Show Re-Cap For Friday 7/11/2014

Ever get the feeling that you’re not being told the truth? Well I hate to burst your bubble but everybody lies. Your mom lies, your boss lies, everybody lies. Except NYA and doctors, we tell you how it is straight up, unless you’re a hypochondriac, then we’re gonna lie our asses off to you just so your crazy ass leaves. Tully’s cat has AIDS, it’s cat AIDS not

Lack of kitty condoms is the leading cause of Feline AIDS. Thant and their love of kitty anal.

Lack of kitty condoms is the leading cause of Feline AIDS. Thant and their love of kitty anal.

people AIDS so I guess that’s not as bad. Maybe now he’ll wrap his little kitty schlong before trying to stick it in all the loose pussy out in the streets. It’s Tully’s birthday tomorrow/today/yesterday, depending on when I finally get this posted. For his birthday he got a pack of Doritos, a bottle of Johnny Walker Platinum and black, and a blow-job machine. Kevin tried the blow-job machine out for Tully and crammed his limp noodle dick into it while watching ass gape porn and said he could see how this could be awesome of he was hard. My only question was how could he not be hard with all those giant holes up on the screen, ohhh yeahhhh, ssssssss, just like that, look in de hole, mmmmm yeah.

They talked a whole lot about Jetta’s unintimidating beard but I wasn’t able to hear enough to tell you why it’s unintimidating but some how they decided that if a guy can’t grow a legit beard in three months then he can’t grow a real beard.

Grow a beard and buy a life jacket so you don't drown in all the pussy.

Grow a beard and buy a life jacket so you don’t drown in all the pussy.

In Aussie News, Aussies don’t give a fuck about Robin Thicke. During the break the guys hired a male stripper to dance for Tully but apparently this dude was high as balls and refused to swing his meat in front of the birthday boy. We have audio of the hired dong disaster. Christian came in with the new music of the month and some of it was really awesome (Mastadon) and some of it was really really bad (J Lo). And then there was Pantera live at some English concert remastered on vinyl. Christian wasn’t able to play any clips because there’s no turn table in the studio but they did play a YouTube video of the concert and it just shows how Pantera was THE most kick ass metal band to ever walk out on stage. Some may argue but they can just walk on home boy.

In Pot News Berkeley stores now have to give out 2% of their total sales to the poor and “homeless” for free. Moronissey stopped in to wish Tully a happy birthday and sang him a little song. After this massive superstar left they did an impersonation contest, much the same as Stupid Tits used to do, and soon it turned into Hotdog and Jetta impersonating someone as they act out the scenario of having their asshole sewn together so they can poop into each other. This was hilarious but not as funny as the first time I heard someone request to be pooped into, at least it was funny until I realized that yer mum was serious, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 3/1/2013

It’s the first day of March and in case you didn’t know, that means that manatees are dumb, but they’re cute, like women. And life is like getting fucked with open vagina wounds, I don’t know what that means but Forest was way off. Ellis talked about the time he and his brother went kayaking on a peaceful Australian morning, and as they were paddling through the majestic ocean, Ellis saw something. Was it a log? A giant whale turd? Maybe something more sinister lurked in the waters around them. They paddled closer and to their surprise it was a massive salt water crocodile! Being the brave and masculine guys they were, they turned tail and got the fuck out of there because even manly men don’t want to be eaten in the middle of the ocean. Intern, Anal Gay Lewis,

This is Kosher, right?

This is Kosher, right?

needs to shave, he’s starting to look like an Asian white trash baby Mike Vallely face. Cumtard is leaving… again, so he’s drinking… again. Ronda Rousey was asked to be in a movie, something about South Africa, and according to Jason’s screen saver he loves Creed, Hatebreed, and that dude from Hollywood Undead. Tully had kosher sushi which brought on the Jewish learning segment. Apparently Jews kill cows with kindness. And finger blasts. And hand jobs. Lucky Jewish cows, but unlucky Jewish butchers.

Canadians, am I right? Apparently the beady eyed mole people have been up to their schenannigans again. Kind of early though, I thought they were still hibernating, but this must mean that we can expect an early spring this year. Here is a video of old people singing in a Tim Hortons, that’s Canadian for Starbucks. And here’s a crazy Timmie’s waitress! That woman is crazy! Canadian scientists continue their ever important quest of developing shoes that are resistant to the ever hazardous surface of ice. And just as you thought that Canadians were all smiles and dancing, here’s an angry hockey dad to level things out. And finally a news woman demonstrates how her son uses her electric toothbrush for teething comfort. Just so you don’t think I’m racist to those frosty friends to the north, here’s some good old fashioned American Women AmI Right news. A Murican tumblr_lew5kfkWL51qdy1k6o1_400 (2) bitchnews woman shits herself over cat video. (She doesn’t really shit herself, but close). Some cunt is sentenced after the eleventh time she has falsely accused eleven dudes of rape in ten months, she also qualifies for Bitch Had It Coming News. A woman claimed she was kidnapped, raped, and had her baby stolen just to avoid telling her family that she had miscarriage. Another woman called because she got her hand stuck in her glove box, and another brilliant woman created a Peruvian man hunt after her son and his girlfriend didn’t respond to her Facebook messages. So there you go Canada, feel better?

Rawdog believes that folding clothes is useless and hes adopted the policy of, fuck folding! Which also explains his lack of vagina in his life. Kevin has a big secret, something that he doesn’t want anybody to know. But I have an inside source to spill the beans that he so well protects. This super secret life changing gossip about Kevin is that he smokes weed!!! Apparently Bieber has roid arms and poopie pants, but either way, that dude is still rollin in more snatch than you so don’t hate. Rodman is friends with Kim Jon Un and is droppin mad dunks on their basketball team. Morrissey is mad at Jimmy Kimmel for booking the Duck Dynasty guys at the same time. This outraged Morrisey because he is some tofu farting fairy who thinks animals are just good to look at. Good for Kimmel. Mark Burnett is making a ten part TV show of the bible with his wife, in case you were wondering what you won’t be dynasty

Get the cock off your chest started slow, but then got better, then dropped right off after Cumtard’s genetics theory about the pretty people getting prettier and ugly people getting uglier, then brought back by a dude in Canada and one hell of a threesome story! Thanks Canada. Don’t tell Murica I said that. The guys left Kevin alone in the studio to take final calls on his second final day with the show. It was pretty typical, stupid callers. A lot of people rag on Kevin, often. But honestly  he is probably the best call screener, contestant, and punching bag that the show has yet to see. He is a great sport, good at what he does, and brings a different kind of humor to the show that Ellis, Tully, and Josh don’t provide. I personally hope he comes back, again. On behalf of NoYouAre and a vast majority of the EllisFam, we say goodbye Kevin, you will be missed.