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Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/20/2012

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Who gets tired of titties?

Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!

While you were talking about celebrities…

Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.

Kill me now, or yourself. Either way.

Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!

If You Were To Give Me A Nickname Or Call Me A Name, What Would It Be?

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As a game for everyone to play, I asked a simple question “If you were to give me a nickname or call me a name, what would it be?” and asked everyone to use the hashtag #bitPimpsShouldBeCalled and here are the responses: Continue reading →

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/19/2012

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This is my sexy face.

It’s Wednesday and you’re stuck with me again! HAHAHAA! MUHAHHAA! I’m filling in for my bronie @AZ_RedDragon so you’re just gonna have to put up with me. The show actually started a few minutes early today, and Ellis already doesn’t like where he lives. He’s going to start training Katie in the art of war, wait… not war, boxing I think. Rawdog went to Ralph’s (a supermarket) while stoned. I don’t know how that’s news or even note worthy, but there ya go. In other news, Lady Gaga has gotten chunky. She said she’s laying off the alcohol and is now smoking more weed, and I assume scarfing down Zagnuts like they were the last thing on Earth.

Shame! Shame on all of you!

Since yesterday, Rawdog is continuing to receive threats, except now it has escalated into a kick to de face or a potential lynching. Ellis says everyone working for United Airlines is fat, they suck, and if their serving drinks – their ass shouldn’t be hitting you while they serve said drinks. Also, Ellis says Amy Schumer is a little chubby (compared to Katie), and then guess who called into the show shortly after that? Yup, Amy Schumer. She wanted to know what exactly was said because her feelings were hurt, and Ellis fessed up to what he said. There was a point there where she specifically said she wouldn’t come on the show any more and that would be the last time they talked. However, things got a little more clarified and it appeared to end on good terms, only time will tell for sure. If nothing else, it made for some interesting radio when she called in.

This is the only blue ice you’ve ever seen.

That company that made the hologram Tupac? Yea, their dead as disco now, broke as fuck, so no hologram Elvis or Michael Jackson for you! Noted MIA racist known as Donald Schultz stopped by the show, he’s been super busy with shows and entertainment shit and that is why it’s been several months since he’s been on the show. Schultz tried to tell us that planes routinely jettison human waste and fuel, which in the US is totally fucking false. That shit might happen in South Africa or in the movie Joe Dirt, but not in this corner of the world. Anyone else noticed all the song breaks today? I sure did, Ellis didn’t seem real into it, and sure enough – later in the show he admitted he’s sick and if Rawdog and Tully didn’t take over or some sluts called in, we would be left with a best of or something else. Some John dude sent in an audio clip of him AIDs farting and that seemed to cheer Ellis up a little bit.

If she’s pregnant, she must be a slut, right?

Thankfully there were some potential sluts that called into the show, so onward we went! One caller likes to lick pussaaay, another caller fucked a dude 3 or 4 times in one night, and survey says they are not sluts. Then we got another caller, she slept with 2 dudes (months apart) but both dudes live with each other and she’s a screamer – DING – she’s a slut. Some chick would get drunk and mess around with a dude wearing a Scooby-Doo outfit on while he fingered her, she thought his dick was too small so she didn’t fuck him. Not a slut. Yet another potential slut called in, she was 17 and at a house party looking for her girlfriend, she opens a door – no friend, just some dude – so she fucked him. She continues looking for her friend, this time behind door #2 – again, no friend only a dude – so she bangs him too. Continuing her quest, she opens door #3, and again no friend, just a dude – so naturally she fucked him as well. DING – DING – DING, she’s a slut. Another chick slept with her friend’s “boyfriend”, who she claimed “they aren’t really together, together“, so we’re left with the question of what the fuck does that mean and of course a DING, she’s a slut.

Did you hear Monica “Chunky Cheeks” Lewinsky is writing a tell all book about her time with President Clinton, who she alleges has an insatiable appetite for threesomes. Anyone else find it funny that the cow used “insatiable appetite” in her sentence? A bra-less Katie with sweaty boobs stopped in during finals calls. There’s no real significance here other than boobs, I’ll write about tits 9 times out 10, that’s just how I am. Continuing today’s theme of “chunky”, I ran into your mom one time while she was working at a gas station. I walked in and asked her, “Can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?” She reaches over and grabs a Kit Kat Chunky and sets it on the counter. “No,” I said, “I wanted a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/18/2012

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Keep that pimp hand strong

Yeaaaahhh motherfuckers! It’s Tuesday and here’s another re-cap for yo’ asses, blastin’ caps, splittin’ wigs, sprayin’ noodles, all that shit – gangster style. The pimp game ain’t easy, and I should know. So if you’re thinking about becoming a pimp, just remember there are things to deal with, such as: Getting your mind right, getting your monies right, getting your hair right, etc. It’s work people, hard god damn work. Rawdog has several homeless people living in the parking lot near his apartment. Tully taught us there’s basically 3 types of homeless people: Crazy homeless, you’re in a bad predicament homeless, and then the other kind of homeless – the kind that want to deal drugs to your children and then eat them. There were several people who called in claiming to be homeless at one point in their life, and the overall consensus was that most homeless people are cray. If you’ve ever encountered a homeless person, this seems to be very true as sometimes you’ll see them yelling at nothing but thin air.

Doing our part to inspire Rawdog

Everyone is excited for November, except for Rawdog, because he’ll be deep throating a dead horse’s dick when Romney losses the election. It has to be sucked correctly so there’s talk about getting him a blowjob teacher for the occasion. Pendarvis, with his demented mind, thought it would be more uncomfortable if he were to suck that dead horse’s cock in front of one of his family members. And that suggestion right there just changed the game! However, if it happens, it’ll probably be happening at the next DDD show. It’s going to be an absolute train wreck to witness Rawdog pull a Burpo, where he shits, vomits, and cums – all at the same time. Some horse fucker in Florida is all upset, saying that the state is so fucked up for not being more zoophelia friendly, he just likes when the horses are in heat feeling the fur against his balls.

Fiddling with another man’s dick isn’t a good look

Tully’s new album, “Retrofit”,  has gotten up to #32 on the iTunes rock chart, or some chart, and that is higher than your album on whatever chart, so suck it. Speaking of sucking it, how long would it take you to pull a dick off a man’s body? What if you don’t get it pulled all the way off and it takes several yanks? At that point, wouldn’t it just be an extremely rough jerking session? So get this shit, today’s NMT and guess who doesn’t get a song from their new album played? If you guessed Tully, than you would be correct. Sure, Rawdog will play Gangnam Style by PSY or Pink’s new album, but fuck his friend right in the ass. What a jealous cocksucker move. Apparently Rawdog is nicer to homeless people than he is to his “friend”, guess his heritage is really starting to shine through! HEYOH! But hey, guess what? In a “Fuck Rawdog” moment, Tully posted another freebie, “Will a Blank”, for you on his Bandcamp page, go check it out if you want.

Even in her hay-day, your mom was a sick bitch

Shiny Shins Pendarvis purchased his Wolfknives membership and is looking for his nickname, he had to provide another button, but he only did one – so his membership is up in the air. It’s possible that his nickname may be decided by a WGW tomorrow! Apparently a lot of people have been getting their Wolfknives packages, but no names. Ellis was getting pissed at the way his manager is handling the Wolfknives shit because people aren’t getting their names on their cards or some shit. So I was talking about your mother to this co-worker of mine the other day. He was telling about how a long time ago, he was having sex with your mom and she looked at him and said, “Make love to me like in the movies.” So he fucked her in the ass, pulled out and came all over her face and hair. I guess this was just before she started hooking, because she was crying and asking him, “how could  you do that to me!” and his only response was, “I guess we don’t watch the same movies.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 9/17/2012

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Elderly Elvis

Happy friggin’ Monday, and Red Dragons, bitches. Did you say that in that chicks voice or your own? Hey, did you know Tully released his album “Retrofit” today, and he also gave you one song to download for free? Did you know Ellis banged Katie in a hot air balloon Sunday morning, while he was dressed as Elvis and Katie was dressed as Conan’s dead girlfriend? Well, now you know all that shit I just mentioned. But wait! There’s more, if you wanna fuck in a hot air balloon a mile above the earth, make sure you call Above the Rest, that’s their bread and butter! Donald Schultz was supposed to be there for the hot air balloon experience, but once again, he did not show up. Does Donald have a new drug habit we don’t know about, has he turned to murdering and eating blicks? We may never know if he keeps ducking us. Ellis is feeling some heat from him being so open with his life, and what it may or may not do to his children. Pendarvis and Rawdog got in some trouble at the start of the show today. Phones weren’t working and buttons were missing… WILL! The voice machine wasn’t plugged in and shit wasn’t there… RAWDOG!

Sweet Baby Richmond’s knuckle shuffle technique

Tim McGraw’s roadie called into the show to let everyone know that Tim’s been talking big time shit about Ellis, unfortunately, that caller was a liar – a phony, a great big phony, a big fat phony! Some fifteen year-old shit-kicker called into the show, saying he hates living in his tiny redneck town. He likes playing drums, smoking weed, and painting. I missed more of the show due to work, so next thing I came back to was Rawdog talking about cum shooting out of his dick like a sprinkler. I have no clue what that was about, but I tend to believe him that it does. Turns out he doesn’t really know how to jack off properly either, he’s right handed, but uses his left hand – which kind of similar to “The Stranger” because you’re not using your dominate hand, but apparently his motion is all out of whack. HEYOH! Out of whack! Get it? I slay me. Shaun White (aka The Flying Tomato) got arrested for getting wasted, trashing a hotel room in Tennessee, busting his head open, and pulling fire alarms in a desperate bid to escape the long arm of the law. Sounds like Sheriff Buford T. Justice got his man though.

Your mom, working that chair over

What’s your favorite method of birth control? Alligator poop in the pooter? A sponge soaked in lemon juice stuffed up the slit? Drinking the froth from a camel’s mouth? L. Ron Hubbard’s Diuretics? A picture of Rawdog’s mom? How about onion juice on your dick? Whatever it is, it’s probably just as good of an idea as any of the one’s in the past – so you should try it. Tons of dumb callers today, it seemed like more than normal, I don’t know if it was because it was a Monday or if there’s a moron convention going on somewhere. Believe it or not, your mom had two jobs at one point, prostitute, and McDonald’s drive-thru. I remember ordering a Happy Meal for the children chained in the basement, who happen to write this blog, I pull up to the window and she says, “Sorry about the wait”, and I said “That’s okay, I’m not the one fucking your fat ass.” OH!