Happy friggin’ Monday, and Red Dragons, bitches. Did you say that in that chicks voice or your own? Hey, did you know Tully released his album “Retrofit” today, and he also gave you one song to download for free? Did you know Ellis banged Katie in a hot air balloon Sunday morning, while he was dressed as Elvis and Katie was dressed as Conan’s dead girlfriend? Well, now you know all that shit I just mentioned. But wait! There’s more, if you wanna fuck in a hot air balloon a mile above the earth, make sure you call Above the Rest, that’s their bread and butter! Donald Schultz was supposed to be there for the hot air balloon experience, but once again, he did not show up. Does Donald have a new drug habit we don’t know about, has he turned to murdering and eating blicks? We may never know if he keeps ducking us. Ellis is feeling some heat from him being so open with his life, and what it may or may not do to his children. Pendarvis and Rawdog got in some trouble at the start of the show today. Phones weren’t working and buttons were missing… WILL! The voice machine wasn’t plugged in and shit wasn’t there… RAWDOG!
Tim McGraw’s roadie called into the show to let everyone know that Tim’s been talking big time shit about Ellis, unfortunately, that caller was a liar – a phony, a great big phony, a big fat phony! Some fifteen year-old shit-kicker called into the show, saying he hates living in his tiny redneck town. He likes playing drums, smoking weed, and painting. I missed more of the show due to work, so next thing I came back to was Rawdog talking about cum shooting out of his dick like a sprinkler. I have no clue what that was about, but I tend to believe him that it does. Turns out he doesn’t really know how to jack off properly either, he’s right handed, but uses his left hand – which kind of similar to “The Stranger” because you’re not using your dominate hand, but apparently his motion is all out of whack. HEYOH! Out of whack! Get it? I slay me. Shaun White (aka The Flying Tomato) got arrested for getting wasted, trashing a hotel room in Tennessee, busting his head open, and pulling fire alarms in a desperate bid to escape the long arm of the law. Sounds like Sheriff Buford T. Justice got his man though.
What’s your favorite method of birth control? Alligator poop in the pooter? A sponge soaked in lemon juice stuffed up the slit? Drinking the froth from a camel’s mouth? L. Ron Hubbard’s Diuretics? A picture of Rawdog’s mom? How about onion juice on your dick? Whatever it is, it’s probably just as good of an idea as any of the one’s in the past – so you should try it. Tons of dumb callers today, it seemed like more than normal, I don’t know if it was because it was a Monday or if there’s a moron convention going on somewhere. Believe it or not, your mom had two jobs at one point, prostitute, and McDonald’s drive-thru. I remember ordering a Happy Meal for the children chained in the basement, who happen to write this blog, I pull up to the window and she says, “Sorry about the wait”, and I said “That’s okay, I’m not the one fucking your fat ass.” OH!