Show Re-Cap for Friday 5/10/2013

Welcome to the end of the beginning, Ellis will be assassinated tonight but will resurrect to do a special edition dead man walking episode on Sunday, so be sure to tune in. Ellis went phototo the doctor for a checkup and the doc said he’s good in the hood yo! Do you remember the show when they talked about that one stuff that’s supposed to be awesome? Well if you don’t then I’m not going to tell you about the deer antler spray that came in today. Ladies and deer beware! Ellis went to Snooks school with Andrea for an arts and crafts show and had to guess which painting was her’s but then she told them later that it wasn’t hers and then a little while later she revealed that it was really hers. Apparently a bunch of people don’t like hearing Dom get shocked but Rawdog’s mom likes so everyone else can fuck right off. In political economics we learned that everyone needs a little communism. If you disagree please send your comments to They talked about the O&A show and the different shenanigans that they are up to and it sounds funny so check it out. Or don’t, see if I fucking care. This brought up the subject of show structure and if its good or bad. It was determined that a completely structured show is stressful and a pain in the ass but a show that is just off the cuff has a lot of room for nothing and could be bad. The way it is now with a little of both seems to be best in my own opinion. Josh’s high school reunion is this weekend and when this was brought up before the guys said he should bring a porn start with him. Imagine this, he’s dating a fucking porn star now! Problem solved, now he just needs to put “Titty Fucker” on his name sticker.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a holiday invented by Anna Jarvis to celebrate her moms life  but it got all fucked up by card companies and greedy florists, so after spending half her bad-mothers-day-cards-1life trying to create it, she spent the other half trying to get rid of it. So when you buy your mom flowers and cards just remember, you killed Anna Jarvis. This little story capped off the Women Dumbasses, Am I Right? segment. A woman wrote to advice column asking if her dumb mother-in-law can make her child dumb by being around her. A man was speeding, and when pulled over there was nobody driving, while the police searched the area, the car took off. They pulled it over again, searched the area again, and the car took off again. The third time they finally found the dude hiding in the trunk. Congratulation dude for being the sweetest dude this week and congrats to the cops for being the dumbasses of the week. A Michigan woman stalked herself by creating a fake Facebook profile of her ex. Two buddies from prison had threesome and one dude stabbed the other dude because he wanted to get some of that sweet sweet tang. A 14 year old boy in Illinois hired a hooker online after his parents left him alone for the weekend, she robbed him. Maybe next time he will remember to use Angie’s List. A woman got pulled over for a DUI and told police she was celebrating getting her license back after her previous DUI arrest. Former Vice Mayor of Mount Carmel Tenessee was arrested for speeding and flashing his genitals at a number of women on the interstate. Red Dragons to you sir! And finally, a Texas mother delayed treatment of her son’s gunshot wound to the leg so she could check webmd. After all of this exciting news the guys had to determine who was going to get hit in the balls by a swinging ball and they decided this by playing Rock Paper Scissors. But Ellis had a trick up his Aussie sleeve, dynamite. I’ve never heard of it, nor did Tully or Josh but to be fair I decided to get some votes on whether it is legit or not so, vote here for yes, here for no.

A taco shop in Florida got in trouble for selling lion tacos, apparently they have a bit of overpopulation and lions go great with pico de gallo. Today was a great day, so great in

A little lower!

A little lower!

fact that they did another awe inspiring episode of Doin’ Stuff With Rawdog! Here is a list of some of the things he expertly explained in such a way that only the Tussin Wolf can. The proper way to put your boat in the water, how to barefoot water ski, how to bleed your brakes, how to make ketchup, how to wrap and ship a vase, how to treat and dress a gunshot wound to the leg, how to build a ramp, the proper way to put on and wear a cock ring, and how to give a neck to nuts back massage. Eventually this segment will be on a best of and then you can hear it for yourself because details like these cannot merely be written in words.

Randy Jackson said something about something that nobody really gives a shit about yo yo yo. The Rolling Stones are the worlds oldest babies. Brook Mueller wants to be in rehab with Lindsay but we all know the truth, she’s just a butt mule of Adderall. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made wine, correction, they hired a guy to make wine for them. But all jokes aside this is a great wine with slight after tones of strawberry pez and a smooth gluteny finish. Blubber the blee bla blo ptthhhhhh and Hogan and a sex tape and who fuckin cares. Teen moms porno has been released so if you want to see her kick a goal for teen moms everywhere, just visit the nearest spank bank in your hood. Lisa Lampanelli has done what science has deemed impossible, she got down to 140 pounds! Somebody brought up the subject of wine and being The Jason Ellis Show they held nothing back and told everyone the truth about wine, it sucks. The wine industry has convinced the world that piss and grape juice is delicious. Wine is for wonen and dudes that are like women, of you want to be a real man, drink beer and whiskey and rum and pass out in the front yard like your supposed to! That reminds me of the first time I did yer mum doggy style. It took six shots of tequila to get her to do it. Two to let me fuck her, and the other four to get her in the front yard barking like a dog! But that was a long time ago, now it takes six shots just to get her nasty naked ass back in the house, OH!

Oh, here’s that chick that shook her money makers at a hockey ref.

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/15/2012


One of these days Ellismate

How do you like your martini, shaken or stirred?  Well if you have an Ellis Show martini, Ellismate is the vodka, Tully is the vermouth, Rawdog is the Olive of course, and Jizzcult is the bit that spills on the floor like the delicious cum he loves so much.  They really do need to get a health inspector over to swinghouse to check that place out, especially the kitchen/shitter.  Ellis got weights yo!  He’s gonna start lifting em outside jailhouse style.  This is a good start until he can get some ‘boulder money’ like Thomas Haden Church got going on.  I wonder of THC plays golf?  That’s a hard game, and would be a decent idea for ‘Doing Stuff With Rawdog’.  It sounds like Ellis n Josh will be banging out a few of the fans suggestions for real soon.  Sneak Peak:  Inserting a tampon. Ollie on a skateboard. Baking a cake.  So be sure to get it up ya!  However, don’t go getting those yellow bracelets up ya just yet, as Ellismate was attacked by his  today while taking his kids to school.  Speaking of his kids, Snookie asked him if they could go to Australia for their vacation, which could be a good idea and a difficult one in the same respect for The Wing.   Tully’s kid is perfecting his Dracula voice, and also makes a damn good cymbal for when Tully is drumming to Hair Nation.  And why don’t we beat out kids like we use to?  Ellismate got lifted in the air by his ears when he was a kid and look how he turned out.  That was long before his first AC/DC concert, still inside his mothers womb.  Over 40 years later, and those muthafuckers still shred like none other.  Check out this video Tully was watching with Linsanity, schooling him to one of the greatest bands of all times, enjoy!



In ‘Cock News’, some dude in Bangkok was injecting olive oil into his junk to gain a few inches, when something went wrong, horribly wrong!  In more important ‘Cock News’, the show called honorary Wolfknives  member ‘Horse Dick Man’ to confirm the details about the horse cock for ‘The Reckoning’.  All’s good to go, it shouldn’t be too big for Rawdog’s throat and he’s going to try to keep the balls.  That shits only one month from today, how excited are you?  Not as excited as you are for Whacky Will Pendarvis and this new game ‘You Sir, Are A Moron!”  Pretty complex idea here, a topic is thrown out, Tully Ellis n Rawdog state which side they agree with, and if anyone is in disagreement, then you sir are a moron.  We got to listen to such riveting debating themes as cryogenic freezing, increasing the drinking age to 18,  Ellen DeGeneres, 10 ninjas vs. 1,000 zombies and many many more.  There was one topic though that is near and dear to us all, big or small areolas.  Turns out Rawdog is a huge fan of huge areolas, and was willing to fight for his belief with such passion.  Oh, and someone tried to snowball Ellismate, but he said fuck that, unlike big areola boy.  Speaking of big areolas, some hot chic sent in pictures of her large nip nips, as well as her number, oh yeah!



Cumtard after just one drink of an Onion Smoothie

What’s an Ellis Show without some good ol’ ‘Hollywood News’?  Justin Bieber is a good place to start, since he’s not finished with Selena Gomez yet.  Michael Lohan isn’t finished either….making kids. This idiot had a child with another lady, in between the birth of his 2 daughters we did know about.  Too bad it wasn’t with Judge Judy, who is still strutting her shit at 70, check it out!  And who’s going to argue with Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday being Hollywood News, especially when it involves Robert De Niro about to throw down with Jay-Z.  Maybe we could get those two at the next Ellis Mania.  If we don’t though, we just gotta make sure there are no Onion Smoothie Challenges and we should be ok.  Cumtard and Rawdog weren’t ok though, having to compete in such an event, and did it suck rule.  We already know about Cumtard’s fear of onions from yesterdays recap, but today was the real fucking deal.  First we had to work out the details, like using the shock collars for one, and who the loser had to text.  For Cumtard, who happened to eat 3 bowls of Fruity Pebbles in preparation for this event, it would be his ex on the line.  For Rawdog, the chic with the huge areolas mentioned earlier.  Just as the collars get put on, and the onion smoothies enter the room, Cumtard starts shaking and freaking out from the anticipation.  He said he would rather lick a man’s asshole or take an aids blood transfusion than this shit.  After a little Harden The Fuck  Up, it was showtime!  About 15 seconds in, and not even a drink taking yet, Cumtard started choking.  He only made it about 30 seconds before the dry heaves came on.  Finally he took his first drink, and as he said he would, vomited for the rest of the bit.  Rawdog on the other hand took only a little bit, and spit up most of it on his computer.  He just whined mostly, and no good gaging like from the horse cock practice he put in last week.  BLAHT!



Areoly Shit!

A former cop is $450 richer today, after dunking his head into a bucket of piss, go figure that one out.  No really figure it out, it is worse to pour a bucket of piss over your head, or dip your head into the urine can?  What if it was cum instead of urine, is that worse?  Let’s say you had to choose your method of death from drowning by piss or cum, what is it hotshot?  Tully reminds us of one key detail in breaking this down, cum equals life but piss is just waste, think about it.  While you ponder that, Rawdog was trying to figure out the best thing to text the Areola Queen.  Despite numerous suggestions from Ellis and Tully, he decided to go with some lame shit and an emoticon.  More talk about Ellismate’s vacation plans, and a sick cunt battle between Ellis and Rawdog in their heaviest of Aussie accents.  It was “fawking” sick mate, about as sick as Cumtard when he finally made it back into the studio.  Felt bad for that dude, he really sounded hurt up.  I mean worse than the time #ellisfam preformed a 960 gang bang on your mom, bitch couldn’t walk right for at least a week, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/7/2012

Well it is Wednesday again, and the white boy is back and he needs a yellow wrist band.  Ellis will remain incomplete as a man without this magical wrist band he dreams of.  Turns out his friend, former Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, happens to own a company that makes wrist bands with spikes n shit.  They should definitely hook up on that idea, and the idea of AJ appearing on the future Death! Death! Die! track ‘Butt Town’.  Fuck Yeah!  Speaking of Ellismate’s friends, Carey Hart hooked the wing up with a new place to get a trim called ‘The Shave’ and they hooked it up.  Carey Hart has such sweet hair too by the way.  Sorry got a little sidetracked, so Ellis wrote a new song, but not for the band, this ones for him.  It felt weird to him to work on a track by himself.  Tully can sympathize with that, after all he is the mastermind behind ‘Retrofit‘, get it up ya!  Tully’s goal all along is to just get one track played on Faction, who knew.  Ellis would prefer Boneyard which sounds like him, and good ol’ Rawdog wants his shit played on The Loft, though I don’t see Slingin’ Cream fitting in over there too well.  Good friend of the show THC said he heard Liquid Metal play a Death! Death! Die! track which is bad ass.  This article of Ellismate reviewing all the new dirt bikes in the 2013 450 Motocross Shootout is fucking sweet too!  You know what else is sweet, Ellismate found his prostate.  Well really Katie did, and Ellis confirmed for us all that it works like a champ.  Maybe a little too much, cause after you do it once, your an ass whore for life.  Speaking of ass whores, Jizz Cult got to make yet another button today after sabotaging the show, “Can You Dig It”.  He started working on the “Warriors, come out to play” button, but Jizz got out of the situation before we got that piece of radio gold.  Thats really all that happened from last night, that Ellis Tully and Rawdog can remeber…….

Final preparations for The Reckoning

Oh that and Rawdog has to suck a dead horse dick at The Reckoning soon, since we bow again to our lord Emperor Obama.  Ellismate played the audio  from the original bet for us and Rawdog to hear again for confirmation.  The Jingleberries debuted their new smash hit, ‘Kill a horse, suck it’s penis!”.  We also got a quick appearance from Rude Jude, and just in time to witness Rawdog practice on a 10″ piece of steak that Tully just happened to have brought for this occasion.  After some strong convincing to Rawdog he needed to practice to avoid falling flat on his ass shownight, we all got to hear young Josh choke his way and only get about an inch of it down.  #FuckTully said fuck that, and showed him how its done, taking at least a good 4″ before hitting the back of his throat.  Rawdog gave it another try, and damn near vomited it all up.  All in all, worst blow job ever!

Would have been easier if it was erect!

Pepsi has taking a huge step closer towards ruling the world, announcing they are releasing ‘Pepsi Special‘ in Japan, which will make you loose weight.  Coke appears to be working on a soda to make your more beautiful, no you are.  So since the election was last night, there is obviously a bunch of reaction, such as tweets from superstars like Terrible Ted Nugent, The Bean, Justin Bieber and even warlord Nick Swardson.  But none of them were as nuts as the shit spewed from the twitter mouth of one Donald Trump.  Is he serious, crazy or seriously crazy?  Who fucking knows, Ellis thinks he’s just keeping his name out there, but Tully wonders if dudes just loosing it or maybe he’s just pissed at the tax breaks he would have gotten with Mitt.  Trump did delete a few of those tweets, but clever Jizz Cult found ’em and read a few.  Basically dude wants to start a revolution, which would only be successful if you bring Rage Against the Machine and topless bitches in army pants dancing and shit.  Some other cool shit from last night’s erection, Colorado and Washington both legalized weed, Red Dragons!  Of course Tully found the additional language, which is the taxation of it.  It gets taxed 25% each time it passes from the grower to the processor, from the processor to the retailer, and yet again when passed to you.  Quick math on that, if you started with $100 of weed, it would be $195 when sold to you, damn near double!  Sounds just like something Obama would do, followed up by army enforced butt chugging tuesdays!


Government demonstrating the proper technique for Butt Chugging Tuesday

Nothing happened in Cookie News but we did get to hear the drop for it which has been long overdue.  Some shit happened in Cock News, turns out 1/3rd or British men can’t see their dicks, and rape kids with their balls.  A shit ton more happened in Doing Stuff With Rawdog.  Fuck man, we now know how to make chicken, chicken salad and a martini.  We can clean a gun and avoid an avalanche.  Thanks to Josh, all of us can tackle Ellis in football and make hash.  The Illusionist taught us how to use a breast pump and find our prostate.  Doc Banger banged us with knowledge of repairing a blown circuit breaker and he added to his sisters quest to get that damn raccoon out of the attic.  Bush Baby enlightened us on how you water ski and how to syphon gas out of a car.  We also got to hear him try to blow a bubble, whistle, snap, burp, fart and much more!


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The crew recapped a bunch of shit in Hollywood News from the past few weeks.  Kirstie Alley is a fat slut and C-Lo didn’t rape that bitch.  Ariel Winter was getting mind fucked by her mom.  Also some dude got the living shit beat out of him in front of a Hollywood night club.  Rawdog read some quotes from Joe Simpson’s gay lover in his video recap of the two’s affair, which were just disturbing.  Not as disturbing as this Portuguese gay dude and his castration of his 65 year old lover using a corkscrew, or the curing of aids he did with dudes nuts while walking the streets of Manhattan.  But enough of that shit, lets get back to Rawdog.  Tully and Ellis tried to teach him how to blow a bubble, which took us up to final calls, and Rawdog almost got it.  Turns out Josh is also extremely afraid of cartwheels, but thats a whole other story.  We heard from Sasquatch, whos a truck driver in Alberta and also from a caller who told us Halloween still hasn’t happened in some parts of NY and NJ due to the storms, but those were the only callers the show got as no one else called after that.  We did hear that Ellismate took about 2″ of finger in last nights escapades.  Thats of course a far cry from the 22″ of my arm that goes in your mom when Im fisting her gaped ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/9/2012

Rawdog Likes To PartyToday started off with Dog Center, which I find absolutely hilarious, Ellis wasn’t late, he just wanted Rawdog to sweat it out for a few minutes while Tully remained absolutely silent. If Ellis were actually gay and wanted a relationship with someone on the show, his first choice would be to get on the Tully train, for his stability. Which makes perfect sense, next up would be Rawdog, then Will because he won’t be living as long. Dan would be his rebound guy, but you couldn’t expect a real relationship with that guy – he’s got too much game.

This chick called in with the most dainty voice ever and says she’s 24 but sounds like she’s 9. She called her parents “mommy” and “daddy”, shit got weird really quick. Another chick called in with an equally similar “little girl” voice, not quite as dainty, but still sounded young as fuck. And then yet another chick called in, she didn’t sound nearly as young, but she also claimed to be a big fan of the show. More and more “girly girl” chicks kept calling in to say they listen to and love the show and that was about it for Miss Jailbait USA (coined by Tully)

Malin Akerman (@MalinAkerman) was on the show today to tattoo her name on Ellis’ ass (finished product), along with Rawdog and Joe Willy. She seems like a really cool chick, her interview was awesome and she was really into it. She was totally into Death! Death! Die! as well and even wanted to sing on parts of it. I could totally see this girl being part of something in the future whether it be song or video, she rocks.

Today was also “Doing Stuff With Rawdog”, which I’m sure you know is a very clear, concise public service on how to do random things. Like always, he knows how to do most everything but the bright shining star in this episode was when he explained to a girl how to suck a dick – since Valentine’s Day is coming up and all. I uh… it was… I can’t, I just can’t. It was like watching a brutal car wreck. You don’t wanna look, but you just can’t stop looking? It was kinda like that and just as horrifying. Remarkably similar to seeing your mom’s box, I saw a bit of toilet paper still stuck on the opening of her hole. OH!