuck and if you do, well i don’t give a fuck about you giving a fuck. There was going to be a game but Malice overslept and ruined the game.It was going to be awesome but instead they assigned more Wolfknife names. To my surprise BitPimps is really Tim Wright, even I didn’t know the real identity of the infamous creator of NoYouAre.

Ellis is gonna go hang with Suzuki(?) this weekend and is gonna go vibe the Green Team while Katie secretly videos it because he can and it might be funny, and he’s also going to fat-football-player-runningthe Lake Elsinore Redbull Street League with Rob Dyrdek and Chad Reed. I dunno, there’s a lot of shit going on so get off your cottage cheese ass and do something. South Korea is the leading country for plastic surgery. They are getting a procedure called smile crest surgery done so it looks like they are always smiling. Koreans also rarely have sex after childbirth. That’s why so many turn to prostitution and a Brazilian dude called in and knows a couple Korean chicks and they are total sluts. They did Doing Stuff With Katie and maily chicks called in to bitch about their boyfriends and if you are ever in doubt on how to get your guy to do something just remember this, blowjobs and stretching that pussy over my face bro. But be careful, last time yer mum did that it was ruled as an accidental homicide, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/12/2013

Welcome to another riveting edition of Who Gives A Fuck Friday on the Jason Ellis Show and on the NoYouAre recaps. Out of everybody who is not giving a fuck today, Rawdog is the clear winner. He is still out with vagina Jew herpes and is staying home to round out a rawdog_not_at_coachellaweek of nothing. But rumor has it that he might be spreading that shit at Cochella as we speak. So if you are at Cochella this weekend be on the lookout for Josh and his disease of doom! Vagina Jew herpes free Katie is filling in the Dog chair today though so the entire show is saved. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little but it could be worse. Ellis called Rawdog and he’s making him drink eight glasses of water and Gatorade and not iced tea like patient zero has been doing. Ellis saw a celebrity at Voda Spa, I don’t hear who it was because I was running a jack hammer and that shit gets loud but he was star struck. There’s some kid playing in the Masters Golf tournament, so if you didn’t feel like a complete loser already, this should help. According to producer Dom, hackey sack is a sport, but so is paint ball. And according to this logic so is juggling and competitive sitting. Everyone knows ti  isn’t a sport, except for hippies and hipsters. Both of which don’t count anyway. After this discussion Ellis challenged Dom to a 2 on 2 basketball game until they all realized that whichever team Josh was on would defiantly lose.

Women Am I Right was on a roll today starting with four large women at large for assaulting and assumably rapping an innocent dude. Then there was a barrage of bad women driver stories, parking on ledges, crashing into stationary objects, and many other actions of complete fucktardery. A girl texted her boyfriend saying that she’s being robbed

So I hear you like anal!

So I hear you like anal!

and he called the cops and when they got there she told them that she was just joking, LOL. One of the interns brought in a well put together radio game where the guys have to look at a picture and guess if that individual has a dick or no dick. Let me mention again that this RADIO bit was Jason, Tully, and Katie, LOOKING at pictures. Good job dude, stay in school. Then there were more envelope ideas and I didn’t catch them all so you will just have to keep listening to find out some of the horrible things that are in store.In Pot News a large scale grower disguised the odor of his pot farm with buckets of human feces. Another new game was played today also, Win Lil Banes Money! As it would turn out the only thing that we learned from this game is that most of the callers are retarded and apparently nobody has ever seen Jaws. Unfortunately Dom turned out alright in the end and the guys moved on to Dude Am I A Slut. Again, with the callers this was a total train wreck. There were only two shitty calls where girls were blasting some dude because of bla bla bla whatever the fuck they were saying. Hopefully next time the sluts will be less busy slobbing knobs in the alley and call in.


There is a chick in NASCAR and before you get all worried and scared, no she isn’t driving. She’s working in the pits, probably giving the driver a drink or washing his windows or something. Her name is Christmas Abbott (@christmasabbott) and she is smoking hot, way sexier than the usual people in the pits. Final calls were the usual stuff, “I liked the show,” “You have a beautiful cock,” “How do I not be a fat piece of shit,” you know the usual. But the one thing that stood out was one of the last calls, it was a lot of slow deep heavy breathing, a rather husky voice moaning, and some burping. I’m fairly certain it was yer mum, stroking that massive clit of her’s again, OH!