Tag Archives: Women Am I Right

Show Recap For Friday, 8/16/2013

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Nothing says Friday like kicking back and watching a JFK documentary and learning that he got shot because he wanted everyone to love each other and his brother got shot too, which can only mean one thing, conspiracy. They talked a lot about conspiracies and assassinations (hahahaha, that word says ass twice) and all kinds of crazy shit that crazy people like to talk about. Ellis lost a sponsor,  a Famous sponsor, that he won’t mention 3448709_3627172_lz Stars, and has been stressing and feeling like shit And Straps. Katie ran up a hill, I know, exciting shit, unless you were running behind her. Rawdog’s laptop is still out of commission so he is using his kindle fire today, and it’s adorable like carrying a puppy in a backpack or watching Two Girls One Cup. They played more video submitted for the EM9 Karaoke Contest on Instagram. They all sucked and even some people got banned from Ellis Mania, but I forget exactly who so I can go into further detail. If you want to try, submit an Instagram video of yourself singing a Death!Death!Die! or Taintstick song and send it to @wolfmate and hashtag it #Ellismaina9, the winner will get to sing on stage with the band. Speaking of bands and sucking, they tried to find a band to play at Ellismania with the guys, some of the suggestions were, Tim Time Bomb And Friends, NOFX, Iwrestledabearonce, Pennywise, Machine Head, G.O.A.T. And Your M.O.M., etc.

Jenni Mazky wrote a blog on the subject of being disrespectful to women, she did a great job and there were far too many points to mention here but I have a link for you, here, read it, no really, read it, READ IT YOU FUCKING LAZY BASTARD! This opened the segment, Women Am I Right, and we start off with Rhonda Beckmann who got arrested for indecent exposure after she got drunk and yelled, “it’s titty time!” A ginormous fat English chick claims she can’t get a job because employers are racist against Fatty McFatFat’s then got arrested for stealing pastries and champagne. A stupid woman ingested a live tapeworm to lose weight then a doctor had to remove it before she died. A woman in Florida called cops because she got a suspicious package, maybe a bomb, disguised as a dildo. Two batman-rides-unicornchicks broke up and one stole three strap-on dildos, you know, to practice her air tight ski pole skills now that she is single. A chick gave herself a black eye and claimed to be abducted and the police couldn’t account for here whereabouts for a couple hours, most likely she was getting the D. A chick locked her roommate and his friend and wouldn’t let them leave till she got railed, sounds pretty sweet until you realize she was about as cute as a dingleberry hanging off a cats ass hole. A 200 pound blind woman had to be tazed after assaulting the mail man because he gave her kids her mail. Pearl Jones has been arrested for selling hydrocodone out of her home, she’s 85 and the best grandma ever! A New York woman threw out her fridge forgetting her life savings was in it but some worker at the dump recovered the whopping five grand. The guys then turned their attention to the change with Fox and how it’s now Fox Sports, 1 and 2, with UFC, moto but not moto, NASCAR, formula 1, soccer, MLB, etc. So it’s pretty much the same but awesomer.
People’s park in China opened a lion exhibit but put a dog in there instead. Chinese zoos, am I right!?! Zoos are bad, and because zoos are bad Finding Nemo 2 changed the ending, now rabid gulls will attack Nemo in mid jump raining blood upon the childeren. Have you ever wondered what women bitch about, me too but I’m gonna keep it short, this is just a recap not a doctoral thesis.  Samantha complained that her boy friend jammed his finger right in her pooper then stuffed it in her mouth. Another chick had sloppy car sex and now has some sort of indian burn scar on her back. Taylor’s boy friend rammed his man meat into her turd cutter without aking and she didn’t like that. Anonymous with a huge clit was in college and was getting railed doggy and the dude slipped and rammed into her taint splitting it open like some type of fruit getting split open and had to go to the ER to get stitched back up and later at home he wanted to put it in her stink chamber. Another girl is kinda weirded out because her boyfriend wanted to get railed by a strap on then he wanted it all the time and never got her off. Ding! Stephanie was hanging with her coworked drinkin and smokin and ended up fuckin but he had a little wiener that would barely stay in her cookie so she let him put it in her butt and three days later she found the rubber that slipped of his tiny pecker in her baby maker. Tracy had a two guy threesome and neither dude could get her off, selfish bitch. Turd called in and had a college roommate who pooped while she was bathing, not sexual unless your German or into that sort of thing. Chrissy’s husband barely fucks her and when he does he’s a two pump chump. And Jordan’s boyfriend came home late and fake raped her and was mistakenly in her bum then they laughed and laughed and laughed.
A newly declassified document from the CIA about Area 51 says there never were aliens there but only a testing ground for spy planes, and you can completely trust the government, they wouldn’t lie to you. The guys then started talking about aliens,

The Red Planet, hardly any sunlight and completely soulless.

The Red Planet, hardly any sunlight and completely soulless.

vampires, werewolves, and government conspiracies. Ellis said he would punch a UFO from his roof if it came around his hood because that’s what bad ass mother fuckers would do. Rumor has it that Beiber and the wild boys are looking to buy a ranch, mainly the never land ranch so they can fix it up and have their very own allegations of child molestation. Rawdog still wants to go to mars, not to build shit, something more technichal and less labor intensive, like regulate the oxygen levels or something else incredibly important. Just as long as he doesn’t have to back anything up or figure out how to do any sort of simple common task. Speaking of jobs, I remember the time yer mum was down on her luck and decided to make a few extra bucks by working the corner. After the first day I picked her up and asked “how did you do?”. She said, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”. I asked, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replies “all of them”, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 5/10/2013

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Welcome to the end of the beginning, Ellis will be assassinated tonight but will resurrect to do a special edition dead man walking episode on Sunday, so be sure to tune in. Ellis went phototo the doctor for a checkup and the doc said he’s good in the hood yo! Do you remember the show when they talked about that one stuff that’s supposed to be awesome? Well if you don’t then I’m not going to tell you about the deer antler spray that came in today. Ladies and deer beware! Ellis went to Snooks school with Andrea for an arts and crafts show and had to guess which painting was her’s but then she told them later that it wasn’t hers and then a little while later she revealed that it was really hers. Apparently a bunch of people don’t like hearing Dom get shocked but Rawdog’s mom likes so everyone else can fuck right off. In political economics we learned that everyone needs a little communism. If you disagree please send your comments to JRichmond@siriusxm.com. They talked about the O&A show and the different shenanigans that they are up to and it sounds funny so check it out. Or don’t, see if I fucking care. This brought up the subject of show structure and if its good or bad. It was determined that a completely structured show is stressful and a pain in the ass but a show that is just off the cuff has a lot of room for nothing and could be bad. The way it is now with a little of both seems to be best in my own opinion. Josh’s high school reunion is this weekend and when this was brought up before the guys said he should bring a porn start with him. Imagine this, he’s dating a fucking porn star now! Problem solved, now he just needs to put “Titty Fucker” on his name sticker.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a holiday invented by Anna Jarvis to celebrate her moms life  but it got all fucked up by card companies and greedy florists, so after spending half her bad-mothers-day-cards-1life trying to create it, she spent the other half trying to get rid of it. So when you buy your mom flowers and cards just remember, you killed Anna Jarvis. This little story capped off the Women Dumbasses, Am I Right? segment. A woman wrote to advice column asking if her dumb mother-in-law can make her child dumb by being around her. A man was speeding, and when pulled over there was nobody driving, while the police searched the area, the car took off. They pulled it over again, searched the area again, and the car took off again. The third time they finally found the dude hiding in the trunk. Congratulation dude for being the sweetest dude this week and congrats to the cops for being the dumbasses of the week. A Michigan woman stalked herself by creating a fake Facebook profile of her ex. Two buddies from prison had threesome and one dude stabbed the other dude because he wanted to get some of that sweet sweet tang. A 14 year old boy in Illinois hired a hooker online after his parents left him alone for the weekend, she robbed him. Maybe next time he will remember to use Angie’s List. A woman got pulled over for a DUI and told police she was celebrating getting her license back after her previous DUI arrest. Former Vice Mayor of Mount Carmel Tenessee was arrested for speeding and flashing his genitals at a number of women on the interstate. Red Dragons to you sir! And finally, a Texas mother delayed treatment of her son’s gunshot wound to the leg so she could check webmd. After all of this exciting news the guys had to determine who was going to get hit in the balls by a swinging ball and they decided this by playing Rock Paper Scissors. But Ellis had a trick up his Aussie sleeve, dynamite. I’ve never heard of it, nor did Tully or Josh but to be fair I decided to get some votes on whether it is legit or not so, vote here for yes, here for no.

A taco shop in Florida got in trouble for selling lion tacos, apparently they have a bit of overpopulation and lions go great with pico de gallo. Today was a great day, so great in

A little lower!

A little lower!

fact that they did another awe inspiring episode of Doin’ Stuff With Rawdog! Here is a list of some of the things he expertly explained in such a way that only the Tussin Wolf can. The proper way to put your boat in the water, how to barefoot water ski, how to bleed your brakes, how to make ketchup, how to wrap and ship a vase, how to treat and dress a gunshot wound to the leg, how to build a ramp, the proper way to put on and wear a cock ring, and how to give a neck to nuts back massage. Eventually this segment will be on a best of and then you can hear it for yourself because details like these cannot merely be written in words.

Randy Jackson said something about something that nobody really gives a shit about yo yo yo. The Rolling Stones are the worlds oldest babies. Brook Mueller wants to be in rehab with Lindsay but we all know the truth, she’s just a butt mule of Adderall. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made wine, correction, they hired a guy to make wine for them. But all jokes aside this is a great wine with slight after tones of strawberry pez and a smooth gluteny finish. Blubber the blee bla blo ptthhhhhh and Hogan and a sex tape and who fuckin cares. Teen moms porno has been released so if you want to see her kick a goal for teen moms everywhere, just visit the nearest spank bank in your hood. Lisa Lampanelli has done what science has deemed impossible, she got down to 140 pounds! Somebody brought up the subject of wine and being The Jason Ellis Show they held nothing back and told everyone the truth about wine, it sucks. The wine industry has convinced the world that piss and grape juice is delicious. Wine is for wonen and dudes that are like women, of you want to be a real man, drink beer and whiskey and rum and pass out in the front yard like your supposed to! That reminds me of the first time I did yer mum doggy style. It took six shots of tequila to get her to do it. Two to let me fuck her, and the other four to get her in the front yard barking like a dog! But that was a long time ago, now it takes six shots just to get her nasty naked ass back in the house, OH!

Oh, here’s that chick that shook her money makers at a hockey ref.

Show Re-Cap for Friday 3/1/2013

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It’s the first day of March and in case you didn’t know, that means that manatees are dumb, but they’re cute, like women. And life is like getting fucked with open vagina wounds, I don’t know what that means but Forest was way off. Ellis talked about the time he and his brother went kayaking on a peaceful Australian morning, and as they were paddling through the majestic ocean, Ellis saw something. Was it a log? A giant whale turd? Maybe something more sinister lurked in the waters around them. They paddled closer and to their surprise it was a massive salt water crocodile! Being the brave and masculine guys they were, they turned tail and got the fuck out of there because even manly men don’t want to be eaten in the middle of the ocean. Intern, Anal Gay Lewis,

This is Kosher, right?

This is Kosher, right?

needs to shave, he’s starting to look like an Asian white trash baby Mike Vallely face. Cumtard is leaving… again, so he’s drinking… again. Ronda Rousey was asked to be in a movie, something about South Africa, and according to Jason’s screen saver he loves Creed, Hatebreed, and that dude from Hollywood Undead. Tully had kosher sushi which brought on the Jewish learning segment. Apparently Jews kill cows with kindness. And finger blasts. And hand jobs. Lucky Jewish cows, but unlucky Jewish butchers.

Canadians, am I right? Apparently the beady eyed mole people have been up to their schenannigans again. Kind of early though, I thought they were still hibernating, but this must mean that we can expect an early spring this year. Here is a video of old people singing in a Tim Hortons, that’s Canadian for Starbucks. And here’s a crazy Timmie’s waitress! That woman is crazy! Canadian scientists continue their ever important quest of developing shoes that are resistant to the ever hazardous surface of ice. And just as you thought that Canadians were all smiles and dancing, here’s an angry hockey dad to level things out. And finally a news woman demonstrates how her son uses her electric toothbrush for teething comfort. Just so you don’t think I’m racist to those frosty friends to the north, here’s some good old fashioned American Women AmI Right news. A Murican tumblr_lew5kfkWL51qdy1k6o1_400 (2) bitchnews woman shits herself over cat video. (She doesn’t really shit herself, but close). Some cunt is sentenced after the eleventh time she has falsely accused eleven dudes of rape in ten months, she also qualifies for Bitch Had It Coming News. A woman claimed she was kidnapped, raped, and had her baby stolen just to avoid telling her family that she had miscarriage. Another woman called because she got her hand stuck in her glove box, and another brilliant woman created a Peruvian man hunt after her son and his girlfriend didn’t respond to her Facebook messages. So there you go Canada, feel better?

Rawdog believes that folding clothes is useless and hes adopted the policy of, fuck folding! Which also explains his lack of vagina in his life. Kevin has a big secret, something that he doesn’t want anybody to know. But I have an inside source to spill the beans that he so well protects. This super secret life changing gossip about Kevin is that he smokes weed!!! Apparently Bieber has roid arms and poopie pants, but either way, that dude is still rollin in more snatch than you so don’t hate. Rodman is friends with Kim Jon Un and is droppin mad dunks on their basketball team. Morrissey is mad at Jimmy Kimmel for booking the Duck Dynasty guys at the same time. This outraged Morrisey because he is some tofu farting fairy who thinks animals are just good to look at. Good for Kimmel. Mark Burnett is making a ten part TV show of the bible with his wife, in case you were wondering what you won’t be watching.duck dynasty

Get the cock off your chest started slow, but then got better, then dropped right off after Cumtard’s genetics theory about the pretty people getting prettier and ugly people getting uglier, then brought back by a dude in Canada and one hell of a threesome story! Thanks Canada. Don’t tell Murica I said that. The guys left Kevin alone in the studio to take final calls on his second final day with the show. It was pretty typical, stupid callers. A lot of people rag on Kevin, often. But honestly  he is probably the best call screener, contestant, and punching bag that the show has yet to see. He is a great sport, good at what he does, and brings a different kind of humor to the show that Ellis, Tully, and Josh don’t provide. I personally hope he comes back, again. On behalf of NoYouAre and a vast majority of the EllisFam, we say goodbye Kevin, you will be missed.

cumtard_goodbye_2013

Show Re-cap For Friday 12/7/2012

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Hey mother fuckers it’s time to jump over shit cuz it’s Friday! You know what the Swinghouse needs, a skate ramp sponsored by Slurpee, so Ellis can do his sick ass skateboard moves during the breaks or when ever he damn well feels like. Will’s voice is shot, probably karma getting back at him for sabotaging the buttons. Little Willy Cupcake defended himself in a hilarious mickey mouse during puberty fashion. The guys had a little advice for Rawdog to ease his performance issues during the Wreckoning. Mainly get

The Dolce Diet, apples and nuts!

drunk but not too drunk, like my prom date and she did fine. Ellis’s new maid was finding tiger turds and poopies everywhere, I’m not sure why but in these situations I find it best to not ask any questions. Ellis is also eating eating apple and nuts in accordance with the Dolce Diet. They said something about The Grateful Dead and Jason’s new intern, Lord Sear, the white Canadian one, is kicking ass, just so you know. The UFC goes up to 8% gay with fashion style and flair, and UFC guys fight, cry, something, something, broken bones, mad respect. Some South African chick called in who used to bar fight and wants to fight now but won’t shut the fuck up and probably knows Donald Schultz. Dana White is willing to have an all girl ultimate fighter season. There would probably be less crying and bitchy drama than this season.

Hollywood News, Lindsay Lohan is on bus with Wanted, I don’t know who the fuck they are wither but they probably have coke. The Notorious B.I.G.’s autopsy was released, surprise surprise, he died of gun shot wounds. War should be hand 2 hand? Brazil would kick everyone’s ass and then we would all have massive parades with trannies and girls with great asses. Nicole Kidman’s beaver was mentioned, so here it is. She peed on Zack Effron in a recent movie and that sparked the conversation of who would you like to be peed on? Rose Mgowan, Taylor Swift, Gwen Stephanie, Matt Damon? There was a lot of pee talk which is why I’m now in the bathroom writing this. That’s better. Kidman spoke to Dijour about Tom Cruze and their break up and how it made her sad and shit. Speaking of shit (segway), wanna be bros with Johnny Depp? Just sew your mouth to his ass, then he will be your bro for life! Devito and Perelman working on their marriage and love guru, Taylor Swift doesn’t know how to make relationships work.  Breaking News, Corona Dave spotted the Ellis impostor pumping gas while Elvis washed the windshield.

Here is the entire recap of Tully’s “Women, am I right?” segment. Some chick has Bigfoot DNA, dumbass. A physical therapist becomes double jointed arm wrestling. A 19 year old Nebraska teen stole a car, robbed a bank,  and then put it all on youtube. A  couples 3-some ends in gunshots after the dudes wife falls asleep and wakes to see her hubby tagging the other chick. A 60 year old Florida woman got lubed with olive oil but then asked for Pam and her boyfriend admitted to fucking Pam, she has a boat. A 27 year old Tennessee woman called rape because of bad sex. A Florida girl threatened her date with a kitchen knife and smashed his windows because shes a crazy bitch. Another Florida woman robbed man while having sex while driving, Reddragons to you sir. An Illinois woman hit tree because she was drunk and wanted to see the twilight movie. A woman cut up her boyfriend for taking the last colt 45, gangster. A mom and daughter duo are Fmaking porn together, keep it in the family. A woman burned down her house in fear of ghosts, and possible attic raccoons.  A woman claims to be allergic to wifi. A husband, his wife, and her sister went out and upon returning the girls got into a fight and the sister bit off the wife’s nose. And hoarder has 100 frozen cats, some a little more liquidy than others.

Now thats’ some cold pussy!

Prime minister huge tits declared .end of world so there will be a shortage of Vegimite in the next couple weeks. Don’t forget about Ellis’s auction to hang out with the guys and then go to a strip club and get knee jacked by a law student. Some gay kid in jersey wants an easy bake oven but they only make them in pink and purple. Waaaaaa. And finally, Final calls (conveniently named). Final calls were surprisingly good. They talked about tits, tittys, boobs, sweater meat, fun bags, balloon smugglers, bazoongas, bongos, flappers, love melons, nippleoons, zingers, rib cushions, pompoms, and moo moos. Ellis also made a bet with Josh on the UFC fights this weekend. If Josh gets all 4 cards correct and wins the coin toss (2 out of 3), Ellis will join josh at The Wreckoning slobbing know on some equestrian erection. Then there was talk about moto, lesbians  the friend zone, butt chugging addictions and the eerie silence of confusion, just like yer mums gynecologist makes as he stares into the abyss of her enormous hole of doom, OH!